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RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/23/2011 12:21:22 PM

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

A long term relationship should be a priority and when minor changes like money, jobs etc get in the way of your happiness, then perhaps there is something else wrong at the core. Life is full of hurdles, if you aren't solving problems together as a team and one of you runs off with someone else . . . well, it just doesn't look promising.

I have no advise except to look back and see what went wrong at the core so you can learn from it for the next time.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to ZeroTolerance44)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/23/2011 1:38:54 PM

ZeroTolerance44

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/23/2011
Status: offline

She has left here, but only at her parents place 8 miles up thre road. Still got all her stuff to collect, I have packed it up. I am away from tomorrow for the rest of the week and have told her to make sure it is all gone before I get back.

It is the deceit that hurts most, and the fact that she never gave me a chance to put things right.

(in reply to tj444)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/23/2011 1:40:31 PM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Yeah, you gotta have zero tolerance for that though.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to ZeroTolerance44)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/23/2011 1:45:00 PM

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

To the OP,
I sent you a couple of links via cmail.

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(in reply to ZeroTolerance44)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/23/2011 2:20:53 PM

ZeroTolerance44

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/23/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

To the OP,
I sent you a couple of links via cmail.

Thank you for the links. Great song and a lovely post.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/23/2011 2:21:47 PM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ZeroTolerance44

She has left here, but only at her parents place 8 miles up thre road. Still got all her stuff to collect, I have packed it up. I am away from tomorrow for the rest of the week and have told her to make sure it is all gone before I get back.

It is the deceit that hurts most, and the fact that she never gave me a chance to put things right.

Living well is the best revenge. Lick your wounds, take care of yourself physically, keep your career on track, get a good footing financially, and look for a sub that is a good fit for you, know what you need her to be and what you offer the right one. A sub that has her own career would be a requirement for a lot of guys so that the entire burden isnt just on them, after all, the stats say that most marriages/relationships end due to financial problems.

(in reply to ZeroTolerance44)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/23/2011 2:50:12 PM

ZeroTolerance44

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/23/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: ZeroTolerance44

She has left here, but only at her parents place 8 miles up thre road. Still got all her stuff to collect, I have packed it up. I am away from tomorrow for the rest of the week and have told her to make sure it is all gone before I get back.

It is the deceit that hurts most, and the fact that she never gave me a chance to put things right.

Living well is the best revenge. Lick your wounds, take care of yourself physically, keep your career on track, get a good footing financially, and look for a sub that is a good fit for you, know what you need her to be and what you offer the right one. A sub that has her own career would be a requirement for a lot of guys so that the entire burden isnt just on them, after all, the stats say that most marriages/relationships end due to financial problems.

That is all so very true, I will tae your advice. Thanks.

(in reply to tj444)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/23/2011 7:18:54 PM

Posts: 68
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline

sorry to hear about the loss. it's a deep, heart felt ache that will pass in time.

(in reply to ZeroTolerance44)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/23/2011 10:18:50 PM

Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline

I think that lack of D/s play is a symptom of other issues in a relationship, just like lack of sex, arguing, etc. To me, being in a committed relationship is understanding that sometimes, the play time has to take a back seat to issues that are more pressing.

I hope you are able to move on and learn from the experience.

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to ZeroTolerance44)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/24/2011 12:27:58 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

I've never had a serious relationship end, so I really can't relate or offer any sensible advice. What I do think is that she was pretty underhanded in what she did, well no, really really really underhanded. I think I would have just taken all her stuff and pitched it out on the curb. That you have packed it all up for her and given her a week to get it out in peace tells me that you are in control of yourself and your emotions in a very hard time, and that you are a gentleman in the old fashioned sense.

You didn't deserve to be treated the way you were, and I really hope you get over her and your pain soon and that you find a girl who actually deserves you.

Best of luck <hugs & a kiss>

< Message edited by HeatherMcLeather -- 5/24/2011 12:29:55 AM >

(in reply to ZeroTolerance44)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/24/2011 3:03:16 AM

ZeroTolerance44

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/23/2011
Status: offline

I would like to thank you all for your kind messages of support.

I wish you all well

Stay classy

Zero

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/28/2011 3:56:36 PM

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

Yep, it's a bummer, but let a little time pass. They say that you will 'grieve' in months for the number of years you were together.

View this as an opportunity to meet another hot woman. Or several. You'll find 'her' one day. Remember that!

(in reply to tj444)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 5/29/2011 8:21:47 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Yeah, you gotta have zero tolerance for that though.

blast i was gonna say that

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 6/11/2011 8:01:31 AM

Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
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In a sense, yes. The foundation of any Dom's ability to dominate is internal strength. Coincidentally, it is this very quality which attracts so many vanilla women as well.

You made some mistakes. You should not have lived in her parent's house, you should not have moved to be convenient to her. As a Dom and a man, your passion should decide the pathway of your life, not the desires of your woman or sub.

Women know this. They sense this. And they actively seek men whose sense of purpose is this strong. Define your life by the singular passion and purpose which drives you. If you don't have one, then find it before you become involved with a woman again.

Right now the pain consumes you, but pain teaches. Let me be very clear. This outcome is your responsibility. Only by accepting this, can you move on and grow. That growth is a necessary part of ensuring this doesn't happen again, for without it - you will only repeat the past.

Do not have any contact with her ever again. And if she contacts you, ignore her. Ignore this advice at your peril.

