RE: Is it expected that a Dom will do the things you like? How much do you try to influence that?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Is it expected that a Dom will do the things you like? How much do you try to influence that?

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RE: Is it expected that a Dom will do the things you li... - 10/29/2011 11:02:19 PM

TheRoper

Posts: 2
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I appreciate the range of responses here, thank you, all. Some were certainly more passionate (read: aggressive) than I expected...

For myself, coming from an outside perspective, having people to give such feedback is invaluable. I'm a highly logic driven and calculating sort of person, so I always appreciate more information.
Yes, certainly for now, all I'll be doing is "play sessions". I'm not confident enough nor from my point of view experienced enough to take anything more seriously than that for now.
From what I've read [and I've read a lot], my long term interest is tending towards finding a permanent sub, I think that would fulfil a desire I've had in relationships previously which I haven't been able to satisfy. The comments you've made about the connections you have to your dominant partner, whatever title you give them, have assured me of that.

More than anything, I'm glad to hear that there are submissives out there who get off on being made to do what the dominant wants regardless of their views of it. That appeals to my minor sadistic streak to no end, and I feel sorry [as a figure of speech] for any person who may get to bear the brunt of my perversion.

In the meantime, that list of negotiation points seems very useful and I've taken a copy of it, despite some people's distaste of the idea.

Also, very interesting is the designations of 'top' and 'bottom' - I'll go searching for a clarification, no doubt there's in depth resources already available on that one, but coming from a lot of experience in the gay scene, I'm accustomed to those terms only meaning the 'pitcher' and 'catcher' of anal sex.

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: Is it expected that a Dom will do the things you li... - 10/30/2011 3:50:01 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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TheRoper, thank you for coming back and giving feedback. Very few people do that after having asked the original question.

"Top" and "bottom" are easy - the Top does things to the bottom. The designations are valid only during a scene, as opposed to Dom/me, sub, Master, Mistress, and slave which are relationship terms and valid in and out of scenes.

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RE: Is it expected that a Dom will do the things you li... - 10/30/2011 1:01:54 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisprettybaby
How true! But also, how many would play with someone they barely know? I know I wouldn't.

People do during play parties or in public dungeons all the time. You know there's a DM to make sure you can walk away afterward, but that's all the security you get. Hell, some people even enjoy the fear of playing with just a couple of limits listed.

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RE: Is it expected that a Dom will do the things you li... - 10/31/2011 9:12:09 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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Predicament bondage that would do nothing for either of us so i don't think Master wants to do that.

As for guiding the session aint gonna happen. I have to tell Master my wants then it is in his hands weather they get satisifed or not. It is as always his choice. I don't play causually so i don't know about it from that side of things. I i was into that i would for sure set put the ground rules with the Top.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Is it expected that a Dom will do the things you li... - 10/31/2011 9:50:40 AM

Hisprettybaby

Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisprettybaby
How true! But also, how many would play with someone they barely know? I know I wouldn't.

People do during play parties or in public dungeons all the time. You know there's a DM to make sure you can walk away afterward, but that's all the security you get. Hell, some people even enjoy the fear of playing with just a couple of limits listed.

I was wondering how many casually play with people they don't really know. Now I know. Thanks. But, I wonder what percentage of them come, afterward, to message boards to wah wah about being hurt(in a "bad" way)? Just curious.

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RE: Is it expected that a Dom will do the things you li... - 10/31/2011 11:14:06 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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a lot of our local people are on fetlife, and a lot of them play at parties -- not too much whining later. i think as long as you have your wits about you and make good choices, you can be safe playing casually at parties.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRoper
More than anything, I'm glad to hear that there are submissives out there who get off on being made to do what the dominant wants regardless of their views of it. That appeals to my minor sadistic streak to no end, and I feel sorry [as a figure of speech] for any person who may get to bear the brunt of my perversion.

there are definitely those of us out there. :) and don't feel sorry (even as a figure of speech) =p when you find the right girl for you, she'll be happy and fulfilled to go along with you. ^_^

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RE: Is it expected that a Dom will do the things you li... - 11/1/2011 9:40:43 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisprettybaby

I was wondering how many casually play with people they don't really know. Now I know. Thanks. But, I wonder what percentage of them come, afterward, to message boards to wah wah about being hurt(in a "bad" way)? Just curious.

Probably very few. I used to play with people I hardly knew IF I were at an event with DMs or if someone I trusted was there to supervise. However, because I played where there was no real chance for something to happen that I didn't want to happen, there was never a need to come to a forum to whine that I'd been wronged in some way. Heck, I played with Gary when I'd just met him but we were at ITW. There were tons of people around and DMs so I felt completely safe that nothing would happen unless I let it happen.

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Post #: 27

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