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For the ladies - 4/10/2011 5:25:46 PM

15speed

Posts: 31
Joined: 2/20/2011
Status: offline

Hello everyone, this my second time here and I would request that one or more of the ladies critique the text of my profile.

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RE: For the ladies - 4/10/2011 5:46:51 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

Paragraphs are your friend.

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RE: For the ladies - 4/10/2011 5:58:46 PM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

Just curious....did you mean to post this on the Ask a Mistress board?

Have a look at this thread, it might help.... For men: how to find a woman here.

(in reply to 15speed)

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RE: For the ladies - 4/10/2011 6:04:03 PM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

quote:

I am a smoker and if that bothers you, then in my opinion you don't qualify as a slave or sub.

How does caring for ones health prevent them from qualifying as a sub/slave? I was a smoker until 3 weeks ago, and it never occurred to me that anyone who didn't want to be around it, wasn't true.

Correct the misspelling, I'd remove some of the all cap shouting at people, and as has already been pointed out paragraphs help.

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RE: For the ladies - 4/10/2011 6:58:07 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

you lost me at 'sub'

. Wrong forum, dude.

(in reply to Delilya)

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RE: For the ladies - 4/10/2011 10:15:36 PM

VideoAdminTheta

Posts: 3967
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline

My apologies to 15speed. I moved the thread to Mistress without checking the profile, which isn't something that is always done. Please don't blame the OP for my mistake.

Thank you

(in reply to Tantriqu)

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RE: For the ladies - 4/10/2011 10:41:01 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Um.

1. I'm not quite sure how to phrase this, but I get the feeling of a lot of rules getting barked out. And nothing more. No sense of humor, no real down time.
2. "I want to like/love/respect my partner based in part on her behaviour." To me that says that your love and affection for her depends on her doing what you say. The threat of having love withdrawn as a punishment terrifies many slaves.
3. "I am a smoker and if that bothers you, then in my opinion you don't qualify as a slave or sub. " Dude. If she is allergic to smoke or doesn't like it, she will be a poor match for you. That is NOT the same as saying she is a poor slave or sub.
4. "BEING IN MY PARTICULAR INDUSTRY APPEARS TO BE A PROBLEM FOR MANY SO, IF IF YOU COULD ENLIGHTEN ME IN A RESPECTFUL MANNER I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FORM YOU." I think that you're asking why women seem to not want a trucker. But it's not clear.
5. "If you are truly a slave wanting a new and or your first owner, then that is a quick and easy thing to accomplish.Just say so and send me the info that I request with no b.s. and IF I approve then it is a done deal." All she has to do is apply, and that's it? Dude, that's not realistic. Determining compatibility should take a while, and should be a mutual thing until she accepts ownership. And keep in mind that offering to make it quick and easy won't appeal to most women, who WANT to spend time getting to know a man. Hell, it's more fun to them than shopping!
6. Kill your journal entry. I finally figured out that it was a pic of your rig, which you decided to eliminate. If you're going to have a pic, make it of you. Else just remove the entry altogether.
7. You refer a couple of times to "no BS". Something in the way you refer to it, sounds to me like you want a woman with no back talk, who obeys you without question. That will require some training - what experience do you have as a Master?

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 4/10/2011 10:47:01 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: For the ladies - 4/10/2011 10:42:22 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I reviewed your profile, and to be honest I found it a bit 'shouty' (too many caps) and a bit aggressive. Also the scattergun approach to punctuation was a bit off-putting.

There is very little in the profile that tells me about the you behind the kink. What do you enjoy doing? If I was yours, what non-kink things would we do together?

I'm a slave and would most probably read your profile and move straight on to the next one...

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There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to 15speed)

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RE: For the ladies - 4/10/2011 11:44:27 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

given the previous comments, I'm not even going to bother reading the profile.

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(in reply to myotherself)

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RE: For the ladies - 4/10/2011 11:48:32 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

The caps were mentioned and yes, I had a problem with them as well. The overall text seemed negative and the statement about how a woman with a smoking preference wouldn't qualify as a sub or slave was just silly. I'm a sub, I have a preference for non-smokers, it's nothing to me whether you think I'm submissive or not. I'm not criticizing you for your desire to smoke, how about not criticizing me and others like me for desiring someone who doesn't?

I like that you had non-sexual interests listed in your interest section and would consider as myotherself suggested putting in more of who you are in the text section. Do you have hobbies or leisure time or does your job keep you busy most of the time? How much of the time are you on the road? You mention a boat, do you live on a boat? You may want to mention that. If this woman will be traveling with you then what is a typical run for you? How long would she be on the road and how much downtime inbetween?

(in reply to 15speed)

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RE: For the ladies - 4/11/2011 12:07:57 AM

sirssubk2008

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline

Quick and easy is for instant oatmeal...not a relationship of any kind.
Wanting someone to be with you 24/7 is all fine and dandy, but if you want it to last longer than the first week you have to take it slow. I can't imagine anyone would trust being alone with someone on a boat or in a truck for a long period of time that they have not spent very much time getting to know.

