Sub/slaves or not (Full Version)

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MstrssSatin -> Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 6:42:40 AM)

Ladies I need to know if the following is common. I am speaking to a prospective sub who wishes to eventually be My 24/7 slave. He is a professional, well spoken, mannered, etc. He has the right demeanor, physicque and lack of attachements that suit me.  The problem has been during our conversations he wants long detail step-by-step "what if" scanrios of everything I will require/expect of him and every possible scene I may experiment with.  He asks the same questions during each conversation and ask me continuously if I will spank/sodomize/humiliate him. Then he wants to know how, with what and where. I am being to think he just likes kinky phone conversations. When I begin to assert My authority he becomes quiet. Although he claims to be a slave with a great deal of experience I am beginning to think it is not so. Also, one of my stipulations is that the sub be able to function in vanilla as well. I have tried to have strictly vanilla conversations with him but he always turn back to lifestyle. Has anyone else encountered this type of behavior? Can it be corrected? Is it worth it? Or is he just "blowing smoke" and I should quit wasting my time on him? Any advice or insight would be appreciated. Thank you.

Mistress Satin



thetammyjo -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 7:06:26 AM)

I don't think you should base any decision on only online or telephone interactions.

You'll need to see him face-to-face and have hours of that type of interaction.

I'd say if he asking so many questions that means he's been burned in the past and wants to be prepared OR as you guess he's interested more in jerk off material.

If it were me, I'd tell him that I will earn his trust and once I have it I will use him properly. Properly is dependant on many things at the time. I do use scripts and I do not plan out my use because it comes naturally to me. If he continues to pester me with questions of this time, I'd say "Thank you for your time but we are not well-suited to each other".



Proprietrix -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 7:27:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssSatin
He asks the same questions during each conversation and ask me continuously if I will spank/sodomize/humiliate him. Then he wants to know how, with what and where. I am being to think he just likes kinky phone conversations.


Yup. Sounds like a wanker to me.



MstrssSatin -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 7:33:29 AM)

Thank you Tammy Jo for your advice, its very helpful. I have met him in person once over dinner. Even though I did try to draw him into a casual conversation to see how well he could interact in public, he gave mainly yes and no answers and could not relax or converse in any meaningful way. At the time I put it down to nervousness, now I am wondering if he is just too wrapped up in his own fantasy of what the lifestyle is.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 7:41:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssSatin
He asks the same questions during each conversation and ask me continuously if I will spank/sodomize/humiliate him. Then he wants to know how, with what and where. I am being to think he just likes kinky phone conversations.


Yup. Sounds like a wanker to me.


Yeppers, I gots to agree here. I've had conversations like that too many times. I always make it clear that I do NOT "play" on the first face to face, but somehow that escapes those types completely. One guy I talked to for three or four months and it always went back to the same thing, and each time it did I told him again, no play on the first face to face... it finally sunk it and he told me he wouldn't waste anymore of my time.

Jewel



SweetDommes -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 7:42:34 AM)

We had a potential like this - because he lived too far away for a casual 'quickie' visit, we never even made it to the point of meeting face to face.  He constantly focused on his fantasies ... he would ask "do you think this is hot?" and then go into detail about a fantasy of his ... or he would would ask "do you think you could get into this" or whatever his question was, and then launch into a scene idea or something he had done with a partner in the past.

I finally told him that because I couldn't keep him off of sexual conversations for more than 5 minutes at a time and was tired of it, that he could either learn to control himself, or he could quit talking to us entirely.  Holly was unhappy with me for my decision, but I had been trying to redirect conversations with the guy for weeks - either by changing the topic or flat out saying "I don't want to discuss this" and was tired of it.  I had talked to him about it multiple times with no results, so I chose a way that got results.  The result was that he got angry and rude, told me that what we are looking for doesn't exist and that we are bitches for portraying ourselves as we do (apparently, the fact that we are bisexual Female Dominants means that we have to be into cuckolding and forced feminization *looks around, confused*).  I figure that we are better off without him.



