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RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/25/2006 9:11:20 PM

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear sleazybutterfly, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Being new to the scene, you are entitled to be patient lass. If you have hard limits to fire play and or needles. Say so up front and don't be afraid of being viewed as an inferior slave/submissive because you are afraid. Make it your limit. I'm sure you have other lovely qualities, to which the need to fire play and do needles would never be missed.

Fears are to be respected. Dominants should respect those fears and you most of all dear lass.

Knowing your fears, as well as being creative, I can do both--respect your fears as well as give a "mind" game out of it. Taking duct tape and pinch it as to create a gather, I can do needle play without ever touching you but, you can feel the sensation as thread tugs through the gathered duct tape. I can make the sensation feel like blood--using hand liquid soap warmed up and drip and drag with a thread to start a track and let it drip and follow the track. No blood will be shed, just some red dye in handsoap/shampoo, etc. With fire, no flame required. Give me steam hot towels and towel flog you. Perhaps strips of yarn soaked in liniment, like Absorbine Jr., Icy Hot, Mineral Ice, etc. then quick flick and drag them on your skin that has been warmed with a warm/hot towel. Rope works also, fray it but not so fine as to be silky, soak in liniment and sweep on skin.

You can play with sensations as to work for you. All you need to do lass, is honor your fear enough to respect it but, not be controled by it.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/26/2006 7:07:18 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

No worries on the "jumping in" to being a slave. i have been a sub in the past..and do think it is probably best to start with a potential Master in more of that type of mode. i would never accept a collar after less than a year of actual service..not just talking on the internet... just like i wouldn't get married after less than a year of knowing someone and spending tons of time with them. i know that it should not be taken lightly by any means.

As far as whether i am a sub/slave.. i really don't like to box myself into a category to be honest. i run into that so much as a bisexual.. and i always resist at all costs. i don't know who for sure says which is which. Would i die for my Master.. i can't answer that without having One. If He meant that much to me.. yes, i would.. just like i would Anyone that meant the world to me. Now, if He just wanted to kill me.. to see what it felt like... no, i wouldn't die for Him.. that isn't because i am not a slave.. it's because i have a preference to walk among the living for a few more years. Do i want to give up my control to Him, yes... but i also don't want to give up my interests and my ability to think along with all of that. i do understand though...that the final decision will be His..and even if i don't agree.. my tongue will be held.

i do agree.. that something i don't like now.. in some areas i might later..those are my softer limits..or things i just haven't tried. my mind is very open on things really... i am always one to find a new way to experience pleasure or a pain/pleasure mixture. That being said though.. doesn't mean i will ever let anyone set me on fire.. and to keep at a sub over and over.. just breaks them down..and i don't think in a good way. It breaks them down emotionally.. to always feel like they can't live up.. or do things the way that You want them to. i know for me personally... to feel like i fall short.. or letdown.. is worse than any spanking i could receive.

i am sure that the Master i have will have plenty of ways to cause that "fear rush" in me, without totally screwing me up for the rest of my life. Like i saw mentioned above.. there seem to be plenty of ways to "f**k" with someones mind without pushing them totally over the edge. Trust me, i want a Master that can do that.. get into my head and accomplish some mind control also. i actually enjoy it.. sort of like a really good thriller..keeps me on the edge of my seat..and always on my toes.

i think anyone can tell from reading this..that there is plenty of enjoyment to be had with me.. be it sadistic or not... so to just leave 3 or 4 things as hard limits.. i don't think should ever be an issue..and if it is..that doesn't make me not a slave.. it just makes Him not the right Master for me.

Thanks so much for all of Your replies.. i wish i could answer to each and every one.. but just know..even if i don't totally agree.. i always respect what others have to say and know that none of us look at things exactly the same. That is the thing i love about these boards..is we all do that.. say what we think.. or give advice..yet we can respect another opinion on the subject. i have seen it get heated on some postings the last few days.. that saddens me.. what should be a good discussion.. or a chance to learn a little bit..has become more of an adult game of "my mommy, is better than your mommy". It is with relief that i have noticed..that seems to be pretty rare.. and the boards are a usually pleasant place..even if we don't all view things the same way.

Thanks also.. for E/everyone making me feel so welcome here.. i appreciate it. ~butterfly

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 5/26/2006 7:42:14 AM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

That's why we have the concept of limits, and communication.

If something's a limit, then it's a limit.

If something's not a limit, then it's open to discussion.

Where you go depends on what YOU agree upon.

