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RE: Dumb question - 7/4/2011 9:51:31 PM

analyticalmaster

Posts: 39
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Spirited, all I can say is that is not my experience in the past, I have never had trouble locating partners for poly, did it work in all cases, no it did not. That is not to say I will not have trouble now, I haven't looked for 10 years, there is a difference between then and now, I am 10 years older. But I have had a quad that worked just fine for a long time. Eventually it became obvious to me that the quad wasn't working as well as it should and I ended up having to get the one girl who just wasn't getting it and having issues with the other girls out of the relationship. We found someone and got her married and she has been so for several years now. My triad stabilized and we were extremely happy for the next several years.

I understand that you had a bad experience with poly, but a lot of people have had trouble with standard relationships too, does that mean all of them are bad. While I understand most women are not going to stand up and say "I want poly as a first choice" I think that there are more out there who would risk it if the chemistry is right than you think.

I will say this for sure, term unicorn means so rare it doesn't exist and if that is the case how do you explain the fact that while we are a minority, there are a significant number of poly families out there. Do you think the Dominants go out and kidnap them and hold them in prisoner. Women join a couple to form a triad because the couple can bring something to her life she cannot find anywhere else. That something else is a real family who will love her and help her to be the best she can be.

I have been in the life for a long time, while if you just look at the numbers on websites like this, it makes it look like there are a lot of dominants and only a few submissives, nothing is farther from the truth, there are a lot of submissives both male and female. There are a lot of tops who call themselves dominant and or master, but they are tops and they are primarily interested in straight bdsm play. Lifestyle dominants, the kind that form families are much rarer on the ground, the only thing rarer is fem doms and neither of them are rare enough to be called unicorns. For me success in this lifestyle, couple, triad or more, is does it stand the test of time. Relationships that last the years are the solid ones, not the ones that flash and burn, it simply doesn't matter what the relationship, just is it good and does it last.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Dumb question - 7/5/2011 4:17:37 AM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

Its called a unicorn for a reason, and thats because men like KoM are VERY VERY VERY VERY rare, even more rare then the mythical unicorn.

Ok.... What is rarer than a unicorn?

A live in maid willing to contribute financially - http://www.collarchat.com/m_3751923/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3753773

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 7/5/2011 4:25:18 AM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Dumb question - 7/5/2011 4:21:11 AM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeggyO

I have been in two committed poly relationships that have been triads in a hub and spoke structure. In both cases I came in as the third. It was billed that I would be an equal to the existing partner. In both cases, even though it was billed that way, the reality was that I was the "third". Things were still done by the existing pair together without including me - they were still very much partners and I was the addition. Yet, if anyone asked the dominant, he would declare, and probably believed, that both the women were equals. Reality - not so much.

I am hardly alone in my experiences with triads. My experience appears to be the norm as opposed to the exception. Where I was once very pro-poly, at this point, being in another triad is a hard limit for me. Why? Because I will not be second fiddle again. And at this point, I don't really believe the "everyone will be equal" line.

For this very reason, I would be open to having a third but not being a third (despite how well it worked out for Ender Wiggin.)

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 7/5/2011 4:22:20 AM >

(in reply to PeggyO)

RE: Dumb question - 7/5/2011 6:45:13 AM

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

For this very reason, I would be open to having a third but not being a third (despite how well it worked out for Ender Wiggin.)

so you going to be part of the problem? I don't understand this.. Having a third crap... or being a third. We are partners....... we are all First together in this Triad of us three! everything else is a distant second!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: Dumb question - 7/5/2011 6:48:47 AM

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: analyticalmaster

Spirited, all I can say is that is not my experience in the past, I have never had trouble locating partners for poly, did it work in all cases, no it did not. That is not to say I will not have trouble now, I haven't looked for 10 years, there is a difference between then and now, I am 10 years older. But I have had a quad that worked just fine for a long time. Eventually it became obvious to me that the quad wasn't working as well as it should and I ended up having to get the one girl who just wasn't getting it and having issues with the other girls out of the relationship. We found someone and got her married and she has been so for several years now. My triad stabilized and we were extremely happy for the next several years.

well.. your experience and perspective is rare... dare I say it!.. yes I do... as rare as a unicorn! maybe even more rare!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to analyticalmaster)

RE: Dumb question - 7/5/2011 7:04:57 AM

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quote:

..... Equal in the context I mean it means being loved by me equally.....

This kind of thought both amuses me and makes my eyes roll. How the hell does one quantify love?! I can't do it. I have 4 children.. can't begin to quantify it to establish any sense of eqaulity. I love them... simple as that.. and I love them for their unique individuality! I don't love them more or less or equally... I just love them... it's kinda a yes or no.. . thing.... I love my kids... but not yours! I can't begin to compare or even say that I love them equally. equal doesn't come into the picture.. it doesn't exist in my world in this context. To me such a term implies someone is insecure or lacks trust that love is authentic or genuine. It's almost like one has to compare to another to establish they are loved... and loved equally or as much as the other to boot!