_____________________________

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(in reply to ranja)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 6/11/2011 8:08:47 AM

Posts: 45
Joined: 4/29/2011
Status: offline

I really see this from the vanilla side. I know about being deserted emotionally while there is still a warm body in the home. He never heard me even when I told him my problems with the relationship in front of a counselor. I have lived that for years and now am trying to move on.
Wish this hadn't happened to you.

< Message edited by magdalaina -- 6/11/2011 8:11:30 AM >

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RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 6/11/2011 9:09:47 AM

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Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Magdalaina - you sound so much better talking like a normal person. THANK YOU.

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RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 6/12/2011 3:03:07 AM

ZeroTolerance44

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/23/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

quote:

ORIGINAL: ZeroTolerance44

Thank you. I will be ok, I`m not angry with her, more at myself, and sad.

Self-anger usually translates to hurt. If you're hurt and sad about a meaningful relationship breaking up, that's a completely understandable human condition. You've had a significant loss. Grieve it and be kind to yourself.

Imo, the 2 of you should have acknowledged that there was a problem (problems) and at least attempt to find and work on solutions, its not easy but imo, it is a step that should be done first to see if the relationship can be salvaged.

But she instead decided to jump ship and once she decided to do that, she lied to you while she was attempting to find another meal ticket. That shows what she is about, that she was thinking only of herself and imo, if i were in your shoes, dam it, i would be mad at her, at least for her deceptions. But, on the other hand, now you know she was not a worthy sub, better you find that out now and good that she is gone. Ummm, she is gone now, isnt she? packed her bags and moved out or is she still there?

She is not living here and hasn`t done since the day she left. . All, (well most), of her stuff is gone too. We have had some `talks` when she came over a few weeks ago. She says she still cares for me but has `feelings` for `him`, says she felt trapped in the relationship and never felt she could be `equal` in the relationship and gave me the proverbial....`it`s not you it`s me` line....! We will still see each other from time to time as I have to move from where I am living as it is her Aunties house.We were only housesitting and her Auntie wants the house back, that was always the case despite what has happened between me and her. We still have some shared items to distribute and I have some of my stuff stored at her parents place so we will inevitably bump into each other over the next couples of weeks or so as she dividing her time between living with her parent and going to see `him`. Her family...Mum, Dad, Brother, Aunties, Uncle and Cousins are ALL on my side, they are disgusted at what she has done. I still see and talk to her Mum and Auntie and they have been very supportive to me.

I am making plans for my future, I am going to finally start my own business and I am also going to become a life coach/counselor. If one day her `new` relationship goes sour I would have her back but it will be on MY terms and she will have to regain my trust. I just wish she had talked to me about here doubts before she went off. I know she has lied and deceived me but she was my world for 4 years and apparently I hers, so it would be wrong not to at least try to salvage that. I won`t hang on and hold a torch for her though, I will be finally getting on with the things I have been wanting to do for ages. `Onwards and Upwards` Eh...!

Thank you all for your comments, it helps me to know what others think.

Garry.

_____________________________

We can all fly as High as the Dreams we dare to live...unless we are a Chicken....!

(in reply to tj444)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 6/12/2011 3:14:23 AM

ZeroTolerance44

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/23/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

In a sense, yes. The foundation of any Dom's ability to dominate is internal strength. Coincidentally, it is this very quality which attracts so many vanilla women as well.

You made some mistakes. You should not have lived in her parent's house, you should not have moved to be convenient to her. As a Dom and a man, your passion should decide the pathway of your life, not the desires of your woman or sub.

Women know this. They sense this. And they actively seek men whose sense of purpose is this strong. Define your life by the singular passion and purpose which drives you. If you don't have one, then find it before you become involved with a woman again.

Right now the pain consumes you, but pain teaches. Let me be very clear. This outcome is your responsibility. Only by accepting this, can you move on and grow. That growth is a necessary part of ensuring this doesn't happen again, for without it - you will only repeat the past.

Do not have any contact with her ever again. And if she contacts you, ignore her. Ignore this advice at your peril.

I know there were issues to sort out during the relationship and we should of talked about them, that`s my fault as much as hers I understand that. But we had such a strong bond up until the last few months and if she wanted to try again I would do but it would need talking through and putting the things we always wanted to do into action instead of getting into the rut we were in.

(in reply to Awareness)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 6/12/2011 3:26:24 AM

ZeroTolerance44

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/23/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

A long term relationship should be a priority and when minor changes like money, jobs etc get in the way of your happiness, then perhaps there is something else wrong at the core. Life is full of hurdles, if you aren't solving problems together as a team and one of you runs off with someone else . . . well, it just doesn't look promising.

I have no advise except to look back and see what went wrong at the core so you can learn from it for the next time.

I have looked back and I realise it was partly my actions that pushed her away and partly her inaction that made me frustrated and withdraw affection, I regret that. If I could turn back the clock a few months with the insight I now have I feel we could of avoided all this. Maybe there is still a chance, time will tell.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

RE: My submissive has left me for another Dom. - 6/12/2011 3:27:09 AM

Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline

Can I just say, how lovely it is to see someone responding to the advice and other messages he's been given in such a resoundingly positive manner. We don't get that a lot around here, so it's worth remarking on when we do. My felicitations and very best wishes for the happiness of the OP. Namaste!

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(in reply to ZeroTolerance44)

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