RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying."

RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (Full Version)

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SailingBum -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (9/27/2011 1:51:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Sorry. I abhor roleplay. I like/need/want/desire real pain, real screams, real suffering. I like watching her legs quiver as she tries to stay standing despite the pain. I like watching her crumple when the strap strikes. I like listening to her make that mewling sound deep in the back of her throat. And I love the way she lights up when I tell her how proud I am of her for taking it. And this too. Role playing my ass... My bitch is gonna take it cuz I said so. Yea it's really that simple. BadOne

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (9/27/2011 2:07:25 PM)
FR Roleplaying, nah, my reactions are what they are. I'm feeling the pain and there is never any doubt about it. Yes I'm turned on but the sounds coming out of my mouth are all "pain noises". To my knowledge I've never made sounds of pleasure, more like screams and moans of pain. I really doubt that I would be able to concentrate enough to do anything else because it fucking HURTS!

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (9/27/2011 3:00:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Sorry. I abhor roleplay. I like/need/want/desire real pain, real screams, real suffering. I like watching her legs quiver as she tries to stay standing despite the pain. I like watching her crumple when the strap strikes. I like listening to her make that mewling sound deep in the back of her throat. And I love the way she lights up when I tell her how proud I am of her for taking it. Can I have you cloned?

Endivius -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (9/28/2011 1:29:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana I love the way she lights up when I tell her how proud I am of her for taking it. This too.

SlaveSubtoserve -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/20/2011 2:53:08 PM)
Akasha.. i think to get at what you are aiming for here, and i know what that is, but from the sub side you the Domme just have to fine tune your sadism and cruelty to get what you want with the right kind of sub.....not all can give that or have that in them, but the authentic non-Hollywood ones will give you what you need when you draw it from them.......hard to do with new acqaitances though...need more of a connected relationship with right ones.

needlesandpins -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/20/2011 3:18:19 PM)
for me i wouldn't want someone inflicting pain on me if they weren't getting off on it too. i like the pain to start low and be built up but if chooses to start intence he's going to get a yelp from me. with something like flogging i can become rather internalised as i'm in competition with myself to see just how far and how hard he can go before i cave in. this last time he got very hand spanky on my arse which i enjoyed alot, but it was very sharp and made me very sensitive lowering my threshold for how long i could go without sqealing. i will ask him to hurt me harder, sometimes he does, and other times he's wicked and won't. it's not something either of us has pushed before, me my pain limits, or him inflicting. but from our conversations it would seem we are both getting a great deal out of it. then again though, neither of us particularly likes lables, as neither of us fits into one. our play is never fixed by a role or a theme. it's organic and evolves as we go along, but both getting what we need. i would do something to please him just because i want to please him, and i'm sure he would for me too. but if it were to become i thing and one of us was constantly getting nothing out of it i don't think it would last long. i certainly wouldn't want to focus on something that only i got anything out of, because a large part of my pleasure is that he is getting off on doing it to me, and vice-versa. needles

MariaB -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/21/2011 3:10:30 AM)
A sub that we often scene with is an actress and this thread reminded me of a recent conversation I had with her. She said, when she acts she becomes the character she is playing. She has to get into the head of the character, otherwise she just couldn't act it. If she is playing out a sad and unhappy person she feels all of those emotions for real and thats why its so easy to cry in that sort of scene. When she is playing fear she feels fear as that character. I asked her how she compares that to role-play within a BDSM scene and she said that the role-play feels even more real because there are no camera cuts or remembering ques. In other words she has free reign to become that character within the role-play without interruption. I'm not sure why people mock role-play as much as they do. Often the ones mocking it are in role-play situations themselves but refuse to admit that to themselves because it doesn't sound real enough. Some of these people sound alarmingly delusional. Anyone who says they are into whipping, orgasm control and begging but not into role-play are just confused about what the world role-play actually means. If Mr Jones who stacks shelves all day and answers to his boss but comes home as 'Master' he is playing a role and whatever he does within that role is because he has chosen a role to play. That doesn't make 'Master' any more unreal than Mr Jones. Its what most people do and its perfectly healthy as long as the parties involved understand that its a consensual chosen role. A good example would be the 'adult child' (Daddys little girl) As a little girl she really feels with all her being that she is just that but if she can't ever pull herself out of that role and act like an adult in appropriate situations. If she refuses to recognize her adult self then it goes from being something very healthy to being something delusional.

