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Asskissing - 3/1/2011 12:35:21 PM

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No, not the physical kind.

But 'asskissing' - as in a person giving a ton of compliments or fawning - what do femdoms think of this, and what have sub men observed as far as whether a dominant women wants this / responds positively to it, or generally if femdoms seem to be put off / annoyed by it.

And in this case, I am not talking about obvious, packaged asskissing, like physical compliments for no reason or just repetitive fawning. I am talking about more subtle asskissing, like a sub always agreeing with you, or quietly pushing your agenda, or sliding in very under-the-radar affirmations in an attempt to win favor. Everyone can recognize obvious asskissing; but there's much more subtle asskissing that goes around. How do femdoms feel about it?

I'm subject to a lot of asskissing in professional situations because I do some work that involves people trying to get me to give them things, and these people are often professional asskissers. This means they are very good at it, but I have done this for a long time and I can see it coming a mile away. To that end, I tend to get very cautious of someone asskissing me professionally, and it makes me perhaps a little more guarded. When I have someone in a professional environment being this way to me, I don't treat them differently, but in the back of my head, I am cautious of an agenda, and expect one to be revealed. This is in an area totally unrelated to kink.

It makes me wonder, though, if some dominant women have become a bit jaded also, thinking that if a man is agreeing with them, they are working an agenda.

What about public asskissing; when a man is doing this in front of people, do you ever tell him to knock it off, or do you just accept it graciously?

Is "asskissing" - when you identify it as such - something you instead think of as complimentary as a whole, and charming, while a little misguided?

Are you able to take a compliment as sincere, or do you worry?

Akasha

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RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 2:36:01 PM

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quote:

It makes me wonder, though, if some dominant women have become a bit jaded

Reading this board for about 30 days answers this question in a hurry.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 2:41:36 PM

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Being an asskisser/white knight or being Mr Nice doesn't get you much further with things especially when there is a 99 percent chance of never getting the favour returned when it comes to being treated with respect. These types of men are amusing to observe though. I see them everywhere around these sites and some find great tactics at doing it that won't likely get detected on the asskissing radar. On the other hand, many dommes actually expect over the top asskissing or else they deem these subs of not being submissive enough or someone not worthy.

As much as these asskissers don't deserve shit for simply being an asskissing wankbag for their own personal gains, many dommes don't really deserve nice treatment or what they truly want neither.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 2:48:03 PM

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What a wonderful topic from such an attractive and intelligent Domme!

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RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 4:05:16 PM

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In business or in my personal life, I detest brown nosing. I get a hint/scent of it and I will set my boundaries very quickly. Hard limit. You wish to deal with me, you simply don't do it. I see brown nosing as a lie/deception/manipulation or the attempt to do so.

Jaded? Who cares? lol Be forthright and that includes honest and its all good. I need no pretty words to cover the stink of a pretty talking liar. Even if some of what they say is true... lol I know what is true and don't need to be told. Pretty words from a sincere heart of a man that knows me... all good.

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RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 4:41:08 PM

dreamerdreaming

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

What a wonderful topic from such an attractive and intelligent Domme!

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RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 4:49:05 PM

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From: Quietville
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quote:

Is "asskissing" - when you identify it as such - something you instead think of as complimentary as a whole, and charming

Personally i find it to be insulting. I resent the implication that i can be bought or swayed by a nose up my ass.

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RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 4:55:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

No, not the physical kind.

What's wrong with the physical kind?

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RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 5:01:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
What a wonderful topic from such an attractive and intelligent Domme!

I agree completely!

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RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 5:02:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

No, not the physical kind.

What's wrong with the physical kind?

Flatus?

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RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 5:03:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

Being an asskisser/white knight or being Mr Nice doesn't get you much further with things especially when there is a 99 percent chance of never getting the favour returned when it comes to being treated with respect. These types of men are amusing to observe though. I see them everywhere around these sites and some find great tactics at doing it that won't likely get detected on the asskissing radar. On the other hand, many dommes actually expect over the top asskissing or else they deem these subs of not being submissive enough or someone not worthy.

