how can anyone just start up in bdsm

how can anyone just start up in bdsm (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

convinceme -> how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 5:38:36 PM)
Is there some meeting, training, explaination. I have never been into this shit, but I was on a date with a lady who smacked my ass and told me to grab the wall. I thought she was joking so I did and she laid into. It pissed me off! But later that night I thought about it and got a serious hard-on about it. Does that mean I liked it enough to relax and be spanked.. or dominated by a woman... I have never been dominated by anyone..

DianeB -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 5:41:23 PM)
You know you liked it.

Wulfchyld -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 5:45:55 PM)
Congrats! You just got your sprinkles on your vanilla ice cream. Before everyone dives in and says read this, do that, surf the web and read stories about BDSM first. Look at pic's and vids, but most of all read submission stories. That will give you something to identify with before you start buying the books and stuff.

theRose4U -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 5:59:50 PM)
Yeah you probably liked it ,but before you're of any interest to a lifestyle Domme you need some education. Biggest thing is to stay away from porn because all that kink porn will do is screw up your mind to what real Dommes are about. www.greenerypress.com is a good start I highly recommend books written by John Warren. www.castlerealm.com http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/registry.html http://www.enslavedrose.org/ These are a few sites I would check out. Just realize that just because you sexually enjoyed what happened that it's very very likely to be more like what you experienced...spanky play with no use of your boy parts. There are a few people on here in your area and they run a local munch (public non-sexual gathering of like minded folks) you might look into. The biggest thing is to be humble in asking for training/ education and not just look at this as a way to get your freak on.

theRose4U -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 6:03:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld Congrats! You just got your sprinkles on your vanilla ice cream. Before everyone dives in and says read this, do that, surf the web and read stories about BDSM first. Look at pic's and vids, but most of all read submission stories. That will give you something to identify with before you start buying the books and stuff. DAMMIT wulf will ya stop with the porn already!!! The threads getting the girls to tell you kink stories are gross and not the way the most Dommes hell male Doms too would train a sub to act in public. At least give this dude an opportunity to start off on the correct foot.

fastlane -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 6:06:03 PM)
rent the secretary...bdsm 101 and keep your hands on the wall! You'll understand

Wulfchyld -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 6:14:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U DAMMIT wulf will ya stop with the porn already!!! The threads getting the girls to tell you kink stories are gross and not the way the most Dommes hell male Doms too would train a sub to act in public. At least give this dude an opportunity to start off on the correct foot. If you could be so kind to point at the porn reference. Furthermore, if my threads frighten you don't read them.

convinceme -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 6:16:05 PM)
Thank you all, I have a lot of reading to do, I can't believe I am even here in the first place.. But I will read up. So thank you to you wonderful people for nicely giving me some tips, no pun. :)

shyfem -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 6:27:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fastlane rent the secretary...bdsm 101 and keep your hands on the wall! You'll understand Sidebar Funny you should mention "The Secretary" fastlane, that movie is what made me realize not only who/what I was but gave me some insight into D/s as well. To me the movie itself was subtle, but the message came screaming at me from my tv. Had it not been for the movie I would probably either be in another vanilla relationship, trying to determine what was missing or still a member of a vanilla dating website that we have all heard of [;)]

theRose4U -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 6:31:55 PM)
quote: Look at pic's and vids, but most of all read submission stories These are normally male dominant /female submissive focused erotica and porn that aren't useful for training a male sub who in most cases will need to submit his sexual drives too.

theRose4U -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 6:34:44 PM)
quote: or still a member of a vanilla dating website that we have all heard of [;)] He he don't knock nilla sites I find most of my newbies there. Funniest part even on nilla sites they use words that the educated Domme picks up on.

Wulfchyld -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 6:40:45 PM)
I would encourage anyone and everyone to read real life accounts to see what and how much how they can identify with. Do not immediately jump to the conclusion that someone is looking for porn. If it is BDSM porn it will say so. If it is BDSM it will also say so. It is pointless for him to spend money on books that are going to be filled with things he may or (most likely) may not identify with. He got a spat on the butt and later liked it. That does not in anyway indicate he is ready for volumes of information over stuff he has no relationship with. For free he can read R/L accounts as well as fantasies and see what trips his trigger.

theRose4U -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 6:55:28 PM)
ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld quote: I would encourage anyone and everyone to read real life accounts to see what and how much how they can identify with. Do not immediately jump to the conclusion that someone is looking for porn. If it is BDSM porn it will say so. If it is BDSM it will also say so. It is pointless for him to spend money on books that are going to be filled with things he may or (most likely) may not identify with. He got a spat on the butt and later liked it. That does not in anyway indicate he is ready for volumes of information over stuff he has no relationship with. You had me agreeing with you right until here. quote: For free he can read R/L accounts as well as fantasies and see what trips his trigger. This as well as the erotica, I'm sorry "submission fantasy" thread that you started the other day was pure wank material and not what I would call useful in the training of a sub especially male one. For free he can read educational (non pictorial and non fantasy) information true. Wank material is even easier to find but not likely to be what attracts a lifestyle Domme. For the innocent newbie, convinceme, trying to figure out the deal here. Lifestyle Dommes (female) and male doms tend to have some drastically different ideas about how you go about training subs and what would be considered "appropriate". What is desirable to one will be offensive to another. Thus what I stated on the other thread that you need to take some time and educate yourself as to where your desires lay as how you feel about certain things will determine what type of dominant you seek.

