RE: A question for people who play with switches...

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LadyHibiscus -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (9/27/2011 3:43:39 PM)
Me, too! And I don't kneel for the rugrats, just plunk myself down on the floor. Near. Heavy piece of furnitire so I can haul myself up.

Hisprettybaby -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (9/27/2011 8:55:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I get either the sub vibe from folks or what I'll call "flat". Since I don't do power plays with other Dominants, that's the flat area. There's no pull one way or the other. Just folks, ya know?. [/color] Sometimes I wonder what kind of vibes people get from switchy me. I really don't know, maybe it depends on where my own head is at at the time what kind of vibes they get. Daddy just told me that I used to give off much more submissive vibes to him, now not so much. He says now it's more "even." Whatever that means. Maybe that's "flat." ~Hisprettybaby~

strongbottom88 -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (9/28/2011 5:31:14 PM)
This I understand. I have generally only topped women (and only occassionally) who regularly topped me because I get that they want the rush of the physical challenge etc. I also get that there is a fundamental difference between something like a bondage scene as a top or bottom and a more compliant dynamic such as something like "kneeling." Bondage is a huge kink for me so if I am in the right frame of mind then I could probably do a bondage scene with just about any woman I found attractive and who gave me even the slightest dominant vibe (and a vibe of being at least half way sane). Something more compliant takes a serious bond built on serious trust, and a gradually built up desire to pleae and submit. Where I am at a different space, is that I don't percieve any issue with a woman I develop a submissive bond to (much less a bond as a bottom) liking to bottom or even submit to someone else. Their energy with me is still dominant and/or "toppy." I also don't feel submissive energy to the person who tops my top because I haven't developed (and may not be capable of developing) that type of energy with them. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I am not a switch. I have bottomed very heavily in the past, and have these memories of having a blast, but it was only bottoming for physical challenge and sensation, and always with the same folks who bottomed for me (with the exception of rope). Never in a million years would I kneel to someone, or do anything remotely submissive. It's just not me. Just like being bisexual isn't me. I understand wanting to bottom, I remember the fun (though if it was so much fun, wouldnt I have done it at some point in the last 12 yrs?) but I really have a hard time wrapping my head around dom/sub switches. I'm not even going to tell you that I don't have any internal issues about it--because when I see a woman with a submissive submit to someone else? Big time cognitive dissonance. BIG TIME. I don't look down on them, or try to "change" anyone, because we should do what makes us happy, but yeah, it makes me very, very, very uncomfortable. I have read on other threads that predominantly sub/bottom women totally freak out when they see men they view as dom/top bottom. Or yanno, want a prostate massage. [8D] I say it's good to know that you feel that way. If you find that this personal prejudice gets in the way, work on it, otherwise, smile silently, because other folks are giving YOU the hairy eyeball over what you do. [;)] Real life example--a few years back we brought Midori to town, and I got to be her wrangler and bondage bunny. (YES I RULE!!!) Big domly dom Hib, getting this total fancy scene with Midori, in front of over a hundred people. It was teh awesome, we totally clicked. NO ONE said anything to me that wasn't congratulatory. They were way impressed that I would do something like that in public. Actually enhanced my street cred that I got hogtied on a stage. Go figure.

strongbottom88 -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (9/28/2011 5:40:42 PM)
I get the thing about a flat vibe verus a sub vibe. I don't think that is inconsistent with my experience that the desire to bottom or submit is for me based upon an interpersonal dynamic or energy as opposed to an essence or Kinsey type of dominance/submissiveness spectrum. If I walk into a room of 10 women who identify as dominant, 1 or 2 will likely bring out some level of submissive energy or vibe from me almost immediately just based on my perception of their presence and demeanor. Several of the other women would likley have the capacity to draw out a submissive vibe from me over time while some of the women could likely never have that effect on me, and it would be very hard for me to predict who was who until some type of significant interaction took place. I would not, however, rate their levels of dominance in a general sense in any way on what energy they created with me. I also agree that it is ashame that more people aren't contributing to this thread. It is an interesting topic. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Well, I have no problem kneeling for My grandchildren. [;)] I think it must be nice, in it's own way, to feel different energy with different people. I have to admit that it's completely foreign to Me. I get either the sub vibe from folks or what I'll call "flat". Since I don't do power plays with other Dominants, that's the flat area. There's no pull one way or the other. Just folks, ya know? Darn shame more folks aren't contributing to this thread. I would be interested in hearing more.

