RE: Novice Dom requires help!

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RE: Novice Dom requires help! - 6/1/2011 12:33:51 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
You can't go far wrong by asking your girlfriend about the things that SHE'D like to see happening, as it'll give you a source of ideas to use in the way YOU'D like to.

~chuckles~ SURE you can. Didn't you get the memo? No true dominant factors in what his submissive might want. Good god! What next? Negotiation? Of course, you "can't go far wrong" by ignoring people who think like that :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Yinx
I would like to hear some stories, suggestions, tips etc from Masters and subs alike how they would establish (or like to see being established) a subtle and dominant presence in daily life. with basic and subtle presence I mean ordering a drink of my choice for her when we're at a bar, holding her wrist when walking down the street or even when sitting on the couch watching TV. The important thing is that I want to be able to remind her of and confirm her place in ways that I can do at any moment and any time (even in public) with simple gestures and actions.
I'd like to hear any suggestion/opinion/tip!

If it helps you any, I don't find any need to make up little "control moments". Our dynamic isn't very kink-based and so at least for Carol & I, we find life hands us plenty of real situations where real decisions need to get made. I guess what I'm trying to say is that my control over Carol seeps through every single facet of her existence. It's not really something she can forget. I think in terms of, "I'm leading and responsible for this relationship. What needs to happen to make it be the best it can be?" That type of thinking gives me PLENTY of real reasons to control and mold her (and myself). Suggesting that Carol might "forget she's owned" is a lot like saying she'd forget she's married. There is no need to confirm her place because it's her place... it's where she goes to when left to her own devices.

Maybe put differently, I think you're putting the cart before the horse. If you own her in your own head then you'll do plenty of "control-ey" sort of things without thinking about them. The other day we were over at a friends' house and the slave brought out some free slut wear that might fit Carol. Without thinking about it, I told Carol to try them on in the living room because I wanted to watch. She's about the exact opposite of an exhibitionist so stripping naked in front of clothed people was a bit problematic for her. Bingo... control moment handed to me by life with no need for pre-planning.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to agirl)

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RE: Novice Dom requires help! - 6/6/2011 7:00:56 AM

masterlink65

Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline

VERY poor comparison. If you are not gay,,,, why would you choose it? Think before you talk next time.

You must be a DOM, you are already telling people how you will, or will not learn how to be one. good luck. You say you love her but are only willing to do things your way? What does testosterone have to do with anything, you cannot learn because you have too much? I don't understand what testosterone has to do with submission or dominance. If you are serious about learning,,, there are many people willing to teach, but you may need to check your ego at the door, there is usually someone there, to put ego on a hanger and give a number so you can pick it up on the way out.

Playing with ropes and blindfolds does not make a DOM.

(in reply to DomCaver)

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RE: Novice Dom requires help! - 6/7/2011 9:39:46 PM

Laerie

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

if you don't listen to anyone else on this thread, listen to Jeff. he knows his shit.

here's a tip from me: praise her for things you like. when you notice her being purposefully submissive, say thanks, tell her how proud you are of her, etc. positive reinforcement will get the ball rolling and encourage more submissive acts. it might seem a little juvenile, almost like praising a child, but everyone loves praise, especially when it's from someone you love. my dom and i have been working on this dynamic for only a few months, so we're still newbies as well. but really, the small things make a difference. knowing that he's proud of me or is happy with me only makes me want to do more submissive things to make him even more happy and proud of me.

good luck!

(in reply to masterlink65)

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Post #: 23