RE: Confussion/Resentment

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DumbassSub -> RE: Confussion/Resentment (11/7/2011 4:15:35 PM)
Lizi, yes true, there were only two options, to stay or go. It was a short term agreed exchange of services... or supposed to be. As such there was never any expectation of ongoing relationship or morphing. At the time it seemed simple, clear and basic. I would perform work and in exchange receive sessions. In addition it was understood it would have a OWK aspect included. I have never before felt lied to or deceived by a Mistress. It bothered me much and my stubbornness and self-sense of righteousness had so i did not walk away when i felt conned and deceived. Instead i dangerously pushed forward for what was promised. It was in my head that i fulfilled my part and expected for Mistress to do the same. I was not lightly accepting the concept of being deceived or conned. On third visit a full session session came to pass. I recall thinking it to be risky as my emails were respectful but also direct, pointed and holding nothing back. When agreement of session and ongoing work session on third visit came about i was with nervousness and not sure what would come of it. Would Mistress be vindictive or vengeful? I did know and nor did i let that concern to interfere. As it was Mistress was total professional with session and if She harbored any ill will or vindictiveness it certainly did not enter into session. It was as if any perceived justice was righted, any misunderstandings cleared. If this was intended as ongoing relationship yes there would be a morphing and learning/adaptation curve. However it was simply work as slave labour in exchange for sessions by Mistress. There was not a expectation of change or ongoing relationship; that was never discussed nor anticipated. There was simply expectation of a session and of OWK aspects. Seriously, how difficult is it for a Mistress with fully equipped dungeon to conduct a session! How difficult to feed bread and water or table scraps on a floor! How difficult for basic humiliation or menial tasks outside of work task... or better yet to be incorporated into work tasks. There was nada!!! Sessions were not forthcoming, nor were OWK aspects... other than sleeping on floor shackled. I do not understand this concept by some that i was with expectation for Mistress to change. I do not see that at all. My expectation was simply for sessions and OWK experience in exchange for services as slave labour. It be similar as visting a pro-domme for five unscripted sessions and expecting services in exchange for cash payment. This is as i viewed the situation but instead of payment in cash it was in expenses, tools and services. To pay cash one expects session in return. That is as i felt. I fulfilled my aspect and i was with anticipation Mistress do the same. To pay cash... would one accept Mistress taking their money and not fulfill obligation and to be with excuses. Of course not! Why is this situation deemed different simply because my services were bartered instead of cash! I repeat myself much with this statement, but i simply wanted sessions that were promised, expected and bartered for.... nothing more and nothing less. It indeed has been as you say... a exercise in frustration and in not walking away yes i realize i've added to my frustration. It's only when i came to terms with it Saturday that frustrations have dissipated. It was a learning experience and to have finalized as it did was as best as could be expected.

stellauk -> RE: Confussion/Resentment (11/9/2011 12:19:03 AM)
I'm going to give the OP the benefit of the doubt here, with bonus points for obtuseness. Slave labor to me implies service, which goes hand in hand with enslavement. The best way to approach these types of relationships is to derive your pleasure, fulfillment, get your rocks off, whatever, from providing that service what is being required and giving the domme the opportunity of being served - nothing more. I'm not sure what was going through your mind when you put yourself up for this but the result matches the decisions and actions you've taken so far. Keep making the same decisions and taking the same courses of action and you are going to end up with the exact same results. Especially with the same people. This has in reality got nothing to do with BDSM, any OWK experience, sub dom or whatever. It's life. Your life, my life, and everybody else's life is defined in simple terms by the decisions and actions we take and the relationships we form with other people. Not sure where you get this idea that much of the responsibility is down to the domme. This is even more so when you keep on taking the same decisions and courses of action. Therefore there's lessons to be learned here, but again, you choose whether to take that opportunity or not. It doesn't matter who you are, that choice always exists, even when you refuse to acknowledge it. Life.

