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How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/20/2011 12:07:55 AM

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Should the Switch be asked which mode they are in? Should the Switch just assert themselves according to what side they're coming from?

I recently met a Dominant and responded to him as a submissive. For a couple of reasons I was spooked enough to revert to the Dominant side of my nature. He did not want to recognize me as a Domme even though He was aware of my being a Switch in the beginning of our connection.

We had only a half way met agreement but no contract in place.
I wish to be respectful but find it difficult to do when He refuses to acknowledge my need to feel safe means coming from the Dominant side of my nature.

Any thoughtful and considerate insights will be appreciated. Thank you

P.S. New here and just noticed the vanilla sign. NOT vanilla!

< Message edited by EmeraldAngel62 -- 10/20/2011 12:09:35 AM >

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/20/2011 12:52:41 AM

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How does one person respond to another person? For whatever reason, you become "dominant" when you don't feel "safe." Sorry, that translates to me as mildly combative. Regardless, if he is already doing things that don't make you feel safe, the best thing to do is say "thanks, but no thanks," and move on.

(in reply to EmeraldAngel62)

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/20/2011 3:12:39 AM

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Forget the Dom/switch stuff. If you don't feel safe around him, say goodbye.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/20/2011 3:36:08 AM

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I hate to be Captain Obvious, but if you're just meeting someone for the first time you should leave d/s at the door. Meet simply as a woman and a man to see if there is chemistry/commonalities first. After all, you're people first, <insert d/s label here> second. If someone expects d/s right off the bat, I find that to be a red flag. However...ymmv.

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(in reply to EmeraldAngel62)

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/20/2011 4:44:47 AM

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Being dominant and being defensive are different. When you feel insecure or protective, you're being assertively defensive, willful even. Little to do with dominance.

As for how anyone addresses me, I have a name, they should use it, any adopted titles or names after that are things I agree to first, or I refuse to answer to them. Usually the only times I'm given any sort of titles is during actual play, and those are dictated by whatever role I'm in, for bottom it could be anything from 'pet' to 'little cum guzzling whore'. On the top side I usually like to beat my partner senseless until he tells me what a beautiful queen I am, (not fond of 'mistress').

Outside the bedroom, generics I accept are ma'am, madam, cutie, or from affectionate friends and partners silly names like tim-tam, pumpkin, muffin, or other such food items are also acceptable.

If someone can't respect you as an equal first, you shouldn't bother entering into a power exchange with them. They'll take that exchange for granted and assume they actually ARE your superior not because you knelt before them, but because god put them there (or aliens, w/e).

(in reply to BurntKitty)

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/20/2011 5:46:30 AM

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if you felt nervous around him and felt the need to protect yourself, i don't really see that as dominant, that's defensive.plus, if you get into a relationship with this person, who identifies as Dom, and then you figure you can just "switch up" whenever something bothers you, that might be a different mentality than what that person wants to interact with. you presented yourself to this person as a submissive, and now you want him to acknowledge you as Dominant -- but he's not looking for a Dominant.

if you're only meeting someone for the first time, i think you should focus more on getting to know each other and how you sorta mesh together; for me, anyway, it's important that the D/s isn't an agreed-to sort of role play script, but a natural interaction. it'll come out if it's there. so i just focus on getting to know a person to see what the mutual interest is; D/s isn't at the front burner.

if someone makes me feel creepy, then it's probably not likely to go very far. not a matter of being submissive or Dominant; i'm submissive, but i don't "become Dominant" to protect myself. self-defense isn't an inherently Dominant quality.

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RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/20/2011 6:43:08 AM

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First of all safety first obviously..if you do not feel safe then bye-bye.

But it comes over a little like yes I want to play.....mmm No I do not....yes I do....sorry No I do not....
Long pause eerrr yes I would like to play..
indecision is a pain or can be if you are not careful.

Take your time to get to know someone before you start playing with them..

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/20/2011 7:12:31 AM

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Emerald, I agree with everyone else, listen to your gut and keep it moving. This has nothing to do with you being a switch.

< Message edited by orchid77 -- 10/20/2011 7:13:50 AM >

(in reply to amandie)

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/20/2011 9:33:59 AM

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I would say just react as people first. There is no dynamic until you both say there is and, by that time, it should be decided beforehand who is taking which role(s) in that dynamic. I'm a switch, but I'd be confused if someone started out as one and then, mid-stream, switched on me & that's why I switch w/ separate people by choice. Actually, if someone I didn't know just came up to me and started acting either all Dommish or subbish toward me, I'd take a step back, feeling like they were assuming a dynamic where there is none.

