pulling a houdini

pulling a houdini (Full Version)

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weird123m -> pulling a houdini (8/13/2011 7:09:59 PM)
So this is something that has happened to me often, you are talking with someone, you seem to click, and in my most recent experience, discussing the possiblity of moving forward and forming something exclusive, when the other person just disappears and you never hear from them again... Anywho, do you send a final message to try and get some closure with the whole thing or do you just move on like nothing happened? Note that my decision has already been made, I just wanted to hear(read) some discussion on the idea.

domwithrespect -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/13/2011 7:51:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: weird123m So this is something that has happened to me often, you are talking with someone, you seem to click, and in my most recent experience, discussing the possiblity of moving forward and forming something exclusive, when the other person just disappears and you never hear from them again... Anywho, do you send a final message to try and get some closure with the whole thing or do you just move on like nothing happened? Note that my decision has already been made, I just wanted to hear(read) some discussion on the idea. Chatting online and getting to know each other that way is fine, but it doesn't start to become real until you meet. And, frankly, some people don't want it to be real and are terrified of it being real. And really there was a red flag in your comment: "discussing the possiblity of moving forward and forming something exclusive." If you haven't even met someone in person, how the heck do you even know if you want to move forward let alone be exclusive? So it sounds like both of you were engaged in your own individual fantasies, and the other person pulled out of the fantasy first. I doubt you'll get the closure you want, because the other person -- if they just disappeared -- probably won't respond or give you a real answer. The best advice is don't get too worked up about someone until you've met them in person. I've had plenty of experiences of being enraptured by someone online or on the phone and then we didn't click when we met in person.

windchymes -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/13/2011 7:54:11 PM)
Both. You write a big, long, heartfelt letter to them, pour out all of your feelings and emotions, be as melodramatic as you can to get your closure.....and then don't send it. And then move on. Let them think you think even less of them than they obviously did of you. [:)]

anniezz338 -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/13/2011 8:25:12 PM)
FR i wouldn't even see exclusive even being brought up until i've known them in real life for a bit. Meeting and getting that out of the way should save some of your frustration. if they disappear before, look how much time you didn't waste :) I wouldn't contact but that's just me.

littlewonder -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/13/2011 8:50:05 PM)
I would just shrug my shoulders and say "NEXT".

HannahLynHeather -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/13/2011 8:59:38 PM)
i was going to make a reply, but i read through the other replies first and noticed that some snippy little bitch had stolen my idea. so i'll just repost what she said. quote: Both. You write a big, long, heartfelt letter to them, pour out all of your feelings and emotions, be as melodramatic as you can to get your closure.....and then don't send it. And then move on. Let them think you think even less of them than they obviously did of you. and i was thinking i was going to be so fucking brilliant here and wow everybody. grumble grumble fucking grumble grumble windy grumble fuck grumble

ResidentSadist -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/13/2011 9:33:52 PM)
They just disappear? Is this about being online? If so, what's with the "forming something exclusive" requirement? If I ever did cyber and you got like that with me, I'd disappear too. Cyber-people are mostly acting out a fantasy relationship to fulfill some emptiness they are either too lazy or too affraid to have in the flesh. It's like mutual mental & physical masturbation in the form of cyber romance, cyber sex & cyber BDSM. "Exclusivity" in that environment is like telling the jerk-rag fans they can either have Hustler or Penthouse but not both. You don't need closure when you cancel a porn magazine subscription You don't need closure after sending a call girl home You don't need closure after dumping a booty call you don't need closure . . . for a cyber relationship that never got started in the first place Just move on like nothing happened because "nothing" did happen.

sunshinemiss -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/13/2011 9:53:05 PM)
123 m, I'm not one who believes that "cyber" relationships are not real. I have a number of them - I have several friends that I've never met in real life (yet), but they still are real in my life. It seems to me that when one embarks on a journey of getting to know someone, there are a multitude of ways to do it, and in this day and age, the Cyber Relation Ship is just as valid a vessel as any. other. However, it has some inherent risks - it has a false sense of knowing due to the amount of self-imposed fantasy (not in the hoochie coochie way but in the kind of way in which your expectations are placed upon another person.). I remember a few years ago a number of people from these very boards (and on this very thread) meeting in Florida, and it was like we all knew each other already - because we did. A number of people started relationships here - message board to chatting / phoning to visiting to long term relationship in real life. It's not unheard of. It working out is not high in probability imo. Is closure important - even in a relationship in which you haven't met? Of course. How many women have miscarriages need to have closure? I dare say most if not all. How many adopted children have some sort of relationship with bio parents they've not met? Again, most if not all of them. Even realizing that Prince Charming is not showing up can cause grief. We come to terms with people - fantasy, potential, or real - however we do. Your relationship is YOURS (generic you). If it is real in your mind, it is real. Anyone who feels grief is grieving - the object of the grief is not always relevant. Best wishes, sunshine

ResidentSadist -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/13/2011 10:02:11 PM)
^ can I interest you in a magazine subscription? [:)] Luv ya.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/13/2011 10:15:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: weird123m pulling a houdini Could be worse... could have pulled a Ted Bundy?!!

coookie -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/14/2011 7:34:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA quote: ORIGINAL: weird123m pulling a houdini Could be worse... could have pulled a Ted Bundy?!! haha that would definitely be worse! OP it sucks but ultimately you had more invested than the other person did. I am with windchymes and Hannah on this one. Oh and after you type it ... burn it! (do i sound like a pyro these days?)

windchymes -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/14/2011 8:18:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather i was going to make a reply, but i read through the other replies first and noticed that some snippy little bitch had stolen my idea. so i'll just repost what she said. quote: Both. You write a big, long, heartfelt letter to them, pour out all of your feelings and emotions, be as melodramatic as you can to get your closure.....and then don't send it. And then move on. Let them think you think even less of them than they obviously did of you. and i was thinking i was going to be so fucking brilliant here and wow everybody. grumble grumble fucking grumble grumble windy grumble fuck grumble Watch and learn, grasshopper, watch and learn. [:D][:D][:D]

LadyPact -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/14/2011 11:22:27 AM)
Is this a different person than the one you are referring to in this thread? http://www.collarchat.com/m_3808083/tm.htm The two situations seem rather contradictory.

DesFIP -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/14/2011 1:53:18 PM)
Don't put the cart before the horse. The time to discuss exclusivity is after you've met, not before. Demanding a commitment from someone you've never met is guaranteed to scare them off.

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: pulling a houdini (8/14/2011 3:01:35 PM)
I've had Doms disappear on me. I don't worry about it, we never got to the stage of meeting, obviously they felt the need to end the back andforth for their own reason. So NEEEEEEEEXT is now the order of the day.

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