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Hello.........new and need advice - 2/16/2011 2:10:04 PM

newsubnokc

Posts: 13
Joined: 2/16/2011
Status: offline

Hello,

I have been with a man for almost 3 years. I have known that he was a Master in the lifestyle, but from the first he has told me that he didnt want our relationship in the lifestyle. Though he has demonstrated areas of being my Master, for example taking over my finances, his protectivensss. This last week he has approached the subject of me being his sub. After research I agreed, but told him that I did not want to follow protocol on several areas, calling him Master or sir was one. We have always refferred to each other as honey, or babe. Also I am not into pain and have asked that I not be hurt, which he agreed unless it is for punishment.

So that you have a better background, he has expressed 3 areas that frustrates him 1. I am lazy 2. I am a procrastinator and 3 I am not very knowledgeable in the area of sex. I was married to a man that was 40 years older than I was and his idea of sex was only about his gratification than mine. With this being said I have tried to work on these areas, but he says that I am going slower than he wants me to and thinks the M/s relationship will make it easier for our relationship.

Once I agreed I was under the impression that he would collar me since this had been discussed before, but instead he stated that I was under consideration of collar.

I hope someone can give me direction

Thanks

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RE: Hello.........new and need advice - 2/16/2011 3:02:35 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I have been with a man for almost 3 years.

What does "been with" mean? Are you living together?

quote:

So that you have a better background, he has expressed 3 areas that frustrates him 1. I am lazy 2. I am a procrastinator and 3 I am not very knowledgeable in the area of sex. I was married to a man that was 40 years older than I was and his idea of sex was only about his gratification than mine. With this being said I have tried to work on these areas, but he says that I am going slower than he wants me to and thinks the M/s relationship will make it easier for our relationship.

Do you agree that you are lazy and procrastinate?

Yanno, I'd like to give you direction but while your post is fascinating, you asked no question.

Sometimes Doms use "under consideration" legitimately, sometimes they abuse it. I don't know him at all - do you feel like he is blowing smoke up your skirts?

quote:

Also I am not into pain and have asked that I not be hurt, which he agreed unless it is for punishment.

While I personally like pain, I'd be concerned about this if I were you. Is giving pain an essential part of his sexuality? If so, you may find that you were very, very bad far more often than you think.

If he's a decent, honorable man, no worries. How are we supposed to be able to judge his character?

(in reply to newsubnokc)

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RE: Hello.........new and need advice - 2/16/2011 3:30:54 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

LOL..you are already in a real life relationship for 3 years and he wants to put you under consideration? LOL

Imo this sounds like he's unsure of your entire relationship...not just the bdsm stuff.

Sounds like he's looking for an excuse to say sayonara.

(in reply to kalikshama)

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RE: Hello.........new and need advice - 2/16/2011 4:01:37 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
LOL..you are already in a real life relationship for 3 years and he wants to put you under consideration? LOL

You know I was almost going to do a belly laugh along there with you. But then I stopped and remembered when Carol and I transitioned from vanilla to M/s. This was an entirely new situation and I had NO idea how she would react to it... or me for that matter. Both her and this new relationship structure were under very gradual, very careful, consideration. I very definitely DID NOT commit to making Carol my slave on day 1. I said we'd explore it together.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: Hello.........new and need advice - 2/16/2011 5:19:21 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I have been with a man for almost 3 years. I have known that he was a Master in the lifestyle, but from the first he has told me that he didnt want our relationship in the lifestyle. Though he has demonstrated areas of being my Master, for example taking over my finances, his protectivensss. This last week he has approached the subject of me being his sub.

Inconsistant sort of man, isn't he?

quote:

I am lazy

Lazy by whose standards? Yours or his?

quote:

I am a procrastinator

Are you?

quote:

I am not very knowledgeable in the area of sex

Hmmmmm. I see. Of course, him being the Master and all that, the fact that the sex sucks could not possibly be his fault.

You know, I have never held much with men or women who get together with someone, and then after a time, start to complain that their chosen partner 'needs to change' so that the relationship can be better.
It took three years for your "master?" to make the determination that something was wrong in the relationship, that it was your fault, and that you needed to change to fix everything.
You are 43 years old. Are you seriously falling for this shit?

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to newsubnokc)

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RE: Hello.........new and need advice - 2/16/2011 5:25:44 PM

newsubnokc

Posts: 13
Joined: 2/16/2011
Status: offline

To answer the above questions

Yes we live together and yes I know I am lazy and procrastinate. He is a very decent and understanding man that I adore totally. I guess I do not know what questions to ask because I am new to this lifestyle. I am hoping that I can find someone who will be willing for me to mentor me in this journey

(in reply to leadership527)

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RE: Hello.........new and need advice - 2/16/2011 5:33:55 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newsubnokc

To answer the above questions

Yes we live together and yes I know I am lazy and procrastinate. He is a very decent and understanding man that I adore totally. I guess I do not know what questions to ask because I am new to this lifestyle. I am hoping that I can find someone who will be willing for me to mentor me in this journey

Why do you feel you need a mentor? Why not seek information and guidance from him?

How does he feel about you looking for a mentor?

And, just to comment on the "under consideration" comment..... if you live together and you've been together for three years what is there to consider?

Best of luck.

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happily forever one

(in reply to newsubnokc)

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RE: Hello.........new and need advice - 2/16/2011 5:34:22 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Soooo, the problem with HIM mentoring you is what exactly?

What specifically would you like US to help you with?

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RE: Hello.........new and need advice - 2/16/2011 6:31:36 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

eeerr...mentor you in what?? How to be in a relationship?

a relationship is a relationship be it bdsm or not. There is nothing at all that is different.

(in reply to kalikshama)

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RE: Hello.........new and need advice - 2/16/2011 7:00:17 PM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline

He is new, this is why she is under consideration, he is considering his own self. As always, JMO.

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Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?

(in reply to littlewonder)

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