xtwoofusx -> RE: Confussion/Resentment (11/9/2011 12:37:37 AM)
Change your name, because you're not dumb, you've just been hopeful Never see her again, she is using you and not in the good way.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Confussion/Resentment (11/9/2011 10:05:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stellauk I'm going to give the OP the benefit of the doubt here, with bonus points for obtuseness. Slave labor to me implies service, which goes hand in hand with enslavement. The best way to approach these types of relationships is to derive your pleasure, fulfillment, get your rocks off, whatever, from providing that service what is being required and giving the domme the opportunity of being served - nothing more. I'm not sure what was going through your mind when you put yourself up for this but the result matches the decisions and actions you've taken so far. Keep making the same decisions and taking the same courses of action and you are going to end up with the exact same results. Especially with the same people. This has in reality got nothing to do with BDSM, any OWK experience, sub dom or whatever. It's life. Your life, my life, and everybody else's life is defined in simple terms by the decisions and actions we take and the relationships we form with other people. Not sure where you get this idea that much of the responsibility is down to the domme. This is even more so when you keep on taking the same decisions and courses of action. Therefore there's lessons to be learned here, but again, you choose whether to take that opportunity or not. It doesn't matter who you are, that choice always exists, even when you refuse to acknowledge it. Life. I think a big difference in this situation is that this wasn't the establishing of a relationship, but more a barter of services. Discussions had, agreements made. If the same had happened and an agreement of cash payment had been made, everyone's opinions would have been much different. I agree that when it comes to service in general, your thoughts are quite correct (as they usually are), but in a situation where the Domme had stated and agreed there would be some type of sessions in exchange for the work performed, the OP had every right to expect those sessions after the work was done. His biggest mistake was to keep returning when the Domme didn't hold up her end of the bargain.

DumbassSub -> RE: Confussion/Resentment (11/9/2011 1:05:11 PM)
Stellauk admittedly with some things obtuseness can indeed be apart of my persona. In feeling deceived i was not content to let it lie. Most advised i walk away and to count my blessings in that i was not out much other than minor expense and time. Others suggested the deceivement received is what was asked for which i can understand, but do not accept nor buy into. To anticipate sessions which where conveyed and not to experience is not expectations agreed upon. To have sessions denied via excuses and promise to occur with next work weekend and to not happen some can call getting what i asked for... again i can understand that premise but do not buy into it. I remain to view it as deceit and perchance being conned or scammed. With promise of extended session on second visit i did not feel anything was amiss. After second visit and further excuse i felt deceived as obvious Mistress knew Her decision in advance. During the drive home the feeling of deceivement and frustration multiplied. I was not accepting of feeling deceived, lied to, conned and reacted. That did not fit with my portrayal of a Mistress or past experiences. My not accepting such resulted in a session in advance of work on third visit. To me that cleared the slate and as such returned fourth work weekend only to experience same BS as weeks one and two. Confused and with frustration i posted on CM. Received insight and some perspectives i had not previously considered... some of which i understood in concept but not to accept in reality. It remained to me expectation of ones word to be honoured and fulfilled. Mistress and i had a understanding of expectations and i was not accepting being deceived or scammed. We were not working on a relationship, we were partaking of sessions. I paid my fee and honoured my word. In Mistress receiving Her fee in full, i expected agreement bartered for to be filfilled. I disagree that i should be satisfied in paying a fee via labour and expenses that i should feel satisfied with misrepresentations. If that was Her game such should have been relayed in the beginning. Sorry but lies, deceit and mind games is not power exchange to be accepted in my view. It may be a power exchange of sorts, and can see it as acceptable, but i do not. I agree a person's life is determined by decisions we make and decisions of those we interact with. Indeed lessons were to be learned from this and indeed have. Certainly i shall not be as naively trusting as in past, nor to blindly accept a Mistress is with integrity simply because She is a Mistress. Obviously i have until this incident been fortunate or lucky. In not confronting with first visit and continuing forth without agreement fulfilled relayed mixed message and made so the situation extended itself. In hindsight after first visit is point where i should have walked away or to demand fulfillment of agreement. To allow/accept events to get further behind the 8-ball created so i was not willing to accept feeling deceived or conned. At the end my stubbornness and sense of righteousness had the best of me.