Since it seems that you are big on the 'no bs' you might want to lose the "I want to like/love/respect my partner based in part on her behaviour." To me that just screams bs.

And as other's have mentioned, paragraphs will make your profile easier to read along with losing some of the caps.

edited because I'm tired and my air headedness has touched my writing skills!

< Message edited by sirssubk2008 -- 4/11/2011 12:09:54 AM >

(in reply to 15speed)

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RE: For the ladies - 4/11/2011 12:22:13 AM

YoungBlondeSlave

Posts: 953
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I am a fairly successful owner-operator in the long haul trucking industry. I am looking for a smallish slave or sub., yes, I know the difference. Your need for light bondage and or mild discipline is acceptable. Absolute sexual and domestic obedience is MANDATORY!! I am NOT into major pain or humiliation, I want to like/love/respect my partner based in part on her behaviour. She will be with me 24/7 (or nearly) on the truck or on the boat. The smaller the better, Age is not important except maybe to you, appearance is only semi-important, but attitude is ALL IMPORTANT, and so is enjoying who you are. I am a smoker and if that bothers you, then in my opinion you don't qualify as a slave or sub. BEING IN MY PARTICULAR INDUSTRY APPEARS TO BE A PROBLEM FOR MANY SO, IF IF YOU COULD ENLIGHTEN ME IN A RESPECTFUL MANNER I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FORM YOU.

If you are truly a slave wanting a new and or your first owner, then that is a quick and easy thing to accomplish.Just say so and send me the info that I request with no b.s. and IF I approve then it is a done deal.

If you are a submissive then it is more complicated, as we must be more of like minds.

AGAIN, AGE IS NOT IMPORTANT!! In fact, I would love to have a young lady to nuture and help her grow a a woman so that when I am gone she will be able to find another to serve with her eyes open. But I also am very aware that more mature women have much to offer.

I WILL NOT participate in long online b.s., If you are not willing to provide a phone # after a small amount of contact, then move on, as I hate this form of communication.

-Smallish meaning what? Skinny or short? Maybe you should clarify that. You don't seem to be concerned about being delicate so just spit out what you want. It saves people's time. It's appreciated.

-And if you know the difference between slave and/or sub, perhaps you should enlighten everyone with what YOUR idea of slave and/or sub is. Everyone's idea is different.

-Your needs for light bondage and mild discipline is acceptable, I interpret that to mean "meh, I guess I'll do it, if I have to do something for you. But you're totally gonna owe me afterwards."

-You mention size and age multiple times, it seems like it's much more important than you are trying to convince everyone it is.

-The smoking thing, I'm going to echo everyone here....just because a woman doesn't like smoking doesn't have any bearing on her submissiveness. It's completely ludicrous to equate one with the other. I just quit smoking a few months ago, I'd rather not be around it so I'm not tempted. Doesn't make me any less of a submissive. And many will take offense to you insinuating that...of course anyone who basically says "IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I LIKE THEN YOU'RE NOT A REAL (insert title here)" it doesn't really sit well with most here.

-As to your particular field, I'm gonna enlighten you on my opinion, this may not be true for anyone else so it's not gospel, but it's what I feel so here goes: I don't like being cooped up in a vehicle for hours and days on end with nothing to stare at but empty road. Staying in dirty hotels and not really having a home to call my own. Not sleeping in my own bed, not being able to cook in my own kitchen, not seeing my friends or family because I'd be on the road "almost 24/7". As a vacation that's great, but not as the norm. I also have a pet, a full time job, school and I would not give all that up to sit in a truck for hours on end in monotony.

-The application to be a slave, I'm gonna have to agree with DarkSteven here, really? It's just that simple? Is there an application fee as well? I shudder to think what information you require on your slave application. You say it's more complicated if she's a submissive, why? What makes it more complicated?

-What's long online BS? What's a short amount of time? And, lastly, if you hate this form of communication, why are you here?

Okay, that's all I got. I wasn't very respectful I imagine. Which means I'm not a "twue" sub (and/or slave). But it's cool. I'm okay with that. Good luck.

ETA: Fix your spelling and grammar too. And lose the caps, it doesn't show emphasis, it shows "asshole-ishness". Use your words, not your CAPS LOCK, to get your point across.

< Message edited by YoungBlondeSlave -- 4/11/2011 1:06:01 AM >

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: For the ladies - 4/11/2011 12:29:24 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*adores YBS*

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)

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Post #: 13

RE: For the ladies - 4/11/2011 2:24:16 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

*adores YBS*

**adores GreedyTop and YBS**

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(in reply to GreedyTop)

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RE: For the ladies - 4/11/2011 4:41:28 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He's 61, and wants a barely legal who has no life, no job, no school to attend. He expects the sub to give up everything to spend her time in his truck. No mention of providing for her for later.

The all true subs are willing to be sick because he's addicted to cigarettes thing is ludicrous.

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RE: For the ladies - 4/11/2011 5:14:08 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He's 61, and wants a barely legal who has no life, no job, no school to attend. He expects the sub to give up everything to spend her time in his truck. No mention of providing for her for later.