(in reply to EmeraldAngel62)

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/22/2011 12:48:39 PM

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Why not address them as their name?

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RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/22/2011 4:45:03 PM

MistressLilliana

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Okay first, if you're "spooked" at all, time to get away. Also, you seem to be talking to a Dom which means they are probably looking for a sub/slave (I could be wrong but its usually the case) he might not acknowledge you as a Domme first off because you first corresponded as a sub and second, because he isn't looking for a Domme. If he wants you to be sub all of the time and you can't provide that then again, move on. Some Switches can Swtich but are more one way or another...maybe he thought you were mostly sub...but if you Switch constantly he might not be into that because he's not a Switch too....

As for what to recognize a Switch as...well since they are Switch it would depend on the moment...sometimes they'll be Dominant other times submissive...just use the persons name or nick name if they have one.

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RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/23/2011 7:32:27 PM

DomDommieCouple

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I'm in total agreement that the D/s should be left at the door. If you are meeting this person, meet as two people first, see if there is a connection and go from there. If you feel unsafe then you need to say good bye and move on.

(in reply to MistressLilliana)

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 10/23/2011 7:35:32 PM

HeatherMcLeather

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The proper form of address is "Your confusing switchiness".

< Message edited by HeatherMcLeather -- 10/23/2011 8:34:48 PM >

(in reply to EmeraldAngel62)

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 11/6/2011 5:27:25 PM

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How should a Dom address a Switch? Same way they would meeting any other person for the first time.

(in reply to EmeraldAngel62)

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 11/6/2011 6:07:32 PM

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You should basically throw rose petals at thier feet as they approach. Then upon reaching your seats, drop to your knees and proclaim, "The great Lord Baron/ess <insert name> will now be seated." Make sure you are wearing your leopard skin spandex and flip flops to your first meet.

Finish every sentance with "meow", switches love that. It reminds them of kittens, and thier sub side can't help but drawn to it.

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RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 11/7/2011 9:15:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

You should basically throw rose petals at thier feet as they approach. Then upon reaching your seats, drop to your knees and proclaim, "The great Lord Baron/ess <insert name> will now be seated." Make sure you are wearing your leopard skin spandex and flip flops to your first meet.

Finish every sentance with "meow", switches love that. It reminds them of kittens, and thier sub side can't help but drawn to it.

Coffee, meet laptop.

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(in reply to Endivius)

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 11/13/2011 6:34:48 AM

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I know the word 'play' is used but this isn't a theatre and there's no stage. Anyone addressing me by any sort of dynamic before they have a basic knowledge of me as a person gets short shrift.

This isn't any sort of alternative way of developing a relationship just by assuming a role associated within a dynamic. One or the other is giving up some degree of control to the other, there's intimacy, and there's quite a number of activities which done in the wrong way at the wrong time with the wrong person can create problems at best. At worst, they can put you in danger.

It's not really any different to any other relationship you can form on this planet. You need the opportunity to get to know someone, you need trust and you need both communication and understanding.

Also what mode I'm in varies from person to person. You see the dynamic is secondary to the entire relationship and it pretty much comes out the same way - every experience of every relationship is unique and individual in its own way.

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RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 11/14/2011 6:00:48 AM

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As others have already said, first and foremost you are two people meeting to get to know each other, exchange information in a what is hopefully a friendly, public, and non-threatening environment, and see if there is common ground between you on which to move forward. If they will not acknowledge you as a person first and invest the time to get to know you and share their experience are they someone you would want to engage in any other activities?

(in reply to EmeraldAngel62)

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 11/17/2011 7:41:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

You should basically throw rose petals at thier feet as they approach. Then upon reaching your seats, drop to your knees and proclaim, "The great Lord Baron/ess <insert name> will now be seated." Make sure you are wearing your leopard skin spandex and flip flops to your first meet.

Finish every sentance with "meow", switches love that. It reminds them of kittens, and thier sub side can't help but drawn to it.

Who's your shrink ?

T^T

(in reply to Endivius)

RE: How should a Dom address a Switch> - 11/17/2011 7:45:41 PM

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FR

Cue the joke about the old guy has someone over the house and they commented on how romantic he is for calling her "Honeybuch" and "Sweetie" all the time and he repiled "Shhh, I forgot the bitch'es name years ago".

T^T

(in reply to Termyn8or)

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