RE: Looking for a Master to Mentor and lern from

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RE: Looking for a Master to Mentor and lern from - 2/22/2011 11:53:39 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

OP - you've had some excellent advice here from people who have been doing BDSM for many, many years.

You are young, but you are also refreshingly honest and I think it speaks a lot for your character that you acknowledge your inexperience and your desire to be a better dominant.

The advice to find your local kink community is one that I would wholeheartedly endorse. Find someone you respect, someone you can talk to comfortably, and take it from there. You may even find there are several people with distinct strengths/experiences that will help you - I know that's how it worked for me!

As for weirdos and nutjobs - LadyP and SweetSub are correct in that although sometimes these people turn up to munches and events, they're generally known for what they are and a good munch will point them out to you and you can avoid them. The more you get involved with your munch, the more you'll get invited to private events where you can see D/s and M/s happening in a very natural way.

Relying on someone online is fraught with its own dangers and you should proceed with extreme caution if that's the way you decide to go. Just because someone wears a Dom badge doesn't make them a Dom. They could well be the weirdos that you avoid at the munch...

Go with your gut. Trust your instincts and above all keep yourself and your pets safe

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(in reply to 1Owner1pet)

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RE: Looking for a Master to Mentor and lern from - 2/23/2011 8:18:20 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: reekon

please read my first post again, I said instead of finding a one on one trainer just be you and find someone you can lean on and see what happens. What i am saying is trust and test the Dom you say you have. find someone that has sub in them and see how far you can take them. If you need a few pointers post what you are doing in a journal and folks here can give you a few tips on what to try next or if X did not work try z. tell me what is wrong with the advice I gave him/her?

Here's the issue with it.

You scolded the OP for posting what he was looking for because it would bring out the weirdos on the net. Then you say, post a journal on the net. You're directing him to the same people and darn near the same method. There's no way for them to know if the people responding to said journal are actually applying the advice they are giving them in their own dynamic. For that matter, they don't know if random people on the net have ever had a dynamic of any kind. It's like asking people for instruction on playing the violin when you don't have any idea if they've ever played a note.

From taking a look at the profile of the OP, they already have a dynamic, so telling them to seek out folks who are 'dorkier' in the ways of Dominance is also foolish. The guy is probably rather new himself and going by the age of his pet, she is as well. What better than for him to find a mentor that he can meet in real life and see for himself if he can respect the dynamic that the other person has built?

Anybody can give suggestions via the net. The proof is in do those suggestions really work for others when applied in real life.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Post #: 42

RE: Looking for a Master to Mentor and lern from - 2/23/2011 11:11:15 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

You scolded the OP for posting what he was looking for because it would bring out the weirdos on the net. Then you say, post a journal on the net. You're directing him to the same people and darn near the same method. There's no way for them to know if the people responding to said journal are actually applying the advice they are giving them in their own dynamic. For that matter, they don't know if random people on the net have ever had a dynamic of any kind. It's like asking people for instruction on playing the violin when you don't have any idea if they've ever played a note.

Greetings,

Perhaps in your haste to advise you overlooked the obvious.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

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His will; my fate.

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Post #: 43

RE: Looking for a Master to Mentor and lern from - 3/5/2011 3:32:45 PM

LadyDanna

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/26/2011
Status: offline

what type of master do u seek i may know one

(in reply to ForeverFree1)

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Post #: 44

RE: Looking for a Master to Mentor and lern from - 3/5/2011 8:01:34 PM

analyticalmaster

Posts: 39
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Good evening,
Checking your profile, I see that you and your submissive are both extremely young. That is your first limitation, I dont say that to be discouraging but it is your reality. Being a Dominant and being a Top are two very different things, being young is not a limitation on being a great top it is however a problem when it becomes a successful dominant. As I have never met you, I have no idea of how mature you are at this stage of your life. My general rule is that for most males is that the transition stage from being a boy at heart to being a fully grown up man starts at around 25 years.

The problem is that it is difficult to control another if you dont have control of yourself. The first stage of controlling yourself is that you must know and understand who you are as a person, most young people simply dont have enough life experience to truly know who they are yet. You are on the cusp of true adulthood now and I am assuming that you are maturing in a typical manner for most young males. By the way what I am saying to you go just as much for your submissive. They must know and understand themselves just as any dominant does. A doormat does not make a good submissive.

Looking at what little you have posted, you both are playing in the Top/bottom area to some degree at this point. This is a good place for you as you grow into yourself, it is much more about techniques and endurance than true control is. But as you grow expanding your dominance is both the right and natural way is that is in fact how you are wired. Likewise as your submissive grows into herself, she may find the maturity and desire to grow into becoming a great slave, assuming again that is in fact how she truly is.

The goal of your life should not to be master and slave or dom and submissive or even your typical vanilla couple, it is a journey to becoming what you really are and what truly brings joy to both of your hearts. You will find plenty of people (low life scum in my opinion) who will tell you that what your sub wants or feels is irrelevant, it is all about the Dom and meeting his needs. You will also find plenty of people (misguided idiots) who will tell you it is all about the submissive and she is simply giving you a gift. The first is simply abuse of women who have no self esteem, the second is simple ignorance.

If you want to become a master or just a good dominant, the needs of your sub become your needs very quickly, not all of her wants by any means, but her true needs. It is your responsibility to make the home work for both of you. It is her responsibility to follow the path you lay down, to serve and derive pleasure from that service. This is a two way street, both of you contribute, being dom is not being a top sergent who bellows out orders or beats the shit out of anyone who displeases him. A dom and especially a master is a leader and commands the respect of his submissives by simply being who he is.

As I stated earlier the first step is to know who you are and who you want to be, then being it. Being true, first to yourself and then to others in your life. The most important thing about being a good dominant is first being a good man. If you have any specific questions, please feel free to get in contact with me, if I dont know, I almost certainly know someone who does.

(in reply to 1Owner1pet)

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Post #: 45