I love Alandra and Kyra... not equally not more or less than the other... I just love them... for who they are as individuals. There is no comparison to one or the other. I don't love them the same or in the same way... to do so is actually not respecting their unique individuality as a person and would raise doubt about it even being genuine love. I love them in the way that feeds them... different and specifically unique for them. I also love them in ways that is specifically unique for how I express my love. As such... I am loved by both my girls... they each do it differently that is reflective of who they are... I love that too! I feel loved... not more or less or equally by them.. just loved... to me.. it's an either or thing.. not more less or equal.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to analyticalmaster)

RE: Dumb question - 7/5/2011 12:22:51 PM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

Its called a unicorn for a reason, and thats because men like KoM are VERY VERY VERY VERY rare, even more rare then the mythical unicorn.

Ok.... What is rarer than a unicorn?

Humanoid robots who can do my homework for me?

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Dumb question - 7/5/2011 3:32:04 PM

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I don't do housework!!! wasn't programed that way in the robot factory... but I am one hell of a fucking machine!!!!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

RE: Dumb question - 7/5/2011 9:21:24 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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Its not house work? Its homework? Its just some writing and some grammar, and some technology stuffs?

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Dumb question - 7/7/2011 4:59:27 PM

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/5/2009
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Do bi male subs willing to join a male/female couple have a special name?

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Wait What?

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

RE: Dumb question - 7/7/2011 8:56:52 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
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Invisible unicorns?

(in reply to MargueriteV)

RE: Dumb question - 7/8/2011 12:11:02 AM

Posts: 32563
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I used to call Mine "pet".

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: Dumb question - 7/8/2011 5:08:40 AM

Posts: 140
Joined: 10/9/2010
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Yes it is hard to find. I thought I found a nice girl to play with myself and My Master. She told me that besides her living in Ireland, that she kinda had a Dom and when I asked her What she meant by that she said that she had never met him in person that he lived in London,but that she hoped to see him later on in the year.
When I told her about myself and my Dom she told me straight away that she wasn't into playing with another guy but that she'd like to play with me. I said to her that when all three of us went to Nimhneach that if I ever had to use the toilet that My dom would be with her and talk to her, protect her from any other guys!
She said thats grand so why don't we meet for lunch some day this week.
So went for lunch and got on really well.
She even said she couldn't live in London and that she wasn't sure if they would get on.
Anyway a few weeks later three of us met up and went to Nimhneach and had a great time.
Aterwards we went back to her place and She was cool with my Dom being in the room and
watching us undress and play together!
My Dom took some photo's of us to put on our profiles of Fetlife.
After that a few weeks later when I went onto Fetlife and onto her page I was only a friend.
I had been her playmate and protector before!
When I wrote her a private message that night I asked why had she done what she did.
She had told me before that she'd probably take me off as her playpartner once she had met her Dom.
She wrote back to me and told me that it was her Dom who had taken me off her profile.
It had been weeks since we had last spoke so it really pissed me off when she told me that she didn't want to be associated to knowing me anymore and that my past friend who is now someone that if I see I'll say hi to is now my ex playpartners best buddie.
What really amazed me was that when I told my past friend of things my ex playpartner said about her to me like "Oh she's such a hoe for show" and she wouldn't have even known her name only for me stupidly telling her.My Past friend didn't believe it and thought I wanted her to hate her or something! I was really confused! It's just my pastfriend is younger than my ex playpartner and call me a bit crazy if you want but I didn't want to see her get hurt as I've seen her loosing friends before!
So I just gave up then she can cook her own goose now!

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Dumb question - 7/8/2011 6:50:10 AM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

After that a few weeks later when I went onto Fetlife and onto her page I was only a friend. I had been her playmate and protector before! When I wrote her a private message that night I asked why had she done what she did. She had told me before that she'd probably take me off as her playpartner once she had met her Dom. She wrote back to me and told me that it was her Dom who had taken me off her profile.

(in reply to Sunny27)

RE: Dumb question - 7/21/2011 11:17:14 AM

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeggyO
Actually, I think that the reason that so few women are interested in being a third is, because frankly, it's usually not a great situation for them. The reality is that they are "less than" coming into most established relationships. It's not that way all the time, but it is that way in the vast majority. As a result, it's difficult to find someone who wants to come into that type of situation, even if it's billed as being "different". (Since after all, no one is going to bill it as a crappy situation).

On the other hand, when you see an existing couple you can get double the attention, lots of fun threesomes, a pair of partners that already get along great (no weird "so you're fucking my girlfriend" awkwardness), and hopefully an established stable household. At least, that's what I always enjoyed about couples.

(in reply to PeggyO)

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