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How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 7:07:11 AM

siamsa24

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This gets a little personal, just a warning before you start reading.

Just to give a little background, I have been with my partner (now husband) for 8 years and we have a 3 year old daughter. We still manage to squeeze in play sessions and managed to get pregnant again. We immediately stopped all pain play (I am a masochist) and bondage because of the baby. Well, some things are just not meant to be and I ended up losing the baby. Because is was a missed miscarriage I had to have surgery to remove the fetus and there were complications (they were unable to stop me from bleeding, resulting in many injections of a clotting agent and a longer recovery time).
Here is the dilemma, my doctor told me I was "good to go" sexually after 2-3 weeks. She then proceeded to L&D to give birth to her little one (yes, she did my surgery while in labor, she's the awesomesauce) and is now on maternity leave. She is also not aware of how "enthusiastic" our intimate time is (I don't consider it a full success unless I am rather marked up the next day, but that's just my preference

).
It has been 4 weeks and I am still having pain (although I finally stopped bleeding after about 17 days). We have kept it pretty vanilla, but I am itching for our normal routine.
I am not so keen on telling my doctor (or her substitute) what my husband and I do in private (I have actually lost doctors that way and it gets more complicated with a preschooler, some doctors would be calling CPS before you even get all the way out the door), but I would like to know when it's safe to get a little more intense with our time.
I know there are some people here with medical background and I'm hoping someone can help me out here.

Post #: 1

RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 7:34:35 AM

tazzygirl

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You state you are still in pain. Im assuming from the incision? How intense is the play you two enjoy?

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 7:45:20 AM

siamsa24

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No, the pain is all internal. I had to have a D&C so there was no incision, I am having pain in my ovaries.

Our play is only mildly intense, it's mostly just pain play and some bondage (we do have a preschooler in the house so we have to keep things a little quiet). I just worry about causing further harm to my insides, you know?

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 7:47:44 AM

tazzygirl

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Is this pain typical for you? Or is this something new?

I have to go to a Drs appointment. I will check back when I get home.

However, there are a few questions...

Any fever recently? Would indicate the pain is related to an infection.

Is the pain a new level of pain for you? Its not uncommon to have increased pain with the first period.

Could you be pregnant again? Thats not uncommon either.

My SAFE suggestion would be to figure out when your period is due and work from there. I would also suggest you keep the play light for now. Would be hard to explain a whole lot of bruises if you have to go back for a pelvic infection.

Just a few thoughts until I get more info from you. If you feel uncomfortable discussing it here, you can always cmail me!

< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 7/5/2011 7:55:31 AM >

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to siamsa24)

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 7:55:04 AM

siamsa24

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New since the surgery

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 8:56:48 AM

hlen5

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I'm so sorry for your loss.

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 9:12:49 AM

siamsa24

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Tazzygirl,
No fever, but this is a new level of pain for me. I generally have painful periods, but this pain actually stops me from whatever I am doing and I have to hold my breath. I expected it for a week or two, but it has been 4 weeks now and the pain just comes and goes in waves.
I don't know when to expect my next period, I bled for 17 days following the surgery, but I don't know if that was a period or if it was just a reaction to the procedure. I have been afraid to take a pregnancy test, I don't want the disappointment of it being negative and I don't want the fear of it being positive.

Hlen,
Thank you. It's been tough, but I am taking it day by day.

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 10:36:53 AM

tazzygirl

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Are your breasts tender? Have you had a follow-up visit with your Dr? I have a feeling one wouldnt hurt. It very well could be your period coming on. I would call whoever is covering her case load... Im hoping she left you a name just in case, yes?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to siamsa24)

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 1:41:37 PM

siamsa24

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My breasts are not tender.

I hesitate to call the doctor taking over the cases because I don't like her bedside manner.
I called her about 10 days after the procedure because I was still bleeding and had a significant increase in volume (to the point where it frightened me, which is hard to do). When she called me back (I left a message with the nurse because the doctor wasn't available) she stated that "it is normal to have heavy bleeding after an abortion (!)" and to "take 800mg of Ibuprofen" which is a blood thinner. When I told her I wasn't comfortable taking a blood thinner because of the amount of bleeding I had during the procedure and would it be alright if I took the hydrocodone my doctor had prescribed she got mad and said that SHE was recommending I take ibuprofen and that if I didn't like her advice then why did I call and ask for it?
I am really hoping to wait until my doctor gets back, but that's still 2 weeks and a few days away!

