how can you tell what a man feels

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

how can you tell what a man feels

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> how can you tell what a man feels

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

how can you tell what a man feels - 5/17/2006 12:37:34 PM

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

I'm really confused. This guy I've been seeing has repeatedly told me the feelings just aren't there for him, but we have continued to see each other. Finally, I hinted around at ending things and told him I thought the whole thing was just a game to him and I knew he didn't care about me. He was very hurt and upset. His response was something like "I can't believe you think that about me. You think I have continued to see you for 5 months because I don't want to be with you?" I tried being evasive to him once and he insisted on coming over right away. The last time I went to his house, I left before he was ready for me to and when I got home, he messaged me saying he couldn't sleep and said he wanted me to know he enjoyed having me over. It seemed like he was looking for reassurance. Is this the behavior of a guy that doesn't care, is he just saying he doesn't care because he's afraid of getting hurt, or does he have feelings for me and is trying to fight them? I know he's not using me for sex because we've never had sex. Do men ever tell women they don't have feelings when they really do?

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/17/2006 12:41:48 PM

Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline

i know this is not BDSM related, however the book, Men are from Mars... Women are Venus, is really one hell of book to better understand the opposite sex...

_____________________________

~softly smiles

~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/17/2006 12:52:57 PM

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

Actually, it is bdsm related. We're both switches.

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/17/2006 12:55:51 PM

Posts: 147
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline

she meant the book wasnt BDSM related...<smile> and it is a great book.....

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/17/2006 1:08:08 PM

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox

i know this is not BDSM related, however the book, Men are from Mars... Women are Venus, is really one hell of book to better understand the opposite sex...

I'll second that recommendation. Excellent book.

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/17/2006 1:41:00 PM

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Do men ever tell women they don't have feelings when they really do?

Yes. And sometimes they say they have feelings when they don't. And sometimes they don't really know what their feelings are and so they can't express them. Just like women.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/17/2006 1:45:03 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Wait, is this the same guy who doesn't want to have sex until marriage and you were going to play those "chase me" games with to get him more interested in you?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/17/2006 3:00:42 PM

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

Yes, it is the same guy. I played hard to get and his reactions seemed to show he cares, but he likes to say he doesn't for some reason. The other night when he said the feelings just weren't there for him, I finally had enough and hinted around at ending things. I was tired of him saying one thing and his actions saying something else. I actually told him I thought he liked playing games with me to feed his ego and then I said congratulations, you won. He sure did get upset.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/17/2006 4:45:16 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
Yes, it is the same guy. I played hard to get and his reactions seemed to show he cares, but he likes to say he doesn't for some reason. The other night when he said the feelings just weren't there for him, I finally had enough and hinted around at ending things. I was tired of him saying one thing and his actions saying something else. I actually told him I thought he liked playing games with me to feed his ego and then I said congratulations, you won. He sure did get upset.

So you played manipulation games, weren't fully open and honest with him, and now you're tired of him seeming to play games and not being fully open and honest with you?

If you have to play games to get something started, don't be surprised when the other person keeps playing games as things go along. You should have kept it open and fully honest and just allowed things to go as they would normally to start with. Now you've just got frustrated drama.

I say let eachother go and for you to take some time to grow a few more relationship skills. Then go and find someone who really fits you and be open and fully honest with them from the get go.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/17/2006 5:16:47 PM

Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline

Demmit, Lucky beat me to the punch on this one. *chuckling softly*

- Dustyn

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/17/2006 7:50:48 PM

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Do men ever tell women they don't have feelings when they really do?

In a word... Yes. Case in point: my Master, who told me many, many times He did not love me, when His actions said the direct opposite.

When words and actions are in opposition, believe the actions. I'm wondering how long it's been since he said he had no feelings for you, and your hinting about ending the relationship. Could be he's had a change of heart. Only he knows for sure.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/18/2006 12:39:17 PM

ArchangelMichael

Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

quote:

Do men ever tell women they don't have feelings when they really do?

In a word... Yes. Case in point: my Master, who told me many, many times He did not love me, when His actions said the direct opposite.

When words and actions are in opposition, believe the actions. I'm wondering how long it's been since he said he had no feelings for you, and your hinting about ending the relationship. Could be he's had a change of heart. Only he knows for sure.

I disagree because sometimes you can take certain actions as more they are. In my experience, there was a situation a while back where I became best friends with a young girl (18 years old when I met her) in the lifestyle. She was very flirtatious and came on pretty strong to me, but she played that whole "pull you in, push you away" game with me. Her words said, "No, I don't want to date you or be in a D/s relationship with you" but her actions seemed to say otherwise. It seems like it was a combination between me reading too much into her actions and her flirting with me just to get attention. She would constantly say, "You know I love you" and when I'd back off and not talk to her for a while, I'd get phone calls from her saying, "I miss you!" Then things went bad when I expressed interest in really having a D/s relationship. She basically told me to shove it and our friendship went down the tubes. Furthermore, she went around telling everyone I was stalking her when all I wanted to do was talk to her and try to mend our broken friendship. So here was a case where I simply should have trusted her words when she told me she did not want any kind of relationship with me. I never would have pressed her had her actions not seemed to prove otherwise.

