Finding a Mistress

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nick2020 -> Finding a Mistress (5/14/2006 2:51:09 AM)
Hello A/all: It seems as if it is time to turn to the readers and ask why it is that there can be so much difficulty findind a Superior Female. It is obvious that there are many out there and am wondering if there are way to may submissives for comparibly few Dommes??? As an older male it has been a dream to become merely a servant and possibly a confidant to a Mistress. Expect nothing more than do domestic duties, as well as any household chores necessary. Would be honored to be trained as Her personal servant and being allowed to care for Her clothing as well as learn to give massages that please and relax. To be trained in manicures as well as pedicures etc. Seek no sexual favor, merely the pleasure in seeing the Mistress satisfied and free of daily chores so that She can devote Herself to Her other pleasures. What am i doing wrong?? Any suggestions??? nick

FLsubmalecd -> RE: Finding a Mistress (5/14/2006 4:14:10 AM)
Hi Nick, The first comment I have for you is to go work on your profile. Your question and post here is more descriptive and longer then your profile. My own profile may be an example of one that is to long, while yours is an example of one that says very little about you. lol But I am very happy to tell you that it worked for me. As of the 8th of this month, I am under consideration with the Domme of my dreams. I'm sure some of our respected Dommes will add their opinions, ideas and suggestions about what they look for in a profile. More important, what NOT to put in your profile. I'd suggest you write more about what you are interested in besides things pertaining to our chosen lifestyle. Career information, hobbies, pastimes, and skills that you may have. Are you looking for just play? Are you looking for long term life partner etc. I would also suggest some pictures of yourself. Nick, needless to say, we are out numbered. There has got to be at least 1000 sub males for every 1 dominant woman. With that said, you need to set yourself apart from the other 999 males to be noticed. Be creative, humorous and very sincere as to who and what you are. Not an easy task but worth the effort. Once you have completed your profile, I'd also suggest you be very active in the forums here at collarme. It is my belief that just posting a profile will do very little. You have to keep your face abd name in front of all the Dommes that may be looking for a sub or slave. Repeated posts in the forums is like repeated TV or radio ads. They then may click on the button to look at your profile if you had posted something that caught their eye. It can be a lot of work, but well worth the effort. I myself enjoy the forums and particuarly this category (Ask The Mistress). So I read and learn from having a chance to get into the minds of these wonerful strong yet loving women. I have respect for many that do their part to help others with their opinions and suggestions. I have a list of favorites because I see their posts in thread after thread and have kind of gotten to know them. Some have even written to me for one reason or another. Maybe to just compliment me on a post I made here. I am honored to call some of them friends. Well friend, it worked for me. I am very happy to have found what may be the love of my life right here on Collarme. Good luck to you Nick.

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Finding a Mistress (5/14/2006 4:43:10 AM)
applauds Well said! That is awesome advise and I couldnt have put it out there better, quite impressive and well thought out. Kudos to you FLsumalecd, congrats as well on your relationship! As far as what I can add to this, first and foremost dont troll please dont troll. Dont put things in your profile that can be looked upon as trolling, we dont want to know if an oral fixation is your main skill! More often than not if I come across ANY profile that is geared this way I block it, as the owner of said profile needs to get a clue. Definately take the time to let the reader of your profile know and get a feeling of who you are. Be OPEN and HONEST and dont be shy. I personally dont look any further if there isnt atleast some kind of information about a person in their profile. In turn my profile and journals are very lengthy lol, I do this because it not only weeds out the people who immediately know they have no kind of interest in me but also because it draws out a little bit of themselves should they actually decide to contact me. I know in some ways with my own profile it comes off slightly stand offish, I do this for a reason because I am kind of stand offish at times. Plus it also lets people know that I'm not about games and a bunch of bull either. I recomend looking around at other profiles if anything to give yourself some ideas as to what you like or dislike in the profiles, so that you have some hints as to what you can or should use in your own. I cant stress enough though to be honest. Display yourself as you truly are because, I'm letting you know now, if there is one hint of dishonesty it will be found and it will push people away from you. Unfortunately yes FL was right there are mass numbers of male submissives versus the FemDom, hell I myself am a switch which while a variation of Dominants is still different from a full FemDom. This will probably sound bad although I dont intend it to, but in cases where sexual services arent a so called priority but the general service is, you may have better luck within a poly type household, where you can provide services to a Mistress but she is still able to have her own sexual play thing or things depending on her choices. I also have my own little question or comment with this as well.... I have noticed that the majority of the older male submissives are soooo much different in their approaches and styles than the younger ones. The older ones tend to be so much more home focused and oriented while the young ones seem to be more ( this is probably a bad description but its the first thing that came to mind) eye on the prize (orgasmic) geared. I also know however that there are many many many of the older submissives that are more sexually intune and open versus the younger ones so I doubt it is because of an age thing. ( I'm not silly enough to believe that with age comes a diminished sexual drive, because its not that way for most I have met atleast.) I dont know how that pertains to this but it was just something that crossed between the ears lol and I do have to admit that the home bound quality is quite appealing and I wish some of the younger male submissives would get a handle on that part. Unfortunately for me I am young in years so I fall out of the age range of some of the older submissives and that kind of sucks because I cant help but feel like theres a whole world there thats been closed off to me, but I know too that time doesnt stop and eventually it'll open doors previously closed and I look forward to those days with a happy grin. Anyhow good luck to you and I hope that you find some of this useful [:D]. Take care and be well, ~RS~

