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Newbie has a Question - 5/25/2006 6:15:24 PM

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

A respectful Hallo to all

So, I’m posting as a question to all you amazing female submissives and hope for some honest and insightful replies
I am new to this, so new actually that I'm asking this question in open forum and will accept all and any feedback. I am a dominant; I wish to become a skilled Master and one adept at the craft.

I have always been dominant but in a subtle manner job but only recently did I find someone with whom I discovered, almost by chance, that there was within me also the desire to experience the sexual and physical aspects of D/s and of the life in general. A sort of blinding flash of the obvious, and a coming of age if you will

Here are my questions. 1) I believe that I understand the responsibility that goes with this life as a master, I have read widely and I am being as studios as I can, but I need a mentor, guidance as I slowly develop and lean more. Where could I find that beyond the written word? 2) In finding a true and committed partner, a slave, I believe that until I have mastered the craft I may not find the right one and at the same time I believe that practice will be the only real teacher, How do I carry the burden of inexperience and expect the trust of another while my inexperience fades to make way for expressed skill?

My question, are there people out there who will feel me grow and not expect the "Instant Experienced Master Dom"?

I would appreciate and acknowledge your replies and guidance

Afro_dizzy

< Message edited by Afrodizzy -- 5/25/2006 6:27:48 PM >

_____________________________

" If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run, ...yours is the earth and all that is in it" Kipling

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/25/2006 6:20:38 PM

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

I'm not female, but I can answer your questions. Is that okay?

How to find a mentor? Get out locally to a munch. NYC must be full of them. Meet people in real life (how to carry the burdon of inexperience) and be honest. Talk to people. Find people you get along with, and build a network. Eventually you'll find someone willing to mentor, and maybe even someone to practice on as you learn. The more people you know, the easier it is to find that person you really want to find.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/25/2006 6:30:29 PM

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

Thank you very much for that.
you caught me before I could fix the spelling.

I will contact a local group, but could you tell me what the term munch means please

Thank you for your guidance

J

_____________________________

" If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run, ...yours is the earth and all that is in it" Kipling

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/25/2006 6:39:03 PM

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Just an etiquette hint. Many look askance at dominants who always seek advice from submissives. Not that submissives are not wonderful resources but it smacks of "trolling"...

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/25/2006 6:57:38 PM

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

A munch is an informal meeting of BDSMers. They usually get together to chat about the lifestyle, as well as politics, human rights, sports (god help us), and tons of other topics. If you want a crash course in BDSM, check out TES Fest in July. You'll get to see all the toys, talk to a wide variety of people in the lifestyle, and probably be able to check out several scenes.

_____________________________

If you must gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. -- Mark Twain

(in reply to CrappyDom)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/25/2006 7:06:40 PM

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Afro_dizzy,

I have several pieces of advice:
1) Be sure to ask advice of Masters as well. subs and slaves have a lot to offer and can teach, but get all viewpoints.
2) Get out to some local groups. If you're really interested in the Master/slave dynamic, I highly recommend MAsT (Masters And slaves Together). The MAsT:Metro New York Chapter is in your area.
3) If you want real training, I highly recommend (since I just attended!) Master Taino's Training Academy. Both the Master's and slave's weekends are geared toward people who are either new to Ms, SM or as an excellent refresher.

Best of luck in your search.
Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/25/2006 7:46:23 PM

ravn

Posts: 328
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline

Munch is the BDSMers way of being able to keep in touch with locals into the lifestyle, and just keep grounded, basically. There are many Doms ( though they may hide well) that are willing to offer guidance and also willing to mentor and MAYBE allow you to use one of their practice dummies and/or girls if they feel you are up to par. If they don't let you use a girl, don't be offended. A misstroke can harm just as much and just as easily as a gun or a car can.
the best advice? Ask the Masters...they really are a friendly bunch and quite helpful, no matter how mean and burly they look in their pictures..hehe jk

< Message edited by ravn -- 5/25/2006 7:48:25 PM >

_____________________________

Masochism is a valuable job skill.
Chuck Palahniuk
Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endureth his torments willingly.
~Proverb ( bring on the tyranny!)

