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RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 2:51:19 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

What do you all think? A Submissive approaching first seeming desperate? Could it be the manner in which he/she approaches?



I think there maybe a gender element to this, honestly... I have this cultural expectation that men do the chasing, and I do not think that changes because of being a submissive or being a dominant...

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(in reply to VonGlorious)
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RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 3:11:12 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		People do what they're comfortable doing.  While I wouldn't feel "desperate" approaching someone, that doesn't mean doing the approaching doesn't differently to someone else.

That said, I don't think I've ever approached to say I was interested.  It wasn't something I was ever comfortable doing.


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RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 3:13:16 PM   
Giermo


Posts: 77
Joined: 7/12/2011
Status: offline 		Interestingly enough, I was approached by all of the subs I have been with but I did initiate the sexual discourse. 

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 3:21:12 PM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		I changed my profile to read so that I would be the one to initiate anything... got tired of all the messages from j/o's that can't read or not even compatible...... I have found that it works really well for me, I can also weed out the ones just messing around or not serious pretty quickly cause the right ones have taken control of the conversations pretty quickly....

That said, when I make initial contact.. I make sure I have read his/her profile and we have things in common or wants in common... Then I usually send a brief but direct message and add a dash of wit and charm, that makes some note of something that had caught my attention to him/her in the first place....

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RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 3:25:18 PM   
VonGlorious


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/19/2011
Status: offline 		The problem i seem to have is, the dom's that im interested, are not interested in me. So I stopped approaching and sort of hang back now

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 3:25:32 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VonGlorious

What do you all think? A Submissive approaching first seeming desperate?



Sorry... your friend is an idiot.  An s-type approaching a D-type is no more "desperate" than a D-type approaching an s-type.


quote:

 
Could it be the manner in which he/she approaches?



Well... sure... the wrong "approach" from either a D-type or s-type can seem desperate.  However, a simple hello and/or comment about something you like relating to said person (on either side of the slash) would hardly come off as desperate.  In fact, I feel anyway, it shows confidence -- which most find very attractive!!!






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RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 3:27:57 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VonGlorious

The problem i seem to have is, the dom's that im interested in, are not interested in me. So I stopped approaching and sort of hang back now



Do you mind my asking WHY they stated they were not interested in you?!!



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RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 3:42:52 PM   
VonGlorious


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/19/2011
Status: offline
quote:

Do you mind my asking WHY they stated they were not interested in you?!!



Sure i don't mind! WE just weren't compatible. Either i read their profile and would say to myself "Gosh they sound really awesome, but they aren't interesting in a someone like me because they listed x,y,z" Or i would read a profile and send them a message and they would tell me they were looking at the moment, but appreciated the inquiry. OR at a munch or events, i would approach, and start up a little conversation, and they seemed bored. I guess my lack of experience is a turn off to some, while a challenge (in a good way) to others.



Lol She's not, she just gave me her opinion, and i thought it was a good point

< Message edited by VonGlorious -- 7/18/2011 3:49:23 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 4:11:54 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Just like there will always be someone out there that is a good match, the same applies to someone that won't.  I had a look at your profile to get a better idea of what is going on.  For some folks, your age is going to be a factor.  For others, the fact that you are relocating to another area soon is going to have an impact.  You'd be great for someone who considers themselves a bondage top, but not somebody who enjoys inflicting pain.

When it comes to writing other people here, please remember what I said in My first reply.  If you're not a good match, just move on.  At real life events, there are going to be folks who you have more in common with than others.  Socialize with those who are interesting to talk to and are interested in talking to you.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 4:18:31 PM   
ChasteDream


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/17/2011
Status: offline 		Having read your profile, you'd need to do the approaching, because no one's likely to approach you! I suppose as a submissive you have more latitude than a slave would, but I think 'self indulgent' would be the phrase.........what precisely are you offering to give the poor sod who takes you on?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 4:19:10 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		have you already moved? if you have, you can take the mention of moving soon off your profile (your location info says you're in the location you planned to move to). that might be causing some confusion, or it makes them think you don't pay attention to your profile.
like LP said, the age could be a problem for some -- what type of guy are you interested in? if you're looking for someone closer to your age, are you checking out TNG groups in your area? if you're looking for an older man, he might see the age as being "out of bounds" for him.
if you write to someone who's profile describes a situation that's very different from what yours describes, he may not understand why you're contacting him, or he may feel that you'd never be a good fit, so he just doesn't respond.
also, take away mentions of your negative experience here; like how you "keep coming back," or mentioning your previous failed relationship. it's kinda like a job interview -- explain why you're a good person to consider, don't show that you've been there, done that, and got the crappy t-shirt. =p If your profile reads positively, you're likely to get more responses.

