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Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/5/2011 10:46:48 PM

betamale25

Posts: 13
Joined: 4/2/2011
Status: offline

It is difficult to date in the vanilla world or find a Mistress without a sex drive. It seems to me that women are at a loss for what to do with me. We live in a highly sexualized culture, where every man (Gay or Straight) is expected to want sex all the time. Sex is wonderful and can be spiritually fulfilling, I just have no interest at all in sex. The last Domme I was getting to know thought orgasm denial with frequent non-orgasmic masturbation would get me "in the mood", sadly that was not the case. In so many ways she was a good match for me, but she needed sex from her sub, and had no interest in a poly relationship. Since she could not dish out the pain I need, we were not destined to be together.

It seems to me that somewhere out there is a Mistress who would enjoy a man like me. I am soft spoken, gentle, compassionate, with a feminine streak that in no way compromises my masculinity, unless my lack of a sex drive makes me unmanly, which is a notion I totally reject. I am a martial artists and a yogi who is in good shape, except for the 20 or so pounds I have left to lose.

Are there other hetero-romantic male submissives with no sex drive to speak of out there hiding in the shadows? Is there a place in the world of D/s for a man like me? My spirit yearns to express itself through service to a Mistress whom I care deeply for, and whom cares deeply for me. Humiliation is not my thing, so I need a Mistress who would celebrate my unique nature, rather than mock me for it.

To be clear, I am totally comfortable with being asexual and hetero-romantic. It is who I am and I make no excuses for being this way. Each of us has her or his own truth, which is just as valid as any other person's truth. At all times I respect the truth of others, even when my truth is disrespected.

Namaste,
betamale25

Post #: 1

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/5/2011 11:14:05 PM

TheShrew

Posts: 519
Joined: 2/15/2009
From: The state I live in? Confusion.
Status: offline

Be patient . While I do not assume you will find a Dom/me without a sex drive, I am confident you will come to find that the majority of Dom/mes do not equate BDSM with sex.

(in reply to betamale25)

Post #: 2

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/5/2011 11:52:42 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: betamale25

It is difficult to date in the vanilla world or find a Mistress without a sex drive. It seems to me that women are at a loss for what to do with me. We live in a highly sexualized culture, where every man (Gay or Straight) is expected to want sex all the time. Sex is wonderful and can be spiritually fulfilling, I just have no interest at all in sex. The last Domme I was getting to know thought orgasm denial with frequent non-orgasmic masturbation would get me "in the mood", sadly that was not the case. In so many ways she was a good match for me, but she needed sex from her sub, and had no interest in a poly relationship. Since she could not dish out the pain I need, we were not destined to be together.

It seems to me that somewhere out there is a Mistress who would enjoy a man like me. I am soft spoken, gentle, compassionate, with a feminine streak that in no way compromises my masculinity, unless my lack of a sex drive makes me unmanly, which is a notion I totally reject. I am a martial artists and a yogi who is in good shape, except for the 20 or so pounds I have left to lose.

Are there other hetero-romantic male submissives with no sex drive to speak of out there hiding in the shadows? Is there a place in the world of D/s for a man like me? My spirit yearns to express itself through service to a Mistress whom I care deeply for, and whom cares deeply for me. Humiliation is not my thing, so I need a Mistress who would celebrate my unique nature, rather than mock me for it.

To be clear, I am totally comfortable with being asexual and hetero-romantic. It is who I am and I make no excuses for being this way. Each of us has her or his own truth, which is just as valid as any other person's truth. At all times I respect the truth of others, even when my truth is disrespected.

Namaste,
betamale25

Some will find you a diamond.. others will find you a lump of coal. Be patient and those who see the beauty of you will be well worth the wait. There is, most certainly, room enough for everyone who finds themselves drawn to D/s.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to betamale25)

Post #: 3

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 12:03:50 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Are there other hetero-romantic male submissives with no sex drive to speak of out there hiding in the shadows? Is there a place in the world of D/s for a man like me? My spirit yearns to express itself through service to a Mistress whom I care deeply for, and whom cares deeply for me. Humiliation is not my thing, so I need a Mistress who would celebrate my unique nature, rather than mock me for it.

To be clear, I am totally comfortable with being asexual and hetero-romantic. It is who I am and I make no excuses for being this way. Each of us has her or his own truth, which is just as valid as any other person's truth. At all times I respect the truth of others, even when my truth is disrespected.

Sounds to me like you are describing a service-oriented relationship... nothing wrong with knowing what you want... its half the battle.

The part I bolded has me a tad bit confused in light of your use of finding a Mistress without a sex drive. Is your requirement that the Mistress you seek also be asexual? Then you mention how your last didnt want a poly. Which is it?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to betamale25)

Post #: 4

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 5:13:59 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Sex certainly is part of what makes up romantic love. A service only relationship with you not as primary partner is doable with the right person. But expecting to be her primary partner will make it more difficult.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 5:48:10 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

Betamale25,
There are definitely Dommes out there who are looking for subs who don't demand sex. I've served several of them.

