tammystarm
Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
Tammy, as someone who is ill and dealing with a lot I do understand a great deal.
Let me guess. You have probably spent most of your life with a submissive nature - doing for others is how you found your sense of self. For most of their life, being done for by mom, is probably how most of your family has grown up believing it is how things are done.
You consent to being a man's slave. For a long time (3 years I think) he has had a slave doing what she is told. This is what he expects as the norm.
Then your illness flares up. At first, you still do what needs to be done, even though you are falling into bed dead exhausted and probably in tears from pain, but still with that sense of satisfaction and sense of self that has kept you going all these years.
Unfortunately, while your disease may be chronic but supposedly not degenerative, time and age take their toll. It gets harder and harder to push through the pain and the fatigue and do what needs to be done. Also, unfortunately, your family has been raised on a certain 'paradigm' and that paradigm has shifted to an entirely new reality. Since they are NEVER really going to understand how you really feel, you have to begin to start showing them consistently the reality of what it is to be ILL.
When you say you can't do something because you are too tired, then go to bed and sleep and do not do anything. Because when you say you are too tired, in too much pain, but you push through it and do it anyway - the message you are presenting is that you CAN do it and they don't need to take you seriously.
Of course, people will fall back on what they have been taught to believe is normal and expected. It takes TIME and consistency to remodel a paradigm. Ideally, you and Art should be on the same page and have a plan to do this that you can agree on.
I know you want people to understand. You want the people you have taken care of and catered to, to be the people who care enough to want to take care of YOU now, and help you out some. I'm sorry this isn't the case.
It takes time, patience and consistency to retrain someone and sadly - spoiled brats (especially the grown adult ones) aren't always going to come around and be generous in nature.
I feel for you, and I empathize with your situation. I hope venting here on the boards helps you some. Maybe someone, somewhere, somehow will give you some small piece of advice or Art will glean some small wisdom in all this.
thank you and THIS! this made me cry this is what ive been saying, this is what i needed to hear (and alot of what others have said). This is it. I have had it! All i wanted was someone who mutually love and respected me as a partner and to raise my family. Ive tried so freakin hard. But the game is up, and i cannot keep going on, and i dont care if there is a dish in the sink. Your right and i thank you from the bottom of my heart. Im done, ill live under a freaking bridge if i have to.... if there is no other alternative. I will no longer listen to the threats and screams and moans and cries of all the above because i am not perfect and i cant be. Thank you so so so so much! MY love to ya!!!
_____________________________
~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~
~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~
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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 
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