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A long road.. - 8/18/2011 9:44:10 AM

oddlots347

Posts: 91
Joined: 6/4/2011
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Hello,

Why does it seem almost impossible to find a sub/slave that is for real and looking for the same thing we are? A 24/7 live-in situation.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 9:55:01 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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do you have any idea at all how many are searching for the same thing?? Do a search...you'll come up with tons of forum posts asking the same thing.

Why do you have such a hard time? Because most have zero desire to be a third wheel.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 9:55:02 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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Beats me.

There are some wonderful posts in the Polyamourus section of this forum,
and they may shed some light on your dilema, and perhaps offer advice.

I am also a little confused as to why you are posting male chastity photos
in your profile if your search is strictly for females? Is this an interest of His?

< Message edited by poise -- 8/18/2011 10:03:16 AM >

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 9:58:06 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
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Let's see. They are called a unicorn for a good reason. Also, there are probably 100 couples looking for what you are seeking for every sub/slave who is looking for that sort of arrangement.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 10:36:21 AM

stoni23

Posts: 178
Joined: 1/14/2010
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Every couple that I've seen looking for a live in sub/slave has ridiculous desires.

I saw one that wanted someone to move in, be a slave to both partners, but that would include very little play. This slave would do all the cleaning, NEVER BE ALLOWED TO ORGASM EVER AGAIN, laundry, and would occasionally get play time if the Dominants were bored. Who in the hell would want to sign up for that?

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 10:40:15 AM

JanahX

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The same reason why vanilla people have a hard time finding another vanilla person.

Wrong place, wrong time.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 10:45:51 AM

oddlots347

Posts: 91
Joined: 6/4/2011
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Hello,

We had a couple from collarme that was interested in that aspect of the lifestyle and they were wondering what we had in the form of a male chastity devices. Do not want to send a mixed message.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 10:54:49 AM

oddlots347

Posts: 91
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removed chastity photos...thanks for the advice.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 11:19:16 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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there are a ton of you (couples) competing for a limited resource (what i'm assuming is a bisexual female s-type). your profile also mentions "making you take as much as possible," and not everyone is into that. so you've further limited your small potential slice of an already small pie.

many of those who have been open to couples have also had the bad experiences of either being a live-in nanny for kids while the couple goes out without her, never being fully invited to be an actual part of the unit; someone on FL put it quite well by saying most couples treat the third as a "self-cleaning sex toy."

look at some of the really successful poly units here, like KnightofMists and his ladies -- rather than think of it as "we're the primary couple, and you are secondary," they created their family by working towards an overarching goal of a threesome. it's an "us together" thing, not an "us + you" thing, and that difference is really important.

good luck, and be patient. patience is pretty important.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 11:32:34 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
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There have been many threads about sub frenzy, but dominants are not immune to it. I'd say you have a pretty bad case of it. You want it, you want it now and are in a hurry to make it happen. You admit you are new... so slow down and actually listen to what people are saying to you, rather than complain that it's not happening and everyone is fake or not serious. This is far different than the swinger's scene, although its been many years since I was involved.

The serious typically look for certain things in a dominant and have a few more things to consider in a poly situation. Most often they are looking for a reality base, patience, experience and signs of a dominant(s) or relationship, they can believe in. Sometimes it is not in how people respond to you... but how you present yourself. Put some effort into that and you may see some more serious interest. Examine yourselves and how you are presenting yourselves, what you are presenting and see if there is anything you are doing, once someone is in contact with you, that might be sending them packing. It isn't always the fault of another, when we are having difficulties.

You are looking for something that is more rare. Someone that wants to enter an existing relationship. They are out there, but they are selective and should be. Are you who you need to be to attract them and keep them? Are you putting in the effort to assure a successful outcome? Are you people that can be admired, respected and trusted? Attend to that.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 5:12:54 PM

fragilepieces

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You joined in June....of this year....it's August

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 5:36:36 PM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

You joined in June....of this year....it's August

So...instead of "A long road" maybe the title should be "A long driveway"?

OP, patience is a virtue for a reason. Maybe you could make good use of this time by getting a little more experience under you belt (you mention not having much in your profile). To that end, have you attended any local munches or demos? Maybe try connecting with some local poly groups to meet others of like mind and to network (MeetUp.com sometimes has non-kink poly groups listed locally).

I'd suggest, as far as your profile goes, you could describe more of what you offer a prospective 24/7 live-in sub/slave besides play/punishment/limits being pushed. What are your plans after playtime is done?

I'd also suggest you remove the "fake" gripe/post on your journal. It makes you come across as being silly...you aren't the first to be "stood up" and you won't be the last. Such is life...learn to roll with the punches.

Remember, it's not the destination but the journey that offers adventure. Enjoy the ride.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 6:24:12 PM

0ldhen

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LMAO.....3 months.....that is not long at all. Most search for years before finding the right one to become the third.

There is nothing in your profile that would make it any different or more appealng than 1000 others just like it I've read(old member new nic).

What type of living arrangements are you offering, what is your vanilla life like, in case of each of you issuing conflicting orders, who has the final say, do you expect this third to work out of the home, are all three of you going to contribute to the care of the household or are you expecting the sub to be a unpaid housekeeper, babysitter, landscaper, etc.......get the idea?

You really are hunting a unicorn......you need better bait....a lot more patience......and a dose of reality as to what happens when you go poly.........

You are looking for a sub trans but your Hubby is straight? While that does explain the chastity devices/pics, how is that going to work?

< Message edited by 0ldhen -- 8/18/2011 6:28:12 PM >

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 8:44:01 PM

oddlots347

Posts: 91
Joined: 6/4/2011
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Thank you very much for all the input so far and giving suggestions. We do attend munches and we have been to our local dungeon several times. I think it is time to redo the profile and add some points you all have made.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/18/2011 9:24:39 PM

DarkSteven

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In addition to what everyone else has said, there's really not much in your profile. You're looking for a woman to join you. Then you post a couple pics of your wife and some pics you took from the Internet, and post some journal entries bemoaning the fakes and those who don't show.

Read some profiles yourselves. See which ones appeal to you, and then ask why. Then incorporate that into your own profile.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/19/2011 4:44:58 AM

LillyBoPeep

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DS is right -- this is sorta becoming a profile thread, and in other profile threads, it's been discussed over and over how much a negative profile turns people off. if all you have to write about is how annoyed you are over "fakes," then you may come across as not being very interesting -- surely interesting people would have more to talk about than that. plus, you're directing a lot of your energy toward a negative area that you really can't do anything about; people like to get into relationships with others who they feel will improve their state of existence in some way. would you want to be around someone who whined and complained constantly about everything? probably not.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/20/2011 7:31:11 PM

oddlots347

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Started updating profile.

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RE: A long road.. - 8/20/2011 11:02:14 PM

angelikaJ

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You joined just over 2 1/2 months ago and feel discouraged that you haven't found a third.

I was here for 18 months before I found my One.

Patience!

Each no brings you closer to yes.
Good things are worth waiting for.

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 8/20/2011 11:03:25 PM >

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RE: A long road.. - 8/21/2011 9:16:11 AM

oddlots347

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Update finished

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RE: A long road.. - 8/23/2011 3:51:58 AM

0ldhen

Posts: 2221
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From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
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Hmmm....new issue. You state that any sex will be only female to female. So are you searching for a lesbian? Does this mean the girl will belong only to the female half of the couple? Cause I have to tell you, a bi girl is going to want the dick.

It also reads like he is ok if you are with another girl but you are not ok if he is with the same girl you are with. If that is the case, forget poly, because it appears as a jealousy issue, nobody in their right mind is going to walk into that.

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