MariaB -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/21/2011 3:20:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Sorry. I abhor roleplay. I like/need/want/desire real pain, real screams, real suffering. I like watching her legs quiver as she tries to stay standing despite the pain. I like watching her crumple when the strap strikes. I like listening to her make that mewling sound deep in the back of her throat. And I love the way she lights up when I tell her how proud I am of her for taking it. And this too. Role playing my ass... My bitch is gonna take it cuz I said so. Yea it's really that simple. BadOne And you think this isn't role play? She doesn't just take it because she is an abusive relationship and is frightened of you. She takes it because she has made a consensual choice to be with a man like you. Your kink fits with hers! The moment she doesn't want to take it anymore then its game over!

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/21/2011 5:15:07 AM)
(Note: This post is really long. =p I was trying to organize my thoughts, and kept typing and didn't realize what it had become. =p Feel free to skip over it. =p) ======================= Maybe it depends on how you think of the word "role." I don't think people are delusional or something else like that just because they have a different interpretation of it. You can say, obviously, that we all take on different roles throughout our lives. I have a role as my grandma's granddaughter, my dog's owner/caretaker, my boss's employee, blah blah blah. Those are all part of who I am all the time, but parts that get emphasized or de-emphasized based on who is there. If I'm with my grandma, it doesn't make sense to treat her like my dog or my boss, so you assume a different role and standard of behavior and expectations. In my own vernacular, I think of those more as facets of the whole, rather than different and distinct roles -- they are all part of me, and informed by the basic "me." If you look at an emerald, and then turn it to see another facet, you're still looking at an emerald, not a diamond. Or a role is something that's not real, as in a role in script. Most people use the term "role play" to describe acting out a storyline or script with fictional characters -- that's just the conventional way the term is used, and people can't be faulted for using it that way, even if the OP is not. I think that's the way many people are relating to it, instead of the way Akasha is -- I actually think Akasha is talking about the first version, and not the second. It's a slight difference, and maybe to some it's all semantics, but to me, it's a key difference, no matter how slight. A person can have a facet that is heartless, sadistic, and unforgiving, while also having a facet that is compassionate and loves fiercely and whole-heartedly -- they can exist together and it isn't necessary to treat one as more real, while the other is an act or a delusion. And to me, those aren't "roles" if they are authentically a part of who someone is. I think that's a difference that's getting muddled up -- it's difficult for someone who can't genuinely feel those things to "play" at them. If I could "play" at those, then maybe I could get over myself and Top someone, right? Your actress friend doesn't get every role she auditions for, does she? Some she probably loses because her interpretation isn't what the director wants -- there's someone who can access something that she can't, and generate an interpretation that's closer to the director's vision. I have a secret little sadist, but she comes out if I "middle" with someone else. I have a difficult time directing other elements that seem crucial to me, because I lack the facets to interpret those elements to my own satisfaction. =p And I have a difficult time playing around with pain with someone who doesn't inspire me to take it. If I could roleplay my way through it, without feeling the energy I need to feel to do it, then I could probably sail through it, but I can't. The Dude would "play" with me when he was angry or frustrated (which I understand some people might've frowned on, but that's not the point), or he'd whack me with a strap or clamp me and slap me until I was crying and falling over -- what he wanted was what he wanted, but in spite of it, I always knew that he loved me and cared about me, even if it felt like he didn't care what I was feeling at the time. I could trust him because he had remarkable self-control which made it easier to give in and emphasize facets of myself that other people didn't get to see. He could most certainly be something that I interpreted as cruel. =p But it was a real part of him that was getting to come out of the dark and play. When he put it away, it was on the backburner -- something that was real, that he had to maintain control of, but that he could de-emphasize. Humans are fantabulous in their ability to be contradictory and truthful at the same time. =p He was the most intense and passionate person I knew, and he loved me like no one else. I don't think it's necessary for me to always feel that I'm safe. I "like" fear, in that crazy, fragmented way that masochists "like" things that scare or hurt. I could teeter on the brink and it was all okay in the end. He tied me up once and left me in the dark (knowing that I have this semi-fear of the dark) and made me think he'd left the house. All he did was leave my immediate vicinity but he could keep tabs on me. I didn't feel safe. =p All of my nerves were on end. I trusted that he would eventually come back, certainly he had to come back, right? My brain went spinning with what could be out there, or what I'd do if someone came and it wasn't him, and I was tied up. I was skidding across ice in my head, but he had enough of an "idea" about me to come back at the right time. =p But the way I read Akasha's post (which could most certainly be wrong, one person's interpretation may not have anything to do with anyone else's) is that she wants the person to act within the guidelines, regardless of what the person is feeling. The emotional gymnastics there are pretty interesting, I'm sure. She does say that the pain and suffering are real, but that she wants him to experience it through a different emotional filter -- but to me, she doesn't quite explain what that is. To me, they're all part of the same thing. I can suffer for someone else, and also "enjoy" it, because I'm embracing being contradictory and truthful. I don't feel like I have to change my emotional filter at all, I can just use the one I have. I don't have to act as someone else to feel real emotions (which is sort of what I'm understanding from your actress-sub reference, and again, I may be wrong), I just feel my own, and I'm honest about my own. Yeah, while on some level, I "want" to be used up, there's no denying that it terrifies me and that letting someone else drive can take me to the realm of "bad pain," blah blah blah. But I don't feel like I have to change filters (at least when I'm with someone who I am compatible with in this way) because he'll push me there if that's what he wants. I've never tried to "play it up" for someone, or been in a situation with someone who wanted me to -- honestly, to me it's horribly distracting when someone suggests that I feel something I don't. Like some Tops like to whisper things like "ohh I know that hurts" which just gets a response of "well... not really" -- I don't say it outloud, obviously, but playing around there without it being something real -- that's distracting to me. I pretty much just stick to playing with my friend these days because he doesn't do things like this, and we have a lot of fun together without trying to make it into something it's not, but just letting it "be." If someone is going to try to get into my head, it doesn't work for me if it's incongruous with what I feel from them. One person's brand of sadism or dominance might not work for someone else -- it's not a value judgment on who is better than who, who is more real than who, or who is delusional, just differences in who is compatible with who. If someone asks me to beg when I don't feel it, it's HARD for me to do it. When someone doesn't ask, but chooses to just take, and take, and take until begging is all that makes sense, then it all flies out and it's real and powerful, and there's no pretend, and no mental block. To me, roleplaying is assuming a character, like if you role-play a teacher/student scenario or something like that. And to make it different, you assume traits that you feel are appropriate for the character, but you filter it through yourself. The character is not more real than you are. The character can exist 100 different ways depending on who's reading/acting, because the reality lies with the person interpreting, not the character. Many actors access their own memories or their own experiences, in order to find something authentic to drive them. If the character has a traumatic past, the actor tries to empathize with that and filter it through the self -- that's what makes it real.