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 1:47:34 PM

tazzygirl

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Provided she doesnt have any complications herself. But I do understand your hesitancy.

Based upon what you have said, keep the play light until you can see your Doctor. As you said, its just two weeks, and better safe than sorry. But the first sign of a fever get to a Doctor... even if its just the ER.

In all honesty, you had a major procedure done less than a month ago. Let your body heal.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 10

RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 2:56:21 PM

DesFIP

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Medically the term miscarriage is not used. Doctors use the term spontaneous abortion, so don't get upset over her using it.

Has your doctor announced when she will be coming back to work? The office ought to know. If it's six months, then find another doctor.

Otherwise I would wait until you're fully healed which you obviously aren't.

My condolences on your loss.

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 3:08:16 PM

GreedyTop

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Sorry for your loss, I cant even imagine *hug*

another option is to get copies of your records, and find another doctor to attend to you for THIS issue.. could be, you might find one that has a better 'bedside manner' and that you would feel more comfortable discussing your intimate activities with.

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 3:21:11 PM

tazzygirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Medically the term miscarriage is not used. Doctors use the term spontaneous abortion, so don't get upset over her using it.

Has your doctor announced when she will be coming back to work? The office ought to know. If it's six months, then find another doctor.

Otherwise I would wait until you're fully healed which you obviously aren't.

My condolences on your loss.

I was more concerned about the ibuprofen aspect. But, if she doesnt feel comfortable with a Doctor, they usually arent the best onnes for the patient to see.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 4:28:30 PM

siamsa24

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I understand that abortion is the medical term, but as she is someone who specializes in the care of pregnant women I would think this doctor would realize the impact those words have on someone who experienced a loss less then 3 weeks prior. Even the term "d&c" would have been less upsetting.

And the ibuprofen thing just made me confused and angry. I ended up speaking to a pharmacist (I work at a drug store) about which pain killer to use and he told me to take the hydrocodone. I just keep wondering what would have happened if I hadn't studied basic pharmacology and wasn't able to ask a trusted professional what to do.

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 5:40:08 PM

kiwisub12

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First off, you shouldn't be having pain from the d&c this far out. In fact, you should have just had some cramping equivalent to period pain for a few days, and then nothing. It is unusual to have pain this late in the proceedings. You also shouldn't have bled for 17 days.

If you aren't running a fever, and your discharge isn't smelly, there probably wouldn't be a problem with waiting another few weeks. However, depending on how much you are bleeding, if you start getting dizzy when standing or having light headed episodes , you need to call the doctors office and tell them how long you have been bleeding , how much you have been bleeding and the fact that you are dizzy and light headed. You may be dropping your blood counts enough that you can't compensate.

Does your doctor have an office nurse? and if so, could you call her and tell her what is going on? She may be able to order lab work without you having to see the other doctor.

and if you keep the level of info you give your doctor to " we enjoy a bit of rough sex" I really don't see any one calling agencies. Heck, if they did, the agencies would be overwhelmed! The thing is, you can't act as if you are embarassed or they may interperate that as fear, or apprehension on your part, or trying to cover for abuse. Be ballsie and smile when you say it.

If you are still bleeding and haven't stopped since the d&c, I wouldn't recommend sex (possibly open cervix, even though that would seem unlikely). Pain play as far as whips and floggers go wouldn't be much of an issue, but would stay away from insertables.

(in reply to siamsa24)

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 8:09:45 PM

siamsa24

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I run into a bit of trouble because I am an Aspie and have trouble with eye contact and general conversation anyway, one of the reasons I don't want another doctor is because MY doctor has been with me for years. I can actually have a conversation with her without too much trouble (although still no eye contact, that takes a VERY long time to establish) thankfully she understands my issues for the most part.
I stopped bleeding a little over a week ago and we started having some sex again, although very light because of the pain. I just don't want to call and have that same doctor call me back, do you think a midwife would be able to answer my questions? I saw a midwife in the practice for a while and I kind of liked her......

We don't do much with insertables, just pain and bondage (I prefer the pain, bondage is hubby's preference), but I hesitated to do even those.
I have gone in with a VERY clear handprint-shaped bruise on my thigh and my doctor didn't bat an eye, I guess that's a good sign, but I am still worried (I think I worry too much......). I also don't know how another doctor would react to that. I have already had CPS called because of another doctor and I don't want that repeated, I could lose my daughter (they told me that if they get another call they will take her away as a precaution) and I don't even want to think about that, that would push me over the edge, she is what keeps me going every day.

