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"Americans with NO Abilities Act" (AWNAA) - 5/5/2006 11:38:16 AM

Mercnbeth

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Dateline Washington - March 26, 2006

AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT CONGRESSIONAL BILL

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Tom Daschel. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

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RE: "Americans with NO Abilities Act" (AWNAA) - 5/5/2006 11:57:27 AM

Moloch

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Whats your beef with "airline industry"? The only inept people there are the managment staff.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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RE: "Americans with NO Abilities Act" (AWNAA) - 5/5/2006 12:16:17 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
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Hey Merc&beth, I just got a letter from the AWNAA, they offered me the position of regional iota skill management assessor;

quote:

Dear Loki,

It has come to our attention that you are wrought with the skills necessary to implement the new congressional act. We understand that you, as a member of society have an over abundance of the sparse skills necessary to make such an act become reality. We trust that your keen perception will serve the needs of masses well and that your intuition and assessment of fellow sparse citizens will help herald a new era for the formally non-employable. We are confident that you indolent proclivities will make you successful for our endeavor. We feel that you will be fair and flexible in the managerial position of nonentity assessment & assignment. We feel that your rather quixotic values will vault this age of employment deficits to an even more listless state.

Respectively

W

Dub-ya

How you like them apples? Man I am so going to take that job when I get around to it.

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Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

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RE: "Americans with NO Abilities Act" (AWNAA) - 5/5/2006 12:21:23 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

The only inept people there are the managment staff

For the sake of time/space, I'll only tell the most recent story.

The 'Prodigal Son' was returning to the East Coast for school. He was traveling on a "full service" aka not discounted ticket, from a major airline. Scheduled to travel non-stop from LAX to Philly he arrived as advised 2 hours prior to boarding. At the counter, where he checked his bag because his father is openly aggressive to those who board a plane with a dowry trunk as "carry on"; he was told that the flight was overbooked but since he was there so early they were sure there would be no problem. So, I said goodbye and left him to travel home.

At the gate 1 1/2 hours prior to departure he gave his seat unassigned boarding pass to the gate attendant who took it and put in in a pile in front of her. At the time there was only 2 other tickets in the pile. 15 minutes prior to boarding he's still not called so he goes up to the attendant and says; "why are people being put on the plane ahead of me who came to check in after me?" The gate attendant said she was too busy to deal with his question, but in looking down the reason was obvious. As new people came the new boarding passes were put on the TOP of the pile and when called she worked the pile from the top to the bottom.

Three people did not make the flight, my son, and the two other people who checked in before him.

So, he said to her, well my father left to go home, what are you going to do? The "AWNAA" employee said they were going to get him on a later flight to Washington DC where he'd have to wait at the airport overnight until he could board a morning commuter to Philly. When he asked why couldn't he stay in LA, and go back on the next morning's flight, she said; "I don't know".

A quick call to dad, who asked to be put on the phone with this person's supervisor got him on the next day's flight. When I spoke with the supervisor and being aware of the security rule since 9/11 that states; "No baggage shall be put on a plane without the passenger who it's assigned." I asked what the status of the bag? He said he'd pull if off the plane and give it to my son. When I picked up my son, he didn't have the bag. The bag was on it's way to Philly. However, I did lose a bet with beth because it was there, a bit dizzy from going around the carousel for 24 hours, the next day.

I could tell you about lost bags, never found, from Italy.

I could talk about broken seat backs that don't stay up, and being reprimanded by the flight attendant for having it down during takeoff.

I could talk about a $500 piece of luggage having it's wheel broken off the first time it was used, and being accused of it being broken BEFORE the flight, and not being reimbursed. YES - it was a secret plot to take money from the airline. I wanted to travel in Greece with a large heavy suitcase, specifically purchased to wheel instead of carry, and see if it was just as functional with 3 wheels instead of two. It was a "test" on behalf of Samsonite.

Come to think of it the 68% for the airline employees is low. At the management level it's like Ivory soap 99.99% pure AWNAA.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 5/5/2006 12:30:15 PM >

(in reply to Moloch)

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RE: "Americans with NO Abilities Act" (AWNAA) - 5/5/2006 12:35:18 PM

Moloch

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Yeah, the airport monkeys handle the luggage not the airline employees. Im sorry about your experience. There are airline emplyees out there that are giving 110% while the company is stripping them of pay and benefits to the bone.

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RE: "Americans with NO Abilities Act" (AWNAA) - 5/6/2006 2:29:44 AM

michellewarner

Posts: 48
Joined: 3/7/2005
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america already has a special group for people of inability. we call them "politicians."

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"Asshole" isn't an alternative lifestyle! - Randy Milholland

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RE: "Americans with NO Abilities Act" (AWNAA) - 5/6/2006 8:07:46 PM

Saratov

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Joined: 10/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Moloch

There are airline emplyees out there that are giving 110% while the company is stripping them of pay and benefits to the bone.