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RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/11/2011 2:06:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
Honestly, LP, it's because of the time you've taken throughout this and other threads regarding poly relationships that I've been able to reconsider my original opinion of such a dynamic for myself. I was briefly involved in such a relationship many years ago and was completely unprepared for the emotions it brought up in me (not particulary positive ones, mind you), but I've come to realize that was due to my own inexperience and lack of understanding.

I rushed and I learned what the consequences are in doing so. To relate back to the original topic of this thread and the OP...the best thing a person can do before getting involved in any type of relationship dynamic is to know yourself and those who will be involved to the best of your ability.

This has been a eye-opening thread....for more reasons than the one I brought up in my first post.

I agree with the highlighted one hundred percent. As humans engaging in different types of lifestyles, we don't always do that. I don't know who it was that started the propaganda that these different ways of doing things meant we get a free pass from being just as diligent as we would approach non-kinky monogamous relationships, but if I ever catch them, I might kick them in the shin.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/12/2011 3:30:01 AM

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Seriously, you come across as really mean spirited now and it ventured way way beyond a discussion, you just make accusations because that's how you imagine things are with LP and in her household. Now if you tell me how things work in your household, I take your word for it because you are living it, if LP tells me how things work in her household, I see no reason to not believe her, it sounds fairly rational and logic, it wouldn't work for me but my life wouldn't work for everybody. I know a couple of people who handle poly different, simply because it works for them, there are people who are monogamous and handle their life different than I do, simply because their needs are different and they have different priorities.

There is no fixed rule book, quite a lot of people might accuse me of being misguided and playing a bit of part time kink, because I don't sit on a throne, don't sleep in leather PJs, don't run around 24/7 in thigh high boots, wielding a whip, don't have subs chained up in the cellar (I only got a sous terrain anyway), there are no chains and crosses decorating the house, BDSM doesn't rule my life, it adds spice to my life but I don't think about kink 24/7 and I can go for a few days or weeks without even thinking to play. So I guess I am a misguided part timer too... Tell you what, my other half wouldn't mind if I had a personal sub, I used to have one but I was living in another country, it never bothered him, in fact they were friends, it worked...

You do exactly the same what you accuse Lady Pact of, you are trying to make a rule book and claim LP is breaking the rules.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to ranja)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/12/2011 5:50:37 AM

ranja

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post # :88

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Most days, you're pretty foolish. Today, I think you're intentionally trying to be obtuse.

The problem, ranja, is you are too jealous of us poly folks. This colors your comments on this board a great deal. Oh, I know that you'll never admit it. You just keep going behind your husband's back for your thrills, envious of those of us who really can live this way. I know it sucks for you, having a husband who can't deal with your desires. Not all of us have to deal with that.

What a terrible, lonely place it must be.

i reckon it is fair game

Edit: and by the way what some people read as catty... others think is simply hilarious
i know it is difficult at times, but try not to lose your sense of humour

< Message edited by ranja -- 5/12/2011 5:55:13 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/12/2011 5:56:52 AM

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"My original post was written when i was angry and hurt....and i had spent the day fielding some very rude and hurtful emails from one of the partners.
my intention was to suggest that subs consider very hard as to whether or not poly was for them.....as i said, in both cases, i was misled.....both problems, although totally different, stemmed from jealousy.
i will not go into more details due to privacy reasons.

These were not "weekend wonders"........one lasted 16 months and the other 8 months.

i should not have posted....i certainly did not expect the backlash i have gotten....i am sorry"

Ok it seems to me that he's learnt he should've said something different!

So lets just put an end to this whole giving out to someone else now k?

Treasurexxx

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/12/2011 6:06:33 AM

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quote:

Ok it seems to me that he's learnt he should've said something different!

So lets just put an end to this whole giving out to someone else now k?

Treasurexxx

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

...and the reason you think I'm in a dynamic with you where I would obey you is... what again?

By the way, the OP's profile states she is female.

I don't know what this means: "this whole giving out to someone else", but it seems to mean "stop calling people on their whiny, juvenile nonsense". If that is the case, I wouldn't hold my breath.

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Sunny27)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/12/2011 6:14:45 AM

ranja

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

There is no fixed rule book, quite a lot of people might accuse me of being misguided and playing a bit of part time kink,

there is indeed no fixed rule book
and i am not accusing anybody of anything, i am merely asking questions
... and i am pointing out that in my opinion hardly anybody is totally honest... and even if they are... not everybodies version of the truth is the same anyway

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/12/2011 6:33:06 AM

VideoAdminTheta

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I do believe that there have been a couple of warnings on this thread and posts removed. I think the personal attacks, personal opinions on other members lives and off topic comments about them have gone a bit far and it must stop now. Anything further from anyone is unacceptable. You may address the topic or a post, but not the member making the post. There will be no further warnings. If you must continue, please take it private.

Thank you

(in reply to ranja)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/12/2011 7:01:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yours4u2use

no, i am referring to other comments that have nothing to do with this subject.

i know there are many that will not agree with me.....but i think that i have the right to assert an opinion on this subject as i have experience.

Yes. I am certain of it.

Back on topic, how long were you with the first and second couples before trouble started? (not that we are looking, btw, just interested in an honest post).

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to yours4u2use)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/12/2011 8:25:55 AM

VideoAdminTheta

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To clarify what I said. You may address the person that has made a post, but you cannot attack or insult them or their personal lives. Keep in mind that the topic is not another member.

Thank you to the member that asked for clarification.

< Message edited by VideoAdminTheta -- 5/12/2011 8:27:08 AM >

(in reply to Arturas)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/12/2011 9:52:57 AM

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Once more then. If you have nothing NEW to say about the subject of this thread, move along. In case there is any doubt, the subject of this thread is not LadyPact's personal relationship with anyone. If LadyPact wants to open up her relationship and invite the opinion of others into it, she is certainly free to start a new thread on that. Based on her signature line, however, and her lack of masochism, I would not spend a lot of time looking for that new thread.

Golden mail has been sent.

Mod21

_____________________________

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

(in reply to VideoAdminTheta)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/12/2011 9:57:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

ORIGINAL: yours4u2use

no, i am referring to other comments that have nothing to do with this subject.

i know there are many that will not agree with me.....but i think that i have the right to assert an opinion on this subject as i have experience.

Yes. I am certain of it.

Back on topic, how long were you with the first and second couples before trouble started? (not that we are looking, btw, just interested in an honest post).

Art, it's a really long thread. Sunny27 was good enough to repeat the info on the last page. (You might have missed it because there was no quote box.) One was eight months and the other was sixteen months. Hope that helps.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Arturas)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/14/2011 2:41:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yours4u2use

getting involved with a couple....i have done it twice....the second time, i was convinced they were different....

You know, no matter how great they sound, jealousy always rears its ugly head.

That was an incomplete sentence.

You should have written "You know, no matter how great they sound, jealousy always rears its ugly head, FOR ME."

(in reply to yours4u2use)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/14/2011 5:47:56 PM

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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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I just checked back on this thread after being away, so I will answer all your comments to me at once, before getting back to the OP.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
They just don't want the gory details. Who are you to tell them that this is deception? And by the way, have you been living with your life partner for 30 years?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
Your problem is that you assume everybody is like you, and that you therefor assume that everybody places the same importance on sex that you do.
For some people, sex just really isn't that important, and it really doesn't matter whether their partners have sex with others, because the act of having sex in an of itself has no bearing on the relationship they have with each other.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88
How long have you lived with your man and his other sub/slave? How often have you watched him fuck her? How do you feel about that?

Oh wait....you don't right? Any of the above right? When you do that, tell us.

I am willing to bet that you won't be so approving then, judging by your past issues.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
Wait. How is the relationship sunshine mentioned deceptive?

They both agreed to it. They both know its happening. Thats like me saying to the man "sure, go out, have fun, just dont tell me about it" then getting mad at him for doing just that.

There is no deception. Its how it works for them.

I try to make it clear that when I say something on the boards, it's MY OPINION. If I've forgotten to state that upfront a few times, I'm sorry, but it's obvious that is just that. My opinion. I don't see why you all have to be so judgmental. You all jumped on me like I have no right to be here just because we haven't found our third yet.

In MY OPINION it's deceptive to keep it a secret from your partner when you're fucking/having sex with someone else. He's actually TOLD her to not tell him when she does, so he IS actually asking her to be deceptive IN MY OPINION. And by the way, no, I have not been living with my partner for 30 years.

It's not that I think sex is all-important. I don't. But I do think that HONESTY is all-important. Her husband has asked her to not be honest with him about her extra-marital sexcapades. I'm not saying he shouldn't ask her that, I'm just saying that not being honest is....not being honest.

It's also a wrong statement that I think everyone is like me. I'm not stupid enough to believe that. And as for my "past issues," I'm sure the one who brought that up has never has "past issues" of her own???? I'm not sure which past issues you are speaking of, but the one that comes to my mind is where a monogamous girl came along and the Dom chose her over the rest of us and we consequently left. Healthy that I left(not that I had much choice), IN MY OPINION, since he chose her over everyone else and became monogamous.

As for watching my man fuck his other sub, why on earth do you think all poly would be like that? We are still looking for his additional sub but, when we do find her, I can assure you it will not be one big fuck-pile. He will be with either her or me on separate occassions when it comes to fucking/sex. We''ve already discussed that.

Besides, I thought the original post on this thread was:

quote:

ORIGINAL: yours4u2use
getting involved with a couple....i have done it twice....the second time, i was convinced they were different....

You know, no matter how great they sound, jealousy always rears its ugly head.

Getting back to the OP......sometimes people just need to find things out for themselves. Just because poly doesn't work out for you and some others, it does not mean it won't work out for anyone. There are also cases where people just try poly to please their partner, or think they can do it but later on find out that they can't. In those cases it won't necessarily work out, but it doesn't mean poly never works.

~Hisprettybaby~

< Message edited by Hisprettybaby -- 5/14/2011 5:49:45 PM >

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/14/2011 5:49:12 PM

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are you suggesting i was the jealous one?

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/14/2011 5:51:31 PM

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Ahhh the irony.

quote:

It's also a wrong statement that I think everyone is like me.

It's amazing that you would say that and then go on and on about how my gay friends are a married heterosexual couple.

You have completely proven everybody's point.

Thank you for the belly laugh!

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/14/2011 5:55:32 PM

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Sunshine, is that all you have to say? Whatever. I'm sure I'm not the ONLY one who's made wrong assumptions here.

~Hisprettybaby~

< Message edited by Hisprettybaby -- 5/14/2011 5:57:22 PM >

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/14/2011 6:53:13 PM

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quote:

In MY OPINION it's deceptive to keep it a secret from your partner when you're fucking/having sex with someone else.

There are no secrets. "I'm having sex with someone else. Do you want to hear the details?" "No. Did you have fun?" "Yes." "Great. What's for dinner?" Never did I say that one partner wanted deception. They merely don't want details. Maybe you enjoy details in a way that someone else wouldn't. That's fine. However, YOUR way is not everyone's way.

You make presumptions and have applied your personal value system to others. My experience is that people who do that have judgmental blind spots. The difference between an opinion and fact is... well, facts. You have chosen to not see the actual facts as I laid them out. You showed it clearly when you applied your point of view on my friends. You presumed they were 1. heterosexual. 2. married. Nowhere did I even IMPLY that.

Your statement made me laugh out loud. I appreciate that. Irony is a great joy in my life. You can get all pissy if you want (the "whatever" suggests you are - not saying you are, just reading what you wrote.) Or you can recognize that a number of good people have informed you of your blind spot (We all have them - including me) and can take a look at that. You embrace it or you deny it. If you deny it, I will laugh at the situation. Oh, yes, I've done that already.

What does this have to do with the OP you may be asking. Well, it's like this - in a poly situation, one needs to be really clear, really aware of one's own idiosyncracies, and yes, their blind spots. We can dance all around the situation, but in the end, the OP (and in other posts) suggests that people think long and hard about the situation, about poly. This is some very good advice. However, it is fairly vague. When one gets involved in poly in particular because of the exponential possibility for implosion, it is wise to take a look at and own one's truth. I'm suggesting that because you are not embracing your own, you are setting yourself - and your partners - up for failure. If there is one thing that has come from this thread, it is the need for transperancy. Ignoring and denying blind spots is akin to deceiving oneself. And that is fatal for a poly relationship in my experience.

good luck,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/15/2011 1:35:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

In MY OPINION it's deceptive to keep it a secret from your partner when you're fucking/having sex with someone else.

There are no secrets. "I'm having sex with someone else. Do you want to hear the details?" "No. Did you have fun?" "Yes." "Great. What's for dinner?" Never did I say that one partner wanted deception. They merely don't want details. Maybe you enjoy details in a way that someone else wouldn't. That's fine. However, YOUR way is not everyone's way.
I have never said my way was everyone's way. You will never find that statement anywhere in any of my posts.

You make presumptions and have applied your personal value system to others.
EVERYONE opinions are colored by their personal value systems, IF they have one. Plus, once again, I did say it was MY OPINION.

My experience is that people who do that have judgmental blind spots.
And WHO is judgmental NOW?

The difference between an opinion and fact is... well, facts. You have chosen to not see the actual facts as I laid them out. You showed it clearly when you applied your point of view on my friends. You presumed they were 1. heterosexual. 2. married. Nowhere did I even IMPLY that.
You never said which friends you are referring to and I don't want you to. But, the people I was speaking of....her profile lists her as a female sub and in it she says she is married and that her husband is her Master....and she refers to him with male pronouns. That sounds like a heterosexual married couple to me.

Your statement made me laugh out loud. I appreciate that. Irony is a great joy in my life. You can get all pissy if you want (the "whatever" suggests you are - not saying you are, just reading what you wrote.)
In MY OPINION, I think you are sounding pretty pissy right here in this post of yours, speaking of irony. But that's okay. You said you love irony.

Or you can recognize that a number of good people have informed you of your blind spot (We all have them - including me) and can take a look at that. You embrace it or you deny it. If you deny it, I will laugh at the situation. Oh, yes, I've done that already.
As I'm laughing at you now. I can certainly agree to disagree without having to be proven right or wrong. You, on the other hand, have this need to prove you are right.

What does this have to do with the OP you may be asking. Well, it's like this - in a poly situation, one needs to be really clear, really aware of one's own idiosyncracies, and yes, their blind spots. We can dance all around the situation, but in the end, the OP (and in other posts) suggests that people think long and hard about the situation, about poly. This is some very good advice. However, it is fairly vague. When one gets involved in poly in particular because of the exponential possibility for implosion, it is wise to take a look at and own one's truth. I'm suggesting that because you are not embracing your own, you are setting yourself - and your partners - up for failure.
Nowhere did I ever say I was perfect. Nowhere did I ever say I don't have "blind spots." I think if people are honest with themselves they will admit that we ALL have them. You, me, everyone.

If there is one thing that has come from this thread, it is the need for transperancy. Ignoring and denying blind spots is akin to deceiving oneself. And that is fatal for a poly relationship in my experience.
This part I will agree with totally. And I will add that it is fatal for any relationship, poly or otherwise.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/16/2011 6:12:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yours4u2use

are you suggesting i was the jealous one?

I assume based on what you wrote, that since you urged ALL slaves to seriously reconsider poly...maybe jealousy reared it's ugly little head for you. I assume with a name like yours4u2use, you consider yourself a slave?

(in reply to yours4u2use)

RE: i urge all sub/slaves to seriously reconsider - 5/17/2011 4:12:28 AM

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Joined: 1/3/2010
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you assumed wrong

(in reply to subbykat)

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