So I absolutely hate "chase me" games because I often just don't know how to handle them. If a woman likes me, she should just tell me straight up that she likes me and her actions should be consistent with her words. I'm a very honest, open, and straightforward kind of guy. I really want a woman who is that way with me as well.

< Message edited by ArchangelMichael -- 5/18/2006 12:40:07 PM >

_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to Evanesce)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/18/2006 1:16:53 PM

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Well you know I've heard a few Doms/Masters say they *can't* love their sub/slave because it takes away from the D/s part of the relationship. They want their relationship to be business only and reserve their heart from someone else. It sounds odd but in some cases its true.

I personally love my sub

~Lashra

(in reply to ArchangelMichael)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/18/2006 9:27:49 PM

Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Then things went bad when I expressed interest in really having a D/s relationship. She basically told me to shove it and our friendship went down the tubes. Furthermore, she went around telling everyone I was stalking her when all I wanted to do was talk to her and try to mend our broken friendship. So here was a case where I simply should have trusted her words when she told me she did not want any kind of relationship with me. I never would have pressed her had her actions not seemed to prove otherwise.

Been there, done that... have a nice t-shirt as a reminder... *chuckling*

There are definately times that I agree with my mother, bitch that she is...

"You sure do have a knack for finding the least stable ones to date." Granted, she said this to me in the hospital shortly after I had one of my combat blades taken out of my side. I might add it was put there by a girl who went into a psyche ward about a month later...

Some times, mom DOES know best... LOL

- Dustyn

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to ArchangelMichael)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/20/2006 10:48:21 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
Yes, it is the same guy. I played hard to get and his reactions seemed to show he cares, but he likes to say he doesn't for some reason. The other night when he said the feelings just weren't there for him, I finally had enough and hinted around at ending things. I was tired of him saying one thing and his actions saying something else. I actually told him I thought he liked playing games with me to feed his ego and then I said congratulations, you won. He sure did get upset.

So you played manipulation games, weren't fully open and honest with him, and now you're tired of him seeming to play games and not being fully open and honest with you?

If you have to play games to get something started, don't be surprised when the other person keeps playing games as things go along. You should have kept it open and fully honest and just allowed things to go as they would normally to start with. Now you've just got frustrated drama.

I say let eachother go and for you to take some time to grow a few more relationship skills. Then go and find someone who really fits you and be open and fully honest with them from the get go.

I think one or both of you need to grow up. (Not meaning LA)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/21/2006 5:11:17 PM

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

Actually, in the beginning of the relationship, I didn't play games, he did. He was the one telling me he didn't have any feelings for me. He loved messaging me, telling me he was coming over, getting me all excited, and then saying he couldn't make it. I asked him nicely to stop, but he kept on. At that point, I read the book and started playing games back. I hated playing the chase me game because it went against everything I'm about. Thankfully, I didn't have to do it for long. When he told me he was tired of "jumping through hoops," I reminded him of his head games. I told him I thought neither of us should play games, and this time, he actually agreed. Now he wants the openness and honesty as much as I do.........as much as I always have. Now we're both being open and honest with each other and getting along great. I don't lack relationship skills (at least I hope I don't). But sometimes, when a man won't listen, a woman has to take drastic measures.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/22/2006 7:54:46 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
I hated playing the chase me game because it went against everything I'm about.

I call BS on that. You were all gung ho about the "chase me" games. Myself and others STRONGLY warned againt them, and you completely thre them aside and were DELIGHTED the next day when you thought they had done what you wanted them to do.

quote:

I reminded him of his head games. I told him I thought neither of us should play games, and this time, he actually agreed. Now he wants the openness and honesty as much as I do.........as much as I always have. Now we're both being open and honest with each other and getting along great.

That is excellent to hear. Hope you can both follow through on that.

quote:

I don't lack relationship skills (at least I hope I don't). But sometimes, when a man won't listen, a woman has to take drastic measures.

No, she doesn't. When a man won't listen, a woman either states it openly or leaves the man. That's where your relationship skills are failing you. Games don't work long term and if you START playing them, they only lead to more confusion and problems.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: how can you tell what a man feels - 5/22/2006 9:14:21 PM

Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Had the chase me game played on me. Can't say I liked it much. And to this day I will not play them. Men and women need to hear this, the come chase me thing only lasts for so long. After 2 times, it is no longer fun, and I leave and never look back.

Here is an example: I asked a girl out the first time: ok numbers first then call then we go out. At least it was supposed to work like that. Date was cancelled last minute.
Few days later I ask her out again, no dice, and no returned calls. The next time I see her, she asks me why I have not gotten in touch with her. Ok, try again, this time she says she is not sure. Well to hell with it after that. I went the extra chance and now feel no remorse. Then after 2 months I get an email..........."still wanna date". My reply was, you have had the chance and blew it off, sorry but I'd rather be alone.

Men like women can have a hard time putting feelings into words. If mind F*** games were played then the other has no clue as to what the other wants. Here is where these mind games lead to, and it is why I never play them. If you want to know the true answer say it as such. The best remedy I use is "I want the truth, I want it now, and this is not a game, so no BS answer."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> how can you tell what a man feels

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.105