Steelslilbit -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (9/30/2011 9:24:54 AM)
I think for me it would depend a lot on how I saw them to begin with, and whether or not their switch in roles (even for a scene) was something I knew they wanted. If I had already assimilated them as a switch it wouldn't phase me at all. But if they were ether D type or s type and I had no clue they were inclined to be any other way even for a brief time.... it'd take me for a loop. I'd at least be giving them the O.o expression for the evening if not require a convo about it later. And of course if they were in even a casual relationship with me it'd be an even bigger loop, I'm sure. Because, I mean, how does THAT conversation not come up? ^.^ Lil Bit

LillyBoPeep -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (9/30/2011 12:27:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I get either the sub vibe from folks or what I'll call "flat". Since I don't do power plays with other Dominants, that's the flat area. There's no pull one way or the other. Just folks, ya know? this is how i feel, too, just in reverse. I get a Dom vibe from some people i meet that makes me interested, otherwise i don't feel anything particularly strong. they can still be nice people. there's one puppy player in our community that i want to take care of. =p i've never had THAT feeling before. not necessarily in a Dominant way, but i literally think of him like i think of my own pupperton. i'm seriously considering making him some cookies in the shape of dog biscuits. hahaha but that's the most pronounced "non-submissive" feeling i've really felt towards someone. i've never had the urge to dominate anyone.

NiceGuyNihilist -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (9/30/2011 12:51:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I get either the sub vibe from folks or what I'll call "flat". Since I don't do power plays with other Dominants, that's the flat area. There's no pull one way or the other. Just folks, ya know? this is how i feel, too, just in reverse. I get a Dom vibe from some people i meet that makes me interested, otherwise i don't feel anything particularly strong. they can still be nice people. there's one puppy player in our community that i want to take care of. =p i've never had THAT feeling before. not necessarily in a Dominant way, but i literally think of him like i think of my own pupperton. i'm seriously considering making him some cookies in the shape of dog biscuits. hahaha but that's the most pronounced "non-submissive" feeling i've really felt towards someone. i've never had the urge to dominate anyone. Interesting you should mention that. Some of my favorite times as a sub have been with women who were otherwise submissive themselves. It's as if something about me gave them permission to dabble where they otherwise wouldn't have. I was once at dinner with a woman who made me eat rice with chopsticks while I was starving. (I'm about the clumsiest chopstick-user you could hope to meet.) "I don't identify as dominant at all," she explained to our friends. "I just like to torment him." A Dom shrugged and nodded as if it made perfect sense and said, "Yeah, some people are just bottoms. They have a vibe." A woman I used to see over a counter every day while I was buying food would often say, in a sweetly patronizing tone, "Is it snacky-snack time, or dinner time?"--as if to imply I might be in trouble if I was eating before mealtime. She was about five years younger than me. I could give at least a dozen similar examples, and probably more if I really thought about it. I don't know--it just seems natural for many women to treat me this way, and the response seems to happen independently of their stated power orientation (if they have one). I don't mind it, usually. I am a switch, though--even if Ms. Snacky-Snack and Ms. Chopsticks might laugh at the notion.

Suleiman -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (11/20/2011 4:04:13 AM)
When I was a teenager, I had difficulty with polar ambiguity, I could comprehend that there was gay and there was straight, and that there were sadists and there were masochists. The whole top/bottom/dominant/submissive thing was lost on me. I was poxy-faced virgin trying to figure this stuff out all on my own. My first serious LTR was also a 24/7 TPE. My Mistress was a bisexual switch. Many of her friends were switches. I did not attend many events with her, but she played frequently and subbed often. It was very uncomfortable for me to take up the whip and use it on her. That was not the dynamic I had fixed in my head regarding our relationship. I was interested in topping, to be sure. I just couldn't do it with her. Oddly enough, it never bothered me to see her subbing for someone else. Once I got over my hangups regarding polyamory, seeing her with another person was no problem, regardless of the role.