DumbassSub -> RE: Confussion/Resentment (11/9/2011 2:00:32 PM)
LOL... thanks xtwoofusx :-) Admittedly, i absolute am not dumb... thanks for noticing(chuckling). Also i did not just fall off a turnip truck. I am with a number of varied experiences, years and venues that have formed my submission, persona and expectations. True i was hopeful and did allow my submissive cravings and stubbornness get the best of me. To have cleansed myself of the negativity of frustration and deceivement, i have no intent of return. Supposedly i remain with offer of a future session on the table but have no interest in it. My rebelling on Saturday created a closure for me and i am happy. To fulfill final task as friend and not as slave was proper choice for me. There is no lingering hard feelings and Her offer of a future session being in the bank, whether sincere or not also added to my sense of closure.

DumbassSub -> RE: Confussion/Resentment (11/9/2011 6:39:06 PM)
Lafayette Lady, with my habit of being verbose i sometimes(most times) ramble on too much. Perchance such habit only confuses what i attempt to convey. That being said i do appreciate Your ability to grasp what some others have not... that this was not establishing of a relationship. It was a series of sessions which was with discussion and agreement. When not fulfilled on part of Mistress as agreed and as expected, She made promise of agreement being fulfilled at specified future date. That to me reinforced there was no misunderstanding. I am confused and fail to acknowledge comments by those who convey i got what i bargained for. That absolute is not the situation. I know what was bargained for as does Mistress. That assessment as expressed by a few i can understand the premise of however i do not see it applicable in my situation nor to agree with it. That i responded to profile of Mistress and we bartered services i do not see as any less deserving than if payment was transacted with cash. I believe You hit the nail on the head with Your comment. In event cash payment was made to Mistress, perchance opinions would be different! In fulfilling my part of the agreement i very strongly believed and expected sessions to be forthcoming. That they were not, frustrated and bothered me much. To me it was deceit and not power exchange. The more i gave thought to it the more i saw it as such and the greater my frustration. I am not seeking validation but i do appreciate Your articulate insight and understanding the situation for what it was... a series of sessions... a bartering of services. True as You and others have opinioned, i should not have returned when She did not hold up Her end of the bargain. My doing so only added to my frustration and made a negative situation to become more so. Events worked out in the end but not without conflict and frustration for both Mistress and myself. A lesson has indeed been learned.

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Confussion/Resentment (11/10/2011 10:14:02 AM)
Dude, it's apparent to me that she's just not that into you. You can pretend she was, but she really didn't care one way or the other, she needed some work done to her house, and you did so. Just because she promised you this "OWK", well, now yanno not to trust that. You claim a friendship now, but how can that be when she supposedly didn't come through with what you expected. Friendship is based on mutual trust and honesty. Neither of which she has shown. If that's the type of friend you want in your life, hey, more power to you. I've learned that the so-called "friends" I've had in the past who were using me, did so with intent and had no regard for my feelings at all. I've learned that the hard way and am very leery with people now. I'm too trusting and too nice for my own good. I've tried to put a stop to that, I don't like being used. And I know I deserve better than that. 'Nuff said.

