RE: Confused and dejected (Full Version)

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mastersayed -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/25/2006 6:00:42 AM)

thats why I'm extremely against taking any big steps online (like training) without an actual meeting. I dont know if he broke any of the sites rules by doing this, but report the jackass anyways to collarme. and stopping doing online stuff. meet people instead. having a d/s realtionship online is so f*cking stupid



Bearlee -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/26/2006 1:34:52 PM)

Well...meet people AND get some basic proof of who they are and where they live...so you can confirm it.  There ARE people who marry more than once...or just plain ol' cheat while lying their butts off.  Been there, done that with such a person.

That other response was good; it coulda been worse.  <sigh>



juliaoceania -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/26/2006 2:03:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mastersayed

thats why I'm extremely against taking any big steps online (like training) without an actual meeting. I dont know if he broke any of the sites rules by doing this, but report the jackass anyways to collarme. and stopping doing online stuff. meet people instead. having a d/s realtionship online is so f*cking stupid


You can meet people online, but make sure you meet them,... In other words if a face to face meeting with numbers exchanged is not possible and they are wanting to cyber and own you online,... then you have to ask why? I have met someone through online ad, but we have met face to face, exchanged numbers (landlines), he has been to my home, and all that stuff.



OhBeMyMind -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/26/2006 4:58:34 PM)

Hopefully you have learned something from your experience.  So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on.  Surely you can look back over your experience and see now where you could have done things differently, so just do not do the same thing over again.  And for crying out loud, at least own up to your own responsibility in this. 



Kirei -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/26/2006 5:45:59 PM)

Dear Bella,
I too would tell you to go to your local lifestyle group, or events near you and meet people and talk with them.  Make friends, its great to have connections.  It may make it easier for you, it may not.  It really all depends on you.  The good part about knowing local people is that you have someone to talk too, that if something like that happens you can ask their advice.  Many of us have gone through similiar stuff, including me...its what we do with it that makes it not happend again.

Koneko



Petruchio -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/27/2006 10:21:17 PM)

I'm really shocked at the depth of his duplicity. I know you don't even know what to think at this point, but I'm wondering if this manipulating person was really a dom, really a guy, really only one person. With such jerk(s), you have no way of knowing anything, including why they chose to use you.

You have my heartfelt sympathy and I hope it doesn't embitter you against others.

hugs, girl.



Coolhanded -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/28/2006 12:06:21 AM)

Many have expressed their sorrow for what happened to you. Trust is something that is earned, it should never be freely given. Most want to believe that people are basically good and honest, the truth is many are anything but, and some are down right dangerous. So please be carefull. Jerks like this make it very difficult for the many that are honest. My rule is that after chating with someone for a while I will give them my home phone number and will expect theirs in return. One other bit of advice, if someone is truly interested in you they are not going to be satisfied chatting via the net. Chat with some of the subs that have been around awhile and listen to their advice they will help you stay out of harms way.



mystiquenz -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/28/2006 12:45:45 AM)

So sorry you have had been the victim of a nasty egotiscal person who calls himself a Dominant! 

I have to agree with others, take yourself off line, and refind your center, get information about local bdsm groups near you, and often, some groups will have a greeting coffee, before you are thrown into a munch.  It makes that first step so less intimidating. 

Once again, formulate what you want, what you seek, but try to keep online chat as real as possible.  For some, online meets are beautiful, for others, they are like pointed daggers, trust broken, hearts bleed.  At least my dear lady, you found out without investing too much time and energy. 

I wish you well as you journey, but like others have said, take time out for you, recenter, balance, and when you have refocused, try again, but put real time, and online together, rather than independently of each other.




DeSonnen -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/28/2006 7:22:10 AM)

I think this illustrates perfectly the dangers of the web and those who lurk in so called "cyber space"
 
I am a Dom and follow a few stringent rules when making contact..........i would suggest that any conversations you may have should be done on messenger, allowing you to save and cross reference should you have any alarm bells ringing. When you move on to the next stage, I prefer mobile numbers, ring at times you are not expected to and see if what has been said is true. If, after all this, you are  confident of intention / truthfullness etc it remains to be said that ball should allways be in your court.

What has been done to you is inexcusable, continue your search and it will come true.

Remember the gift of submission is priceless and, even though I am meant to be the dominant one, no D/s relationship can be formed without the submissive giving and trusting - to me, the essence of what we all seek. 



LadyHugs -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/28/2006 9:09:19 AM)

Dear ImBella, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Unfortunately, for all of us who are of quality and substance within the scene, it takes someone to have multiple characters with several screen names to give us all a black eye.  I also must wonder at times, if there aren't a few individuals who have several screen names as to load up on responses even on places like this forum at times.  Only little slips can yield evidence that leads others to wonder.
 