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 8:32:18 PM

hlen5

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quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I understand that abortion is the medical term, but as she is someone who specializes in the care of pregnant women I would think this doctor would realize the impact those words have on someone who experienced a loss less then 3 weeks prior. Even the term "d&c" would have been less upsetting.

She might have that MDiety mentality, but I agree she could not have been unaware of the effect that term would have. What an ass.

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RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 10:56:47 PM

tazzygirl

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Which is why I prefer Midwives and NP's.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to hlen5)

Post #: 18

RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/5/2011 11:02:28 PM

tazzygirl

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Joined: 10/12/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I run into a bit of trouble because I am an Aspie and have trouble with eye contact and general conversation anyway, one of the reasons I don't want another doctor is because MY doctor has been with me for years. I can actually have a conversation with her without too much trouble (although still no eye contact, that takes a VERY long time to establish) thankfully she understands my issues for the most part.
I stopped bleeding a little over a week ago and we started having some sex again, although very light because of the pain. I just don't want to call and have that same doctor call me back, do you think a midwife would be able to answer my questions? I saw a midwife in the practice for a while and I kind of liked her......

We don't do much with insertables, just pain and bondage (I prefer the pain, bondage is hubby's preference), but I hesitated to do even those.
I have gone in with a VERY clear handprint-shaped bruise on my thigh and my doctor didn't bat an eye, I guess that's a good sign, but I am still worried (I think I worry too much......). I also don't know how another doctor would react to that. I have already had CPS called because of another doctor and I don't want that repeated, I could lose my daughter (they told me that if they get another call they will take her away as a precaution) and I don't even want to think about that, that would push me over the edge, she is what keeps me going every day.

Ok,,, lets chat. If you are having pain during sex at this point... stop having sex. Again, the procedure you went through does require manipulation of your internal organs. You may be causing much of your own pain just by having sex.

And, yes, a Midwife is knowledgeable enough to answer your questions. If you feel comfortable talking to her as openly and honestly as you have here, give her a call.

Not being able to actually take a physical assessment of you is hindering my ability to tell you what is wrong. I can give you my medical opinion, but it would be just that.

Doesn't hurt to give someone you like, and can physically see, a call. Im all probability you are either pregnant again, you are still bruised, or you are having problems that need to be addressed. The only way to know for sure is to talk to someone who can give you a real physical.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 19

RE: How soon can we play after surgery? - 7/6/2011 3:53:49 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
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quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I run into a bit of trouble because I am an Aspie and have trouble with eye contact and general conversation anyway, one of the reasons I don't want another doctor is because MY doctor has been with me for years. I can actually have a conversation with her without too much trouble (although still no eye contact, that takes a VERY long time to establish) thankfully she understands my issues for the most part.
I stopped bleeding a little over a week ago and we started having some sex again, although very light because of the pain. I just don't want to call and have that same doctor call me back, do you think a midwife would be able to answer my questions? I saw a midwife in the practice for a while and I kind of liked her......

We don't do much with insertables, just pain and bondage (I prefer the pain, bondage is hubby's preference), but I hesitated to do even those.
I have gone in with a VERY clear handprint-shaped bruise on my thigh and my doctor didn't bat an eye, I guess that's a good sign, but I am still worried (I think I worry too much......). I also don't know how another doctor would react to that. I have already had CPS called because of another doctor and I don't want that repeated, I could lose my daughter (they told me that if they get another call they will take her away as a precaution) and I don't even want to think about that, that would push me over the edge, she is what keeps me going every day.

My suggestion is that when your regular doctor comes back and the issue is straightened out that you then have a chat with her.
I am assuming she knows you have asperger's?
I would simply explain that you and your husband sometimes engage in consentual sex practices that are a little bit non-conventional and for instance you sometimes like to be spanked.
She has seen a hand print and did not seem concerned.
I don't think she is going to call cps even though I do understand your concern in that area.
But letting her know ahead of time is a better option than her thinking you might be abused...?

As for the other Dr, I am fairly sure she crossed a line: I understand abour mandated reporting but am not sure how I like being spanked could ever translate into suspicions of child abuse unless the worry was you were doing kinky sex stuff in front of your child...but I know it happens... however here is the NCSF link: https://ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/incident-response/incident-response.html
and their Kink Aware Professionals page
https://ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/kink-aware-professionals/kap-program-page.html

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