I actually don't push limits at all.

Right again LA.

I do not consider it "the Top's job" to push limits. That is a preference of the two people involved, not a hard and fast rule.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/15/2006 4:05:13 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline

I would like a copy of that checklist

(in reply to Archer)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/15/2006 4:13:29 PM

Posts: 334
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear sleazybutterfly, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Being new to the scene, you are entitled to be patient lass. If you have hard limits to fire play and or needles. Say so up front and don't be afraid of being viewed as an inferior slave/submissive because you are afraid. Make it your limit. I'm sure you have other lovely qualities, to which the need to fire play and do needles would never be missed.

Fears are to be respected. Dominants should respect those fears and you most of all dear lass.

Knowing your fears, as well as being creative, I can do both--respect your fears as well as give a "mind" game out of it. Taking duct tape and pinch it as to create a gather, I can do needle play without ever touching you but, you can feel the sensation as thread tugs through the gathered duct tape. I can make the sensation feel like blood--using hand liquid soap warmed up and drip and drag with a thread to start a track and let it drip and follow the track. No blood will be shed, just some red dye in handsoap/shampoo, etc. With fire, no flame required. Give me steam hot towels and towel flog you. Perhaps strips of yarn soaked in liniment, like Absorbine Jr., Icy Hot, Mineral Ice, etc. then quick flick and drag them on your skin that has been warmed with a warm/hot towel. Rope works also, fray it but not so fine as to be silky, soak in liniment and sweep on skin.

You can play with sensations as to work for you. All you need to do lass, is honor your fear enough to respect it but, not be controled by it.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

I luvv Lady Hugs.

_____________________________

Ms. Diane
"..and they who danced were thought insane by those who refused to hear the music." ~Monet

*Suffer BayBeee!!!!!*

"My treasures do not sparkle or glitter, they shine in the sun and neigh in the night."

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/15/2006 9:55:36 PM

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

In looking for a Master, let it be known from the beginning that these things will not be done to you. There are many Doms who don't care to do either of those things out there. You are under no obligation to do anything until you are owned, so make sure you give yourself to a Dom with similar limits.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/16/2006 12:05:07 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

i know the idea is to push limits of the slave.. that i understand..but.. how far do You really push them?

-Whose- idea? I detest the fascination with pushing limits/pushing boundaries/pushing period.

The way I look at it, people grow together. If someone is phobic of something, or simply really dislikes it, why on -earth- should the goal be to make them like it?

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/16/2006 12:14:07 AM

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

From a personal view my first thoiught would be" Are you a submissive or a slave?" generally speaking a submissive has a far greater say in what is happening by discussion. Slaves on the other hand are obedient all the time to their Master or Mistress and do not ever try to control the play. However there may he limits which are agreed to.. Gorean slaves are property and have no limits (these are set by their Master or Mistress), they also have no safe words...... They are owned (yep they have an out it is beggibng for release or just walking out the door). However from a practical aspect and seeing that Gorean slavery is about sertvice and BDSM play may not even enter into the picture, but then there those of us who do enjoy some BDSM play for our own ammusement. In such a case and untill I have established the parameters, I will allow a kajira a safe word and will take into account any phobeas such as needles or fire. It boils down to not being soft, but the responsibility of not placing her in perceived danger or in any way devaluing my property..........

EDITED TO ADD:

Even in my profile I mention that my BDSM interests include shibari and needle play, that I am not experienced in either but have a Pro Dommie who is and who acts as my Mentor in such areas untill I pass her "Competent" level.....It is best that any candidate is aware of my interests from the start and if needs by I can always seek BDSM play partners to persue my evil training.......

< Message edited by IronBear -- 6/16/2006 12:22:11 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Archer)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/16/2006 12:16:03 AM

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

i know the idea is to push limits of the slave.. that i understand..but.. how far do You really push them?

-Whose- idea? I detest the fascination with pushing limits/pushing boundaries/pushing period.

The way I look at it, people grow together. If someone is phobic of something, or simply really dislikes it, why on -earth- should the goal be to make them like it?

Well said. I don't think there's a good answer to that, other than it shouldn't.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to perverseangelic)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/16/2006 3:41:43 AM

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

If those are your hard limits then your Dominant should steer clear of them and let them be. If they are soft limits then s/he can play around with them to see how you react.

I personally would never push a hard limit, thats why they are called hard limits.

