Dropping or a balancing act? (Full Version)

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SoulAlloy -> Dropping or a balancing act? (8/31/2011 12:00:23 AM)

Hallo all,

Throughout most of my BDSM life I have been a submissive, though lately my partner and I have been experimenting with switching. Thanks to some advice from here recently we have been having an excellent time of it :)

The last couple of times though after playing I have felt like I want nothing more than to curl up and be controlled by my partner, kind of out of balance. There have been a lot of things going on in my life lately so I also wonder if it is partly down to that.

My question is this:
When you started switching, did you ever feel a yearning to immediately go back to the other side? Or is this the Domdrop I have heard about?

I have to rush off to work now, thanks in advance for any replies :)



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Dropping or a balancing act? (8/31/2011 1:44:07 AM)

i don't fucking know, we do loads of mutual cuddling and coddling after any play so the issue isn't really relevant to us. maybe try doing that, it may just work that way for you.



SoulAlloy -> RE: Dropping or a balancing act? (8/31/2011 8:12:01 AM)

Thanks, we do the cuddling thing, sometimes we even fall asleep for a couple of hours [:)]

Perhaps I should remove 'immediately' from the question as it's not quite that instantaneous a feeling, it builds up quickly from the end of play while recovering



Hisprettybaby -> RE: Dropping or a balancing act? (9/3/2011 1:10:29 PM)

I do know that aftercare can be as much for the Dom/me as it is for the submissive, so that's just how we treat it, whether I'm with Daddy or my submissive at the time.

~Hisprettybaby~



SoulAlloy -> RE: Dropping or a balancing act? (9/3/2011 1:56:58 PM)

Thanks, I was wondering if maybe this is just a dropping thing, it just feels different from when I've dropped as a sub and lasted a lot longer.



Aresidora -> RE: Dropping or a balancing act? (9/8/2011 7:04:48 AM)

Utlimately, you are still serving your partner & making them happy by topping, if this was something thay they requested of you. Think of it as just another way to serve your partner - that should make you happy.If you don't feel the bliss at the end, finish up the play session on the bottom. Topping from the bottom, bottoming from the top - to me its all like a kinky derranged game of twister. There's never a dull moment with a switch around...



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Dropping or a balancing act? (9/10/2011 2:08:44 PM)

For you it may be something else, but I know if I do a lot of topping, especially when I first started, I had that selfish "Hey it's my turn!" mood a lot. I was not as familiar with how to gratify my own needs as a top, as I did as a bottom. As a bottom I knew what pushed my buttons, what left me feeling complete or content. As a top I was still finding out what -I- enjoyed most, and often times I ended up defaulting to what the sub wanted, instead of what I did. Bottoming from the top can be satisfying at times, but for me it's not sexually gratifying. I enjoy giving my partner a good time, but it wasn't fulfilling my needs sexually.

In time I found those activities I enjoyed most while on the top, the ways to make it satisfying and gratifying and how to feel content at the end. Then I had to explain to my partner I wasn't just topping any more.. sometimes it was definitely domination, I had to get in touch with my selfish side I guess, and they had to accept my wants and needs had changed, or find a different relationship.

I still have those times when I want to go "hey no, it's my turn to be the bottom!" But ultimately you can't make yourself something you're not, if you are still primarily subby and need that more frequently, just always make it clear to your partner, so there's no soreness about someone being unclear about expectations.



SoulAlloy -> RE: Dropping or a balancing act? (9/11/2011 3:39:57 PM)

Thankyou for your thoughtful replies and experiences, they really are helping [:)]



Steelslilbit -> RE: Dropping or a balancing act? (9/17/2011 11:31:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

For you it may be something else, but I know if I do a lot of topping, especially when I first started, I had that selfish "Hey it's my turn!" mood a lot. I was not as familiar with how to gratify my own needs as a top, as I did as a bottom. As a bottom I knew what pushed my buttons, what left me feeling complete or content. As a top I was still finding out what -I- enjoyed most, and often times I ended up defaulting to what the sub wanted, instead of what I did. Bottoming from the top can be satisfying at times, but for me it's not sexually gratifying. I enjoy giving my partner a good time, but it wasn't fulfilling my needs sexually.

In time I found those activities I enjoyed most while on the top, the ways to make it satisfying and gratifying and how to feel content at the end. Then I had to explain to my partner I wasn't just topping any more.. sometimes it was definitely domination, I had to get in touch with my selfish side I guess, and they had to accept my wants and needs had changed, or find a different relationship.

I still have those times when I want to go "hey no, it's my turn to be the bottom!" But ultimately you can't make yourself something you're not, if you are still primarily subby and need that more frequently, just always make it clear to your partner, so there's no soreness about someone being unclear about expectations.


This, so this. Eloquently put!! I've gone through something like this myself. Though at times I can't figure out if I want to play D-type or s-type. ;)



hardbody0224 -> RE: Dropping or a balancing act? (11/1/2011 3:52:54 PM)

When I play as a Dom I am totally into it. I don't even think of being a sub. The same is true when I play as a sub. Sometime I am in DOM mode, sometimes sub mode, sometime I am simply not in the mood to play.



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