RE: Why get out to the community?

RE: Why get out to the community? (Full Version)

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GreedyTop -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 9:53:52 AM)
applauds LadyC

LadyPact -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 10:03:22 AM)
Really interesting points of view. I think it's worth mentioning that I've never attempted to state that everybody out in the lifestyle communities has their head screwed on right. I mean, we've got some right here on a the boards who brag about being a member of, oh, let's use a hypothetical of The Mark, that doesn't change most people recognizing a twatwaffle when they see one. It's not like you purchase a membership at a club or join a particular group and the propensity to be a twit automatically vanishes. I fully agree with Otters that we're now at the stage where if you're moving or going to visit a group other than the one(s) you're familiar with, it's relatively easy to find a contact through online. It doesn't mean you have to get yourself invested in whatever troubles that particular group might have. I don't see references as group think. As a top, if I want to learn a certain technique, I want to see that somebody is proficient at it first. (I'd be far worse about this if I were a bottom and it was My ass on the line.) I don't think I've ever filled out a job application or volunteer form that didn't ask Me for personal references, so I think that says something.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 10:03:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep it really doesn't prove anything that a community of people who might be just as bad kicked someone out; as several of us have already said, in some cases, communities are run by the very people who should be kicked out. =p whistle blowers get squashed for daring to speak up against leaders doing shit they don't agree with, or the victims are blamed and cast out while the actual perpetrator skates by. it happens A LOT. so this idea that groups are going to be 100% free of terror and bad people, because the groups would naturally weed out the bad people is terribly flawed logic. This. QFT. My town was named one of the top 10 worst cities for dating and it's certainly true in my experience. We have to turn to online dating sites in self-defense! Online dating is a learned skill set. It's not the same as meeting someone at a club and then going on dates but it can be equally successful. Sometimes even more so because there are layers of contact. I can pull back without revealing too much personal information if I start getting a wonky vibe. I vastly prefer taking time to get to know someone via email, IM, Skype and phone before we meet. I've learned to screen people this way and it's more effective for me than meeting people in the local community. Especially when my tastes run counter to the vast majority of society, even in the kink community. I trust myself to screen people way more than I trust anyone in my local "community" since they've already proved they're incompetent at it. Don't get me wrong, I do think getting out into the local community is a good thing...for someone who is not me. Experiences will be different for everyone. However, I think it's important to have realistic expectations. You're no more likely to find the partner(s) of your dreams in the local BDSM scene than you are to find him/her/them online. The point is not to rely on any one method. Make use of as many avenues of meeting people as possible and don't take the so-called safety of the local community for granted. It may or may not be adequate.

GreedyTop -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 10:06:23 AM)
loves LadyP

juliaoceania -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 10:10:34 AM)
I never meant to insinuate it was wrong to use the community as a way of selecting partners... I come from a very small town. Everyone knew everyone, everyone was fucking everyone, and very few people had what I would term "sterling" reputations. I dated very few people from this town, and even though I didn't date much, I still had people who were convinced I fucked much more than i ever did. It is just the nature of the beast, it is what happens in small communities. I have dated within a social clique, mind you, and had a long term relationship with one person from my social network, and married another (he ended up being the psycho..lol). I have had a couple of relationships that started over the internet, both lasting over a year of real life interaction. I have met many others I never hit it off with. I have not had one bad experience...(like psycho or stealing from me, or injuring me) So, while I might not agree with the way that NS delivers his message (that people should never rely on their social networks to weed people out), I do agree with the fact that MANY of us successfully weed out psychos, thieves, and neurotics just fine on our own... using our own bullshit meters. I also think that there are some people that have a hard time figuring out whom to trust, because they are trusting, or maybe naive, or haven't learned how to identify a red flag, and these people SHOULD enlist the help of others that may have better discernment than they do at how to spot a weirdo, and a more objective view of the words don't match reality and actions....

leadership527 -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 10:32:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania So, while I might not agree with the way that NS delivers his message (that people should never rely on their social networks to weed people out), I do agree with the fact that MANY of us successfully weed out psychos, thieves, and neurotics just fine on our own... using our own bullshit meters. Personally, I think this whole discussion is yet another ridiculous hyperbole discussion. How about something more balanced like: - The opinions of people I know and respect well matter a great deal to me. - The opinions of people I know less get factored in but with much less weight. - My own opinion verified with my own interactions carries the most weight. I don't think it needs to be or ever is an either/or.

juliaoceania -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 10:35:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania So, while I might not agree with the way that NS delivers his message (that people should never rely on their social networks to weed people out), I do agree with the fact that MANY of us successfully weed out psychos, thieves, and neurotics just fine on our own... using our own bullshit meters. Personally, I think this whole discussion is yet another ridiculous hyperbole discussion. How about something more balanced like: - The opinions of people I know and respect well matter a great deal to me. - The opinions of people I know less get factored in but with much less weight. - My own opinion verified with my own interactions carries the most weight. I don't think it needs to be or ever is an either/or. True that.... I will say that I was fooled by my ex husband as was everyone in my social network, and these were people I trusted..... So, even the best laid plans can not work out so great, and all relationships require a certain level of trust and risk, too.