DumbassSub -> RE: Confussion/Resentment (11/10/2011 12:50:45 PM)
Triggerspoohbear, i agree She was not that into me, however i have never been with expectation of such from a Mistress. My expectation in interactions with power exchange is of safety which was one of my two prime reasons in sessioning with professionals in early years. Also in that i place a Mistress above me on a pedestal i indeed have expectation of positive character values of trust and integrity. I expect integrity of one's word in the vanilla world and especially so with the intricacies of submission and power exchange. That Mistress really did not care is blatantly obvious; it was obvious with original short, mediocre flogging session and obvious in that sessions were denied last minute, with excuses and required to in essence be pried from Her. That all three sessions included golden shower and that admittedly third session was excellent, it creates so i remain with a few perplexed curiosities. In that She is a professional Mistress, i in hindsight went to Maxfisch and read some reviews on Her. I absolute would concur with those reviews. I disagree that i should not trust Her word. Helloooooo!!! I believe very much that i should be able to trust Her word... absolutely! I have never had issue of trust in any previous interactions with a Domme or Mistress... ever! I have had issue with karma of sessions at commercial establishments in that they sometimes feel too commercial and as a clock watching session, but never a issue of trust with a Mistress. The only other time a session did not partake of agreed expectations with Mistress was with a House Domme at Patricia Marshes dungeon in Toronto. Request was to made to rent dungeon and attend with Mistress Rattan. I was informed as a first time visitor it would also require sessioning with a House Domme. One was chosen and expectation and confirmation of electro play and golden were conveyed and acknowledged. In my first session with a independent Mistress... Mistress Rattan, She refused my verbal request of golden shower when inquiring of my other interests. As such i did not make request during future visits. In followup session i expressed curiosity of electro play and made inquiry, however Mistress Rattan was without such but expressed interest. Long story short our fourth session was planned at a commercial establishment; Patricia Marsh's House of Domination. I would receive my cherished golden shower, experience electro play and interact in a different environment offering more options of tools and implements. Turns out we had a different House Domme than the one i originally chose and conversed with. I suspect she did not read application or was unaware of interests as there was no electro play although both Mistress Rattan and myself verbally requested such of the House Domme. The excuse was the TENS unit was not functioning. At a dungeon such as Patricia Marsh's that would be BS. Likely there would be a number of various units and certainly with options such as Violet Wand. In that golden shower also was not forthcoming as anticipated there was a air of disappointment. Then the most special of special interactions occurred. Mistress Rattan stepped forward and granted my cherished shower. Never would or did i expect such from Her. In that She refused on first visit, i assumed it was a non-interest and never made such request again. For it to be total unexpected surprise made it so very special to me. She made so a anticipated special day remained to be special :-) Thank You Mistress Rattan :-) In this instance the establishment was awesome and well worth rental fee however the House Domme was a disappoint to both myself and Mistress Rattan. Did not view the fault as the house domme's in that as a last minute fill-in we did not share nor confirm expectations. Regardless she was a disappointment and i felt a unnecessary expense. If that represents my degree of falsehood in a varied number of power exchange interactions over a number of years, then bet your booties i am expecting of integrity and character values from One whom i submit to. If pushing of limits, exploring new venues, involving consensual abuse these values are all the more important to me. I never at any point conveyed a friendship 'now'... a friendship after the fact. Truth is friendship has been a constant. It was felt each visit, although admittedly waivered and perchance gone for a brief period between second and third visits. There was a point of email exchange where i was most frustrated, confused, blunt and venting. Although civil and respectful there was no holding back of punches. At that point there was no sense of friendship, but previous and after... yes. That sense of friendship remains and indeed a session supposedly remains if i desire it. As it is i am with no such desire, nor do i believe She is sincere with such offer. Mostly i just do not understand.... why nice meals, friendly conversations, etc. Much of it seemed mostly as friends rather than Mistress/slave... although Her tone, body language and words kept so there was no confusion. I do not expect others to understand but i also felt for Her situation. We conversed of it and so i was aware of finances, delays, problems with contractors, Her court case, some personal issues, etc. I was aware and could understand Her stress and frustrations. To assist gave me a good feeling and i felt a bond of sorts. I know She very much appreciated my efforts. That was all good karma, but for the life of me i can not understand the denial of sessions and the conveyance of such at very last minute. In refusing to accept a sense of being scammed or used in such fashion, i do not understand the need to pry sessions from Her. It just seems a strange, crazy, weird situation to me. It is something i never experienced previously and i remain not to understand it fully. All i can attribute it to is She was not in mood for such for whatever reasons and thus did not feel compelled to honour Her word. I do not feel a regret as to circumstances, nor to have hard feelings, mostly i just feel i was used, deceived and am just glad the negativity and sense of deceivement is gone. Last visit frustration and rebellion created so i found my closure. It lacked etiquette but in the end a not so good situation ended for the best. I certainly identify with your last comment. That situation i sometimes encountered with friends, but more often with others and certainly in this situation. I realize i am too trusting and too easy going. Most often when i forget, more times than not, others remind me. I typically do not address it right away and tend to let it slide until a pattern develops or triggers emotion. Too trusting has so i am sometimes a slow learner. I can have a hard side to me but seems it needs to be prodded to come forth.

