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Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 10/13/2004 12:47:44 PM   
karmaslave


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(*applies cardiac arrest paddles to keep the forum alive. Live, live damn you! =D)

To serve, the taste of a stilleto heel as you run your tongue over polished black leather: a beautiful submission of the mind, the body, and a desire only to please, to serve....

The next day you're leading 'master' around the room by the leash, amused as the beautiful legs you worshipped the night before are now wrapped in a splash of leather and chain; rattling shackles and muffled protests from the ballgag as you continue to torment and tease, until you've had your fill.

As a switch, what goes through yo' mind when you switch with your significant other, the 'play friend' that used to Top you (and is now under your feet and begging), or anyone else catching your fancy, for that matter? Vice-versa, vice-versa, wouldn't want to leave anything out now, would I?
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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 10/13/2004 6:51:20 PM   
ShadeDiva


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To be honest - I don't think I'd ever dominate someone that expected or hoped they would dominate *me*.

I'm not someone that rests easily with their duality - it doesn't come easily, and it certainly doesn't come out for anyone - there are three people I've met that had that touch, one is my partner, the other two were dommes, both well known pros as well as being lifestyle.

I don't think that any of the three have the ability to trigger my submissive nature to come out 100% because internally I fight it anyway, and I think I'd wind up battling for power at some point on something so it's just not a likely nature for me to be able to bottom to a switch, even knowing that they were would probably cause the dominant in me to come roaring to the surface and try to take control of the situation.

When I'm dominant, I'm dominant, and that's where my head is at. When I can actually manage to get into a submissive mindset, that's where my mind is at - it doesn't flip flop betwixt the two - if I'm fighting it, I'm not *there*.

I know for others it can and does, but for me, that's not the case.

~ShadeDiva

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~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 10/14/2004 11:55:41 AM   
karmaslave


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Oh, I'm curious - what about submitting to a switch makes your blood boil and your dominant side come out? Is it because you know they *can* be submissive, so you try and force that side of them out?

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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 10/14/2004 8:28:24 PM   
Laura


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Isn't forcing something against the infamous SSC?

I've never cared for a lot of rules and duties. :)

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Bait & Switch - Adult column

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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 10/14/2004 9:23:27 PM   
karmaslave


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

Isn't forcing something against the infamous SSC?

I've never cared for a lot of rules and duties. :)


I'm just curious why she seems to struggle against it! I have questions! I must have answers. I thrive on knowledge, I try to ferret it out of every mind I come across. I'm a collector, yoyoyoyoyo.

Also, its hard to foster my dirty dirty mental fantasies if she keeps kicking my ass in them. d=

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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 10/17/2004 4:57:14 AM   
ShadeDiva


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From: Sacramento, California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: karmaslave

Oh, I'm curious - what about submitting to a switch makes your blood boil and your dominant side come out? Is it because you know they *can* be submissive, so you try and force that side of them out?

Was this directed at me?

All I will say until I know if this was directed at me is, I never said anything about blood boiling or being angry or being in any emotional state that one would also attribute with "blood boiling".

~ShadeDiva

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My projects of love:
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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 10/17/2004 2:23:01 PM   
karmaslave


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*chuckles* Sho' was.

Relax, it was just a case of vivid imagery - the words you chose in your post came made it come across as if its no small thing when you become dominant.

But if you feel I've done you any great injustice, you can always not answer - that's pretty mysterious and alluring, you know!

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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 10/17/2004 10:06:59 PM   
ShadeDiva


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From: Sacramento, California
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Well I wasn't riled up to need to relax, I was simply asking where it came from lol.

And no, I don't force it, just once I know someone is submissive there is no way in hell I'll be able to be submissive to them - my dominant side will fight for control and thus neither will be happy since both are unable to express themselves.

My dominant side is *always* out. That doesn't mean I don't make concessions for authority figures but it means I'm not subservient to them. Once I taste a submissive flavor the dominant just starts rising up to the fore, and if they are in fact submissive, they will notice the dominant energy and tone, which only feeds it.

