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RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/12/2011 7:28:55 PM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527


Although to be fair, the general attitude towards love in the BDSM community is probably the biggest reason I don't identify as a "master" anymore.



what attitude is that leadership? I personally have not found a negative or positive attitude around love in the community. Those in ltr love each other.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/12/2011 9:28:39 PM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
Status: offline 		I'm a sub, but I find love to be an essential aspect of my dynamic. My submission arises out of love; out of a sincere desire to see the man of my dreams happy in everything he does. If I didn't love my SO, I wouldn't submit to him for the same reason I wouldn't submit to some demanding stranger on the street: there is no emotional connection. My SO loves me too; and he only demands of me because he knows that when I do things for him, I do it out of sincerity. In my opinion, submission and service is all about love, but I also know that may not be the case for everyone else.

(in reply to coookie)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/12/2011 10:11:23 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
For me, anything less would be a complete waste of time.



_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to Acephale)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/13/2011 1:57:23 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Celeste -
If he didn't love you, you really don't think it would matter to him what happened to you?  From what you've said about your fellow, he doesn't seem to be that kind of a man.   I don't get the impression from you that he doesn't give a flying fig about the world... except those few he loves.

Best,
sunshine



He isn't a careless human being and he wouldn't ever want to harm anyone. However if there wasn't this tight a bond that includes love, I still wouldn't trust him.

Trust comes slow to me and without a reason beyond he's a generally good guy, I won't give it.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/13/2011 2:36:20 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Acephale
Masters [Doms], do you ever...fall in love with your subs?


"Fall in love" isn't how I'd put it. I can develop an affection, yes.

Is it necessary? Certainly not. Is my equal reciprocation of the love I expect in the slave* a requirement for servitude or sexual use? Not at all.


* If I am a Master in this scenario, then the counter pole in question would logically be a slave. These are bold terms in my mind which transcend requirements of reciprocated love. If you were to ask, "Doms, do you ever love your subs?", I'd be inclined to avoid a response here altogether, as I don't have interest in either of the latter orientations.


_____________________________

Omnes una manet nox

Founder, Humbled Females

(in reply to Acephale)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/13/2011 4:06:55 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I wasn't loved in my last M/s relationship.  I am greatly loved in this one.  The difference, to me, is unbelievable.  My trust in him is unlike trust I've felt before, and my desire and need to give of myself to him comes from a completely different place.

Being owned in a loving relationship is blowing my mind.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Acephale)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/13/2011 5:01:48 PM   
Tristan


Posts: 330
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline 		Every time!  It wouldn't be fun without love, passion, and deep mutual trust.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/13/2011 5:05:48 PM   
MrHCurious


Posts: 39
Joined: 6/10/2011
Status: offline 		Yep. If people think that makes me less domly, I'll live with that. Not a lot of people think I'm capable of being particularly domly anyway, but the ones who do are the ones who matter.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/13/2011 6:16:51 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		My last sub. YES. ABSOFUCKINLUTELY positively in L-O-V-E


Hurt like a bitch when it ended after 5 years.

< Message edited by Hillwilliam -- 6/13/2011 6:17:26 PM >

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to MrHCurious)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/14/2011 6:41:37 AM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
I wasn't loved in my last M/s relationship.  I am greatly loved in this one.  The difference, to me, is unbelievable.  My trust in him is unlike trust I've felt before, and my desire and need to give of myself to him comes from a completely different place.

Nueva, we've talked at length several times on the phone about your previous relationship while it was ongoing. I recall some time before the end voicing my gentle opinion you were involved with a man who appeared to be keeping you at arms length while taking advantage of your good nature. That doesn't constitute the definition of "Master" in my book—love present or not.

It's good to see you are with a man who is in no way a continuation of that former relationship.

_____________________________

Omnes una manet nox

Founder, Humbled Females

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/14/2011 6:54:56 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
I wasn't loved in my last M/s relationship.  I am greatly loved in this one.  The difference, to me, is unbelievable.  My trust in him is unlike trust I've felt before, and my desire and need to give of myself to him comes from a completely different place.

Nueva, we've talked at length several times on the phone about your previous relationship while it was ongoing.

Wait. Do I know you? 

quote:


I recall some time before the end voicing my gentle opinion you were involved with a man who appeared to be keeping you at arms length while taking advantage of your good nature. That doesn't constitute the definition of "Master" in my book—love present or not.


Hindsight really is 20/20, isn't it?  Your opinion had a lot of weight, and, in fact, helped me open my eyes to the truth. Those conversations were appreciated...and still are.

quote:


It's good to see you are with a man who is in no way a continuation of that former relationship.