MstrssSatin -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 8:01:01 AM)

Thank you all. I thought as much. I guess getting his phone kinks from a Mistress is a lot cheaper than calling a sex phone line. *sigh*  Ah well, back to the drawing board.



NINASHARP -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 8:26:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssSatin

Ladies I need to know if the following is common. I am speaking to a prospective sub who wishes to eventually be My 24/7 slave. He is a professional, well spoken, mannered, etc. He has the right demeanor, physicque and lack of attachements that suit me.  The problem has been during our conversations he wants long detail step-by-step "what if" scanrios of everything I will require/expect of him and every possible scene I may experiment with.  He asks the same questions during each conversation and ask me continuously if I will spank/sodomize/humiliate him. Then he wants to know how, with what and where. I am being to think he just likes kinky phone conversations. When I begin to assert My authority he becomes quiet. Although he claims to be a slave with a great deal of experience I am beginning to think it is not so.


If he claims to have experience, then ask him for a reference. I always asked for one, and out of respect, would refuse anyone who had ever seen the Mistress who showed me the ropes in domination.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssSatin
Also, one of my stipulations is that the sub be able to function in vanilla as well. I have tried to have strictly vanilla conversations with him but he always turn back to lifestyle. Has anyone else encountered this type of behavior? Can it be corrected? Is it worth it? Or is he just "blowing smoke" and I should quit wasting my time on him? Any advice or insight would be appreciated. Thank you.

Mistress Satin



A simple way to cut this kind of crap out is just simply answer his questions  "That remains to be seen!" 

I agree with others here, he is most likely just getting his thrills out of jerking you around with all the details, before even meeting you. If you still want to continue with him, design a questionaire to have him fill out. I still have one in web form, if you need it. That will take the mystery out of what he is might expect and cuts through the chase.  



LadyMorgynn -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 8:33:08 AM)

Hah! I bet I know this guy.  Seven months later and he was still blowing smoke, STILL asking the same questions, STILL insisting on turning the conversation to kink... and when I put him on Ignore he makes a new screen name and promises frantically to be good and do everything I ask of him... and in the very next breath he wants to know how I want him to kneel before me yadayadayada.

Just walk away and don't look back.



UtopianRanger -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 8:54:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssSatin
He asks the same questions during each conversation and ask me continuously if I will spank/sodomize/humiliate him. Then he wants to know how, with what and where. I am being to think he just likes kinky phone conversations.


Yup. Sounds like a wanker to me.


LMAO!! I bet he won't show either! I have lady friends here who tell me dudes that talk like that, never show up.


Good luck to the OP.


 - R



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 10:54:28 AM)

The ones like this that I've run into are looking for wanker material. Schedule him to come mow the grass...then see if he shows up.

Fire




MstrssSatin -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 11:11:20 AM)

All good advice and info. Thank you all so much. *pondering* Now should I simply dismiss him and say we're not suited? Or assign him the task of cutting down the bed of sticker bushes by the garage and then dismiss him? Or maybe I should tie him to  a metal post and crop the hell out of him for wasting My time?   Descisions....descisions......



LaTigresse -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 11:12:56 AM)

Satin, I agree with the general consesus. I get alot of the same thing from women oddly enough. Try and get them to have a conversation about regular boring ol vanilla life stuff and they either do as your guy did and keep trying to change the conversation back to "what will You do to me if" "I really need 'this' are you into it, have you ever done it before?" Then quite often when I just get sick of the game and say "enough!" and push for some real life stuff they all of the sudden get real busy and disappear. I find I am getting much quicker at the "enough" than I was before. I always tell them," here are my hard limits, I have already said I do not have alot of R/T experience....anything aside from my limits I am definately interested in if the mood and enviroment is right. Now, about that........I was talking about........"



MstrssSatin -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 11:24:51 AM)

Thank you LaTigresse. I had wondered if I was just being overly sensitive to his inability to function in the vanilla world and what I thought was a preoccupation with kink. But I see that others have dealt with people like this as well. 



LaTigresse -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 11:28:45 AM)

ohhhhhhhh, I know!!!! make him cut down the sticker bushes, fashion a crop thingy ( yes I know, its my LeeAnnism's ) out of some of the sticker bush branches........anticipaaaation.......THEN tie him to the post and crop the hell out of him!! TADAAAAAAA!!!