MariaB -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/21/2011 8:09:56 AM)
Interesting posts Lilly and I would like to quote quite a lot in there but if I did I would be here all day. When I speak of delusional, I speak of someone who believes something to be untrue and I gave an adult child as an example. If they believe 24/7 that they are a six year old child and are unable to function in society then they have a problem. If they can function perfectly normally in society and know that when they are functioning in society that they are Peter Smith, a 45 year old fireman whilst at home they are Peter the six year old, then its perfectly healthy and its doubtful that any psychiatrist on the planet would try and medicate them. Now submission and dominance is different again. A submissive or dominant can live and feel this 24/7 whilst functioning perfectly well in society and that is perfectly healthy. They have dynamics that fits with their personalities, an integrated part of them. If its a permanent state in their relationship then it is nothing more than a way they have chosen to live their lives. When the toys come out then it becomes role-play. Role-play doesn't mean you have to be the teacher and the pupil, it merely means you may be playing out something in your psyche that isn't your permanent state of mind. You can still be you and the she can still be her but you are just moving onto another dynamic. For some people this creates a huge level of joint energy. It can be highly sexual and very adventurous. It can involve a lot of imagination and some very real and raw emotions. When the role-play is over the toys are put away but the sub continues to be submissive and the dominant continues to be dominant. To me role-play is no different than vanilla people having an adventurous night together. Its a healthy outlet and gives many relationships that added spice. Some dominants and submissives never role-play. They have no toy cupboard, they are never made to eat their meal under the table or have to beg to go to the toilet. Many dominants and submissives are not kinky in any way, in fact there is no reason a d/s relationship can't be prudish. That doesn't make their relationships more valid or real than those amongst us that do have a toy box and who do get down and dirty when the opportunity arises. We all have different needs.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/21/2011 8:28:05 AM)
(If you read all of that, I apologize. haha =p It's way too long.) Are you using "role play" in a psychiatric or clinical sense? It seems like you're using it in a way that's unlike the way the average person on the block uses it. I don't think couples who use toys are more or less real than those who don't. I have a toybag of my own, and to me, it's no different than my paint box or my dance costume trunk. =p It's just "stuff" that I like in certain company. haha But there are a bunch of different ways people have interpreted "role play" in this thread, which is probably part of why some people are so against using it to describe what they're doing. To me, an adventurous night is just that, and a roleplaying game is a script- or character-based thing. I don't think playing with a flogger makes me any more of a role player than picking up a paint brush or when I put on a coin belt. =p Again, for me, those are facets of personality represented by "hobbies" for lack of a better word. Likes and tastes, not necessarily role playing.