Thank you, Marc.  It's good to be in such a different place.  Miracles do happen. 


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/14/2011 9:15:22 AM   
micheelben


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/26/2011
Status: offline 		do you ever love


(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/14/2011 9:38:58 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: coookie
what attitude is that leadership? I personally have not found a negative or positive attitude around love in the community. Those in ltr love each other.

The attitude that says "love somehow diminishes D/s".

And yes, almost all stable couples report being deeply in love (big surprise there). But the undercurrent remains. It shows up in the mental gymnastics that go on every time some "master" tries to explain why he does nice things for his "slave". Having gone back to the husband/wife nomenclature, I can just cut to the chase and say, "Because I love her." There's no need to play games with "responsibly taking care of my property".


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to coookie)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/14/2011 11:01:07 AM   
lthrpup


Posts: 125
Joined: 4/28/2004
Status: offline 		Most have said they do love, come to love or need to love their 's' for the best sort of relationship. I wonder if it is possible to enjoy dominating a sub or owning a slave without loving them. Are there situations where your character as a dominant can be exercised with control over someone you like, respect, or even find attractive but who you are satisfied to keep compartmentalized in a dominant-submissive or sadist-masochist exchange. Maybe this is more likely with a secondary partner? When you want a subject but are not at a place where you want a relationship?

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/14/2011 11:49:10 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
Although to be fair, the general attitude towards love in the BDSM community is probably the biggest reason I don't identify as a "master" anymore.


I think you'd be wrong about that one, Jeff.  There's been a serious shift on the matter of "love" even in the time that I've been involved.  Romantic love or being "in love" with a slave is a heck of a lot more commonly expressed now than it was when I first started out.  The exception to this would be the folks who are engaged in what some would call service arrangements.  Even those folks will acknowledge that, for many of them, an affection or fondness develops over the years. 

To answer the OP, I love clip, but I'm not in love with him.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/14/2011 1:13:55 PM   
Acephale


Posts: 61
Joined: 6/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: micheelben

do you ever love





Was this directed at me? Yes, of course I do, but not often.

< Message edited by Acephale -- 6/14/2011 1:14:27 PM >

_____________________________

The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our cages.

(in reply to micheelben)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/14/2011 2:21:47 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I haven't been at this all so very long. First I had a couple of casual BDSM encounters without love, and now I have those encounters with love....yeah, it's pretty cool with the love. Seems to work well in our relationship.

We're more careful with things because we know we'll be there together afterward and we don't want damage to the relationship, but I think we both go farther in what we'd ask or do for each other because we love each other. It intensifies things for us.

(in reply to Acephale)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/14/2011 5:17:07 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
Although to be fair, the general attitude towards love in the BDSM community is probably the biggest reason I don't identify as a "master" anymore.


I think you'd be wrong about that one, Jeff.  There's been a serious shift on the matter of "love" even in the time that I've been involved.  Romantic love or being "in love" with a slave is a heck of a lot more commonly expressed now than it was when I first started out.  The exception to this would be the folks who are engaged in what some would call service arrangements.  Even those folks will acknowledge that, for many of them, an affection or fondness develops over the years. 

To answer the OP, I love clip, but I'm not in love with him.



I would tend to agre with LP on this one.... I don't know if it is a majority or where the split is. But, it does seem that the confession of loving thy slave is much more common that it use to be. I say confession since I believe that it most denied the truth of their feelings rather not have the feelings in the first place.

I will add that it absolutely impossible for me to comprehend that one doesn't have some sort of affection or fondness for their slave if not love their slave. It just seems completely illogical and irration to me for someone to have a slave they are indifferent or dislike towards. Of course, if one is a psychopath... that is different! ;)

And for the record... I am deeply in love with my two girls.... just incase anyone was unsure about my feelings towards them... just check out my fet profile pics.... loads of pics of the girls..... The word love just doesn't seem to capture the depth of my feelings for them... in fact no word does... nor my actions. But I go each day trying to show with my words and actions the depth of my feelings.


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/14/2011 5:25:34 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Sometimes. I always have affection and regard, and concern for them as people, but love in the romantic sense isn't necessary for me.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Masters, do you ever... - 6/21/2011 3:52:01 AM   
TheChastiser


Posts: 95
Joined: 10/16/2005
From: Hemel Hempstead
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Acephale

fall in love with your subs?


most definitely not. i care for and nurture but leave love where it belongs. it means that emotional blackmail does not enter the relationship.

Mike


_____________________________



Let Me unchain your mind and your sexuality will follow.


(in reply to Acephale)
Profile   Post #: 40
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