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For those who seek - 5/19/2006 6:41:57 PM

thegreymistress

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

I am a seeker. Of the many things that I seek answers and knowledge seem to be up front. Sure I seek those who will serve me, those who will walk with me and those that will be my friend. I find myself in a space to desire and want answers more often than not. Sometimes I do not like the answer I am given either. I created this space for those who seek to find a place to post about it and maybe find it here. If not find it here perhaps find a piece they can look at to show them where it lies. I was wrestling with myself on posting things of the "personal level" and figure it was the one of the things I had yet to do. So here goes.....
There is a man, who I thought /think is my friend. He and I were married once yet, not like most think. He and I have shared other bonds. Most of which he says he does not remmeber yet, and I do not question him in this. I get pieces and parts of what was. I see things he brings up in me even though he is not here with me now. It is a man that I love/d and that i feel a very strong bond with. Yet, our lives are so very different and far apart. There is safety in this and sadness. I reach out to him knowing on some level he is there. Yet, where I feel it counts the most he is absent. I thought since we had come together that in some way , in some capacity we would be a team of sorts. We would forge the already strong bond into something that could never be torn. Then my stuff came up, my issues surrounding his situation. I sit here feeling alone typing these words to possibly deaf ears wondering/searching for a way to reach him. In a way that I am satisfied with. Perhaps in my haste and selfishness I pushed him away, or worse damaged the relationship. I sit not truly knowing the status of things as he is not currently speaking to me. I have been picking up the pieces of my life that I shattered myself. I will end this posting for now and await others feelings and thoughts on this post or on seeking in general.....who knows I may get an answer here......