MstrssSatin -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 11:35:04 AM)

oooooo.....excellent creative idea!!!!!!!!!



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 11:39:14 AM)

quote:

Ladies I need to know if the following is common. I am speaking to a prospective sub who wishes to eventually be My 24/7 slave. He is a professional, well spoken, mannered, etc. He has the right demeanor, physicque and lack of attachements that suit me.  The problem has been during our conversations he wants long detail step-by-step "what if" scanrios of everything I will require/expect of him and every possible scene I may experiment with.  He asks the same questions during each conversation and ask me continuously if I will spank/sodomize/humiliate him.
I am being to think he just likes kinky phone conversations. When I begin to assert My authority he becomes quiet
Yes it is VERY common, and will happen to you often, and as long as you feed it, they will stay around online.   The moment you require he grow up, show up and ask you these things face to face, he'll disappear...  If he doesn't disappear, and actually shows up to meet for coffee or dinner, than you have a real chance there; most of the time, I hate to disappoint you, it's just some attached guy who wants good fantasy material to jerk off to on the other end, and nothing more.      M




LadyMedhbh -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 11:49:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
Yes it is VERY common, and will happen to you often, and as long as you feed it, they will stay around online.   The moment you require he grow up, show up and ask you these things face to face, he'll disappear...  If he doesn't disappear, and actually shows up to meet for coffee or dinner, than you have a real chance there; most of the time, I hate to disappoint you, it's just some attached guy who wants good fantasy material to jerk off to on the other end, and nothing more.      M


Unfortunately this is not always the case.  If a submale wants to even meet with Me face to face he must go through at the very minimum 7 phases that I have mapped out.  Even after they have met with Me, I still at times get the "What will You do" and "What i would like You do to to me" kind of bullshit.  Sometimes it doesn't matter whether you have talked to a sub via email, met them face to face and even trained them in person, there are some subs that are difficult like this.

These are the ones I just toss back into the ocean of D/s... I know I can always find a better catch another day.




fastlane -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 11:55:23 AM)

If he is within geographic proximity to meet....do so ASAP. It's the only way you will truly know. Also, whenever he turns the conversation to his choice, give one verbal warning and tell him that the next time he does it, he will be in time-out for a week before you chat again.
That'll piss the horny lil buger off and will give you a good indication of his true intent.
Also, it sounds like he really likes the anal/humiliation type of talk....see how he likes the idea of you making him do another man for your pleasure?
Have fun and good luck, Kevin



yourMissTress -> RE: Sub/slaves or not (5/17/2006 11:58:59 AM)

I have to agree with most of the others here.  I have had many men that want nothing more than to talk.  So many in fact, that as soon as I hear or read "what would/will you do to me?" the hair stands up on the back of my neck.
 
I do have a few tools to separate the wheat from the chaff.  First, I have an incredibly detailed and involved checklist that I have any prospective sub fill out.  It takes about 2 hours to complete.  Anyone looking for the immediate gratification of wanking will not complete it.  Once I assign this to be done, I don't talk to them again until they've emailed it to me and it's completed to my satisfaction.  This in itself is a marvellous "disappearing treatment" for one handed typers.  Usually they are just gone, but sometimes they will try to keep talking, I simply ask where the checklist is and let them know again that we won't be conversing until I get it, and poof! GONE!
 
Second, I tell them that I will be at the local club, munch, or any event that I plan to attend.  If they would like to meet me there I would like to meet and talk with them to see if this is something I want to pursue, if not, good luck and good bye.
 
As you said, you met him in person and he still can't hold a conversation with you that doesn't revolve around his fantasies.  But he did show up, and maybe he was nervous.  I would try him again, schedule him to come and do something for you that has nothing at all to do with his fantasy but something that's meaningful to you, even if it's simply to save you time and effort...like cutting down your sticker bushes.  Let him know what you are doing and why.  If he can come and serve you without the need to engage you in conversation about his fantasies, maybe he's worth some more time and effort.



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