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ThePeripatetic -> One lucky sub boy!!! (7/20/2011 7:29:28 AM)
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Dear friends of Collarme,
I have hit the Collarme Jackpot! I am one lucky and very happy sub boy! Let me start from the beginning…
I joined this site end of December 2010. Honestly, I wasn't expecting much. I really wanted to find a partner in the truest sense of the word but wasn't sold on CM in being able to provide that. I was looking for a Domme, but then also yearned for a friend, lover, partner, and mentor. I figured that I would likely meet Her in person, whether on the street, within a circle of friends, or at a local kink event. Or then again, perhaps I would never find Her...
Even with these doubts, I invested some real ‘sweat equity’ into my profile. I thought hard about how best to present myself. I edited and tweaked my profile frequently. One of the most helpful things I found was to heed the advice of many of the CM forum regulars as to what to include in a profile and how to present my truest self. While reading the forums, I paid particular attention to the frustrations of many of the female Dommes as to why they were fed up with many of the posts and emails coming from male subs. Examples of these frustrations include, but are not limited to: focusing too much on sex and kink and/or diving into these themes too early; lots of penis pics; incorrect grammar and spelling; and laundry lists of wants from a potential partner or Domme. I really paid attention to what these Dommes were saying and made every effort to avoid the mistakes they highlighted. I feel like the many hours I spent on my profile were more than worth it.
On February 1st, 2011, I received a poem from a woman based in the U.S. (I was living in Japan but am originally from the U.S.). Yes, She contacted me. No, She wasn't looking for my money. She was a real person, looking for the same thing as you and I. Everything about Her first message and profile was intriguing. (You can check out Her original profile here). I was hooked from day one.
W/e exchanged messages for a week or two, then began emailing, then emailing every day, then Skype dates when W/e could manage. And one day, She suggested coming to Japan to visit me to see if the chemistry W/e had sparked online could manifest itself in person. And then, She did. She bought a ticket and flew thousands of miles to see me!!! But more on that in a moment...
> Male subs - please pay particular attention to this. < When I first started interacting with Her, there was very little talk about kink or sex. And, I didn't have a picture of Her for probably two months when W/e first started talking (She had no face pics posted on Her profile). Perhaps many other subs would have lost interest at this point but I wanted to get to know this intriguing and vibrant woman, and I wanted Her to know that I was motivated by much more than kink/sex. These countless initial emails are where W/e laid the foundation of O/ur relationship.
In these early conversations, I definitely had moments where I wanted to dive into talk about kink, or to ask Her for a pic or two. But I'm so thankful that I didn't let my eagerness get the best of me. So, so thankful! She has expressed that my patience and willingness to let Her introduce these topics allowed Her to trust my ability to follow Her lead, and let Her know that O/ur connection was more important than what She looked like in a corset or boots, or whether She would satisfy some particular fantasy of mine.
Additionally, fairly early in our connection, She gave me a daily task to do for Her. This task had nothing to do with what most people associate with kink, but it certainly incorporated an element of power exchange. Even though communication from Her was sometimes sparse, I did as She asked without whining or complaining for additional attention, and showed Her that I was willing to invest time and energy into our relationship. My diligence early on was a huge indication that I wasn't just looking to fulfill a fantasy - that I really wanted to devote myself to Her, and to U/s.
W/e spent two weeks during our first meeting together. Our connection exceeded both of O/ur expectations. W/e had so much fun together both on the kink and non-kink side of things. It turns out that this young woman is the partner and Domme of my dreams - beautiful, extremely intelligent, funny, passionate about life, and all-around kick-ass. W/e connect on many different levels. Basically, I'm crazy about Her, and She of me. And the plan now is for U/s to continue this journey with me joining Her Stateside as soon as my work here in Japan finishes.
The benefit of emailing someone every day for months on end without ever talking about kink or sex is that you really get a good sense of compatibility and who a person is. W/e couldn't be more excited about this journey W/e've set out on together. W/e're both extremely happy and can't wait to be together again soon in the States.
The moral of this story is two-fold.
First, CM can work, it is possible to meet a fabulous partner who connects with many of your interests, needs and desires. Don't give up. While I certainly lucked out in finding my partner in just a few short months, She had been on CM for over two years before finding me.
The second point I would like to make is directed at male subs and specifically the younger guys out there. I encourage you to really make an effort to temper your enthusiasm for all things BDSM and sex-related when you first begin interacting with someone on CM. There is no reason you can't seek out someone who will meet many and/or all of your needs/fantasies but just learn to tone down your conversations about such things until it becomes appropriate. Be as respectful with women and potential partners online as you would be off-line. Strive for patience and invest time to cultivate relationship/s on multiple levels beyond kink. Furthermore, be honest with those you interact with online. Don't fuck up something potentially great by lying about things at the start of a relationship. It's not worth it in the long haul.
One final note, even though W/e have found what W/e are looking for, W/e will keep our profiles up if anyone has any questions.
I hope this provides encouragement to some of you out there. Good luck and please don't give up!
ThePeripatetic (with input and much love from StrongAthenaKali)
PS - The micro-lending organization, Kiva, also played a big role in O/ur finding kinky bliss. I highly encourage you to check it out! It'll change your life in unexpected ways.
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