new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness...

new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (Full Version)

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mslave2bcollared -> new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/16/2006 5:25:08 PM)
i do not want to make any mistakes, can i please get S/someone to help me, to give me advice when it is needed? i know a little bit about this lifestyle , but not that much. Thabk Y/you

IndigoDadesi -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/16/2006 5:31:00 PM)
deleted sorry

KarbonCopy -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/16/2006 5:33:46 PM)
You can ask me anything you like. PM me any time

MsMacComb -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/16/2006 5:40:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mslave2bcollared i do not want to make any mistakes, can i please get S/someone to help me, to give me advice when it is needed? i know a little bit about this lifestyle , but not that much. Thabk Y/you Figure out what it is that you want and need from this lifestyle and then find someone who's ideals and interests match yours. The only real mistake you can make is not following your own path. [:)]

luluorange1 -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/16/2006 8:35:40 PM)
You have to know yourself in order to know what you want, this is not about anyone else, it's all about you. So you really can't make mistake if you follow your heart. quote: ORIGINAL: mslave2bcollared i do not want to make any mistakes, can i please get S/someone to help me, to give me advice when it is needed? i know a little bit about this lifestyle , but not that much. Thabk Y/you

Najakcharmer -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/16/2006 9:29:29 PM)
Yo. Fucking awesome dragon t-shirt on the profile. Where'd you get it? Read as much as you can, from various different points of view. Exercise your common sense to figure out what to believe and what to call bullshit on. Meet people in real life at Munches, play parties and other community events. When you do meet or talk to people, in real life or online, treat them with basic courtesy and respect like a normal adult human being. Or ask them how they prefer to interact with others in the lifestyle. Some people want to jump right into D/s roleplaying with you, expect you to address them by a title, do weird shit with capitalizing or not capitalizing words, etc. Other people find all that to be annoying as hell and prefer to talk to you like a normal human being first. Beware of people who ask for your money ("tribute"), play beyond their ability to do so safely, or make up bullshit about knowing the True Slave Rules that are supposed to apply to everybody. Ain't no such animule. Feel free to bounce it off my sounding board, here or in my inbox, if you have specific questions.

BeachMystress -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/16/2006 10:00:26 PM)
Here are some links to help you educate yourself. http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html http://www.domsub.info/faq.html http://gloriabrame.com/domidea/dompoe.htm http://www.femalesincontrol.com/courtship.htm http://towerofbabel.com/sections/erotica/submittedforyourapproval/indexofterminology/ http://www.nlacolumbus.com/education/sm101/smbasic.html http://www.castlerealm.com/ http://www.iron-rose.com/IR/docs/etiq.htm http://fetishexchange.org/protocol-and-etiquette.shtml http://www.sscn.org/abuse.html http://www.leathernroses.com/submission/subtraits.htm http://gloria-brame.com/domidea/subper.htm http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/jerseyaftercare.htm

Phoenixandnika -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/16/2006 10:36:33 PM)
Be true to yourself. Know your needs. Know your expectations. Be realistic. Be patient. Keep yourself safe. Think before you jump. Be honest with people about expreince or lack of it. And if you have specific question and I can help you can always email me or simply make a post and ask and get many view points. Blessed Be, Phoenix's Nika

MistressLove999 -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/16/2006 11:24:06 PM)
You will make mistakes along the way. Learn from them and keep growing. Read all you can. Ask tons of questions and advice like your doing. Talk to all types of people and even reading these forums you can learn things, ideas or see information like when things go wrong etc. Go slow and easy dont rush into things. Good luck,