~Lashra

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/16/2006 2:11:45 PM

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

i am new to this somewhat still..and am not really sure what the "rules" are in some areas. i mean, i want to be a good slave and do everything correctly... yet i know there are some things i just won't be able to do. These aren't the basic things.. so i am not whining..but things like fireplay..or needles. i honestly can't take either.. i have been burnt pretty bad before.. and i have always had a horrible needle phobia.

My question really is.. how do i handle this? Can i not do these things?

i know the idea is to push limits of the slave.. that i understand..but.. how far do You really push them?

Thank You, butterfly

I wouldn't say that my owner is into pushing limits but...

If I had a limit that conflicted with what he is interested in then the expectation is that I adjust. I can't see being his slave yet denying him something he wanted to do. This is something thats actually happened, I'm not just talking hypothetically and I did have to adjust, though it of course took quite a while.

There is nothing wrong with calling yourself a submissive, I'm not sure why you feel the need to consider yourself a slave when you are still new and feeling things out.

C~
C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/16/2006 2:34:25 PM

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Is there any reason why you have to call yourself a slave instead of a submissive to start with. Many will disagree with me, but I would think that if one was just starting out with BDSM they may want to take their time labelling themselves a slave when they havent even determined what their limits are and what sort of power exchange they want.

An excellent point, indeed.

< Message edited by amayos -- 6/16/2006 3:13:37 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/18/2006 11:39:50 AM

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I wouldn't say that my owner is into pushing limits but...

If I had a limit that conflicted with what he is interested in then the expectation is that I adjust. I can't see being his slave yet denying him something he wanted to do. This is something thats actually happened, I'm not just talking hypothetically and I did have to adjust, though it of course took quite a while.

This I actually agree with. That is, if one of my phobias or fears is getting int he way of something my Owner wants to do, then -that's- a good reason to work on getting over it.

I was very very very scared of anal sex. He was very interested in it. We worked on it. I got over it.

That kind of pushing makes perfect sense to me. What I -don't- get, is pushing limits when neither partner has a particular desire to do that act--the fascination with expanding limits just to expand them.

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/18/2006 11:42:31 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

(I appologize, the previous post was me. I forgot to log out of our couple profile)

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to BoyandHisgirl)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/19/2006 12:18:32 AM

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline

As many have said...a good Dom will never try to force you to do something you have said is a 'hard' limit. It's up to you to decide when, and if, a limit should be moved from a 'hard' one to a 'soft' one... it's the 'soft' ones that most Doms work on trying to 'push'... because in essence what you are saying when you tell a Dom that something is a 'soft' limit is 'I have an interest...I'm just afraid'... most Doms see that as you asking for help to conquer that fear. A hard limit, on the other hand, is seen as something that you just cannot handle, for whatever reason, and will be respected by any Dom worth his salt.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/19/2006 12:31:33 AM

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

i just wondered if i was not being a "true slave" by having these things i just couldn't do.

My recomendation is to banish the term "True Slave" from your vocabulary. Every HNG and his uncle will tell you, "You aren't a "true slave," if you don't do such and such, or if you do do so and so.

Every HNG and his uncle are full of, umm, excrement.

There is only one definition of "true slave" that is true for you. And that is the definition that you and your Dom decide on.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/19/2006 2:33:55 AM

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

Dear sleazybutterfly,

Having limits of any kind doesn’t make you less slave or less submissive.

It is completely natural, I believe that there is someone for each of us (many for some poly seekers…lol) and you’ll meet the right Master.

On the other hand, keep yourself away from dominants who don’t respect limits. If any Master/Mistress wishes to push limits… it should be processed step by step and only with soft limits.

Good luck,
Master,

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

RE: Would You make Your slave??? - 6/20/2006 8:33:39 AM

Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline

I agree with julieoceania and Mercnbeth. There is no shame in being a submissive.

To me a slave gives up the right to make these choices/demands and unless you have already negotiated them into your slave contract..oh well. On the other hand I cannot see and Dom worth his salt expecting you to do anything that violates your inner core feelings. My girl is My submissive and I would never play upon her fear of snakes for example...We go to the zoo and I want to see the snakes of course, I ask her to wait outside and enjoy herself.

I see and hear of so many "instant slaves" that have barely explored their submission and have little or no idea what is involved. Being a submissive still puts you in a relationship and unless the Dom insists you be a "slave" I would recommend being a submissive to someone for a long time and really getting to know them and Then have a Wondrous Collaring Ceremony once both of you know this is what you both want.

_____________________________

Kink Forever
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Docents_of_Museum/

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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