Piercemenow -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/21/2011 8:30:16 AM)
I actually like the pain. It not only proves dedication to a Domme, it also gives me a high lasting days!

MariaB -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/21/2011 10:00:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep (If you read all of that, I apologize. haha =p It's way too long.) Are you using "role play" in a psychiatric or clinical sense? It seems like you're using it in a way that's unlike the way the average person on the block uses it. I don't think couples who use toys are more or less real than those who don't. I have a toybag of my own, and to me, it's no different than my paint box or my dance costume trunk. =p It's just "stuff" that I like in certain company. haha But there are a bunch of different ways people have interpreted "role play" in this thread, which is probably part of why some people are so against using it to describe what they're doing. To me, an adventurous night is just that, and a roleplaying game is a script- or character-based thing. I don't think playing with a flogger makes me any more of a role player than picking up a paint brush or when I put on a coin belt. =p Again, for me, those are facets of personality represented by "hobbies" for lack of a better word. Likes and tastes, not necessarily role playing. We think very differently. Our dominance never goes away, its heeled if you like but its always there and can be sparked at any given moment. What we don't do on a day to day basis is get the whips and floggers out but when we do I very much consider it role-play because there is such a dramatic change that doesn't now just incorporate D/s but also incorporates sadism. For us at least, Sadism is foreplay. Its something exciting, exhilarating, energetic and a huge turn on but its a means to an end. When its over and we are fulfilled we don't continue to be sadistic but we do continue to be dominant. We don't do the dressing up and say, you be the school girl and we will be the teachers. Sadism is always directed at our sub (the person she is) and not some false character role we want to put her in. She may be on her knees shaking and crying with fear in her eyes but she is still the girl who 20 minutes ago was washing the dishes or putting the laundry away, except she is now helpless. During that period our minds become hard wired into something very different than our normal day to day life. We are not acting out a role so much as making a role happen and we are most definitely without a doubt playing. After a scene which basically means the same as role, we sit and chat and go over things sometimes. We feel energized and refreshed and we are able to just come back down to earth. The only way I see S/m as not role-playing or scening is if it was done 24/7 and as yet I have never met a single person that does that. I know a lot of people hate the term role-play because it tends to have such a narrow meaning. Personally I think it has a very broad meaning.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/21/2011 11:00:43 AM)
I just think of those things as "always being there" whether you're acting on them or emphasizing them or not. To me, a sadist is still a sadist, whether s/he's acting on it, or not. At different times, different aspects of a person may be expressed, but they aren't dropped totally when that person isn't expressing them. To me, S&M is just an aspect of a type of sex that some people like. =p But the aspect of personality that makes it attractive is there, at all times, regardless. As proof that I can turn everything into a dance metaphor, here's this -- I like to dance in my spare time. A typical choreography is 3-5 minutes. Actively performing takes up a pretty small amount of time, but when I go off stage, do I suddenly cease to be a belly dancer? No. I'm just not acting on it.

sheisreeds -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/21/2011 4:34:13 PM)
The best pains I give, and receive are from a heartfelt place of agony and horror. To me that is what being a masochist is about, it is about genuine suffering. As a sadist I want to see genuine suffering. It's as the pain is wearing off that as a masochist I go, "wow that was awesome". Not in the moment. Oddly as a sadist I get that satisfaction in the moment of suffering. I'll push my partner until he is really hurting, and he does the same to me. That we can exchange that gift of suffering, that is the value of what we do. In terms of typical role play, I am not a fan. Some times we play out situations, but that is different than playing a role, as we remain ourselves within the scenario.