thetammyjo -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/17/2006 7:24:43 AM)
You could always look for a mentor in your area by following the other advice and getting involved. Alternatively you could look for one online but that's best done one-on-one not as a general post. Read people's posts, check out their profiles, and see if anyones seem to click with you on a philosophical and ethical level -- not physical, a mentor is to help you not have sex with (in my opinion). You'll do better if they live closer to you but you can reach out. Then write a nice notes saying that you've read them online and mention a few points they've made that have resonnateed with you. Ask them if they would be open to the idea of being your mentor or friend. Now take a few weeks here to read and feel folks out. Don't just start sending out notes to folks asking them to mentor you. When you've taken time to get to know a bit more on your own, others will might feel better about helping you along. If you get a mentor be willing to do what they ask but have firm limits about what you will do. For example if they say "You should read this book" find the book and read it seriously. If they say something that contradicts with your own desires (like trying a role or sexual activity on your hard limits) or ethical code then they aren't the correct mentor and you may need to find another one.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/17/2006 8:21:54 AM)
I may get some flack for this BUT... If you're new to this...calling yourself "slave" is a bit premature. You're going to need some time actively (meaning real time) exploring and getting to know what about the lifestyle speaks to you and what works for you and your life. Wanting to be on the bottom doesn't automatically make one a slave no matter how much that term turns you on. "Slave" tends to be very generically used by those new to this....I think those who've been around a while have a higher expectation of someone who calls themselves "slave" than "hey I have this fantasy about being spanked" or the like. Wanting to be spanked doesn't make one a slave, or even a submissive - just means you want to get spanked. Through your learning and exploration, chances are you will find out that "slave" is not an adept description of what you want and who you are. And really...looking to be collared right out of the gate may be making too deep a commitment to someone too quickly. When I hear someone refer to themselves as "slave", I generally think it's one of two things. Either the person is very experienced and knows where they fit in the grand scheme of things in the lifestyle (in other words - they know they can go that deep); or they are a complete novice who is going to very slavishly tell me exactly how they want to be dominated, and then can't figure out why I pass on such an opportunity. It's kinda like those with no real time experience whatsoever often shout the loudest about knowing that they are a "REAL TRUE submissive" or a "REAL TRUE Dominant" or knowing who is. It's rather ridiculous, you know? "Real true" only means "closest to one's own personal fantasies". My suggestion? Read everything non-fiction that you can. Get involved in your local scene by going to munches and educational functions. Make friends with everyone. Extend courtesy to everyone. Explore. Spend a LOT of time soul searching and considering how and if this is something you can integrate into your life. And wear a crash helmet; it'll be a bumpy ride.

Najakcharmer -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/17/2006 9:18:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo If you get a mentor be willing to do what they ask but have firm limits about what you will do. For example if they say "You should read this book" find the book and read it seriously. If they say something that contradicts with your own desires (like trying a role or sexual activity on your hard limits) or ethical code then they aren't the correct mentor and you may need to find another one. I WILL B UR DOMINATE MENTUR. U WILL OBAY ME & DO ONLIE WHAT I/i TELL U. IF NOT THEN U/u R NOT A REEL SLAVE. U/u WILL NEVUR WEAR N E CLOTHIS & ALL WAYS B NEKKID. THAT IS WHAT A REEL SLAV BOY DOES. ALL TEH TIME. U/u WILL ALSO SEND M/me ALL OF UR/ur MONEYS B CAUSE REEL SLAVE BOYS R NOT ALLOWID 2 OWN N E THING. WHEN EVER U/u RITE 2 ME U/u WILL ALL WAYS HAVE A CUCUMBER UP UR/ur BUTT. A REELY BIG 1. WITH WASABI RANCH DRESSING. AND CROUTONS. THIS IS A SEEKRIT VICTORIAN RITUAL OF M/my ANCENT DOMINATRIX HOUSE. WHICH HAS BEEN KEEPING & TRAINING REEL SLAVES FOR 100 YRS. B CAUSE REEL DOMMES DONT EAT QUICHE. ONLY SALAD. I KNOW THE 159 REEL SLAVE RULES WHICH R THE ONLY REEL SLAVE RULES WHICH EVERY BODY SHOULD KNOW. IF U/u WANT 2 KNOW THEM U/u WILL SUBMITE 2 ME. I AM TEH ONLY REEL DOMINATE ON THIS SITE. U/u R NOT ALLOWID 2 EVER TALK TO ANY BODY ELSE OR QUESTIUN M/me. U/u MUST DELET EVERY BODY ELSES MAIL W/OUT READING IT. B CAUSE EVERY BODY ELSE HERE IS JUST A FAKE. THEY ARE NOT REEL LIKE ME. U BE REEL 2 AND SUBMITE 2 M/me. ALL OF YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US. I think I got most of the "warning flags" and danger signs covered here. Did I miss any? [8D]

MstrssSatin -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/17/2006 9:39:21 AM)
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!! Thanks Najakcharmer. That's the best laugh I've had all day. And yep that about covers all the warning signs.

