|
PeonForHer -> RE: am i gay? (9/8/2011 2:49:57 PM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam
Back to the OP. If you have to ask, you are.
See, wasn't that easy?
I don't think so, HW.
A thought experiment:
X, a man, has disturbing thoughts about sex with other men. They increase. He obsesses over it. Eventually, he grits his teeth and concludes that he's gay. So he gets a male partner. And then, just months into the relationship . . . he sees a woman bending over in the street - and, oh shit, he's turned on!
(I knew a lesbian once to whom this actually happened. She'd been convinced she was gay since her early teens. And then she met just one man, in her mid thirties. She'd bought a house with her female partner a year before, and was *genuinely* disturbed and upset by it. )
But, anyway, what does that make X? He's got a male partner, but has fantasies about women.
Some things, when cast as dichotomies, are just downright harmful. Gay/straight is one of them.
It's a *hell* of a lot simpler, and easier on the soul, I think, if one gets used to the idea that one is bisexual as a default position. You grow up, play with the idea of sex with the same gender, and it never, ever does anything for you - then, fine. You're a hundred percent het. You win a cookie. But by that time it has long ceased to cross your mind, if indeed it ever did, that it's anything worth worrying about.
This is how I deal with it, myself. If asked, I'll say I'm mostly straight. But I have fantasies that involve males, now and then. Not enough of them, and not deep enough for me to want to seek out a male partner, but there nonetheless. Every once in a while I'll bash the bishop while thinking about male dicks or asses, and that'll be that. It's easy, so easy for me. But it was a struggle to get to the comfy position I have now.
At bottom the answer to the OP's question doesn't matter. He should have asked, 'Why do I find this question important?'. But, ironically, had he got to the stage of asking that question and *realising* that it was the more important one, he'd no doubt have answered it already for himself.
|
|
|
|