MariaB -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/22/2011 2:28:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sheisreeds The best pains I give, and receive are from a heartfelt place of agony and horror. To me that is what being a masochist is about, it is about genuine suffering. As a sadist I want to see genuine suffering. It's as the pain is wearing off that as a masochist I go, "wow that was awesome". Not in the moment. Oddly as a sadist I get that satisfaction in the moment of suffering. I'll push my partner until he is really hurting, and he does the same to me. That we can exchange that gift of suffering, that is the value of what we do. In terms of typical role play, I am not a fan. Some times we play out situations, but that is different than playing a role, as we remain ourselves within the scenario. As a consensual sadist I don't want to see pain and suffering in anyone not into this. If I did then its likely I would be torturing kittens when nobody is looking. The masochist enjoys the pain, the torturing and the suffering and therefore I/We find a masochist to unleash our sadism on. Sadism within this lifestyle is very different than sadism outside this lifestyle. It still means we are hurting someone, it still means they are feeling all of the pain and all of those emotions, it still means they are really suffering. The big difference is, is they came to us, they were up for this and after its over they aren't internally scarred, or scared and fearing for their lives, they are smiling and saying 'wow that was so fucking hot and look at my bruises I'm like someone who has been tidied!'. I don't want it to be anymore real than that. I don't want to hurt and abuse someone against their will. I don't want to go and pick up a random person in a vanilla club and take them home to hurt them. I have had vanilla boyfriends and vanilla girlfriends and my dominance still prevailed over our relationships. Its who I am and something I can't help because its my personality. What I never did was hurt them in a sadistic way because that would of been abuse and so has to be pre-arranged with someone who wants to delve on that journey. Sadism and dominance in my mind are two very different animals that can be beautifully entwined but only via arrangement. The thing I love about masochists is, they do take pain for me and they can and do want to put themselves in a submissive space to take that pain. As masochists they are getting some pleasure out of this, even if that's not during the moments of it happening. I don't hurt someone because I am angry, I hurt someone because I enjoy it and thats why over the years we have spent a tidy fortune collecting all sorts of devious toys. When our submissive has been present during the purchasing of these toys she smiles and blushes and feels all excited. If we took those toys home and put them away for a few months she would be inwardly disappointed. In other words, she wants it, we want it and at a set time and place its going to happen with all the vigor and energy we can muster. We are hungry to hurt her and she has built up a hunger to take it and even when she's begging and bleeding on the floor, she dreamt of that moment and not dreaded it. There is no pretense in what we do but neither of us would be doing this if we never found a masochist. We would however still be making some partner thoroughly miserable with what they would probably consider as over powering and demanding personalities.

sheisreeds -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/22/2011 4:41:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MariaB quote: ORIGINAL: sheisreeds The best pains I give, and receive are from a heartfelt place of agony and horror. To me that is what being a masochist is about, it is about genuine suffering. As a sadist I want to see genuine suffering. It's as the pain is wearing off that as a masochist I go, "wow that was awesome". Not in the moment. Oddly as a sadist I get that satisfaction in the moment of suffering. I'll push my partner until he is really hurting, and he does the same to me. That we can exchange that gift of suffering, that is the value of what we do. In terms of typical role play, I am not a fan. Some times we play out situations, but that is different than playing a role, as we remain ourselves within the scenario. As a consensual sadist I don't want to see pain and suffering in anyone not into this. If I did then its likely I would be torturing kittens when nobody is looking. The masochist enjoys the pain, the torturing and the suffering and therefore I/We find a masochist to unleash our sadism on. Sadism within this lifestyle is very different than sadism outside this lifestyle. It still means we are hurting someone, it still means they are feeling all of the pain and all of those emotions, it still means they are really suffering. The big difference is, is they came to us, they were up for this and after its over they aren't internally scarred, or scared and fearing for their lives, they are smiling and saying 'wow that was so fucking hot and look at my bruises I'm like someone who has been tidied!'. I don't want it to be anymore real than that. I don't want to hurt and abuse someone against their will. I don't want to go and pick up a random person in a vanilla club and take them home to hurt them. I have had vanilla boyfriends and vanilla girlfriends and my dominance still prevailed over our relationships. Its who I am and something I can't help because its my personality. What I never did was hurt them in a sadistic way because that would of been abuse and so has to be pre-arranged with someone who wants to delve on that journey. Sadism and dominance in my mind are two very different animals that can be beautifully entwined but only via arrangement. The thing I love about masochists is, they do take pain for me and they can and do want to put themselves in a submissive space to take that pain. As masochists they are getting some pleasure out of this, even if that's not during the moments of it happening. I don't hurt someone because I am angry, I hurt someone because I enjoy it and thats why over the years we have spent a tidy fortune collecting all sorts of devious toys. When our submissive has been present during the purchasing of these toys she smiles and blushes and feels all excited. If we took those toys home and put them away for a few months she would be inwardly disappointed. In other words, she wants it, we want it and at a set time and place its going to happen with all the vigor and energy we can muster. We are hungry to hurt her and she has built up a hunger to take it and even when she's begging and bleeding on the floor, she dreamt of that moment and not dreaded it. There is no pretense in what we do but neither of us would be doing this if we never found a masochist. We would however still be making some partner thoroughly miserable with what they would probably consider as over powering and demanding personalities. I guess I need to clarify my response for you. I am a consensual sadist, and a consensual masochist. My relationship is such that we share power, and share both of these roles so there isn't consent every instance. Though when I get whacked with an electrical cord on the way out the door I know this is what I signed up for. But my sadism and masochism are not role play to me. I think it is arguable that both are roles, I guess the difference is that they are not play. Oh hell yes I want him to suffer, that is what gets me going, just as he wants me to suffer. We both love suffering from both ends. I never have a moment in my relationship where I put on the metaphorical sadist hat. S&M is in my skin. It's always on me. I don't need the toybag to be out, I don't need to be wearing thigh highs, I've got plenty of objects that make things more fun but I need none of them. Most of the time our shit is completely unplanned. We just start assaulting one another out of nowhere. Sometimes we plan out a gigantic scenes weeks in advance, and we're both running around everywhere getting supplies. Both makes cuts and bruises, both are hot as hell. We do whatever the hell we want to, and we are always sadomasochists in a relationship with one another. And I would never take it out on an unwilling participant. Part of what makes this something I'm drawn to is the love involved. When it's play it's only about the pain, when it's love it gets to be about everything. We can go to deeper and darker places, we can get to the shit that is absolutely frightening, and build on that love further. If I wasn't in a BDSM relationship I would be in none. Or I would be a ghost of myself every moment I was with the person (and I've been there, and never want to go back).