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/25/2006 10:47:35 PM

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for the guidance
My masculinity is indeed intact, but i will take it under sdvisement.
Im new here and attempting to learn in any way I can

Thanks for your help

Afro_Dizzy

_____________________________

" If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run, ...yours is the earth and all that is in it" Kipling

(in reply to CrappyDom)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/25/2006 10:49:58 PM

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for your kind and insightful reply
I have been trying the Masters and the results have been friendly and good

Thank you very much for your reply

J

_____________________________

" If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run, ...yours is the earth and all that is in it" Kipling

(in reply to ravn)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/25/2006 11:26:48 PM

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

Firstly, let me say that if You are as You describe in the Op,You have been Dominant all Your life since imho Dominance is a character/personality trait and not a matter of flogging or any other "deviant" art. Therefore, You are a "newbie" only in the sense that You have somehow, recently, been blessed with the ephiphany that BDSM exists, that there are submissive women who need/want/desire to be dominated, and that a world of things -- mostly fun i hope You come to find -- are going on that You can indulge in. i myself had the ephiphany that i was a submissive about two years ago and my heart literally lept for joy.

You are also (apparently) new to using the 'net to seek a submissive woman to collar or as a play partner or whatever it is You seek. There are so many tales of sorrow, betrayal, puzzlement, etc that Doms and Masters here on collarme longer than You could tell, so be slow and careful. There are some fruits and nuts here, as well as real BDSM'ers.

i don't agree -- or disagree -- with the advice You received from other posters as to attendance at munches, play parties or dungeons.....but S/some feel this is not what/how T/they wish to seek, and *i* encourage You to make that decision Yourself rather than listen to the "it's the only way" chorus. There is no "only" way; there are many ways. How You choose to search is as personal a matter as You are likely to decide anytime soon.

You need to further define Yourself: are You a sadist? A Daddy Dom? A Poly Dom? etc. Only reading, reflection, and the insight of O/others, however You come to meet T/them, will aid You in reaching a conclusion.

Some P/pl treat "Master" as an elevated status above mere "Dominants", primarially based upon the length of time They (claim) to have been "in the lifestyle". To me the words convey something different; a "Master" GENERALLY is a Man who seeks a slave, while a Dominant seeks a submissive. However, in r/l P/pl's relationships are unique, private and ever-evolving. You already knew that about P/pl; remember the old saying "No one knows what goes on behind closed doors"?

i was blessed with a Mentor during my first 18 months or so here; but it is true in a way that submisssive women need greater protection than do Dominant Men from the perils of searching. i found Him here, and He was available to me daily, for a considerable length of time. Availability, as with any Mentor/protege relationship, is one factor in whether or not the protege actually benefits. Few P/pl could have given the amount of time and consideration that my Mentor gave to me.

i guess i'd suggest making friends, with P/pl You like. Compliment S/someone on T/their post here on the boards; take a friendly soul to a Private Window in chat. Put the P/pl You really like on Your Yahoo IM friends' list and chat with T/them r/t as time permits. Call T/them; meet T/them if possible. Hang out, relax, and shoot the breeze; most of U/us pervs talk about BDSM whenever possible.

i do agree that any type of BDSM play requires a level of expertise, but E/everyone had a first time. You already know how to pull hair, spank, and tie a woman up in some simple fashion. The rest of the types of play You will need to research and possibly attend seminars on, for if not done properly, the submissive can be injured.

Welcome to perv land; have a seat in Your Dom-o-Lounger and btw here's that 40 year old single malt scotch You ordered.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 5/25/2006 11:32:25 PM >

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/26/2006 6:18:40 AM

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

You have already received some great advice here but i'll add a thing or two.

