Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (Full Version)

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onbendedknees08 -> Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/29/2011 6:50:54 PM)

i`d love to hear about  couples that have come T/together successfully despite geographical distance. What made it work for Y/you?



winspiritsbaby -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/29/2011 7:10:08 PM)

Hi obk,
Win and I have been together for almost 5 months. We live about 3-3 1/2 hours (depends on who is driving) apart. Communication, trust and honesty is the glue that holds us together. Granted this is true for people where distance isn't a factor as well, but even moreso for long distance relationships. Another key factor for us has been understanding. There was an issue when we had a visit planned and A relative of Win's was in the hospital. We postponed the visit in case the relative's condition worsened and he needed to fly out of state to be there. The only other advice I can offer is to make sure that you make the most of every second that you have together. That alone can make all the difference in the world!



onbendedknees08 -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/29/2011 7:17:41 PM)

thank you for sharing with me :-)



littlewonder -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/29/2011 7:21:32 PM)

Master and I were long distance of about 3 hours for the past 6 years up until 3 months ago when I moved to be only 3 miles apart from him.

We made it work through lots of communication, total honesty and integrity, not taking each other for granted, daily phone calls and emails, seeing each other in person as much as possible, every single chance we had. We made it work because we wanted this to work. We both put our hearts and souls into it. Even when we both found our lives to be extremely busy we still made our relationship a priority. If you can't do that then you won't have a relationship at all.

This of course all goes with saying that someone eventually is gonna have to move.





lelloy -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/29/2011 7:26:46 PM)

Well, I'm not part of a couple but a Triad. I was living in Maryland at the time and David found me online (it was either here or OKCupid). Over time I got to know David and his wife Dorie better and 6-ish months later I flew to Arkansas to see if there was something there. I did the paperwork on transferring colleges and I moved to Arkansas in July. Communication is a big one, though I've found I actually deal better with text interaction than verbal. An odd quirk of this has been that originally, David and I wanted a D/s relationship but shortly before I moved we found that we weren't suited for power exchange with each other...however we didn't let it stop us and now we have a pretty healthy relationship that works for us...which I think could be terms Top/bottom at best.

Take your time if you decide you want to make the jump from LDR to living closer. Be very, very sure, and you want to make several visits for extended periods of time if at all possible. Have a very strong friendship established as well so that if it doesn't work you're not SOL. Very often the way you imagine it in your head isn't how it works out.



winspiritsbaby -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/29/2011 7:27:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Even when we both found our lives to be extremely busy we still made our relationship a priority. If you can't do that then you won't have a relationship at all.


And especially this [sm=agree.gif]



Firebirdseeking -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/29/2011 8:56:05 PM)

My husband and I met here. He was living in Toronto, and I live in the Midwest. At the risk of sounding like I had read too many fairy tales, I knew right away there was something special about him. He felt the same. The first thing he did was go get a cell phone (he hadnt needed one up to that point) so that, in his words, I could reach him any time. That made me feel very good about him. We talked every day - for hours. Every day. I knew where he was and what he was doing, and he knew the same about me. After a month, he flew here to meet me. We had at that point talked more, probably, than most couples do before they are "in a relationship". So even before we met, we both felt we were establishing a trusting foundation. After that, we got together about once every month and a half. After five months we knew we were going to be married. It was difficult because of Immigration (he moved here to be with me) but I have to say that I think that long distance worked FOR us, because we talked so much, to stay connected and to know one another. My husband/dominant is not a wealthy man, but he made it a priority to visit me at least every other month. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. I would encourage more people to explore long distance. The older we get, the less likely it is that our best mate is close enough to meet at the local Starbucks - especially if you factor in our "special needs".



peppermint -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/29/2011 9:18:27 PM)

We met at a kinky campout. He had traveled 550 miles to attend. Over the next 6 months we talked a lot. He drove over to visit me once during that time. After the 6 months I quit my job and headed to where he was wintering.

What made it work for us first was our age. He was 64 and I was 54. Neither one of us had children who needed attention. I also had some savings. It was not enough to live on if I were alone. It was enough to live decently if I shared expenses with someone. Another thing that helped was that he lived full time in a motor home and that had always been a dream of mine. We had both had other long term relationships so we were both used to making compromises and looked forward to having another person with whom to share our lives. The weather also played a part in getting us together. Winters in WA state near the ocean are gray, gloomy, and damp. Summers are often very short. It was January and I longed to see the sun. He was in Arizona enjoying the sun. So I quit my job and headed south.



onbendedknees08 -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/30/2011 7:54:12 AM)

thanks all...i never thought that i would want to explore a potential long distance relationship, but i am not getting any younger and certainly not finding what i am seeking in the area that i am living.





frezone -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/30/2011 9:42:20 AM)

I would point to time. We spent a considerable amount of time talking that probably would not have happen in a local romance.



slaveluci -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/30/2011 10:01:30 AM)