In several posts, I cannot add more to their comments, that no nurse will tap out something on behalf of the patient.  EKGs are only a few minutes so, the laptop can resume function thereafter.  Little medical things other medical people would see as "odd."  So, I'm pleased so many responses confirm such hospital behaviors the man claimed, were 'odd' and 'red flags.'
 
As for some people, drama is like a drug.  It is something I like to avoid as daily life is drama enough.  It is really easy to be caught up into it.
 
Now, I also realize that cyber-land role playing is necessary for those who are unable to participate in real life.  Sometimes people mean well by shooting down cyber-land role playing however, I have given it some 'what if' thoughts.  I do see it's use for those who are unable to participate real life, due to location and lack of local groups; those who are so handicapped that they cannot leave an area or their home, as it has to be acknowledged that some groups and or dungeon spaces are not handicap accessable, so we as a community do shut out handicapped members of the scene a lot.  However, if you're able, it is to the best interest of everybody involved as to meet face to face and participate in actual gatherings.
 
In summary, once again it is demonstrated that people who "play" on others give serious and lifestyle involved members of the scene a black eye and besmirches the good of the scene.  Scars that have been made to ImBella and others that have been treated badly, are invisible and are the hardest to heal--if they can be healed at all.  This is of great sorrow to those who really do care about others.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs



CountVonKarma -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/28/2006 10:42:38 AM)

An online submissive relationship is just chatting over the internet and exchanging mail.
It is NOT a Dom Sub relationship.
I just can't imagine how someone would even consider exchanging email, chatting online, and phone calls as a "relationship".
It might be a friendship, but without actually meeting you have NO IDEA who you are talking to. 
Many many many people use the internet as a means of fulfilling needs without actually having to take the risks.
You see, on the internet no one knows you are really a dog.



LadyHugs -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/28/2006 2:22:26 PM)

Dear CountVonKarma; Ladies and Gentlemen;

Internet chat, Instant Messages and other exchanges provide people a means to communicate.  It is needed to be said, that when two people are apart, it matters little what form of communication is used, it helps maintain and sustain a D/s and or M/s relationship.

When searching for partners, it is no different than our forefather's and foremother's exchanges of love letters between mail order brides from catalogs.  Sight unseen, these individuals took to communication as to form a bond before the marriage. 

In writing to my nephew's bride to be, was this anything imaginary? No.  However, it gave us a platform for communication as to form a friendship/relationship with another human soul.  Once she was in the US, she knew something of me and or us, as another family unit.  We knew a bit more about her.

I am concerned how people shoot down the method of communication these days are afforded people.  What about people who have an established D/s and or M/s relationship and divided by distance due to serving in the military, job and so forth.
I would sound like their relationship, if maintained and or sustained through chat, instant messages and even role play, such as doing a ritual that matters to them, is judged by outside individuals as not being valid, authentic and cheap

Nature is not without risks in finding a mate/match.  This is a fact in the wild and or domestic situations. 

I would ask readers to consider that cyber, chat, phone and e-mails are just tools.
Having communications with others, regardless is important and aids in personal growth.  How people find their happiness is their journey. And, to extend this on more, anybody can be behind the screen names even in this forum, to which their true intent is known only to them.  Only the moderators know how many screen names are generated from single places.  Even so, anybody can say they have [insert number] of residences there but, in truth could just be one person with many personalities.

Tools should not be the measure of truth.  Anybody can buy dominant attire and gear and or slave attire and gear.  So, for me--I would like to look beyond the tools and look for the truth beyond somebody's definition of what true is.  Others must do the same.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs




TolerableCruelty -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/30/2006 4:40:13 PM)

you think its bad now... wait til he comes back in a month with a different name, girl, and starts trying to get in your head again...

the good old heart problem scenario is one thats been used countless times... almost as much as the famous car accidents and the dreadful "Yahoo cancer"... of course... they all come back in under different ID's after everyone is done mourning... til they slip up and are found out... then run like hell again...(and its both the online doms and subs that do this)

I think the one that tops it all, though.. is one I heard about a few years ago.. where a "dom" in detroit had a girl collared online.. and was shot in the head during a convenience store robbery and the poor bastard was in a coma for about 4 months.. the whole time, his girl was "speaking" to his family and such... of course, she was only speaking to them through online means... even though they were supposed to meet and marry and live happily ever after, noone had ever offered her a phone number, hospital room number, hospital name, etc etc etc....

I am just amazed at how gullible some people are at times, honestly...

I think life would be much simpler for most folks if they were cynical, non-trusting, mean spirited assholes like I am... *big grin*

T.R.



xxmstrchasxx -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/30/2006 5:36:22 PM)

Bella,

As a Dom I apologize for this person.  He really doesn't sound like a Dom but just a player.

I met my sub online so all online experiences aren't bad.  We have been together for 8 years.  It's too bad someone takes advantage of a caring heart like yours but it happens a lot.

