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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/25/2011 9:36:24 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Be thankful for the small things today.

That's what I thought about my own rocks when I mounted my bike too quickly this morning. *Squawk*, you'd have thought I'd have learned that by my age . . . .

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/25/2011 9:40:36 AM

sunshinemiss

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That was a visual I did not need you bad bad man.

It's actually a quote from the song I posted. And a not-too-shabby concept!

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/26/2011 9:58:44 AM

MistressK2011

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This reminds me a bit (a lot) of the people who post on free adds sites such as:

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-sell-furniture-dressers-wardrobes-TEEN-PARENTS-NEED-HELP-W0QQAdIdZ292903983

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-sell-furniture-multi-item-Young-couple-in-dire-need-of-furniture-W0QQAdIdZ292524744

(To quote) "Me and my boyfriend have decided to take the plunge of moving in together and we are in desperate need of furniture! We're on a tight budget (since we need to buy so much) so free or very well priced is a must please! If you have any photos please send them aswell.

Type of things that we are looking for:

Sofas/loveseats/armchairs
(small) dining room table and chairs
coffee tables
Wardrobe
and anything else you may have :)"

People ask for all sorts of things, and the ones who have spent a lifetime asking for, expecting, and recieving things based upon how 'special' they are or because it's a learned behaviour. Pro-Dommes are a different category. That's their business. Usually you see "I am a Pro-Domme" as part of their listing.

In other cases, I say beware the person who expects something from you before they'll talk to you. If they don't even know you and want money, imagine how much they'll demand once they do.

- K

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Post #: 63

RE: "Tribute required" - 6/27/2011 3:04:57 AM

MsMillgrove

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Well, I think the problem you have here is that because you are a good person who thinks sharing expenses is normal, I can tell you that most of the so called subs do not think so.......You know personally about 90% of the subs on CM I wouldn't meet, not even for a coffee, in fact I would go out of my way to not meet them.

I wonder why this has been your experience? I've met a number of men through CM, forget just how many, but perhaps 20? A few I knew were on tight budgets, so I paid my own way--minor stuff like a cup of tea. But the majority paid for the event, the meal, or if we met at the park, brought some flowers. i never had anyone expect that I would be picking up a tab. I also found that with no exceptions--each was dressed appropriately, groomed and polite.

Not to be a Pollyanna about it--I've also been severely tested in patience by many who were not subs--but looking for a playmate. Which is fine, but it would be better if they could indicate they are bottoms or kinksters, wishers or fetishists up front on the profile or in the initial contact. it gets tedious having to drag those facts out to the light.

Lot like ironing--prefer to avoid if possible.

I've actually had the opposite experience too in "tribute", subs asking what they should bring for me on a first meeting--I find that a bit embarassing and don't like being asked to name a gift. I thought about maybe doing an Amazon wish list of items under $10, but even that seems off-putting to me. I have tried to learn to accept a first meet gift graciously, and I do think it's a lovely idea when they bring something that's just right. And sometimes they do.
Guess I have just been really lucky, sure haven't asked or expected anything.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/27/2011 3:40:56 AM

LadyConstanze

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The people I have met in person were for the most part lovely, but you might have missed that I wasn't talking about the people I HAVE met, but people who wrote to me here, and with over 90% of them I simply would not meet, the average CMail is "Hi, I'm <insert name>, I'm a submissive and I'm into <insert fetish> when can we meet?" and that's a delete and block. As for submissives or slaves, that was what they had chosen in their profile, I don't know if CM gives you the option of just picking kinkster, which might be helpful.

To be honest, I really prefer a lot of the masochists and fetishists, as they are honest about what they are looking for, no false pretenses.

Maybe you have a magic charm that you only get perfect CMails? Most of us seem to have different experiences.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/27/2011 4:39:05 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I prefer my rocks set and wearable

I prefer mine stringable: http://www.gemmall.com/

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/27/2011 9:49:07 AM

errantgeek

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMillgrove

I wonder why this has been your experience?

[...]

Guess I have just been really lucky, sure haven't asked or expected anything.

