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Finding a Mentor - 10/13/2004 5:46:37 PM

IslandDom20

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

Hello A/all again,
I have been studying furiously, reading for hours about everything BDSM, even a little into Gor. I have been soaking up a lot of knowledge, but still find it to be lacking to the actual knowledge you can learn from a real DOM/ME. So if anyone is willing to help a young Dom, please any experience and knowledge will help. Shoot me an email, or maybe even just in the forum, for everyone to enjoy! Thankyou for taking your time reading this, and may all that you seek, be found.

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 10/13/2004 6:30:48 PM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
Status: offline

Island,
You are on the right track, read, soak up, and read some more!
Are there munches in your area? Anything relating to the lifestyle?
Talk to these people, even the subs, they are a great resource.
I have been involved in this lifestyle for many years, before the vast reaches of the Internet, and I learned from trying, but I continue to learn everyday, from the mostly wonderful people on this site, and even from my new sub.
As I have said before, take the time to learn this trade, not just the tricks of the trade. Fancy knots are great, but if they cause gangrene, not so great!
Welcome to a wonderful lifestyle, feel free to email me anytime!

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

(in reply to IslandDom20)

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 10/13/2004 6:49:25 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

Welcome to the forums IslandDom, from Issaquah. If you browse through the threads here you will find a lot of good information. Good luck in your search for a mentor.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 10/13/2004 6:50:45 PM >

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to IslandDom20)

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 10/13/2004 7:23:08 PM

DiamondDiva

Posts: 266
Joined: 10/10/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

REad, REad REad! and Learn, Learn, Learn.

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~Diamond Diva~

" When someone is telling you who they are LET THEM!!!

(in reply to proudsub)

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 10/13/2004 7:24:44 PM

DiamondDiva

Posts: 266
Joined: 10/10/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Oh and did I mention READ!!!

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~Diamond Diva~

" When someone is telling you who they are LET THEM!!!

(in reply to IslandDom20)

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 10/16/2004 8:25:39 AM

Riff

Posts: 51
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Island welcome from someone with as few posts as you.

What impressed me most about your question is that you are seeking guidance from like. I've heard the expression "Mentor" bandied around a lot by those who seek to use it as a substitute to "train" submissives without the responsibility of actually owning them (Ok, I'm aware that's a somewhat controversial view, but don't bite me. Ok, if you insist )

I remember when I was first finding my feet, a few years ago. It was sometimes tough. If I can give you any advice it's to find someone who doesn't mind you asking questions of them, who knows what you're looking for, and who is happy to help you. (Almost as tough as finding a sub in some ways - but dont' let it put you off. It'll make you a great friend if nothing else) And most of all remember this the only stupid question is the one you didn't ask

Cheers

Riff

(in reply to DiamondDiva)

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 10/18/2004 5:22:44 AM

masterLon3446

Posts: 48
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

Mentor...Many claim to be a mentor but, are certainly not, exactly what is a mentor.....a mentor can be anyone with knowledge of the lifestyle, both, realtime and virtualtime, with general knowledge of the whole lifestyle, not just a certain part, a mentor does not teach of just one part of the lifestyle alone, he/she teaches about the whole lifestyle. it is you that decide what part of this lifestyle your most interested in, later. they can be submissive/slave,Dom/me, Master or Mistress, a mentor is a Confidant, a Counselor, a Friend but most of all a Teacher, you must be able to trust them explicidly, he/she is not your dom/me, they have no control over you, there is no exchange of pictures no need really, its not what you look like, its whats between your ears that counts.....you do not submit to them, they do not punish you, there is no cyber play, nor actual play, this is a no hands on type of teaching, you learn by talking, they guide you and answer questions and help you in understanding this lifestyle. Once you accept a mentor and he/she accepts you, that mentor will always be available to answer questions for you, even after you obtain a Dom/me or sub/slave...if this mentor does not fulfil his/her obligations to you as a teacher you have the right to seek another any time you want, but only one mentor at a time, a mentor again is a hands off type of teacher he/she is not a trainer, I want to make one thing clear here, no one can teach you to be something you are not, as a dom you can not be taught to be a submissive/slave, a submissive/slave can not be taught to be a Dom/me this comes from your heart and soul, what you desire to be in this life, if your a switch and need help in understanding a mentor can help that way, no one can teach you to enjoy pain, no one can teach you to enjoy anything that is not within yourself to want it...therefore a true Dom/me can not be a true submissive, but, they can be a switch... there was a saying, a really good Dom/me was once a good slave, this is hogwash, what you desire to be is deep within your heart and soul look there to find whom you are...Goodluck in you search...