good luck. ^_^


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RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 4:20:07 PM   
VonGlorious


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/19/2011
Status: offline 		@LadyPact Yes i understand some of the recent changes will be a factor, but i've been here a year, and i had the same issues. Maybe i'm not communicating exactly what im looking for, but i've done that, and was told im trying to control the relationship and should tone it down a bit.



Yea, my life story so far, my age keeping me from a lot of things. But im hoping that someone will try and see past that, and understand im interested in the lifestyle, not age or anything. Though it's hard to go to certian munches and clube due to my age. I figured that waiting a few years would be a good idea, but i really missed the lifestyle....



At this point, i try and get involved in discussions, and (what little) events that i can.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 4:27:24 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VonGlorious

@LadyPact Yes i understand some of the recent changes will be a factor, but i've been here a year, and i had the same issues. Maybe i'm not communicating exactly what im looking for, but i've done that, and was told im trying to control the relationship and should tone it down a bit.



Yea, my life story so far, my age keeping me from a lot of things. But im hoping that someone will try and see past that, and understand im interested in the lifestyle, not age or anything. Though it's hard to go to certian munches and clube due to my age. I figured that waiting a few years would be a good idea, but i really missed the lifestyle....



At this point, i try and get involved in discussions, and (what little) events that i can.

If you are now where your profile says that you are, yes, there are a number of events and munches that you can not attend.  That's going to be one of the hang ups.  Somebody who enjoys going to the club, for example, isn't going to find you to be a good fit because you can't attend most things there as well as not being able to attend the major conventions in town.  (I lived in the area a few years back, so I'm pretty familiar with how much is 21 and up.)

I'd suggest doing your best to continue going to the TNG group that is in town.  If I remember correctly, there is also a munch group in one of the suburbs that is 18+ as well.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to VonGlorious)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 4:29:04 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChasteDream

Having read your profile, you'd need to do the approaching, because no one's likely to approach you! I suppose as a submissive you have more latitude than a slave would, but I think 'self indulgent' would be the phrase.........what precisely are you offering to give the poor sod who takes you on?



Don't worry, no right headed 19 yr old would want you to "take them on"

You are excessively full of yourself.... as if submissives do not have the right to state what they want. I read her profile, there was nothing wrong with it for her age group... perhaps it has been too long for you to remember what it is to be young

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ChasteDream)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 4:34:42 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		I've never had problem approaching a femdom of great quality, VonGlorious, and suggesting to her that I am so impressed by her that I would look favourably on her sending me a Tribute.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 4:38:07 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Darling! So you have an Amazon wishlist?

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 4:41:07 PM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline 		I vastly prefer being approached, both online and in real life. I would say it probably boils down to a 90/10 split because I find that a dominant approaching a submissive creates a distasteful dynamic from the start.

There's an interesting discussion of this issue http://www.collarchat.com/m_3564781/mpage_1/tm.htm there


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I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 5:11:44 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Darling! So you have an Amazon wishlist?


Yes I do, Lady Hib. An Amazon with a really good, wiggly arse. I'm very partial to wiggly arses.

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http://www.domme-chronicles.com


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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 5:13:19 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Darling! So you have an Amazon wishlist?


Yes I do, Lady Hib. An Amazon with a really good, wiggly arse. I'm very partial to wiggly arses.


I shall leave Sunshinemiss to offer her reviw of my assets. I am off to find a box to stand on!

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[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 5:32:04 PM   
VonGlorious


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/19/2011
Status: offline 		Lol it's funny what you see, i didn't even see the jerks comment until just now lol.


@Lillybopeep you know, i never thought of it that way! gah! this is really hard, your profile has to be spic and span for anyone to pay attention to you.....

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 40
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