ThundersCry -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 10:37:18 AM)
I had enough of online searching,meeting...etc. I moved across the states where there are groups and went to munches, demos etc... I was lucky...some people took me in and my journey began...I knew I was kinky -L- however I wanted to start from the bottom and see what was going to happen....I was lucky. There very well could have been no one there I connected to... No regrets...one of the hardest things I had ever done -L-

BurntKitty -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 12:47:20 PM)
FR I happen to really enjoy my local munch group. I've been attending off & on for the last 3 years, and regularly since my split from my former SO. There's a lot of single female dominants there. Last night, we had a few more single male dominants who I had been chatting from here. There was over 80 peeps in attendance. I have no problem if someone is introduced as "Sir This" or "Lady That", as I was introduced as "BurntKitty". Most people give the scene/screen name so we can place the name with the profile/posts. After that, there's a lot less formality. The private dungeon/play party was even more fun. There was a surprising number of singles there. The DM knows who plays & who socializes. He'll let the tops know which bottoms are there to play. Ages were anywhere from 19 through 75. Everyone of legal age is made welcome. This might be the exception, but I'm glad the people there are fun and friendly.

LadyPact -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 12:48:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop loves LadyP Caught that one, did you? I love you, too. quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 Personally, I think this whole discussion is yet another ridiculous hyperbole discussion. How about something more balanced like: - The opinions of people I know and respect well matter a great deal to me. - The opinions of people I know less get factored in but with much less weight. - My own opinion verified with my own interactions carries the most weight. I don't think it needs to be or ever is an either/or. Agreed. At least on the opinions part, anyway. I don't think it negates the basic concept that I had for this thread. I'm a 'path to success' kind of person. I'm also a realist on this matter. If I were getting a 5-10% response rate on first contact emails, and even those were leading nowhere, I'd be expanding My horizons a bit. When something doesn't work, you fix it. Either that, or you try something else. Kana mentioned something earlier about how a good male Dominant can absolutely make this venue work. I have no argument against that. Then again, are all male Dominants out there like him? Better yet (where the more discouraging numbers are) should every male submissive expect to get the response that peon or roch does on this site? That's like folks coming here, not hoping to believe they are going to win the lottery, but believing that's how life works with every fiber of their being. It's not reality.

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 4:37:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Little boy, your reading ability leaves a lot to be desired, but never mind, I am sure you spend a lot of time on hair care... I am sure (and actually very grateful) that I don't have to worry ever crossing your path, I'm sure the local community is also quite happy that you prefer to play with yourself and your computer, after all there is not much you could offer to the community - or anybody else for that matter, unless of course you would share your shampoo and/or conditioner... I came back after working on my tan and was looking so forward to reading your flawed logic some more but then I read this disappointing dribble. This victory feels hollow. I'm sorry, you were not ready for this yet.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 4:46:53 PM)
Aaaand another douchecanoe gets hidden. So pretty, so noxious. ~~ I admit that my jaundiced view of the scene comes after nearly twenty years, being an event organizer, and having a somewhat sentimental memory of the "old days". That doesn't mean that I am going back on anything that I said--The Michigan scene is a disaster. That doesn't mean there isn't fun to be had, or good people to meet. We have a remarkable TNG group, for those young enough to participate, and there are enough events for folks to pick and choose if they want to see or be seen. If you're single...well, get used to being very patient indeed.

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 4:51:51 PM)
And nothing of value was lost.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 5:12:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop IMO, LadyC. he is an oxygen thief. He has no real experience (despite his assertations) and bases his opinions on that. Not worth the time typing about. At least he judges for him self, so he won't believe anyone when they tell him that the hot young thing who is going home with him just got out of prison for cutting a dudes ball off and feeding them to him. ya gotta always look on the sunny side yanno.....

coookie -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 7:21:05 PM)
ummm isn't he on the sub list? But anyways I do believe leadership said it best

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 9:24:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop IMO, LadyC. he is an oxygen thief. He has no real experience (despite his assertations) and bases his opinions on that. Not worth the time typing about. At least he judges for him self, so he won't believe anyone when they tell him that the hot young thing who is going home with him just got out of prison for cutting a dudes ball off and feeding them to him. ya gotta always look on the sunny side yanno..... Jokes on them, they're made of steel.

xssve -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/12/2011 9:25:45 PM)
Yeah I went to a munch last week, the kids are at Grandma's. Two couples, Three single guys, counting me. Not exactly kink central around here.

ranja -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/13/2011 12:41:39 PM)
FR i would go to a munch and check out what's it all about as i think it would be quite funny, but alas my Husband would not be seen dead at any of these gatherings... so i go dancing instead... lovely men there who like to get their hands on me, yummy

DomImus -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/13/2011 1:35:09 PM)
Screw the community. These new CM ads rock. I never knew there were so many hawt chicks - all right in my local zip code.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: Why get out to the community? (6/13/2011 1:39:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker quote: ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop IMO, LadyC. he is an oxygen thief. He has no real experience (despite his assertations) and bases his opinions on that. Not worth the time typing about. At least he judges for him self, so he won't believe anyone when they tell him that the hot young thing who is going home with him just got out of prison for cutting a dudes ball off and feeding them to him. ya gotta always look on the sunny side yanno..... Jokes on them, they're made of steel. Damn you for making me laugh when I am being all high and mighty!!!!

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