While I wouldn't describe myself as "asexual" like you do, I have been in D/s relationships that included no sex. Instead, they were service-oriented relationships. There are Dommes out there who are looking for just that. So instead of calling yourself an "asexual sub", you might try calling yourself a "service-oriented sub". I think that is a term that more Dommes are familiar with. Moreover, I think it's something that lots of them are looking for.

Good luck in your search.

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to betamale25)

Post #: 6

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 7:02:41 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

First off, there's the question of why you're asexual. If it's physical, get a checkup. A 43 year old man who exercises regularly shouldn't have an issue.

After reading your profile, I get the feeling you're melancholy and a bit droopy. I suggest a more spry attitude while hunting. I suspect you may have an issue with depression.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to betamale25)

Post #: 7

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 8:01:03 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: betamale25

To be clear, I am totally comfortable with being asexual and hetero-romantic. It is who I am and I make no excuses for being this way. Each of us has her or his own truth, which is just as valid as any other person's truth. At all times I respect the truth of others, even when my truth is disrespected.

Greetings,

You may wish to check out Fetlife. There are a number of groups dedicated to the subject and i've crossed paths with a few dominants that are asexual themselves or prefer that in their submissive. As you're well aware, your situation will require a giant dose of patience. Try to maintain a positive attitude while you wait and draw on your yogic principles when that proves cumbersome. Also, look at the spiritual groups on the site as well. There are more than a few devoted to yoga and relationships with a spiritual undertone. Having persons on your ray is important and will provide the influx of positive energy that's beneficial to all parties involved. Best of luck.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to betamale25)

Post #: 8

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 8:07:57 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

There are absolutely folks out there who engage in power dynamics that do not involve sex. As other folks have said, these are often called service oriented relationships. That term doesn't necessarily mean that the S/m can't be a part of it. It just depends on what you work out as the terms of the dynamic.

Since you specifically mentioned poly, you might want to consider a Dominant who is poly, herself. Maybe someone who already has either a sub for her sexual fulfillment or even one who is part of a D/D couple. While you don't have an interest in sex at this time, it isn't practical to expect someone to stay celibate for you. The Dominant that you would hope to find will still likely have a sex drive of her own and will need an outlet for that.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 11:25:37 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I agree with Steven, a 43 year old healthy male should have some kind of libido. Per your profile you seem to be very sad and disappointed at not finding your perfect goddess and counterpart.

Are you placing your potential partners on too high of a pedestal?

Most people like sex, and they are not lessened or less spiritual because of it.

I urge you to pursue why you are as you state "asexual."

That said, there are many doms both male and female who appreciate the service oriented s type. I think an issue you may have is that few male subs really are service oriented. You may have to prove this aspect of your submission to your potential domina.

As has been stated, I would look for a poly situation, b/c a fem domme just has too many choices available. It's not realistic to expect a fem domme to become celebate for you.

I liked your profile, thought it was well word and gave me a good picture of who you are as a person.

Good luck with your search.

_____________________________

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 11:37:20 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: betamale25

It is difficult to date in the vanilla world or find a Mistress without a sex drive. It seems to me that women are at a loss for what to do with me. We live in a highly sexualized culture, where every man (Gay or Straight) is expected to want sex all the time. Sex is wonderful and can be spiritually fulfilling, I just have no interest at all in sex. The last Domme I was getting to know thought orgasm denial with frequent non-orgasmic masturbation would get me "in the mood", sadly that was not the case. In so many ways she was a good match for me, but she needed sex from her sub, and had no interest in a poly relationship. Since she could not dish out the pain I need, we were not destined to be together.

It seems to me that somewhere out there is a Mistress who would enjoy a man like me. I am soft spoken, gentle, compassionate, with a feminine streak that in no way compromises my masculinity, unless my lack of a sex drive makes me unmanly, which is a notion I totally reject. I am a martial artists and a yogi who is in good shape, except for the 20 or so pounds I have left to lose.

Are there other hetero-romantic male submissives with no sex drive to speak of out there hiding in the shadows? Is there a place in the world of D/s for a man like me? My spirit yearns to express itself through service to a Mistress whom I care deeply for, and whom cares deeply for me. Humiliation is not my thing, so I need a Mistress who would celebrate my unique nature, rather than mock me for it.

To be clear, I am totally comfortable with being asexual and hetero-romantic. It is who I am and I make no excuses for being this way. Each of us has her or his own truth, which is just as valid as any other person's truth. At all times I respect the truth of others, even when my truth is disrespected.

Namaste,
betamale25

My opinion is this: that there is a great deal of limiting belief attached to what sex is. The limitations are centred around a hetero-cock centred world view.
If that world view could be opened up a little? Then the wonderful world of arousal awaits.
Many men I know, D types as well as s -types separate the experiences of bdsm and sex. I can't say I have ever experienced sexual orgasm as a man. I very happy with the way I experience it as a woman, as who I am. Sexual arousal for me is a continuum more like the creast of a wave than a shot in the dark.
I prefer to control and prevent climax in a man. That sudden drop in serotonin and the switch from one nervous system to the other often means end game.
But then I suppose if I had a genetic dick its size and function would be a cause for personal anxiety.
I'm glad I can just strap one on and choose its colour and its size.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to betamale25)

Post #: 11

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 2:36:15 PM

betamale25

Posts: 13
Joined: 4/2/2011
Status: offline

I am poly minded precisely because I would not expect a Domme to be celibate for me.

