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Mentor needed - 3/21/2011 7:10:41 PM

jennmarie

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/5/2011
Status: offline

Hello,

i'm a submissive-new to pretty much everything. i've been talking to a few people, plus a Dom that i'm interested in and i'm under his consideration. i need a mentor to talk to, to give me feedback on what i'm feeling and help me better myself.

PLEASE- kinda lost here!

Thanks!
jen

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RE: Mentor needed - 3/21/2011 7:24:24 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Hi there, jen, and welcome to collarme!

Just do some reading. Ask a Sub/Slave is a great place to get info (just ask and you'll get answers), as well as General BDSM.

I'd be a bit reticent to mentor someone like you who is under consideration because I feel like you should be getting your info from him. If a mentor tells you something that conflicts with what your Dom says, it's just going to cause trouble.

Welcome again.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to jennmarie)

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RE: Mentor needed - 3/23/2011 12:39:03 PM

journerotica

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/20/2010
Status: offline

Really it should be the Dom who is telling you how to better yourself. Becoming a better sub means being able to better serve your Dom and he needs to be the one leading that. By all means build a support network up online, but this can be a bit of a ploy from wannabe doms to get you to do stuff for another dom and report back to him - a very lazy way to get wank material. Be careful.

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RE: Mentor needed - 3/23/2011 1:01:16 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

a mentor doesn't HAVE to be another Dom. you can find pretty great mentors in other more experienced s-types. are you involved at all with your local community? finding an in-person mentor might help you size the person up a little better, and you could see how that person lives his/her life.
people here really like to chit chat, so i second DS's advice on searching and reading topics here.
sometimes it helps to talk to people who have "been there, done that." mentoring isn't the same as learning what your Dom wants/needs -- sometimes it's in answering your own questions, learning new skills, or just having someone to talk to who has an idea of what you're doing. if you have trouble grasping some concept/nuance of submission (like "i need advice on my knee-jerk reaction to X!"), sometimes seeking advice can be helpful. your D can be a mentor for you, but you can also find them elsewhere -- i think good friends sometimes fill that role from each other, from time to time.

are you on Fetlife at all? it might be easier to find the Fetlife arm of groups in your area, and network with people, if you're nervous of meeting people in person.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to journerotica)

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RE: Mentor needed - 3/23/2011 1:13:30 PM

January

Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline

Hi jennmarie,

Allow me to give you some advice.

First, read the forums. Many of your concerns (whatever they are) will have been discussed before. Do a search on particular topics. Like do a search for "under consideration", and find out why some folks don't think it's a good idea. If you have a particular question, ask it on the forums.

Continue to look for a dominant who is interested enough in you to tell you how he wants you to better yourself.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

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RE: Mentor needed - 3/23/2011 1:18:45 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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Welcome Jen:

Insofar as finding a mentor, you can't just grab anyone. You need to find someone who "clicks" with you. I'd recommend reading these boards and finding people who's posts resonate with you then contacting them with any questions you have.

There is, of course, some potential awkwardness with your dom. Does he know you're seeking a mentor and is he OK with that? A lot (maybe most) people don't have the self-confidence to deal with that situation.

DarkSteven said: If a mentor tells you something that conflicts with what your Dom says, it's just going to cause trouble.
I disagree. If the dom is self confident then it'll just cause a probably useful conversation about the different viewpoints. Insecure people are the ones who worry about alternate viewpoints.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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