nick2020 -> RE: Finding a Mistress (5/14/2006 5:19:58 AM)
FLmalesubcd and Reflectivesoul: Thank you both for the good advice. It is greatly appreciated and will be followed up on. Thanks again. It is nice to know that there is such well written and well intended advice out there. Thanks again. Nick

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Finding a Mistress (5/14/2006 5:32:08 AM)
Nick, you're more than welcome. I'm kind of in a mood heh and so I've been just letting my oppinions fly tonight lol [:D] not a bad thing but its kept me from sleeping. Nothing like a good old brain stimulation to keep you awake lol. Anywho if theres anything else I can help you with feel free to ask. I dont have a problem helping out where I can. ~RS~

FLsubmalecd -> RE: Finding a Mistress (5/14/2006 6:59:16 AM)
Reflectivesoul, Ms, if you don't mind my saying so....you are wise beyond your years. I even took the time to read your profile. Very well written and it sure gave me a sense of what you are all about. And that is what profiles should do. My compliments. I'd say that you did an excellant job of adding to what I had to say. You made some very good points about what you look for in a profile and what you will or will not even respond to. I often wonder what the heck some guys are thinking when their focus is on just the sexual or physical activities that we all might participate in. I mean, would a guy approach a woman in a nightclub and the first thing out of his mouth is how he wants to do this or that with her sesually? Sheesh! That's the guy that would be going home a lone most nights. lol To me it's a given that any woman in our chosen lifestyle is sexual and yes....kinky. So I sure a shelldo not need to tell her what it is I want or need. Or ask her what she wants and needs physically or sexually. What I'm trying to say is, the approach of ANY woman, whether she is Domme, vanilla, sub or bi...whatever, should be done with respect and a touch of class. There is no need to even bring up our kinks or sexual preferences until we are attracted on some other level to begin with. Treat ALL woman as a Lady until you get to know her. Why most guys seem to forget that or not know it is beyond me. Oops! Seems I got onto my soapbox and slightly off topic. Back to my corner! lol

Proprietrix -> RE: Finding a Mistress (5/14/2006 8:50:53 AM)
I don't know if anyone mentioned this yet, but... Don't rely on the internet in finding your Lady. Most people wouldn't sit at home putting a want ad in the personal's section of the newspaper to find a partner. Nor would one be very successful in just putting a want ad on the computer to find a partner. Get out in the lifestyle community, munches, parties, events, seminars, etc... That's where you'll meet real people face-to-face and begin networking. Plus, you can make tons of friends that way too. Good luck.

