RE: A question for the ladies?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: A question for the ladies?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: A question for the ladies?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: A question for the ladies? - 4/30/2011 10:18:07 PM

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hi Baby,
You just contradicted yourself as I read this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisprettybaby

I don't think it's an acquired taste. Either you like it or don't, and each woman is individual in her preferences.

Anal is a NO due to PTSD/rape issues.

According to your post, you acquired a distinct DISTASTE for anal sex based on an experience. You don't really know if you like it or don't. You don't know your biological preferences so much as you are attributing a particular kind of sex with a negative event.

Sex is a nature / nurture thing. We have a natural desire for it - to some degree or other, and nature affects us - biochemistry, menses, age, predisposition, etc. It is also a nurture thing. If you associate a particular thing in a positive or negative way, then you have acquired a taste (also positibe or negative) based on the experience and the emotions / memory / thoughts that surround it.

*This is not meant to be a focus on YOU and YOUR experience. It is an EXAMPLE - and quite a good one, you just happened to be the one who offered it up.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 9:05:18 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

In addition, it may be that she is not easily (or not at all) orgasmic. You don't mention her age, what medications she's on, birth control etc. All of these can conspire to make orgasm impossible. If so, then it would be necessary to deal with that problem first.

It isn't uncommon for women under 30 to be unable to orgasm. Sometimes they can orgasm alone on occasion but other times not at all. Birth control can make orgasm easier or prevent it. Anti-depressants are well known to have a negative effect on libido and ability to reach orgasm, and please note the two are not interchangeable.

Suggest she first sees her ob/gyn or a urologist specializing in female sexuality. After that comes a sex therapist. But you always should rule out physical problems first.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 9:34:13 AM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

You are all going to Hell.

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 10:17:55 AM

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hey hot stuff,
Just so you know... not the first time I've heard that.
best,
sunshine

*irony... calling you hot stuff... and I'm sunny... and you're talking about hell....

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 6:11:37 PM

Posts: 752
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline

*snip*

quote:

ORIGINAL: strangedesire

"I'm worried I'm not going to like it" is a tough statement to pick apart without context. If she's had sex before, told him that she hated it, and he insists that he can make it great for her, she might say something like that to soften it - to avoid calling him a liar to his face.

Are you getting this information through him? She may have said outright that she wouldn't like it, and he may be misremembering.

*snip* *snip*

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

In addition, it may be that she is not easily (or not at all) orgasmic. You don't mention her age, what medications she's on, birth control etc. All of these can conspire to make orgasm impossible. If so, then it would be necessary to deal with that problem first.

It isn't uncommon for women under 30 to be unable to orgasm. Sometimes they can orgasm alone on occasion but other times not at all. Birth control can make orgasm easier or prevent it.

*snip*

Thank you all on your thoughts and opinions.

To start off, I'm getting this info both from him and her. The worried quotation is from her directly, and the boredom thing is from him.

She is a 22 yo on meds for asthma, including an inhaler, a allergy med (Singulaire) another allergy med and a ?lowjesterol? BC pill that her Dr told her to skip the blanks for two months before taking blanks on the 3rd. No other known ailments. She used to have a high libido, but that almost totally disappeared a long time ago, before a switch to a new bc pill. She can orgasm, cause she's told me so. He tells me he just keeps coming up with reasons not to have sex, even though he has seen evidence of masturbating, eg vibe moved around, literotica in her browser cache, ect. Sexual abuse in the past is unknown.

The conversation that started it all, as I piece it together, is he came up to her and started touching and all. She let him, and then walked away. He followed, asking why she doesn't like to do anything anymore, even though they've never had sex. ( Sex history as being 2 blowjobs and numerous pussy eating sessions, as well as several BDSM sessions in which she told him she wanted, then was disengaged during. (Neither were virgins going into this relationship) She told him the she 'was worried if she was going to like it, and 'It's an acquired taste for women, unlike guys' Ever since, it has been one promise after another, "We'll do it after finals are over", or "I missed a pill so we need to wait a month" after which she keeps putting him off with another reason or excuse.

He's wondering if it's true, the 'acquired taste' explanation, or if she's just using him to pay for dinner outings and not really into him, waiting until she finds someone else. He is, I think understandably, tired of it. She tells me she likes him, and to speak to her, everything is peachy, including to say they never argue, while he says she gets mad at him all the time for the most trivial of things.

So armed with this history and context, How should I advise them? He says he would have left long ago, but he he keeps giving her more chances. Should he leave her? Is she just stringing him along?

