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StrongSpirit -> RE: Coyote Ugly (6/16/2011 4:32:01 PM)
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quote:
The standard methodology which preserves plausible deniability for all parties is to simply reduce the frequency of your communication until the whole thing dies a slow death. Smart men will take the hint. Stupid men aren't worth worrying about.
Wow, I have rarely seen a woman so socially inept who didn't know it. The primary thing is you are not a man and clearly have zero idea what it is like to be a man.
Your "standard methodology" is not standard, for two reasons:
1. It leads the men on. I don't know if you realise it, but there are a slightly more men then women here. So the men that do 'get a bite', tend to focus a lot of energy on it. Energy that they could have devoted to other potential dates. By energy I mean planning, web searches, etc. I know men that have decided not to go out to a vanilla club so they could wait for an email on Collarme.com Basically, you are doing the exact same thing as a guy who takes your phone number at a bar and promises to call, but doesn't.
2. As any psychiatrist can tell you, often intelligence is NOT related to social skills. While Asperger's Syndrome is an extreme case, there are lot of brilliant men that are really bad at reading social cues. Calling them stupid indicates your own ignorance. Moreover, many of them are very much "worth it". The male lead in "Secretary" is a prime fictional example of a slightly socially maladapted, but brilliant Dom.
The fact that you are so socially awkward that you think your behaviour is 'standard' indicates that you yourself are no better than the 'stupid men' that you think are not worth it. The standard method is to actually have the courage to say "Not interested" Anything else is cowardly.
Because of the way relationships work in the USA, many women get away with treating men horribly pre-relationship, while many men get away with treating women horribly during the relationship. That fact that many other women are treating men as badly as you do does not make it "OK", any more than it is "OK" for men to treat their wives badly.
If you think "plausible deniability" is a GOOD thing, then you have major issues. Screw deniability, grown ups can handle rejection and need to know things like "maybe I should change my photo" or "maybe I should lose 30 lbs", or maybe just "I need to change my hair". If you truly had courage you would give direct examples of why you dislike someone.
have been turned down by the best of them. (See my blog entry here describing it:
My Best Rejection) It was fast not slow. Slow is chinese water torture.
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How to tell if you are being mean:
1. If you are doing something because it is easier for YOU, regardless of how it might or might not hurt someone else, you are being mean.
2. If you think that it is OK to hurt the other person simply because they did not get your social cue or worse was actually stupid, you are being mean. Assume the guy actually was stupid - IQ of say 80. That does not mean it is OK kick him in the balls - literally or figuratively Do you go around throwing things at blind people?
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