The all true subs are willing to be sick because he's addicted to cigarettes thing is ludicrous.

I did this for a few weeks after enlisting in the USAF but before I went in. A few weeks was plenty. Although I enjoyed having sex in the truck - very womb-like - he got more out of it than I did. Well, he did give me a car.

OP - you may wish to start with female truckers who smoke and see if you can find one who is also sexually compatible. Unless you are trying here because you think /s types are easy.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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Post #: 16

RE: For the ladies - 4/11/2011 5:25:26 AM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Um.

1. I'm not quite sure how to phrase this, but I get the feeling of a lot of rules getting barked out. And nothing more. No sense of humor, no real down time.
2. "I want to like/love/respect my partner based in part on her behaviour." To me that says that your love and affection for her depends on her doing what you say. The threat of having love withdrawn as a punishment terrifies many slaves.
3. "I am a smoker and if that bothers you, then in my opinion you don't qualify as a slave or sub. " Dude. If she is allergic to smoke or doesn't like it, she will be a poor match for you. That is NOT the same as saying she is a poor slave or sub.
4. "BEING IN MY PARTICULAR INDUSTRY APPEARS TO BE A PROBLEM FOR MANY SO, IF IF YOU COULD ENLIGHTEN ME IN A RESPECTFUL MANNER I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FORM YOU." I think that you're asking why women seem to not want a trucker. But it's not clear.
5. "If you are truly a slave wanting a new and or your first owner, then that is a quick and easy thing to accomplish.Just say so and send me the info that I request with no b.s. and IF I approve then it is a done deal." All she has to do is apply, and that's it? Dude, that's not realistic. Determining compatibility should take a while, and should be a mutual thing until she accepts ownership. And keep in mind that offering to make it quick and easy won't appeal to most women, who WANT to spend time getting to know a man. Hell, it's more fun to them than shopping!
6. Kill your journal entry. I finally figured out that it was a pic of your rig, which you decided to eliminate. If you're going to have a pic, make it of you. Else just remove the entry altogether.
7. You refer a couple of times to "no BS". Something in the way you refer to it, sounds to me like you want a woman with no back talk, who obeys you without question. That will require some training - what experience do you have as a Master?

This :)

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

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Post #: 17

RE: For the ladies - 4/11/2011 5:57:42 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

*adores YBS*

Is this the bullshit kind of adoration that doesn't get recorded with a camera? Just askin'.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to GreedyTop)

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Post #: 18

RE: For the ladies - 4/11/2011 5:58:39 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

No comment. ;)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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Post #: 19

RE: For the ladies - 4/11/2011 8:55:32 AM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

Let me preface this with saying that I generally like responding to requests like this to help with a profile. I admire people who try to put their best foot forward and are brave enough to do the very hard thing of looking at what other people will say about them. It's not for the faint of heart to ask someone to critique what you have exposed of yourself. With that in mind, I've pondered your profile for a length of time trying to find the constructive way to say that you come across as negative, obstinate, arbitrary, inflexible, overbearing, and uncompromising. Some of these things say Dominant man, some say asshole. I'd have definitely passed this profile on by if I were looking, because while I may want someone in control of the relationship, I'd want to feel fairly sure that he'd be able to assess things in a case by case scenario, rather than thinking that his way is the only way which may be to the detriment of the situation. Dominant man does not necessarily equal stubborn dickhead.

Let's take the smoking thing as an example since you put it out there. You do know right, that second-hand smoke is dangerous and causes health problems in people exposed to it? There is research now on third-hand smoke, the toxins that are left in fabrics, hair, furniture, anything at all where smoke has been....this residue may be even more toxic than second-hand smoke. If you don't believe me look it up, it's been published about in major newspapers and journals. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/03/health/research/03smoke.html
So, you're saying someone isn't an s type if they object to having their health compromised in a serious manner? Really? Well that makes you look like a fruitcake, not like a Dom/Master.

I'm not sure much can be done with the profile because I think it's a fairly accurate representation of yourself and I think that is where the problem is. It may not seem this way to you, but I'm not here to yank your chain. I've already said that I enjoy helping people out when they ask for it. I think what may be more in line for you at this point, is to have a long, hard, look at your unyielding view of the world and of women. We honestly were not put here just to serve you and be a paper cutout. You have to put something into it as well. As crazy as that sounds on a site where people espouse D/s, it's true. Be a man that a woman would love to follow and you'll find someone to follow you.

If you are looking for a shortcut for a blowup doll so you can keep all the charming qualities you have exhibited so far you probably won't find it, because even kinky women have freedom of choice. Thinking that they'll choose an older man with a combative attitude and a smoking habit that would seriously affect their own health while living for days in a box (and who is willing to take in anyone at all) is ludicrous. If you haven't noticed, men tend to outnumber women on adult sites, you don't have much to offer in the end. As I said, I'd work on improving not your profile but think about improving yourself. People like to follow those who exhibit good leadership.

< Message edited by Killerangel -- 4/11/2011 8:56:32 AM >

(in reply to 15speed)

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