See, my experience has personally been one of extremes. Personally, i went from poor college student to poorer Joe Schlub trying to make ends meet and pay off college debt while trying to get into grad school. My approach to meeting a potential Dominant is the same as any first date: something thoughtful and cheap as a token of affectation, coffee (my treat), maybe dinner then a light activity. I don't think anyone who has higher expectations from meeting a Dominant or submissive than they would a first vanilla date is being terribly realistic, personally. I always thought purchasing a toy or article of clothing for a Dominant was over-the-top and...well, slightly creepy, since it carries the expectation that toy will be used at some point. Not to mention the minefield that is buying clothing for a woman, let alone one you expect to tie you up and do stuff to you whose preferences, size and taste you don't even know yet. :)

The last Dominant I met and dated (however briefly) actually insisted on picking up the entire check on our first meeting, which was a coffee/dinner date, negotiations at Her apartment since the chemistry was really there, then to a public play party at a nearby venue. I didn't ask for that, and actually offered to at least go Dutch, which got me into trouble. It was a nice change of pace, considering most Dominants I speak to online have this fairy tale expectation of "you're going to pick me up, take me to a really nice restaurant and pick up the tab, then take me to a lingerie store and pick out a gift of my choice".

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/27/2011 12:33:52 PM

LadyConstanze

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I have no problem with seeing somebody for a cup of coffee, I never expected a stranger buying me things, especially not lingerie, in fact a stranger doing so would creep me out!

Though I had guys approach me with the expectation of buying things, traveling to meet them, renting a hotel room (to meet a person I am not interested in and made that clear from the start) - bah no way.

I'm fine with buying guys a drink, I do so regularly, only I learned when it comes to BDSM, different rules apply, I will still buy guys drinks if I know them, but if somebody wants to meet me and he thinks I'm not worth the trip or the coffee, well that's it, as it sets the tone for a lot more.

I've been quite picky who I meet from here and the people I have met were lovely, but for the maybe 10 people I met, I think I turned down a few hundred and I do not owe anybody kink fulfillment or my time, quite a lot of guys don't like that, well, hand me an onion and I will shed a tear for them.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/27/2011 11:25:35 PM

SexyBossyBBW

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Probably a repeat, but the thread is here:
Pretend you're a regular guy, pursuing a lady. I bet tribute wouldn't enter into conversation, if you say, hello, I like these things about you, and would you please join me for dinner this weekend? M

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Post #: 69

RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 8:50:13 AM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW

Probably a repeat, but the thread is here:
Pretend you're a regular guy, pursuing a lady. I bet tribute wouldn't enter into conversation, if you say, hello, I like these things about you, and would you please join me for dinner this weekend? M

To me, it is the term "tribute" that I find distasteful. Along with "application," and "interview." Might be because I am relationship oriented and those terms do not fit into finding a relationship for me.

I have no issue with someone being a pro, but I do find them using the term "tribute" to be humorous and a way of them seemingly trying to deny they are in the sex worker trade to themselves. I mean, if you are a pro, you charge for your services, it isn't a "tribute," it is a fee. Don't try to turn it into some sort of charitable act where the sub gives you a gift for it.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 9:03:27 AM

LadyConstanze

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The thing is, most of the guys feel a lot better if they call it a tribute rather than a fee, because that way they aren't clients who pay for a service, but they "tribute" somebody and feel a lot better about themselves...

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 9:07:38 AM

LafayetteLady

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I admit I hadn't thought about it that way, but in that case, I believe that the delusion is two-sided. Bottom line, if you are a pro, you charge a fee. If you go to a pro, you pay a fee. Call it a "tribute," "donation," or whatever you like, it is still charging and paying for services.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 9:11:19 AM

LadyHibiscus

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A part of the "tribute" term is that pro domination is illegal most places, and prosecutable as prostitution. So, "tribute" as gift, rather than "fee" as service charge.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 9:45:34 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I admit I hadn't thought about it that way, but in that case, I believe that the delusion is two-sided. Bottom line, if you are a pro, you charge a fee. If you go to a pro, you pay a fee. Call it a "tribute," "donation," or whatever you like, it is still charging and paying for services.

Well, let's say if you would turn off a few potential clients by calling it something else than they like to hear... In the end you could call it an Easter Egg, it still is a fee.