I was in central West Virginia and He was here in Little Rock, AR. We met here on CM. To this day, we are both still pretty puzzled that it happened. I was just looking for fun in my area and He usually didn't ever contact anyone so far away. Something about my profile at the time (which had no pictures up), made Him want to contact me. I was impressed with what He had to say and how He said it. We chatted online all day about everything BUT kink/sex. We had so much in common it was almost unreal, even though He is 26 years my senior.
I asked Him to call me, which He did and the great conversation continued. We still hadn't seen pictures of each other for well over a month but Had already fallen for each other. By that point, I didn't care what He looked like. When we finally did get pictures exchanged, we were both pleased[:)] Six weeks after making contact, I traveled to AR to spend a week with Him. We shared the expense of a hotel room (at my request) and all the time that He wasn't working, He spent it there with me. It was amazing and everything we'd both hoped for.
Fourteen months later, I moved to live with Him. During those fourteen months, He came to WV to visit me and my family and I traveled back to AR to stay with Him several times. We spoke at length every day on the phone, some online and spent time on webcam talking, laughing, etc.[;)] every week as well.
As others have said, it was all about being open, honest and staying in communication. We did everything together that we possibly could separated by 800 miles like that.
I always have to chuckle at those folks who so rabidly insist on meeting someone practically in their own neighborhood. That can work too but what a limitation one is setting by not being willing to find happiness and/or love from anywhere!

luci



Firebirdseeking -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/30/2011 10:30:46 AM)

I wanted to add another thought. I find most people form relationships very carelessly these days, and it doesnt matter if the partners are 16 or 66. As follows: 2 people go out on a few dates, and by the third date (in the context of vanilla, there is something called the "third date rule") they are usuallyi in bed together. From that point, they seem to think they are in a "relationship". So, there are 2 people who dont know much about each other, but because sex has gotten involved, they are trying to make a relationship. Its not about who they are, what they have in common, similar values in life and in relationships - its because of the sexual connection. Dont get me wrong, I am not necessarily opposed to casual relations, its just that people need to understand what is the basis of their connection - and what is not. With long distance, the distance forces a great deal of talking and exploration. In my life, that formed a much more solid basis for this marriage, than what I see in operation and what I also did the first time around.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/30/2011 2:01:15 PM)

Not huge huge distance about two hours, so we see each other every weekend, got engaged a few months ago. For me I quite like the distance, I am really busy at the moment and need the week to work, when I move in with him in about a year my life will be less hectic so it will be perfect. So I guess the lesson is to do other things, not just sit around pining about being alone and missing them. 



Whenready -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/30/2011 4:53:48 PM)

Communication communication communication....



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/30/2011 9:07:04 PM)

The internet is a valuable tool for getting to know each other on a very deep basis, believe it or not. The relaxed communication without pressure is compelling to release your innermost thoughts. As far as what makes a LDR work, I believe making plans to meet early on IF things are right online and the phone takes it to another level and is important.



Daddysredhead -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/30/2011 9:08:53 PM)

I came to know who Geoff was a few years ago on the CM boards. We didn't write to each other very much or anything, but we knew who the other was, especially because we knew mutual people from here in real time. At the beginning of this year, Geoff started posting more and I began reading what he had to say in every post. We started messaging on the other side, just talking and getting to know one another better, and being encouraging to one another thru mutual rough patches we were having. After a few months of messaging here, we decided to start talking on the phone and would spend an hour or more every night, just discussing everything (not kinky or D/s stuff so much, but rather politics, socio-economic stuff, our pasts, our goals, etc.).

I agree that distance (for us, it's about 350 miles or 6 hours of driving) creates a wonderful time to really and truly get to know someone without the sexual component getting involved. By the time we met in person, we had been talking for a couple of months (almost), and had a lot of background on each other. It wasn't so much like meeting a stranger at that point. We have been traveling to see one another during the summer and fall. He has met my family, and I have met his. We are engaged and will be getting married next year. I have never been in a LDR and while it was concerning at first, it has turned into a beautiful way for us to continue learning about one another, talking and texting every day, webcam chats several nights a week, and visiting each other in person once a month.

Good luck as you venture down this path! [:)]



onbendedknees08 -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/31/2011 2:40:21 AM)

thank you all for sharing Y/your stories it gives me hope that my One is out there somewhere and our paths will cross somehow.

it`s nice to see some positive outcomes :-)

onbendedknees.



kalikshama -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (Ottawa) (10/31/2011 12:43:42 PM)

Perhaps there are other Ottawans who can give you some tips for meeting people in your area.

I had a wonderful long distance relationship that fell apart IRL. If you do meet a potential LD, I would encourage you to meet him in person as soon as convenient so you don't get emotionally invested and then find out you have no chemistry in person.



agirl -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (Ottawa) (10/31/2011 3:48:45 PM)

I often wonder how to make my relationship more distant than it is. I can think of MANY times when I wished he was more than an hour away! ;)

agirl



Aileen1968 -> RE: Successful D/s relationships despite distance? (10/31/2011 7:32:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: onbendedknees08

i`d love to hear about  couples that have come T/together successfully despite geographical distance. What made it work for Y/you?


I can't imagine long distance. 20 minutes apart was too far.



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