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RE: Dom to Dom transparency - 4/13/2011 5:55:04 PM

AngelDaRainha

Posts: 21
Joined: 4/13/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TimrehIX

This is a situation that may come up for me soon. I am single. I don’t have a Dom but there are a (very) few Doms I play with. While none of the Doms have asked me to be, or think that I am monogamous to them, I try not to talk to Dom A about Dom B, or any fly by night Dom or vanilla guy I hook up with. Occasionally a Dom will bring up doing something to me like shaving or chastity that would impact play with other Doms/vanillas. How do you tell an Vanilla partner about the chastity device, that you can play but can’t cum, or the sudden loss of body hair? And should I check with other Doms before agreeing to these things? Or is just letting them know it’s happened enough? Doms, how would you take if a sub you play with but were not exclusive with? Told you they were not allowed to cum during an encounter, or showed up in a chastity device without telling you.

Nothing wrong in being single, and playing around. It's admirable of you not to talk to Dom A about Dom B, as one or both of them may not appreciate that.

That being said, you should always communicate any restrictions you may have, so that your partners have the opportunity to voice their feelings about it. If they do not wish to play with you while you are restricted, then you know not to show up with the device.

My boy was allowed to serve others, while I was away sick, but he also was upfront with everyone and informed them of his restrictions and my rules for him. Some ladies rather enjoyed having him as a toy to use, for whatever it was they needed, others didn't want anything to do with him, which is fine.

We all are made up differently, we accept and dislike different things. Some of your partners may find a new and exciting way to use you while you're restricted. It will always be dependent on each individual. The shaving, is up to you, I'm all for honesty, so I'd prefer a boy be honest about why he is shaved. I'd probably use the situation to my advantage lol. But restrictions, whether it be chastity, orgasm denial, or any other restrictions should always be communicated, so that your partners have the opportunity to say whether they still wish for you to serve them at that moment.

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RE: Dom to Dom transparency - 4/13/2011 6:20:02 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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As a heterosexual who has never topped a man, I'd be more willing to if he were wearing a chastity device. Then I'd know that the sex stuff was off the table, and I could perform a kinky massage. Not that I'm looking for that, but I can see how wearing a device might make it easier to play with straights.

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Post #: 22

RE: Dom to Dom transparency - 4/13/2011 7:43:14 PM

strangedesire

Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Why is casual s&m play perfectly acceptable but chastity is a One True Kink that demands commitment?

If Submissive Jim agrees to forgo orgasm's without a Dominant A's express permission, even when Dominant A is not around and they aren't "in scene" together, that is a commitment. And if Submissive Jim has made commitments to Dominant A that would impact playtime with other people, those people deserve to know ahead of time.

I don't understand why shaving would be a big deal, but I'm used to dating women whose pubic hair changes every time they spend too long in the shower.

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RE: Dom to Dom transparency - 4/14/2011 2:14:26 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: strangedesire

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Why is casual s&m play perfectly acceptable but chastity is a One True Kink that demands commitment?

If Submissive Jim agrees to forgo orgasm's without a Dominant A's express permission, even when Dominant A is not around and they aren't "in scene" together, that is a commitment. And if Submissive Jim has made commitments to Dominant A that would impact playtime with other people, those people deserve to know ahead of time.

I don't know that a single commitment about a single issue makes them 'committed partners', though, which is what DesFIP said. If I commit myself to having lunch with someone next Tuesday, and then it impacts on my coffee with someone else that morning because I don't share their muffin so I've got room for lunch, that doesn't actually make the lunch any more significant a commitment.

And I've said all along that he should let people know ahead of time. In fact that's what I said right after the bit you've quoted.

quote:

I don't understand why shaving would be a big deal, but I'm used to dating women whose pubic hair changes every time they spend too long in the shower.

Haha! I hear you, I hear you

'...is that a heart?'
'yeah, I got bored waiting to rinse my conditioner'
'...ok.'

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RE: Dom to Dom transparency - 4/14/2011 9:13:39 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

How do you tell an Vanilla partner about the chastity device, that you can play but can’t cum, or the sudden loss of body hair?
You say, "One of my other lovers thought it'd be cool if I wore this chastity device or promised not to cum or shaved my body hair."

And should I check with other Doms before agreeing to these things?
Dunno. Were it me I find the whole thing odd as hell. I don't understand why you'd allow a play partner to command you outside the scene. I would not issue such commands myself because I am automatically infringing on your other lover's turf. I'd be annoyed if you came to me with a chastity belt on because at this point you are with your other dom, not me. You're just using me as a foil for your (and his) fetish. I prefer to not be used in this way.

Doms, how would you take if a sub you play with but were not exclusive with? Told you they were not allowed to cum during an encounter, or showed up in a chastity device without telling you.
See above. If I was interested in casual play then I wouldn't have any problem with the non-exclusive part. I very definitely would have an issue with being a prop in some scene that I had no part in.

i have to agree with leadership all around. you're not committed to any of these play partners, so why are you letting them give you commands that influence you outside of your scenes with them, that then also influence scenes with others?
if you want to go along with Dom A's game, then be upfront with Dom B/C/D and let them decide if they want to go along with you, or if it bothers them. for some people, it doesn't matter, but for others, it would.
Palliata's sentiment that he would feel controlled by this outside presence, as well as leadership's "I dont want to be a prop" statement are actually pretty common. so if you're getting into chastity play with one Dom, then it's time to start talking about this to the others and let them decide if that takes some of their fun away. If you just show up to a play date in a chastity device from another guy, i'd consider that a little rude actually, unless there's already some over-arching agreement that this kind of thing is okay.

nothing wrong in having fun while single. just make sure you respect the people you're having fun with.

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RE: Dom to Dom transparency - 4/14/2011 12:17:39 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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No one has mentioned bruises...last fall when I had a few play partners I learned that they all preferred a "blank canvas" and to space play dates out.

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RE: Dom to Dom transparency - 4/14/2011 12:50:25 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
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quote:

How do you tell an Vanilla partner about the chastity device, that you can play but can’t cum, or the sudden loss of body hair?

ummmm...again, seems pretty easy to me...chastity device: "Yeah, I'm a kinky slut and this guy I fuck gets his kicks out of keeping me in a chastity device so I can't cum, but I have two hot holes you can cum into all night long". Shaving? fuck it, just say you like it that way.
If you're playing around with multiple d-types, expect there to be conflicts...we d-types tend to be a little....controlling. If I want you shaved and your other Dom doesn't, then you have to chose which to obey. Why complicate things so much...life is pretty simple really.

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RE: Dom to Dom transparency - 4/20/2011 5:39:57 AM

OwnedFemaleFlesh

Posts: 182
Joined: 4/9/2011
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Ultimately, it's up to you what you do and how much you tell people. If you want to practice chastity, that's your decision, and if you think you would enjoy it then go for it. If you think it would negatively affect your play with others in a way that you are not willing to risk, then don't go for it. As with anything, it's a trade off between the different options available to you.

What I would say is that it is a little presumptive of casual play partners to ask for play that goes beyond casual. Chastity is, to a very large degree, locking you down and preventing you from playing with anyone else. And I'm not sure if that is fair to you. Are they willing to forgo all play with others while they keep you in chastity? Have they even thought of the consequences for your life and your dating by making such a request? When I am single, I always face this dilemma of whether to do chastity for a Dom I am playing with. I often think it is a little hypocritical of them to expect exclusivity and 24/7 control over my orgasms when, as far as I am concerned, we are merely playing casually.

I usually make it clear that I am willing to play in (x) way for the duration of this scene, but that it would be impractical and inappropriate for me to enter into a 24/7 arrangement with a casual play partner. Many Doms have simply not considered the consequences and when it is made clear to them, they realise that this kind of play is not suitable except between longer term partners.

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RE: Dom to Dom transparency - 4/20/2011 7:37:03 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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~FAST REPLY~

As others have said, while it isn't necessarily forming some kind of "commitment relationship," they are taking the position of dominant outside of your playtime. Essentially, in my opinion, that is saying "I do want more than just single play dates."

Basically, you are fucking around with whoever floats your boat. Nothing wrong with that, as long as everyone knows that they don't really mean all that much to you once playtime is over and you are looking for the next conquest.

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RE: Dom to Dom transparency - 4/20/2011 6:04:30 PM

Hisprettybaby

Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TimrehIX

How do you tell an Vanilla partner about the chastity device, that you can play but can’t cum
Someone put me in this chastity device, so I can't cum. I hope you don't mind....

or the sudden loss of body hair?
I decided to shave my genitals.

And should I check with other Doms before agreeing to these things? Or is just letting them know it’s happened enough?
How would you feel if someone else put your sometimes sex partner into chastity, therefore impacting your ability to do things with them, without asking you first?

Doms, how would you take if a sub you play with but were not exclusive with? Told you they were not allowed to cum during an encounter, or showed up in a chastity device without telling you.
I'm not a Domme, but if I were and that happened to me, I'd say goodye. If someone is submitting to me, okay, but if they're submitting to someone else while they're with me? No way. And that's exactly what showing up in another Dom/mes chastity device is, or telling me Domme X said they can't cum is the same thing....submitting to Domme X while they're with me. That would be a definite NO WAY in my book.

~edited to add~
While chastity may not mean a long-term commitment is in place, it IS a commitment to the person holding the key. Keeping a commitment like that to one person while playing with me, I would consider a reason to tell them goodbye.
~Hisprettybaby~

< Message edited by Hisprettybaby -- 4/20/2011 6:07:09 PM >

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RE: Dom to Dom transparency - 4/21/2011 11:18:50 AM

littleone35

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Joined: 2/17/2005
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Before i met Master when i was plyaing the field the Doms i waa with knew they were not the only one i was seeing. I did not give then chapter and verse or details. They did not need the detailes it was not nesserary. Once i started talking to Master and i knew i wanted to explore this relationship. I told my othet (now) ex play partners that i was not in a position to play anymore. Now the only one i am with is Master. Funny though even after 5 years on occassion one of my ex play partners pops up on my computer wanting to play. Of course i tell them no.

Matt's littleone

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Post #: 31