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/22/2011 6:44:46 PM)
I agree with you on the love thing, reeds. :) (you're pretty snazzy! Stick around!) For me, thr context of love, the dichotomy between the love and the suffering, that makes it so much more intense. For me, it does make it possible to go to darker places, it's the backbone that holds it all together. MariaB, of course you don't act on your sadistic tendencies with unconsenting people. You have morals and ethics that control all the aspects of your behavior. And of course dominance and sadism aren't the same. I don't think anyone's made that argument. Some people just use it as an expression or a feature of their power exchange.

MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/22/2011 8:12:36 PM)
Complex question. One that probes the very depths of who we are and what we feel. It taxes the very definitions of who we are. Are we roleplaying in our relationships? Maybe we are putting on masks when we deal with family, friends and co-workers? Are there no masks and no roles but merely different sides of the same coin? A question like that deserves, nay it demands... ...a silly answer! Something I said to a fellow gamer who does not know my, um, other hobbies: "Just think of BDSM as full-contact LARPing."

MariaB -> RE: Sadism, Masochism, and "roleplaying." (11/23/2011 3:29:01 AM)
I think I have to bow down here to certain things that have been said. I relate very much to how sheisreeds describes her relationship. My husband isn't into being flogged or put on his knees but he enjoys my sexual dominance. We spoke about it last night and he said that when I sexually take him I have bigger and stronger orgasms and the energy I give out is all consuming to him. I worship the ground he walks on and love him with all my heart, as he does me and within that love I can unleash a very natural part of me. Through that love we can venture into intimately dark places and its the most natural and liberating place in the world. We do scene with others and up until recently we had a long term relationship with a fem sub. With her it was very much off the cuff but then it was an intimate and lengthy relationship. More recently Steve has a fem sub and its very clear that he absolutely adores her. I have watched them together and I would definitely say that what they are doing right now is a type of role-play. There relationship is based on creating situations where he can physically dominate her and she can physically submit to him. On occasion I get involved. Something triggers me to jump in with both feet and stimulate my own sadistic needs. I don't love her but when I see her in that vulnerable place, I do want to fuck her brains out [:)] I don't contemplate what I am going to do to her but if she was mine as well as his I would probably spend the best part of the day contemplating what I am going to do when she arrives, as I think Steve does now. I would be thinking out scenarios and not just doing things off the cuff as I do with Steve and as I do with her when I suddenly see her in a vulnerable state. Next week I have planned something very devious with a male sub friend of mine. Shocking scenes can take a lot of planning and in this instance is going to involve a huge amount of role-play. That isn't going to make it any less real because as the scene unfolds it will materialize into something very real indeed. Im certain I will get a huge amount of pleasure out of it and sure he will too and so role-play in my opinion can be great fun and touch very deeply into the psyche too.

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