_____________________________

"Alone I Walk
Broken I Stand
Betrayed I Fight
Forgotten I Fall"

(in reply to strangedesire)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 6:13:02 PM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hey hot stuff,
Just so you know... not the first time I've heard that.
best,
sunshine

*irony... calling you hot stuff... and I'm sunny... and you're talking about hell....

If I didn't know any better I would say you were hitting on me.

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 6:52:03 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I think figuring out what's going on is kind of beside the point and that what it comes down to is how well they match up. She's not interested in sex, he is- doesn't sound like a good match up unless they both enjoy being denied and/or pushed. Whatever her reasons really are, it doesn't seem like a regular sexual relationship is going to be in the cards for the guy who is with her. If he's ok with that then he can stick around for more.

Even if her reasons for not wanting sex are medical in nature, she doesn't seem the least bit interested in finding out what is going on or getting it taken care of. If he's looking for a partner who eagerly seeks out sex with him then it seems that he'll need to find someone else or take the lackadaisical once in a while pussy eating/bj sessions. Actions speak louder than words. She says she likes him and she might but if she wanted to get down and dirty she'd remember to take the pills and not put him off because of one thing or another. The excuses on her part seemed destined to continue, he can stick around for more of the same or find a better match unless it floats his boat to be with her outside of the missing sexual component in their relationship.

Just for the record, my opinion is that it is not an acquired taste for women to like sex. Sure, some people like this particular thing or that, but overall I think it's pretty much a biological thing that both sexes like it unless they've been given a reason not to or dont' have the desire for it. Default setting in my opinion and in my experience, is that both sexes like sex just fine without having to acquire the taste for it.

(in reply to wulfgarw)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 7:17:30 PM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

"He says he would have left long ago"

Then yup, maybe that is what he should have done. There is something to be said for cutting your losses.

I doubt very much that things will get any better. When i met my ex, i thought everything was fine, we seemed to have sex whenever I wanted it. Then it became less and less, he started saying no, not tonight, blah, blah blah. Eventually it was down to once every 2-3 months. With me always the one asking for it. Finally I decided to stop asking,.. guess what happened? Absolutely nothing, we never had sex again. I could not live like that, no sex and some other problems too, I finally told him to leave. I dont regret that, what I should have done was left a lot sooner. Lesson learned. Now, I look for someone that has the same sex drive and sexual tastes that I do. Sex is very important to me, I cant see settling for less, I would rather be alone than be with the wrong person.
Just my opinion, of course.

(in reply to wulfgarw)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 8:08:21 PM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline

quote:

I hate receiving cunnilingus or penetration. It's not a dyke thing

god damned right it isn't!

hannah lynn

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to strangedesire)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 8:14:55 PM

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

you don't advise them.

You be there, listen to them and that's it.

You tell them to do what they both think is best for each other.

Don't get involved...period.

The moment you get involved is the moment it will backfire on you.

Good luck

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 8:16:20 PM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline

quote:

Is sex, in all of it's forms, guises, orientations and colors, an acquired taste for women?

can't speak for all women, but it came as natural to me as eating and shitting. i'v thoroughly enjoyed everything i've tried..no, not quite right, there was one thing i didn't like.

i have no idea what her real issue is, i do know i feel seriously sorry for her, or for anybody who doesn't enjoy sex.

hannah lynn

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to wulfgarw)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 8:53:41 PM

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline

I have to agree with littlewonder, for the most part. I think the best you can do is be there for them and maybe suggest couples' counseling, if they are inclined to stay together.

(in reply to wulfgarw)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 9:01:36 PM

Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hi Baby,
You just contradicted yourself as I read this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisprettybaby

I don't think it's an acquired taste. Either you like it or don't, and each woman is individual in her preferences.

Anal is a NO due to PTSD/rape issues.

According to your post, you acquired a distinct DISTASTE for anal sex based on an experience. You don't really know if you like it or don't. You don't know your biological preferences so much as you are attributing a particular kind of sex with a negative event.

I must be dense, but I fail to see the correlation you're talking about. The deal here is, I liked anal just as much as any other kind of sex....UNTIL the rape happened that caused some permanent physical injuries as well as PTSD. So it's not like it was an acquired taste that I never acquired the taste for. I liked it as much as any other type of human/human sex....until I was brutally permanently injured.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 10:20:56 PM

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

I've learned in the last 10 years, that there are "asexual" people, who simply don't enjoy sex at all.

I know, some women are too self conscious about their bodies, and think that anything not smelling rose-like, even when freshly washed, ought not be phucked or licked to a fun ending.

