NuevaVida
Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
|
Whether the OP chose to beg out of this thread or not, it's still an interesting discussion worth having, and so I'll throw in my 2 cents. No line of thinking is going to be agreed upon by all, but I understand that some folks might want to step away from a thread in which there are more in disagreement than agreement.
That said, my thoughts:
quote:
ORIGINAL: 0ldhen
Manipulation?
Now to begin I realize that the word manipulation has bad connotations for some of you, so I am going to ask that for the moment you temporarily let go of the knee jerk reaction the word may cause in you, at least until I explain where I am going with this one. Thank you in advance for hanging in here for this.
Definition of MANIPULATE
(as defined for this discussion)
: to manage or utilize skillfully b: to control or play upon by artful means
: to change by artful means so as to serve one's purpose
This is but one set of definition. Manipulation can be used for good for bad or indifferently. After all, I manipulate data at work all the time, to report trends, find deficiencies, etc. I tend to be cautious, however, when it comes to manipulating people to achieve selfish results. I try to function on the honest, up & up. So I need to be sure my behavior reflects that.
quote:
A very good friend of mine trains slaves, not submissives, slaves. Damn, there I go again, another one of those knee jerk reaction words, I am on a roll, once again, I ask your indulgence here.
He trains them for THEMSELVES, he trains them to be strong, to be proud of their worth, to educate themselves for a career if possible/necessary, he trains them to keep up with the world around them, he trains them in service, in surrender, how to pay CLOSE attention to those around them, in time management, as well as teaching them what to look for in an exceptional match for themselves.
This is all well and fine, although these are basic life skills that are of benefit to everyone.
quote:
But, hang on here comes that word again, he trains them to be master manipulators.
"Master manipulator" is pretty strong and teeters too close on the line of dishonesty for me.
quote:
Here is the how; The D type comes home from a bad day, the trained manipulative s type sees this and begins to ply her/his training. Using the eyes they glance at the D’s face, giving a hint of a smile. Coaxing with words and posture they draw the D type into a chair, remove his/her shoes, pulling the sock away from the bottom of their foot, rubbing lightly while softly and gently asking about their day. Manipulating their D they begin to direct the conversation away from the subject that caused the irritation towards a subject that they, the s type, knows the D type finds relaxing/amusing.
Would not work here. Maybe he just wants to be left alone, and here I am, interfering in his space. And directing conversation away from the topic that caused irritation is called "avoidance" in our world. We don't find that to be healthy.
quote:
Shortly the D goes from stressed and irritated to relaxed and comfy, ready for the evenings activities.
Or, he's annoyed as hell at me for taking it upon myself to determine what he needs, thus causing him further irritation.
quote:
Are you with me so far?
Yes but so far it wouldn't work for us.
quote:
I see this as a good thing.
Understandable, since that behavior would work for you. But it doesn't work for everyone.
Did the s do it for the D? Perhaps, to some degree. Did the s do it from a selfish (see FT’s definition of selfish) point of view? Oh, yeah.
Why? Is the s types evening going to be pleasant if their D is cranky? Probably not.
Sometimes life gives us cranky. While i try not to create cranky, it's not my job to eliminate it. And if I can't just let him be in a bad mood once in awhile, I've got issues. If you said this is just an occasional occurrence, then what the hell kind of slave would I be to him if I can't endure a bad mood of his once in awhile?
quote:
Do they both benefit? Again, oh yeah.
I disagree, regarding my relationship. We don't benefit from avoiding problems and trying to veer each other away from a bad mood simply to avoid having to deal with it. I understand the intention was good here, but it's just not in our best interest.
quote:
Back to the training; A successful human being is one who manipulates both their environment and those in their environment until by dint of their hard work and dedication, it is an environment that they are happy living in. This trainer teaches the slaves to manipulate everything they must to secure their own, and not incidentally, their partners happy.
I disagree. A successful human is one who can change his or her own mindset to not allow outside influences to penetrate to the degree in which it has a detrimental effect. I change my response to the environment. The environment itself is not always mine to change. Knowing the difference is key.
quote:
We all manipulate the environment around us, the slaves my friend trains become manipulators extraordnaire.
To a degree we do, yes. More importantly, I understand and influence my own mindset to ensure inner peace and happiness.
quote:
(Note1: ” so as to serve one's purpose” what is a slaves purpose/ To see to their D’s happy, thereby seeing to their own)
My purpose is not to see him happy. He owns his own happiness. He owns his unhappiness. He owns his feelings and his mood. He does not heap that kind of responsibility on me, as he would find it irresponsible of himself to do so. Conversely, I own my own feelings, as well, and they are for me to process - sometimes with his help, sometimes without it.
Let's also not forget that many slaves do not have the purpose of having to make their owner's happy. You've selected a particular demographic but this is not at all universal.
_____________________________
Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.
|
RE: Manipulation? - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread