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RE: could we switch?! - 5/12/2006 2:25:39 PM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

So I’ve been wondering lately... what's it like to switch?

For me it is natural. I was raised by a very dominant man who taught me that when I meet a strong man (not just physically) that that strength should be respected and I should not stifle it. However, I was also taught that there are those who I am naturally going to dominate and that those people should not be in a place of intimate power over me simply because it would not work.

I mean we have a great dynamic as it is and find that we naturally fit into the roles we have as D/s but what would it be like to reverse it and play with that? How did you first start to switch? If you were already D/s did it affect your views of the other person? Anyone ever been in a loving relationship and get curious like this?

Though I am a switch Phoenix is not. I could not imagine us "switching" roles even in the bedroom or in play to me it seems wrong for us. I think that is something both people have to discuss openly and honestly. I think if someone switches and it is not their nature it can cause issues. However, for us he has allowed me to seek meet that need outside of our relationship.

There is a saying the comes to mine in this. If it isn't broke don't fix it.

I think it would be fun to change things up for a little while and I know he'd be up for it too. So what am I worried about?

If your only switching during play or sex it can be fun if both people are willing and able to do it. Some people simply cannot be topped even during these situations it feels very uncomfortable for them and they don't enjoy it all.

Well, I'm worried I'll lose that respect I have for him now. That way that I'm just in awe of him. Why would that change?

It can and does happen sometimes. That is why I think it should be discussed before hand and you should be honest with each other. The reality is sometimes we simply do not want to see someone as "submissive" because it makes him or her dominating us harder.

Blessed Be,
Nika

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 5/12/2006 2:32:57 PM >

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RE: Introduction - 5/12/2006 2:29:53 PM

petwthoutcollar

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/9/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

So i've been wondering lately... what's it like to switch?

For me it is natural.I was raised by a very dominate man who taught me that when I meet a strong man (not just physically) that that strength should be respected and I should not stiffle it. However, I was also taught that there are those who I am naturally going to dominate and that those people should not be in a place of intimate power over me simply because it would not work.

I mean we have a great dymanic as it is and find that we naturally fit into the roles we have as D/s but what would it be like to reverse it and play with that?

Though I am a switch Phoenix is not. I could not imagine us "switching" roles even in the bedroom or in play to me it seems wrong for us. I think that is something both people have to discuss openly and honestly. I think if someone switches and it is not their nature it can cause issues.

Anyone ever been in a loving relationship and get curious like this?

How did you first start to switch? If you were already D/s did it affect your views of the other person?

I ask because I'm thinkin about it and my only big concern is that I'll "lose" something in the switch. Does that generally happen?

I think it would be fun to change things up for a little while and I know he'd be up for it too. So what am I worried about?

If your only switching during play or sex it can be fun if both people are willing and able to do it. Some people simply can not topped even during these situations it feels very uncomfortable for them and they don't enjoy it all.

Well, I'm worried I'll lose that respect I have for him now. That way that I'm just in awe of him. Why would that change?

It can and does happen sometimes. That is why I say to discuss it before hand and to be honest with each other. The reality is sometimes we simply do not want to see someone as "submissive" because it makes them dominating us harder.

Blessed Be,
Nika

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

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Post #: 22

RE: Introduction - 5/27/2006 11:16:30 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

When i first joined this lifestyle, i was identified as a switch. For want of a better word.
Im now in a D/s relationship as a sub.
My dom is willing to allow me to do all manner of things, but adds the proviso, that i will be doing it to please him.
That kinda puts me off:( i dont want to please him, i want to please myself. So ive avoided it.)
Also, we are not kink compatable in the reverse. What id like to play with as a top, he's not interested in as the bottom

Ive considered would i feel him to be less of my dominant if i played this way? i dont think so. Im talking a little bit of fun shelle styley here. But whilst he insists on remaining in control, its not gonna get my rocks off.
I feel that to take a strap on fucking, is me doing things my way, him calling it, 'his submissive pleasing him' is a cop out. And acts like the proverbial bucket of cold water on top space for me.
*sighs*
We've not solved this dilema yet. Im not sure we will. Being monogamous kinda limits things a little to what your partner is into.
The need to top, has not risen in sufficient proportion for me to make a issue out of it. Its a want so far. Not a need.
little1

(in reply to petwthoutcollar)

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Post #: 23

RE: could we switch?! - 5/29/2006 5:09:29 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

I started out as a sub. I never even imagined me as a top. I had someone talk me into trying it and I found I loved it. It gave me the space to use my own deranged imagination which was something that I could never really do as a sub.

I think that this can lead to another entire dimension of your relationship. Finding the energy can be easier than you think. Think of all the chores that you've hated and channel that energy. You're flogging and thinking make me clean your toilet will ya bitch (whack)...can't pick your socks up off the floor... (whack) won't mow the lawn (whack). You may discover that you're better at it than you think.

(in reply to SubtleCuriosity6)

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RE: could we switch?! - 6/29/2006 9:37:19 PM

Lahstarr

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/1/2005
Status: offline

Hi, I have enjoyed this thread.

I live dominant but refer to myself as a D/s switch because for the right man, I would switch. Greedy is probably a good word.

Anyway, a prominant Domme in our community has a party once a year where everyone switches roles for the day. Subs are the Masters/Mystresses, and vice versa.

Maybe this would be a fun thing to do to get a taste of the other role?

Just a thought....carry on....

(in reply to theRose4U)

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Post #: 25

RE: could we switch?! - 6/30/2006 6:29:47 PM

WindAssassin

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/26/2006
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Hey there... this is my first post on any of the boards...figured I'd spread out and see what was going on behind the scenes....*grin*
In my profile I tried to explain it, but I don't know if I got it well enough. I was married to a man who did the ultimate no-no in playing... He walked into the bedroom, there I was in a great outfit with a nightstick as a make-shift prop, trying to look all dominant (trying to do it for the first time, cause I thought he'd like it... I was 19 for God's sake!), told him "On your knees", and he doubled over laughing. If that had been it.....oh well, but he fell onto the floor and didn't stop laughing for about 15 mins or so... Ego crushed, I never tried to do anything like that with him again! Years later, we divorced (who here didn't see that one coming! LOL) and I found a sweet guy eventually. I was scared to ever try the direct approach again....so I didn't. What I did do was find that while I was on top, it just kind of happened. He went into "submissive" mode. Don't quite know how to explain it. Maybe it was a tilting down of the eyes....maybe it was something that was just caught by my subconcious.....anyway....I ran my hands along his arms and held lightly to his wrists above his head...There it was. It just kind of happened. Dom and Sub don't always have to be discussed before having sex... sometimes you just find yourself in the "position" to try something. Take it..and whisper to him/her....."do you like this"....do it seductively enough, and they'll probably say "Yes!" LOL.... Approach it differently sometimes....when lying in bed before going to sleep ask what his fantasies were when he was a teenager... Did he ever have fantasies of his teachers or other authority figures....you might get a clue there. And it will help to have that in mind when you "plan" if you feel you need to. Just whisper (whispering makes things seem like a secret and you'll never let anyone know that they have this "sub" side....never use the word first! It may make them feel like "less of a Manly Man"! Find out all you can about it.... Just ask what they do fantasize about..maybe you'll find something new for you both to do...even if it's not you being "dominant". Maybe you'd both like to be dominant over another woman....that's a good way to start showing a dominant side.....and remember that just because you're being "Dom" doesn't mean you have to use whips and all those other things....holding someone's wrists lends an extra point of intimacy to a situation...and they can feel that they can get out easier than with something like leather restraints....work up slowly....
Ok, sorry.....enough of my rambling....I'm waiting on MY man to get home and got into the subject! LOL I've read Gor novels since I was 19 (need to brush up on them though... lol been a while), and have tried different sides of the "sub" lifestyle....Drop me a line if you ever want to chat about anything.....

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 26