Your post however, mostly makes me think, she doesn't sufficiently like the man, to engage in any kind of sex with him. M

< Message edited by SexyBossyBBW -- 5/1/2011 10:34:29 PM >

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to wulfgarw)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 10:28:06 PM

OwnedFemaleFlesh

Posts: 182
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline

Well, for whatever reason she just doesn't want to have sex with him. Is he willing to go without sex for his entire life? I doubt it. I wouldn't pay too much attention to the 'sex is an acquired taste for women' comment, she's just trying to shift the attention from her issue onto gendered issues. Whether or not women in general have issues with sex, she clearly has an issue with him and sex, and unless she's willing to actually discuss it, I, personally, would not continue a relationship with her. In fact, call me shallow, but I wouldn't consider a no sex relationship to actually be a proper relationship in the first place, it's more like heavy petting!

owned xxx

(in reply to wulfgarw)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 10:40:02 PM

Posts: 28
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: Wilmington, DE
Status: offline

Girls are complicated. I dont know, honestly. Maybe he's small for her, or maybe just not doing it right. Maybe she's just bored with same old same old. It could be a number of things. Sometimes if a girl just isnt in love or into a guy, sex just wont work for her. It could be virtually anything.

(in reply to wulfgarw)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/1/2011 11:03:16 PM

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Fear of pregnancy is obviously an issue for her and a big libido-kill for anyone, and she can talk to her doc about options and backup.
Sex is not 'an acquired taste' for women; if no abuse, she either has religious hangups about masturbating or a dud first lover.

Ask your 'friend':
Does he know how she likes to be kissed, caressed and made love to?
Does he talk to her about how she prefers to initiate sex?
Is he thoughtful when she's busy and nice to her in private and in public, including doing household duties without being reminded and being supportive about her homework schedule?
Does he keep himself looking, dressing and smelling good?
Is he drug- and alcohol-free and otherwise addiction-free, including on-line?
Does he know if she was in a bad relationship and/or victim of sexual assault?

If your 'friend' says no to any of these, he's not good boyfriend material.
If she doesn't tell him what bugs her when he asks, she's not good girlfriend material, or she's just not that into him.

(in reply to KayxSlut)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/2/2011 12:14:22 AM

Posts: 3901
Status: offline

well no asthma med's i have ever taken have ever upset my want for sex. however, some contraceptive pills can do that, but to use missing one as an excuse not to have sex for a month is a bit off when they could use condoms (assuming she doesn't have an allery to them). at one time my body was all over the shop and i stopped wanting sex. i did give in on rare times because i felt i should, but then actually started resenting my husband because of it. it wasn't that i didn't love him, i just didn't want sex. i'd convince myself that i should just go ahead when he tried it on as i'd enjoy it when we got going, but i didn't and would stop him feeling like i was being forced. i wasn't of course, he was very patient and understanding but was getting frustrated. i only saw it as a problem in that he wanted sex and i didn't thus a problem for him and not me. in the end he asked me to go to the dr and find out what was going on. on investigation it turned out my hormones were all over the shop due to a medical condition. i took pills to try and sort the symptoms out, which did help to a huge extent. years later after finally having an operation to sort out the actual problem i can see just how bad the difference in my sex drive was.

sometimes we can't see the wood for the trees. there are a multitude of reason why she doesn't want sex with him but it is something she needs to look at if she wants to keep the relationship. i can't see him putting up with it forever. as for all the he-said-she-said stuff, there are always two sides to every story and we all see a situation differently so it's not that one maybe exagerating or covering things up. however, if she feels she is ok and they don't argue, but he feels she snaps at him for everything.....well that's how i was too but i couldn't see it. hormones can do weird things to us.

or she just isn't that into him.

needles

(in reply to Tantriqu)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/2/2011 3:04:09 AM

Posts: 88
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

if your friend can't/won't give herself over then i'd be inclined to think she has an issue with the relationship.

Or just hasn't had a good sexual awakening.

(in reply to needlesandpins)

RE: A question for the ladies? - 5/2/2011 5:07:19 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Or she had a very religious upbringing and feels morally wrong for having sex outside of marriage. Which is not uncommon and neither is feeling ashamed of saying this is the reason when he's made anti-religious comments in the past which would lead her to assume that if she told him why, he would be derogatory towards her.

The fact that they are both very young doesn't help. Even if she were willing to see a doctor, she might not want to have her parents know about it and being on their medical insurance, means they will.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Ariane23)

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: A question for the ladies?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.141