Who knows, maybe there is a celibate or asexual lady out there who desires a female led relationship without sex. If so she would easily identify with my own struggles. Life is a grand adventure, and it is the journey which is the prize.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 12

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 2:41:11 PM

betamale25

Posts: 13
Joined: 4/2/2011
Status: offline

You might have skipped over the part about the last Domme I was getting to know. The problem was that she was not poly. If she were then things would have worked out differently. Monogamy is a social construct which has never worked well. If monogamy were natural why would so many religions and governments try to enforce life long monogamous relationships through religious rules and laws?

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 3:03:03 PM

betamale25

Posts: 13
Joined: 4/2/2011
Status: offline

I am physically fit, I practice Kung Fu and yoga regularly. My one inch punch can knock a heavier man than myself off balance. My testosterone level is quite normal for a man my age. Outside of some depression linked to feeling lonely my mental health is great. None of the medications I take are known to adversely effect sex drive. My therapist realizes being asexual is normal for me. Since I am happy being this way she is satisfied.

Some people are lesbians, others are gay, some are straight, and others are bi. Some people are trans-gendered. Some like myself are asexual. It is as normal for me to not want sex as it is for others to desire sex.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 14

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 3:19:53 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Yeah, they're out there betamale. Heh, I'm at least relieved to find out that I'm not the least sexual person on this site so there's something there *chuckles*. Honestly, pretty much everyone here has a vastly higher sex drive than me. That kind of makes sense for a kink site though so I'm not surprised by it.

Out of curiosity, do you really mean "zero" sex drive... as in you never want sex ever?

I would assume that most women would not want "zero sex" as a primary relationship. Most humans pretty much need to have at least some sexual contact. But as a third in a relationship or just an occasional service sub I don't see why that wouldn't be appealing assuming other compatibility factors.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to betamale25)

Post #: 15

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 11:26:52 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

You might have skipped over the part about the last Domme I was getting to know. The problem was that she was not poly. If she were then things would have worked out differently. Monogamy is a social construct which has never worked well. If monogamy were natural why would so many religions and governments try to enforce life long monogamous relationships through religious rules and laws?

I didnt skip that part, in fact, I mentioned it in my reply to you.

Now, drop the snark. I didnt ask if you believed in monogamy, I asked what you were seeking. You stated......

quote:

It is difficult to date in the vanilla world or find a Mistress without a sex drive.

........ leaving the impression that is what you are seeking, an asexual Domme.

Then you go on with......

quote:

The last Domme I was getting to know thought orgasm denial with frequent non-orgasmic masturbation would get me "in the mood", sadly that was not the case. In so many ways she was a good match for me, but she needed sex from her sub, and had no interest in a poly relationship.

Indicating the last one HAD a sex drive, but didnt want poly to fullfill it.

I asked which you wanted....

Now, I could care less.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to betamale25)

Post #: 16

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/6/2011 11:59:08 PM

joeleyre

Posts: 69
Joined: 10/17/2010
From: Kansas
Status: offline

I'm not sure if this is exactly what you are looking for, but, here's my definition of what i am seeing...

i am male....and i like my manhood in tact, just the way it is. HOWEVER, i am never looking for sex...Do i enjoy getting my rocks off, yes....i do, but i don't need a hole to stick it in in th process. i have no fear of my right hand.

Do i have a drive and want to feel the feeling of ejaculation? Yes, i do, but do i need someone else to do it for me. i have a rather vivid imagination.

Yes, technically, i would consider myself asexual, since i don't believe i need a sexual partner to follow me around in life, but yeah, i still like to squirt.

As i re-read this, it seems more of a ramble, than anything truely informative, and honestly makes me feel like some creepy pervert, but it is what it is.

i have the drive to want to get off, but not the actual drive for sexual intercorse.

< Message edited by joeleyre -- 4/7/2011 12:07:10 AM >

(in reply to betamale25)

Post #: 17

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/7/2011 1:27:36 AM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

This is a topic full of lies.

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to joeleyre)

Post #: 18

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/7/2011 3:56:24 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Why? Because that's not your experience?

There are absolutely folks out there who would find the OP's concept valuable. I've had clip darn near four years now and in the beginning of our dynamic, sex wasn't on the table. I took him on knowing this. During the time that he was under consideration with Me, there was no sexual contact.

I didn't take him sexually as My own until the night he was collared. I did so in My rights as an Owner. Until that time, sexual service was not a part of the dynamic.

With this said, you might want to consider that other people do things in different ways. You might do well to look beyond only what you do and see what other people do.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 19

RE: Are there any asexual male subs out there? - 4/7/2011 12:08:28 PM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

Zzzz...

Wake me up when something fun happens.

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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