It doesn't mean I break out a flogger and go to town. It's a subtle unspoken thing made of energy and nuance. The dynamic has been laid out and set, so to speak.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
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HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 10/18/2004 1:37:36 PM   
karmaslave


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Good enough an answer for me.

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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 11/6/2004 2:15:07 AM   
Suleiman


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There's so many variables involved in your question, I'm not sure I can offer a satisfactory answer on my behalf.

With my wife, the bright center of my universe, the ebb and flow between us is so natural that I'm not sure there IS anything going through my mind, per se, other than the moment itself. I don't think we've negotiated a scene in nearly five years or more. Her libido runs a bit hotter than mine. I often need a bit more cuddling and foreplay to get into the mood, while she is quite literally ready to drop trou at a moment's notice. Often, this means that if she is in the mood, I will begin the evening subbing for her, simply because it gives me the extra time I need to open up and allow myself to actually experience, rather than simply apply rote action. Once I'm ready to go, however, I can keep my interest for a long time, and usually after her third or fourth orgasm she's in no condition to speak, much less give me orders.

We play, as well, which is actually usually instigated by me. If I'm feeling feisty I'll chase her around the room (or wherever it is we are, I'm not very bashful) and eventually throw her over my shoulder and carry her off. If I'm feeling subbly, I'll climb into her lap or curl up at her feet, or put on some costume she finds amusing. I know her tastes well enough to know what will get an instant reaction out of her, and as impatient as she is, forcing her to chase me or otherwise wait will usually get her into a nicely aggressive state.

What goes through my mind? "I think I'm in the mood for..." or "you know what we haven't done recently?" or any number of similar things. We have a comfortable relationship, and we are quite relaxed in our give and take. When the mood strikes, we act, even if the mood strikes in the middle of a scene. Wrestling matches can be fun, too, after all, and while I'm no escapist, my wife has never applied herself to learning rope work, so it is no difficulty for me to free myself from her insidious clutches and give her a taste of her own medicine.

With other partners, which is fairly rare for darned near monogamous old me, is this almost predatory thought in the back of my mind, "I wonder how they'd react if the situation were reversed?" Some of the best scenes I've ever subbed in were from bottoms who were given the whip and liscense to use it. Topping a top can be a hell of a lot of fun, too. I'm fond of saying that there's no point in subjugating a doormat. Folks who are leery of switching (which is an awful lot of folks these days. Didn't seem like that many back when I was active in the local scene, but I've been coming to realise that my little pocket community was a bit odd) just whet my appetite, assuming I was interested in them at all to begin with. I'm too much of a gentleman to force the issue, but it does create some glorious spank-fantasies for later. You ever see the look in a professed submissive's eyes when, after a few trial whacks, they realise that they actually enjoy having the power? THAT, my friends, is hot! You ever see a self-professed "true" dominant relax half way into a scene and actually begin to submit? Hotter still.

All right, that's enough. I need some personal time now.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 11/7/2004 3:44:24 PM   
blushes4u


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I have a question for switches....was there ever a time when both felt "submissive" or both felt "Dominant"? What happens when both are feeling one or the other, just wait til one or the other feels in the opposite mood of the other? Sorry if i stole the thread away. Just didn't feel like making a whole new post LOL sorry

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*blushes* Kate

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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 11/7/2004 4:27:11 PM   
Suleiman


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It's a frequent question, dear, and in fact if you'll read GoddessDustyGold's "calling all switches" thread, you will see the same question there as part of her general set of inquiries about how to incorporate switchy persons into her household.

Because I am feeling chatty and do not take offense at redundant topics in the way that some on this board do, I will give you essentially the same answer I gave her, but possibly with more detail, because I'm not answering eight or nine other questions in the same post.