Najakcharmer -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/17/2006 9:53:57 AM)
pulls tongue out of cheek Seriously, to the OP, if you wanna get some actual benefit out of a silly post, see if you can actually make a list all of the red flags that are illustrated in it (albeit in a rather exaggerated way). Usually the warning signs aren't quite so silly and obvious, but they'll be basically the same ones. So it's good to learn how to spot'em early on.

thetammyjo -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/17/2006 10:27:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo If you get a mentor be willing to do what they ask but have firm limits about what you will do. For example if they say "You should read this book" find the book and read it seriously. If they say something that contradicts with your own desires (like trying a role or sexual activity on your hard limits) or ethical code then they aren't the correct mentor and you may need to find another one. I WILL B UR DOMINATE MENTUR. U WILL OBAY ME & DO ONLIE WHAT I/i TELL U. IF NOT THEN U/u R NOT A REEL SLAVE. U/u WILL NEVUR WEAR N E CLOTHIS & ALL WAYS B NEKKID. THAT IS WHAT A REEL SLAV BOY DOES. ALL TEH TIME. U/u WILL ALSO SEND M/me ALL OF UR/ur MONEYS B CAUSE REEL SLAVE BOYS R NOT ALLOWID 2 OWN N E THING. WHEN EVER U/u RITE 2 ME U/u WILL ALL WAYS HAVE A CUCUMBER UP UR/ur BUTT. A REELY BIG 1. WITH WASABI RANCH DRESSING. AND CROUTONS. THIS IS A SEEKRIT VICTORIAN RITUAL OF M/my ANCENT DOMINATRIX HOUSE. WHICH HAS BEEN KEEPING & TRAINING REEL SLAVES FOR 100 YRS. B CAUSE REEL DOMMES DONT EAT QUICHE. ONLY SALAD. I KNOW THE 159 REEL SLAVE RULES WHICH R THE ONLY REEL SLAVE RULES WHICH EVERY BODY SHOULD KNOW. IF U/u WANT 2 KNOW THEM U/u WILL SUBMITE 2 ME. I AM TEH ONLY REEL DOMINATE ON THIS SITE. U/u R NOT ALLOWID 2 EVER TALK TO ANY BODY ELSE OR QUESTIUN M/me. U/u MUST DELET EVERY BODY ELSES MAIL W/OUT READING IT. B CAUSE EVERY BODY ELSE HERE IS JUST A FAKE. THEY ARE NOT REEL LIKE ME. U BE REEL 2 AND SUBMITE 2 M/me. ALL OF YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US. I think I got most of the "warning flags" and danger signs covered here. Did I miss any? [8D] Run if you see anything even close to the above. Except for the last bit cause that just means he/she is a geek -- and those can be cool! (Tom has a t-shirt that says that on it)

Najakcharmer -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/17/2006 10:38:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo Run if you see anything even close to the above. Shhh! You're scaring away my potential wasabi-ranch-dressing-cucumber-money slave! quote: Except for the last bit cause that just means he/she is a geek -- and those can be cool! (Tom has a t-shirt that says that on it) Guilty. LOL

ginawithaB -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/17/2006 10:49:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood I may get some flack for this BUT... If you're new to this...calling yourself "slave" is a bit premature. You're going to need some time actively (meaning real time) exploring and getting to know what about the lifestyle speaks to you and what works for you and your life. Wanting to be on the bottom doesn't automatically make one a slave no matter how much that term turns you on. "Slave" tends to be very generically used by those new to this....I think those who've been around a while have a higher expectation of someone who calls themselves "slave" than "hey I have this fantasy about being spanked" or the like. Wanting to be spanked doesn't make one a slave, or even a submissive - just means you want to get spanked. Through your learning and exploration, chances are you will find out that "slave" is not an adept description of what you want and who you are. And really...looking to be collared right out of the gate may be making too deep a commitment to someone too quickly. When I hear someone refer to themselves as "slave", I generally think it's one of two things. Either the person is very experienced and knows where they fit in the grand scheme of things in the lifestyle (in other words - they know they can go that deep); or they are a complete novice who is going to very slavishly tell me exactly how they want to be dominated, and then can't figure out why I pass on such an opportunity. It's kinda like those with no real time experience whatsoever often shout the loudest about knowing that they are a "REAL TRUE submissive" or a "REAL TRUE Dominant" or knowing who is. It's rather ridiculous, you know? "Real true" only means "closest to one's own personal fantasies". My suggestion? Read everything non-fiction that you can. Get involved in your local scene by going to munches and educational functions. Make friends with everyone. Extend courtesy to everyone. Explore. Spend a LOT of time soul searching and considering how and if this is something you can integrate into your life. And wear a crash helmet; it'll be a bumpy ride. Well, whether you get flack about this or not, it's actually very true and useful information you write here. I am relatively new to this to and can attest that, though it has been a challenge getting to know myself (and I do so hate it when everybody says, "know yourself, know yourself," still it's true), it is a process well worth it. And the everyday realization that I still have a lot to learn. Nothing wrong with taking it slow, pacing oneself. Trying things out in a safe way, and by safe I mean being aware of risks and doing what you, the individual, need to do to be safe...and that is different for everybody. OP, you've taken a good first step. You've started to ask questions. That will lead you to answers, but not necessarily right away. So, try to be a little patient and try to make real life, face-to-face friends with people in the lifestyle. PPl you can call up and go out with, who will guide you and watch your back. This is invaluable support. And please, please don't go for the first collar offered...go slowly. Try to learn something from other people's experiences and take things with a grain of salt. Most of all, be true to you and take care of you. Peace