Clickofheels -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (1/29/2012 9:33:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt I've said this before, no one is 100% dom or 100% sub. In my mind, we are all somewhere on a very long continuum, which means I may dom someone who doms another, and yet be dommed by someone who subs to someone else. I'm sorry that we have to disagree, but I'm afraid we must. What you are saying here is very similar to the theory that "everybody is at least a little bisexual" when that isn't the case at all. Just like there really are folks who are a zero or a six on the Kinsey scale, there really are those who are only sub or only D. Granted, I don't think it's nearly the number that some folks would like to pursued others that it might be, but it really is there. I absolutely agree. Nicely put, Lady P.. Ms Clickofheels

kjade -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (1/30/2012 12:26:19 AM)
Okay this may not make much sense but here goes... In my day to day life I am more of a dominant personality. I can't imagine just completely being submissive. I need some sort of control of things. With that being said I can't tolerate a partner weaker than me. He has to be more dominant of a personality. In the bedroom scenario I am most sexually turned on as being submissive. It's fucking hot. I cannot be with a submissive man. Yet from time to time I have gotten turned on by taking over and playing a more dominant role. I would say that I am primarily submissive but maybe a tad switch(if that's possible) and I am more than curious to be with a primarily dominant-switch man. But with that being said, I also do not think that I would like to witness my switch playing submissive for anyone else, but swing him Dominant in a scenario wouldn't bother me...

MariaB -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (1/30/2012 3:17:04 AM)
Up until meeting Steve I had never bottomed but there was something about him that got me thinking along those lines. Here was a man who was extremely dominant without ever uttering the word dominance. He just sweats dominance through his pores, theres no trying, its just there. I tried bottoming to him but it was all too brutal for my liking. Even being spanked was like being kicked in the ass by half a dozen rugby players. I tried but I tried for his benefit and not mine and in the end I had to sit him down and say, 'look this just isn't me. Lets find a submissive masochist'. Now as far as submitting he knew he couldn't go there. There were times he took the unsuspecting me and physically and verbally made me relent and I have to admit that was hot and a bit of an eye opener about myself and how I felt but when it was over it was over and I would suggest he now went and made me coffee and role me a cigarette! It was play time and nothing more. It was a route to an orgasm through different sensations and mind fucks but it never went beyond the bedroom. I on the other hand constantly tried to find a submissive side in him. I wanted, needed more than anything to have this strong dominant man submit to my will and the more I tried to coerce him the more he would laugh and teas me which was as frustrating as hell. What he would allow though, was some S&M fun. I could slip my hand over his mouth and nose when we were making love and he wouldn't resist. I could grab his hair or slip cuffs on his wrists and so long as I didn't get carried away he was game. Our poly girl is submissive but is well aware that these little games go on between Steve and me. She has even witnessed them. She says that when he takes me or I take him she doesn't see any submission in either of us, just some kinky energy that she actually finds quite exciting. She says that when he grabs my hair she sees a look in my eyes that say, 'come on then I dare you' and she says that its moments like that where Im more frightening than him!! I love watching Steve dominate our girl. I admire his skill and the ease he shows because its so natural for him. He inspires me and improves my dominance because every time I watch him its like sitting in the front row of a master class. I would love to be able to do the same to him because to me that would be the hottest thing in the world but I think that goes to show that I don't need a dominant man and I never fell in love with a dominant man, I just fell in love with a great guy. I don't consider myself a top or a bottom. I don't consider Steve a top or a bottom. We are both very much 100% dominant in our nature. The kinky games between the two of us is just fun but dominance runs through our veins.

MistrixMsE -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (1/30/2012 3:48:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Clickofheels quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt I've said this before, no one is 100% dom or 100% sub. In my mind, we are all somewhere on a very long continuum, which means I may dom someone who doms another, and yet be dommed by someone who subs to someone else. I'm sorry that we have to disagree, but I'm afraid we must. What you are saying here is very similar to the theory that "everybody is at least a little bisexual" when that isn't the case at all. Just like there really are folks who are a zero or a six on the Kinsey scale, there really are those who are only sub or only D. Granted, I don't think it's nearly the number that some folks would like to pursued others that it might be, but it really is there. I absolutely agree. Nicely put, Lady P.. Ms Clickofheels In agreement with Click & LadyP... just not submissive myself.. and there is really no varying of degrees... its an absolute (nor am i bi for that matter). While I dont have to forcefully exert dominance at every turn, I simply wont sub to anyone. I have no inclination to do so, regardless of the individual involved (including my most deeply trusted spouses over the years). I love my boy, but the only one pulling hair in bed will be me. That all said, I'll top some selected masochistic female subs, but its not about sex for me.. I am a sadist and dont much care what the romantic inclinations of the masochist suffering for me.. as long as they can hold position and take the whip.

DesFIP -> RE: A question for people who play with switches... (1/30/2012 8:18:15 AM)
Part of why none of this applies to me is that I don't play casually. Only inside of a committed relationship. And I can only form such a relationship with a man who I feel submissive to. So although there may well be someone out there I could top, I wouldn't ever identify him as a potential partner.

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