Wulfchyld -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 7:29:59 PM)
Before I address your last post I would like to tell you that forums are post at your own risk. Every person who posts on the forums will be scrutinized but what is said and what their profile indicates. My profile and forum posts are out there for everyone to read, as are yours. quote: This as well as the erotica, I'm sorry "submission fantasy" thread that you started the other day was pure wank material and not what I would call useful in the training of a sub especially male one. As I said, if my threads frighten you do not read them. As I am sure you read, the thread was not entitled “Male sub housework fantasies with no strings attached” quote: For free he can read educational (non pictorial and non fantasy) information true. Wank material is even easier to find but not likely to be what attracts a lifestyle Domme. For the innocent newbie, convince me, trying to figure out the deal here. I don’t particularly care what he reads as long as it is free, introduces him to all the different kink that is out there and allows him to draw his lines. As far as good suby boy training… I am pretty damn sure he was out with the lady to get laid, so castrating him and tossing him in a maids uniform is probably going to be a hard limit. quote: Lifestyle Dommes (female) and male doms tend to have some drastically different ideas about how you go about training subs and what would be considered "appropriate". Just taking a guess her but it is probably because they are different sexes and are receptive through different means. It is probably redundant to list those so I will pass over them. quote: What is desirable to one will be offensive to another. Couldn’t agree more. So let us dodge stuffing our particular kinks down each other’s throats. quote: Thus what I stated on the other thread that you need to take some time and educate yourself as to where your desires lay as how you feel about certain things will determine what type of dominant you seek. I will assume this is directed to the OP. That said, I am sure he would be thrilled to know what his kink is so he can know who to look for to indulge this.

Lashra -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 7:30:20 PM)
At the age of 19 I decided to tie my boyfriend to the bed with my pantyhose while he was sleeping. He woke up to find himself bound and being sexually teased/tormented by a budding Domme. [:D] At first he was hestiant but then he got to really liking it, as the years went on he became quite a painslut and eventually a slave. It takes time and education. So read some good books like: Screw the Roses, send me the thorns, The New Bottoming Book, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction. Those should help you out some. ~Lashra

LadyHugs -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 7:38:44 PM)
Dear convinceme, Ladies and Gentlemen; What you have experienced has been the beginning to a discovery of new likes and new experiences. Just know that it is ok to say "no." It is ok to set your own pace in this. Be patient with yourself. Invest in your own safety, knowledge and make it your own. Always know, that it is ok to ask questions. It is ok to feel what you do. Respect yourself first for having the courage of having an open mind. If you enjoy it--by all means do. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

wytchywoman -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 7:39:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U I'm sorry "submission fantasy" thread that you started the other day was pure wank material and not what I would call useful in the training of a sub especially male one. Personally, I think you are making a poor impression to this person seeking advice. There is nothing wrong with indulging in fantasy. What you call "wank" material was a long running thread that a lot of people actually enjoyed reading and sharing. You seem a bit defensive. There is a huge difference in real life training of a sub and just forgetting that sometimes Masters and their slaves (or Dommes and their slaves for that matter) simply need to take a break and chuckle and indulge in some light hearted banter.

Vendaval -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 7:50:05 PM)
Hi Rose, This is Vendaval from KF. I am sorry that some of the recent fantasy threads are offensive to you. There are some discussions on the forums here that I just avoid entirely. And some of those who do post the fantasies, Myself included, enjoy the sharing of fantasy, erotica and even some kinds of pornography. If you would like to read part 1 of the story I started last night from a Domme's perspective, go to the link below. Kind regards, Mystress Vendaval Lazuli http://www.collarchat.com/Secret_D%2F_confessions%3A_Slave_Toy/m_367935/tm.htm quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U This as well as the erotica, I'm sorry "submission fantasy" thread that you started the other day was pure wank material and not what I would call useful in the training of a sub especially male one.

LoneGoddess -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 10:08:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld Congrats! You just got your sprinkles on your vanilla ice cream. Before everyone dives in and says read this, do that, surf the web and read stories about BDSM first. Look at pic's and vids, but most of all read submission stories. That will give you something to identify with before you start buying the books and stuff. I am going to suggest the opposite here about the pics and vids. Don't. A large percentage of FemDomme porn be it here on the web, or vids, is geared to hooking you into buying their products. Not a damn bit about what a real femdomme is about for the most part. We don't live in our boots, we don't always wear our makeup and if I want to dominate - spank - torment and play with my submissive in a pair of sweat pants, I WILL. Don't skew yourself before you even know who we are to the stereotypical image in the media, it'll only make your journey harder for yourself in the long run. LG~

MsMacComb -> RE: how can anyone just start up in bdsm (5/14/2006 10:25:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: convinceme Is there some meeting, training, explaination. I have never been into this shit, but I was on a date with a lady who smacked my ass and told me to grab the wall. I thought she was joking so I did and she laid into. It pissed me off! But later that night I thought about it and got a serious hard-on about it. Does that mean I liked it enough to relax and be spanked.. or dominated by a woman... I have never been dominated by anyone.. Do what you want to do. If it excites you then persue it. Its not a one size fits all world so create your own.[:)]

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125