Research, go buy yourself some books on bdsm in general and on how to be a dominant too. Attend classes that are offered everywhere in both the mental and practical aspects of the lifestyle. There are usually excellent presentations offered on everything from how to swing a whip to how to any and every kind of bondage you can imagine.

Test things on yourself when possible, if you want to learn wax play for example, try dripping it on your wrist from different heights and angles, this will give you a perspective on how a certain thing feels.

Attend munches and lifestyle events to observe how things are done. Folks are generally more than happy to show you. Some may allow you to try whatever they are doing, giving you a real hands on experience.

Be responsible, remember the person you are playing with will be putting a great amount of trust in you so make sure before you attempt something check whether or not it could be a health, mental or physical concern. Chances are if the question has been raised the answer is here on CM.

Email people here if you want to ask them about something they posted, most will be happy to help. Just remember if you are emailing someone who is collared be respectful, follow traditional protocol and ask permission of their owners first. (This does not apply to the forum boards, only if you seek one on one conversation with another’s sub/slave.)

Good luck and welcome to the wonderful world of kink.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/29/2006 11:29:34 AM

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

Thank you so very much for your kind reply.
I found it insightful and very helpful warm and friendly.

If you may, lets stay in touch and good luck on your journey.

Thanks for the 40 yr Single malt, exactly what I like.

Afro_dizzy

_____________________________

" If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run, ...yours is the earth and all that is in it" Kipling

(in reply to candystripper)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/29/2006 7:09:02 PM

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

I'm only going to add one thing. If you go to your local group in search of a mentor, I would recommend that you ask the "regulars" there who they respect the most. That would be the person you want as a mentor.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 5/29/2006 8:16:35 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Afrodizzy
I am a dominant; I wish to become a skilled Master and one adept at the craft.

1) I believe that I understand the responsibility that goes with this life as a master, I have read widely and I am being as studios as I can, but I need a mentor, guidance as I slowly develop and lean more. Where could I find that beyond the written word?

Look at profiles of other masters and if you find someone that you have a lot in common with, email him and start talking, the more people you speak with the more you learn; books and sites can only do so much, you have to do foot-work and reach out in order to learn anything. I can think of more than a few men on this site [and other sites] that would be great mentors for any man starting out that wanted to hone his skills and grow. {email me and i can send a few names, if you would like}

quote:

2) In finding a true and committed partner, a slave, I believe that until I have mastered the craft I may not find the right one and at the same time I believe that practice will be the only real teacher, How do I carry the burden of inexperience and expect the trust of another while my inexperience fades to make way for expressed skill?

Some girls LIKE newbies {I cannot think of another term, sorry}; some like being able to help a ewcomer grow and introduce them to things that they may not have thought of or been interested in. Persoanlly, newcomers scare me to death if they are top-types, I won't play with one, ever; mostly since I like things where expereince is a MUST [knife play being at the top of that list].
I started teaching a vanilla lover years ago, but it got complicated and I ended up having to 'top from the bottom' in order for things to 'work,' so that turned me off of new top-types for good.

quote:

My question, are there people out there who will feel me grow and not expect the "Instant Experienced Master Dom"?

Some slave newbies are willing to learn right along side with a new master, its a good place when you are both new as long as you have mentors and you take the right precautions and steps. I am always happy to talk with newcomers, slave, submissive, dom, master or switch alike, but I will NOT play with a new dom or master unless I have an experienced one with me that I trust.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 6/3/2006 3:18:35 PM

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for taking the time to guide and for your advice.
I tried your profile so I could send a mail but was not able to.

I would like some of those respected names, they would help a lot.

Thank you again in advance

A

_____________________________

" If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run, ...yours is the earth and all that is in it" Kipling

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

RE: Newbie has a Question - 6/3/2006 3:19:47 PM

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

Denise, that is good guidance, I will definately follow it.

J

_____________________________

" If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run, ...yours is the earth and all that is in it" Kipling

(in reply to Evanesce)

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