(in reply to IslandDom20)

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 10/18/2004 10:33:34 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Island -
I have mentored, been mentored, am mentoring, and seeking mentor-ship, and that's after a scant 20+ years at this. There is no right way of seeking ultimate knowledge and truth. I'll pass on my favorite piece of advise when it comes to this question. Make sure your mentor has real life experience. That assumes you are seeking same.

As far as selecting one? As other's suggest, read the threads in the message boards, and just send a message to anyone of them who appears to have some knowledge that you lack. I'd also say don't limit that to only those who identify themselves as Master / Dom. To understand a woman you need to talk with one, and learn their perspective. The same applies to learning about dealing with a sub or slave.

I'd also recommend that you try to find someone close enough to visit and talk to in person. The written word and even remote phone conversation eliminates key communication tools. And corresponding via email is like taking an essay test, unless you know the questioners mind-set you may answer or get an answer not intended.

Aristotle, Plato, Buddha, Christ, Muhammad, all used the 'Socratic' method of teaching. I think there should be no other btw - where the pupil learned by direction not directive. Even when there is only ONE answer there are many paths to it. And it is in the path that the lesson is truly learned.

Good Luck!

Merc

(in reply to IslandDom20)

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 10/25/2004 12:00:05 PM

serenity2u

Posts: 25
Joined: 7/9/2004
From: MSN
Status: offline

well well well. Now this is a good topic and question.. Mentors are protectors,they are people you can tell anything to and it will be held in deep secrecy..I see people taking that title and using it to gain closeness to women which in my opinion is degrading and stupid.. I am just a submissive and I once had a Couple who were Mentors together in Onelist years ago..They were great and very helpful.. I just wish there were more couples doing this and being as they say they are Mentors.. Sometimes i look to find advice only to be shown nobody knows the answers,so where do we (subs/slaves go for the answers if it is not written.. I have seen Old Guards I have asked and they have helped but they are not subs/slaves they are Dominants..I had a Dom but found Him to be rather busy fishing for other subs so we are no longer One. So I ask where do one go for the answers? It shouldn't matter what the questions are .What should matter is being directed on the right path..with One or two Mentors that truly knows the answers.. smiles.. serenity

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serenity

(in reply to IslandDom20)

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 10/27/2004 10:55:00 PM

Nagatzhul

Posts: 19
Joined: 3/21/2004
Status: offline

May I suggest taking this to real life? You are only going to find so much on line and it is hard to separate out the truth from the fluff.

If you are living in Issaquah, you are not far from the Wetspot (http://www.wetspot.org/) in Seattle. There is a lot you could learn from real people, if you decide to introduce yourself.

_____________________________

"The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong
about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly
taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time."
-George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to IslandDom20)

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 10/27/2004 10:59:56 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

If you are living in Issaquah, you are not far from the Wetspot

Actually i'm the one in Issaquah. My guess is he's on one of the local islands.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Nagatzhul)

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 10/28/2004 7:25:28 AM

MrThorns

Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Join a local organization, volunteer your time to help with munches, parties, etc., attend functions, and meet the people in your area. From that point, you may find someone who is willing to formally Mentor you.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to IslandDom20)

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 11/1/2004 5:49:38 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Excuse My posting in Your area Masters..

Island
I mentor monday thru friday on MSN
in Gor and BDSM. email Me for directions.
I am in Florida and Jamaica if You are
close to either online mentorship can
be taken to real life as well. Good Luck
in Your search.

(in reply to MrThorns)

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RE: Finding a Mentor - 11/9/2004 10:10:42 AM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

The irony, I think, in this thread is that the people I would personally think would make great mentors, would probably never advertise that they offer mentorship. People who openly advertise that they are willing to take on others for mentorship, I usually would avoid.

Best suggestions I can give you, are to echo what is already said - read lots, participate on these forums, and try to attend local meetings - but most importantly, the right answers are really in your own mind and heart (god that sounded sappy.) If it feels right, roll with it. If it seems wrong, it probably is. When it's just you and your slave/sub/partnercreature, and you're not sure - ask her! "Do you like this?" is the fastest way to make sure you're not making a huge mistake.

Best of luck to you.

Stephan

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http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

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