As Lady Hib said, in the US you have the additional legal problem.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 9:52:16 AM

errantgeek

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

As Lady Hib said, in the US you have the additional legal problem.

Indeed, especially in states where BDSM itself is already a legal minefield. Where I live, there is an exception for consent with "distinct sexual overtones", but the state courts have been all over the place in interpreting that as whether it qualifies as a valid defense for assault/battery charges.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 11:56:13 AM

LaTigresse

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I just prefer to keep my personal life and my business life......nice and separate. I am not going to charge anyone for my company. But that also means I can, and am, picky as HELL as to who I spend my free time with.

I don't have to worry about anyone bitching and whining they didn't get their money's worth!

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 5:27:18 PM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
The thing is, most of the guys feel a lot better if they call it a tribute rather than a fee, because that way they aren't clients who pay for a service, but they "tribute" somebody and feel a lot better about themselves...

Maybe. I am a pro, and I am very uncomfortable with the idea of "tribute" to describe being paid for sessioning. It's way too nebulous, and it can lead to misunderstandings about what exactly is being exchanged and what the relationship is. I prefer to make straightforward, honest transactions where it is absolutely clear what you are buying, and what you are NOT buying.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 6:12:19 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer.

I prefer to make straightforward, honest transactions where it is absolutely clear what you are buying, and what you are NOT buying.

We know this, Lady N. That could be your tag line.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 7:33:38 PM

LadyNTrainer

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I have no problem exchanging money for kinky sex acts, though I don't offer actual sex or direct sexual contact. Let's not split hairs over pro domination not being sex work; it certainly is. And there's nothing wrong with that, if all parties are consenting adults and the transaction is honest and clear.

I have a big problem leading someone on and promising him the illusion of a personal relationship in exchange for money or gifts or "tribute". I'm just not willing to do that, even if it means I lose clients who would rather see a professional who says she is looking for a personal submissive, whether that's true or not. And in a lot of cases, I suspect it's not true. So what they're selling is in part an illusion, a falsehood, and I'm really not okay with that.

That's quite often what "tribute" means. It's offering the hope or pretense of a personal relationship when in fact it's a professional one. There is nothing wrong with a professional relationship; it can be ethical, mutually considerate and even caring. But if it is professional, it needs to be absolutely honest and transparent in terms of what you pay and what you get. Anything less isn't ethical, IMO.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 9:34:00 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

I have no problem exchanging money for kinky sex acts, though I don't offer actual sex or direct sexual contact. Let's not split hairs over pro domination not being sex work; it certainly is. And there's nothing wrong with that, if all parties are consenting adults and the transaction is honest and clear.

I have a big problem leading someone on and promising him the illusion of a personal relationship in exchange for money or gifts or "tribute". I'm just not willing to do that, even if it means I lose clients who would rather see a professional who says she is looking for a personal submissive, whether that's true or not. And in a lot of cases, I suspect it's not true. So what they're selling is in part an illusion, a falsehood, and I'm really not okay with that.

That's quite often what "tribute" means. It's offering the hope or pretense of a personal relationship when in fact it's a professional one. There is nothing wrong with a professional relationship; it can be ethical, mutually considerate and even caring. But if it is professional, it needs to be absolutely honest and transparent in terms of what you pay and what you get. Anything less isn't ethical, IMO.

And you should be applauded for your ethics. As I said, I agree that there is nothing wrong with being a sex worker (whether you actually have sex or direct sexual contact) when all parties agree, but call a spade a spade and don't pretend to be something you aren't.

As for offering the illusion of a personal relationship, I wonder, and perhaps you can answer, wouldn't that lead to unpaid acts of domination during a phone call or such?

Regarding calling a "tribute" due to the illegality of being a sex worker....it doesn't stop a prostitute from referring to it as a fee for services rendered, and their activities are just as illegal. I realize the thought process of calling it by a different name with the erroneous concept that you are legally protecting yourself, but a cop can bust a domme just as easily for accepting gifts for services as they can cash if they decided they wanted to bust balls on the issue. So calling it a "tribute" to protect yourself legally is still creating an illusion about your reality since it isn't going to do any good.

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