mslave2bcollared -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/18/2006 8:46:39 PM)
i

mslave2bcollared -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/18/2006 9:01:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood I may get some flack for this BUT... If you're new to this...calling yourself "slave" is a bit premature. You're going to need some time actively (meaning real time) exploring and getting to know what about the lifestyle speaks to you and what works for you and your life. Wanting to be on the bottom doesn't automatically make one a slave no matter how much that term turns you on. "Slave" tends to be very generically used by those new to this....I think those who've been around a while have a higher expectation of someone who calls themselves "slave" than "hey I have this fantasy about being spanked" or the like. Wanting to be spanked doesn't make one a slave, or even a submissive - just means you want to get spanked. Through your learning and exploration, chances are you will find out that "slave" is not an adept description of what you want and who you are. And really...looking to be collared right out of the gate may be making too deep a commitment to someone too quickly. When I hear someone refer to themselves as "slave", I generally think it's one of two things. Either the person is very experienced and knows where they fit in the grand scheme of things in the lifestyle (in other words - they know they can go that deep); or they are a complete novice who is going to very slavishly tell me exactly how they want to be dominated, and then can't figure out why I pass on such an opportunity. It's kinda like those with no real time experience whatsoever often shout the loudest about knowing that they are a "REAL TRUE submissive" or a "REAL TRUE Dominant" or knowing who is. It's rather ridiculous, you know? "Real true" only means "closest to one's own personal fantasies". My suggestion? Read everything non-fiction that you can. Get involved in your local scene by going to munches and educational functions. Make friends with everyone. Extend courtesy to everyone. Explore. Spend a LOT of time soul searching and considering how and if this is something you can integrate into your life. And wear a crash helmet; it'll be a bumpy ride. Reason i call myself a slave is becuz i was told that a submissive person. never lasts long. They are only there for a certain amount of time and then the Domme or Dom gets rid of them.. A slave is someone that lasts for the rest of his or her time. i do not want something that is only going to be for a little while or when the Domme gets tired of me i have to pick up and leave.if this is wrong then please let me know. i know there are alot of subissie people in here and i have never thought about asking anyone about this, but i hope that i have not offended A/anyone.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guideness... (5/19/2006 6:36:37 AM)
quote: Reason i call myself a slave is becuz i was told that a submissive person. never lasts long. They are only there for a certain amount of time and then the Domme or Dom gets rid of them.. A slave is someone that lasts for the rest of his or her time. i do not want something that is only going to be for a little while or when the Domme gets tired of me i have to pick up and leave.if this is wrong then please let me know. i know there are alot of subissie people in here and i have never thought about asking anyone about this, but i hope that i have not offended A/anyone. Whether one calls oneself "submissive" or "slave" has absolutely nothing to do with longevity of a relationship. Do you honestly think calling yourself "slave" means she'll never get rid of you? After all, people vow marriage is forever and ever, and yet look at the divorce rate. So yes - THAT is a complete and total misconception. One thing you SHOULD be aware of is that "long term" relationships in this lifestyle, while not impossible, ARE few and far between. It's hard to find a partner, and it's hard to make it last once the initial flush of lust has died back. You need to mesh on both a kink AND a vanilla level to really get any kind of longevity, and that is, quite frankly, rare. If a long term stable relationship is your goal more so than exploring BDSM, then frankly, you will have MUCH better luck finding a vanilla wife. Not a popular concept, but it's fairly accurate. While finding that long term BDSM relationship IS possible, it's good to keep in mind that it's also possible to hit the lottery, even if it's unlikely. There are a lot of debates over where the line is between "submissive" vs. "slave" vs. "bottom" (and if you look even slightly, you can find such threads here), but the gist of it is how much control one gives up. And while giving up total control might sound really hot and sound like something you want, without experience to temper your fantasies, you really have no idea. You really need to do some homework other than chatting with people online - but you know that, and you've been pointed in the right direction by others on this thread.

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