How an individual couple deals with both parties being in the mood for the same thing really depends upon the dynamic of their relationship. My wife and I, being in a long term relationship that has lasted for approximately ten years now, do not worry about it very much. Switching is, for us, a perfectly natural part of the overall dynamic established between us. If we are both feeling very passive and basically submissive to the other's wants and needs, we frequently just wind up cuddling together. Otherwise, if we're both feeling submissive and horny, we have sex. Being responsive to your partner's wants and needs is never a bad way to have sex, nor is the unselfish desire to give more than you recieve. The main difficulty I have is the fact that I am a masochist, and she is not, so there are times when I want a greater degree of active participation than she is willing or able to offer. However, I am a patient man, and I know that my turn will come. I can wait a few hours, days, months, or in one case that I have mentioned somewhere on this board, years for my turn on the bottom. I am far more concerned with the wellbeing of my partner than with any selfish need for a particular sort of playtime.

By contrast, if we are both feeling aggressive or dominant, we simply get into a wrestling match. Actually, we frequently dice for it, since we're both gamers at heart. We have been known to wager sexual favors on the outcome of some battle between our characters. Just as often, we simply struggle to pin each other and hold them still long enough to get the cuffs on and the ropes tied. Some times I play to lose, simply because I enjoy a good attitude adjustment. The rest of the time, I tend to win, simply because I have a few basic physical advantages over my wife that make it easier to pin her and hold her immobile. (Also, I think she plays to lose as well, and does so far more often that I do). Because we're gamers, there is a strong roleplay element in everything my wife and I do, and we will often establish a scene by first defining who we are and what we can do. Very often, these new personae are far more aggressive than we would be if we were simply being ourselves, and so we avoid the stagnation of a long-term relationship by constantly being in a position to try new things. Being someone else is great for that, since some times a thing YOU would never try is perfectly natural for THEM. I remember once spanking her with the flat of a broadsword - there was something I never expected to include in the toybox. I'm just glad we have one without a real edge (although using one of the sharp ones to cut the clothes off of her was fun, too. Knife play can be a real thrill as long as you're careful about it).

Mutual switchiness can be a bit more difficult in short-term relationships. Some times, you go to a party or out on a date expecting to be one thing, and you find you just haven't got it in you for whatever reason. If your partner is a switch too, you can usually just negotiate a different scene, but if you're both in serious sub mode, some times cuddling is all you can do. Of course, there is always the option of finding a willing third. Two switches in dominant mode attempting to assert alpha-dominance by out-abusing some poor third-party submissive can get pretty wild. It gets pretty wild with two dominants of any stripe, but I've found that frequently it's the switches who push the hardest, as they have a clearer understanding of what a submissive really can do and still have fun doing it. Besides, it adds a competetive element for the sub, as well, with a pair of unsympathetic tops who both can sneer, and in perfect seriousness say "Is that all? I've taken worse." It's been my experience that "pure" dominants frequently back off early, rather than go too far in a scene. Lacking the basic ability to empathise with their victims, they haven't got as clear an understanding of how far they can really push before hitting the breaking point.

The key component of any relationship of course, is compromise. I have never seen a situation where two switches could not come to some sort of an agreement, even if it's only to the tune of "I will gladly whip you tuesday for a buggering today"



_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 11/7/2004 5:54:52 PM   
blushes4u


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Thank you Suleiman for your post and i apologize for being redundant...won't happen again.

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*blushes* Kate

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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 11/9/2004 8:49:14 AM   
westside


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(was there ever a time when both felt "submissive" or both felt "Dominant"? )

Yep. and sometimes we just have sex.

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RE: Collars and cuffs and chains, oh my! - 11/9/2004 9:59:12 PM   
Suleiman


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quote:

ORIGINAL: blushes4u

Thank you Suleiman for your post and i apologize for being redundant...won't happen again.


Not a problem, darling. Like I said, I'm not bothered by it.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to blushes4u)
Profile   Post #: 15
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