As much as these asskissers don't deserve shit for simply being an asskissing wankbag for their own personal gains, many dommes don't really deserve nice treatment or what they truly want neither.

What do you think they truly want neither?

(in reply to naughtynick81)

RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 5:08:58 PM

YSG

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I dont kiss ass unless someone is sitting on my face

Seriously though, I dont bother bullshitting people or trying to butter them up for any agenda I may have. I prefer the direct, honest route, and I prefer someone take that route with me.

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RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 5:14:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

That post didn't quite work out.

< Message edited by rulemylife -- 3/1/2011 5:27:47 PM >

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RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 5:25:36 PM

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How I respond to subtle ass kissing depends on the context and the individual delivering it. Sure, some of it can be every bit as duplicitous as its more obvious, packaged counterpart.

Other times it seems to stem more from "people pleasing" with perhaps some insecurity thrown in. I guess this is the kind you, Akasha, might call charming-but-misguided. I think it can range from that to annoying, if it's not curbed. But it's at least "workable." Those are traits that the sub can be encouraged to look at and work on. If he's willing to do that, I'm more likely to work with him.

I don't think I've experienced it in public much, but again my reaction would probably depend on the source. If my radar told me he was just trying to score points (or just trying to "score") I might verbally put him in his place. If it was the charming-but-misguided sort, I'd probably just accept it graciously.

Spy

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 5:26:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

No, not the physical kind.

What's wrong with the physical kind?

Flatus?

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 6:23:19 PM

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Is "asskissing" - when you identify it as such - something you instead think of as complimentary as a whole, and charming
Personally i find it to be insulting. I resent the implication that i can be bought or swayed by a nose up my ass.

What she said..

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

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RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 7:32:35 PM

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With the large number of asskissers around this scene, I guess they are probably partly or mostly to blame for the large number of dommes who have extreme cases of narcissism. These types of asskissing noob jobs are influencing many dommes to feel a sense of delusional self worth

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RE: Asskissing - 3/1/2011 7:35:28 PM

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A sincere compliment is always appreciated. A good ass kisser makes sure he doesn't slobber. If he does, he won't be allowed to kiss it for a while.

A disingenuous, unctious fawner is not appreciated. That definitely suggests an agenda to me. Am I jaded? Maybe. But it's only from experience.

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RE: Asskissing - 3/2/2011 6:28:22 AM

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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

With the large number of asskissers around this scene, I guess they are probably partly or mostly to blame for the large number of dommes who have extreme cases of narcissism. These types of asskissing noob jobs are influencing many dommes to feel a sense of delusional self worth

Hate to burst your bubble, but Narcissism is a personality disorder that is derived from a Narcissistic personality trait, which is developed in ones childhood.

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RE: Asskissing - 3/2/2011 7:33:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
It makes me wonder, though, if some dominant women have become a bit jaded also, thinking that if a man is agreeing with them, they are working an agenda.

What about public asskissing; when a man is doing this in front of people, do you ever tell him to knock it off, or do you just accept it graciously?

Is "asskissing" - when you identify it as such - something you instead think of as complimentary as a whole, and charming, while a little misguided?

Are you able to take a compliment as sincere, or do you worry?

Akasha

I think the twist for Me here is that I view My dealings in the kink community in a much different way than I would in business. In the former, there really isn't an issue if someone has an agenda or an ulterior motive. I'm rather straight forward and stubborn, so if I've said no to something, chances are extremely high that it's going to remain no. It's not like folks can force Me to things that I don't want to do. I'm not obligated as I might be in business where I have My own motives at work.

One of My theories in My interactions with others is that a high majority of folks will fall into agreeing on certain subjects and disagreeing on others. It's very rare when someone is on either end of the scale all of the time. When that does happen, I'll watch to see what's going on but it's not frequent enough to become jaded about.

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