Don't let this Dom ruin you or make you think all Doms are like that.  That simply isn't true.  I suggest you find a club or a munch and go to it and meet people.  Also, take your time and get to know someone.  If they keep putting off meeting you than more than likely they are married or in a relationship of some kind.

Go slow and get to know that person the best you can, m sub and I never met for 6 months due to the 3000 miles difference in locations.  The good news is I talked to her on the phone and got to know her pretty well before we ever met.

Just take it slow and be careful.

I wish you the very best.





Darkraven6 -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/31/2006 11:45:12 AM)

Hon, you shouldnt feel you did anything wrong.  All you did was show you cared, that you were honest, trusting in whom you believed was your Dom.  All good qualities for a sub to have. I was a nurse for many years, and no, a nurse isnt going to do that...but alot of people really dont know that.  Many times Ive been faced with angry family and friends who demanded to know things at times...and couldnt understand that a nurse can not give out such information. Even if the person was to request they do so...it still isnt a nurses place to do so.  As well, I could understand, while being so worried about him, youd not think to question such an act...and maybe even feel somehow secure in thinking what he was saying was actually how it was.   I must agree with so many here, its nice to see so many caring people.  But...dont feel you did anything wrong or that you should feel embarrassed of...if anyone should feel that way, its him.



BlouLady -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/31/2006 1:52:32 PM)

Normally I would read the entire post and see whats going on, but as I am short on time and I have a strong opinion about this I've only read your initial problem, not others reactions. So here goes my thoughts.
Sweety there are bad people out there. The world is full of them and the net is the perfect place for predators to remain annonomous while screwing with peoples lives. Things people would never do when someone can see them, suddenly become available and the darker side of humanity comes out. For trusting people such as yourself, it's a long hard fall. The creeps and scum who find it amusing to suck people in roam unchecked in this vast land of "Technology". You've learned that the hard way. And for that I'm sorry.
However the way I feel is you can a.) never trust anyone again or b.) realize that the ability to forgive and continue to trust is one of the few things that separate us from the pieces of crap that will steal everything they can including but not limited to trust and caring.
I'm not saying run out there and tell everyone your most intimate secrets, but I am saying don't let this experience stop you from trusting yourself.
I wish you the very best and keep heart, things will get better.
~Lady



samvega -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/31/2006 2:36:30 PM)

I totally agree with everyone that the nurse writing is highly suspicious, although knowing a few ICU nurses they do often go the extra mile for people that could be dead a half hour from now without warning. So there is room for doubt.

Seems to me the clincher for you was the duplicate picture.  One thing I'd like to point out is pictures (particularly on CM) are copyable. One of these two doms (possibly even both) could have ripped off a pic for their fake profile. Like in all cases where two are caught in an impossibility, certainly one is lying, the trick is which one. (or both)

Overall I would say you have had an upsetting experience and prolly need to cut your losses and move on.

The advise to get involved in local bdsm groups where people have known track records and you can network with other real live breathing people is golden. I would run with that, or from now on be remorseless when it comes to online stuff in terms of not investing too much untill you have really checked someone out. I know that advise is now rather obvious, and I dont mean any disrespect by stating it.  :)

luv,
samvega



spectreandnectre -> RE: Confused and dejected (5/31/2006 6:55:12 PM)

i am so sorry that this happened but beware of baring your soul to anyone until you have spent time with them...again sorry



Dustyn -> RE: Confused and dejected (6/1/2006 4:14:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ImBella 
 
I don't understand why this person would go to such extremes as to allow me to think he was dying, when he could have just been honest with me and told me to take a hike. 
 
Bella


A lie, once told, generally takes on a life of it's own.  Think of it along the same lines as the blob.  The more it's fed, the bigger it grows.



LL1aintbehavin -> RE: Confused and dejected (6/1/2006 4:52:43 AM)

ImBella
Your story sounds very similar to one i had only a few years ago.  It was online l/d, and although i thought since we talked on im with cam and voice every night and i had his address, home and cell phones that i had covered all the bases.  Hahahaha.
Well, one night he got on line, said he got some bad news and needed some time.
He told me that he had hepc, and was scared he may also have aids.  He told me to move on, forget him as it was a death sentence.  Well stupid me, looked up all the medical information, swore not to leave him cause he was sick, blah blah.
The truth finally came out.  He had been talking to another online and had gotten engaged to her.
Man did i feel stupid, but i found out others have gone through this "i'm dying" routine when someone hasn't got the balls to say i'm no longer interested.  Mind you i've also been duped in real life, seeing a man and meeting his "sister" and finding out that it was his wife.
Some people cannot tell the truth or live honestly if their lives depended on it.  They need drama, lies and deceipt to keep it interesting.
A few months after the "i'm dying" one was cut out of my life, i met my Dom, looked for all the warning signs, and played it safe.  i now live with him 24/7 and W/we got married a few weeks ago.
Sometimes the best things happen in life after the worst.
i wish you luck and happiness, and you are not alone.
aintbehavin



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