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Finding a Mistress (5/14/2006 10:55:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Proprietrix I don't know if anyone mentioned this yet, but... Don't rely on the internet in finding your Lady. Most people wouldn't sit at home putting a want ad in the personal's section of the newspaper to find a partner. Nor would one be very successful in just putting a want ad on the computer to find a partner. Get out in the lifestyle community, munches, parties, events, seminars, etc... That's where you'll meet real people face-to-face and begin networking. Plus, you can make tons of friends that way too. Good luck. I have to say that the internet is a great way to meet people. From CM alone I have met in R/L 12 people.Out of those 12.. I did 1 session with 6 of them, 2-3 sessions with 2 of them and the other 4 are currently part of My Harem, 3 of which have celebrated 1 year anniversaries.Then there are the other sites,I dont get as many,but I currently have a total of 4. Someone new is not going to know where these groups/munches are,they dont exactly advertise in the Sunday paper.There are many groups online that advertise where to find these events yet another advantage for the online service.Some of these groups they can join to get a feel of it before going into the real world. I have gone to many Gay/Lesbian book stores,a lot of these places have bulletin boards and newspapers about local events having to do with Gay/Lesbian and BDSM.Other stores are ones that offer Fetish wear,the ones in Maine usually have at least 1 newspaper of events. Another resource for newspapers and ads are in adult toy stores.That can be embarrassing to some,but they generally carry bondage gear,magazines and dvds.The ones I have encountered are pretty open to giving info on local places.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Finding a Mistress (5/14/2006 1:26:40 PM)
Welcome to the boards, nick. I notice that you only joined the site a couple of days ago. There also seems to be some confusion regarding where you are located. The city indicates Florida, and the state says Massachussetts (Not even sure how to spell that one!). So do you travel between the states? You also do not indicate if you are willing to relocate, so I would assume you are not. And may Dominas, including Myself, do not peruse profiles or make the first contact. However, if I did, I might pass yours by because of the geography as well as the fact that you have very little written. That can be overcome if you write a nice letter of introduction to a Lady, but you are probably not going to get lots of interest via email just by checking off some boxes and writing a couple of sentences. Ladies do have the home court advantage on that. I agree with Flsubmalecd regarding your profile as well as making frequent appearances on the message boards. He is right...that will get you noticed by the participants (and the lurkers!) faster than just relying on the personals side. Just present yourself intelligently and with courtesy. Many boys make the mistake of whining, and then wonder how they get a bad rep...It is true that everytime you participate is is like a mini-ad with another peek into your life and attitudes. I also agree with Proprietrix, that it would be good for you to get out into your local community and start networking. Especially if you do not have a desire to relocate. MistressSassy has given good ideas regarding how to find the information. You can also google. I love google. Couldn't live without google! Wink I don't think you are doing anything wrong, I just think you are not being patient and you need to be more proactive. If you are serious and committed, it will happen for you. Because this statistic of 100 or 1,000 Dominas for every submissive boy is really a load of crap. Yes, there is literally that much of a ration, but most of them are unsure of what they want, are not confident and not committed, and prefer to play cyber games. Once I get rid of all those boys, as well as the married ones and those who think it is only about the kinky play, we are down to a pretty even ratio. And most of them, the few that are left that is, don't live anywhere near Me and can't or don't want to relocate. I have to beleive that, else there is something seriously wrong with Me. I should have all sorts of boys giving Me a foot massage today! Smile BTW, I am looking for pretty much exactly what you are offering. Too bad I am on the other side of the country! Welcome again.

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Finding a Mistress (5/14/2006 5:28:07 PM)
Flsubmalecd, ty so much smiles. [:D] quote: have to say that the internet is a great way to meet people. I would have to agree with this but I will say that it isnt the "only" way and shouldnt be treated as the only way to meet others. I have had a really good experience with r/t meetings with people that I have met online. Plus it gives some of the shy people a chance to warm up and gain a little bit of courage. FemDoms are so hard to approach for a male sub in the first place, nothing wrong with using online as a learning tool to fine tune the art of speaking with them! [:D] quote: Because this statistic of 100 or 1,000 Dominas for every submissive boy is really a load of crap. Yes, there is literally that much of a ration, but most of them are unsure of what they want, are not confident and not committed, and prefer to play cyber games. Once I get rid of all those boys, as well as the married ones and those who think it is only about the kinky play, we are down to a pretty even ratio. I have had a pretty good experience with meeting the "true" ones out there so I do not agree that the ratios are a load of crap. There are the occassional trolls and bad seeds but there are 100 real boys out there to every one of them, I find however that sometimes a lot of the FemDoms just come across as unapproachable in their mannerisms ( which isnt a bad thing so much as just a hinderance to those that might just have a big fear of rejection) Then again maybe my standards arent as high as some or out of reach or unrealistic either. I accept people for people period. Far be it for me to tell someone they arent worthy because of the things they enjoy or because of the things I dont. I'm pretty flexable as far as that is concerned. Although more power to those that have a strict guideline as to the mold they wish to fill, I respect that and give you much kudos for being able to say "THIS" is what I want period. One day I'll probably look back on a lot of this and wonder what the hell iw as thinking lol and I'll have a set mold that can only be filled by very few, but maybe not, who knows? Untill that time though I enjoy each person I come across for many different reasons. [:D]

NikkiAnn -> RE: Finding a Mistress (5/14/2006 5:38:32 PM)
Mistress Sassy, I guess I fall into the older group of subs, I am more home orientated myself. It is not easy to find groups in my area for some reason, I will try a fetish shop that I know about and see if there are any adds for munches there. I have an added handicap it seems, as I am a male to female transsexual, there seems to be very little interest in someone such as myself. Do you have any advice for me? I did update my profile and added some pictures at the advice of a couple of nice ladies I have had contct with here. But I don't know what else to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Submissively, Nikki Ann

MissBabydoll -> RE: Finding a Mistress (5/14/2006 6:30:05 PM)
This is excellent advice thoughout--props to you. FLsubmalecd!

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