seekingOwnertoo
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Joined: 8/1/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
If anything, in this thread I was trying to illuminate why the stereotype of women as leaders/women as alpha = femdom. And more to the point, women who are leaders, women who like female-led relationships, and women who are "alpha" aren't necessarily open to kink. How many times have sub men gotten into relationships with women who were "alpha" in hopes they were kinky, only to find they were nowhere near it, or open to it?
Okay. These things do happen ... and regularly. I fall into this trap, myself ....
Why does this happen ... perhaps because there are a LOT more men who want kink, than openly admit to it. And they percieve Alpha ... with Kink.
Oh, and BTW, there ARE Alpha Women who ARE into kink, too! 
quote:
I think there are a lot of stereotypes and protocols that are developing that are unrealistic and counter productive. Especially the whole service = submission, and masochists/bottoms are not "submitting" but are just "bottoming" - as if that's not a valuable thing.
But the thing really that is simmering in my head, is the concept of what the combination of bottoming + submitting, as an act of surrender, should be defined as,
and how when a man struggles (in a good way) to submit physically, or *desires a femdom who exerts power to solicit his physical submission* or *desires a femdom who tops from a place of playful cruelty, not merely mechanics* is not "just a bottom."
They might not be, "just a bottom".
Rather, in a stage of development that is growing and getting deeper.
And this might be an aspect you are missing. Men do go through a journey into submission.
It goes in steps ... some steps are fast ... some are slow. Perhaps that is why many men want to be "forced".
Regardless, the most DIFFICULT aspect, to come to terms with ... is giving up your own desires in order to please another ... especially when it is sexual.
It can take a lot of time, and effort, to learn and come to terms with this.
And men won't find any advice in the "Men's Locker Room". So for most, it is trial and error ... a path they want to follow, but don't know how.
It takes a good Domme, to train a man. But once trained, he just might be interested enough to go deeper, and examine his innermost tendencies ... and then really let go.
There are no easy answers here.
And to try to categorize things is, well ... a mistake.
< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 3/6/2011 6:04:23 PM >
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RE: The "alpha female" femdom, now with less ... - 
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