stellauk -> RE: Confussion/Resentment (11/10/2011 4:13:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DumbassSub Stellauk admittedly with some things obtuseness can indeed be apart of my persona. In feeling deceived i was not content to let it lie. Most advised i walk away and to count my blessings in that i was not out much other than minor expense and time. Others suggested the deceivement received is what was asked for which i can understand, but do not accept nor buy into. It's okay with the obtuseness because I can be too, especially when I feel I really need or want something from someone enough to hold out for it and play stupid to get it. But I've been back a couple of times to check in on the thread and while you're heading in that sort of general direction I feel that we're still looking for a light bulb or two. quote: ORIGINAL: DumbassSub To anticipate sessions which where conveyed and not to experience is not expectations agreed upon. To have sessions denied via excuses and promise to occur with next work weekend and to not happen some can call getting what i asked for... again i can understand that premise but do not buy into it. I remain to view it as deceit and perchance being conned or scammed. Well yes, right, standing in your shoes I guess I can understand the way you're feeling, but then again this isn't c-Bay, or any sort of kinky version of e-Bay. There's profiles of human beings who are into BDSM and kink, fetish and service and none of them have a ShagMeNow option. Let me ask you this - what are all your recriminations against this Mistress doing for you? What do you stand to gain from coming here and posting on this message board that you feel confused and that you've been cheated, deceived and scammed by some domme? Are you going to find another Mistress through this? Get yourself into a situation where you get to play? You know what? I doubt it. Seriously. You might think coming here and posting of how you held up your end of the bargain and went all out for it for so long is good marketing, but you screwed all that by showing how upset and pissed you can be when you don't get your way. . I'm not saying that you're not right if you look at all this in theory, but the thing is being right in life often just isn't enough to get what you want. There's no textbook of life or BDSM for that matter, just people and almost all of them for sure are not going to think the way you do or hold the same values. This is important to remember, especially when you get into these bartering kink for service type arrangements. Generally a service type dynamic is somewhat different from a kink based dynamic. In theory you should be able to exchange some sort of service for a kink - perfectly logical right? But that isn't the way it works out, because you're dealing with people, and you're dealing with people across two genders on matters which are fairly close to money and sex. Welcome to the battlefield, the one between genders and the two biggest weapons on this battlefield are sex and money. This is why you get dommes and women upset over men who want to get their rocks off and jiggy jiggy without offering anything in return, and you get guys complaining about tributes, pro-dommes and Nigerian scammers. Therefore between the two types of dynamic - kink and service - you have this grey area of what I would describe as 'quid pro quo BDSM' where you have all of the following, those into service, those into kink, those who are learning and finding their way, and opportunistic vanilla types who see the alternative lifestyle as a wonderful alternative way of getting free sex, free DIY and renovation work, free housekeeping, and free money or income at the expense of others. But you know, this isn't any different from what you find outside your front door out there in wider society, is it? Surely you must know by now that life doesn't always turn out the way you expect it and people don't always follow through on what they agreed to. So what's the big deal here? I'm right with you and Lafayette Lady in agreement that if this was for money and you didn't get paid people would be responding differently. But the thing is that's the 'IF' and the reality is the agreement was never like that. This is why people are responding the way they are. Now you can get all pissy and upset over the way this domme treated you and blame her for this all not working out, but the thing is you're the one who created the expectations which didn't get fulfilled. Now you can come here and share your upset and resentment over this Mistress all you like but you're wasting emotion. Being right here gets you nothing. Why not just deal with this the same way as you would if something didn't work out or someone didn't come through in other areas of your life and just let it go, roll with it, and move on? Your expectations, they exist there in your mind, you can do something about that anytime you like. Now please, think about this a bit more. See if you can find any light bulbs. I think the biggest lesson here for you is that difference between a service based dynamic and a kink based one. Service isn't something you can pull off from walking in off the street or click click click set up instantly online, and it's not any sort of play and go option. You need experience - enough experience to be able to deliver a set standard of what you are offering from the get go and also enough experience to be able to discriminate wisely and find the right dominant and to be able to communicate effectively. You also need enough experience to have the required mindset and thinking and this is where quite frankly you fall way short. Placing any sort of monetary value on that what you offer is irrelevant, because even when such services are paid for there's all sorts of different prices, rates and conditions. The exact same thing is true when it comes to kink and sex. Everyone here is an individual, therefore everyone here has an individual value on sex, kink, fetish and service and what they accept and don't accept. This is why people are telling you that if you want to go down the route of service you need to get used to the fact that you're not always to have your expectations fulfilled, your needs or desires met, and if you're not getting anything out of pleasing a dominant simply through providing the service you are going to wind up feeling used, exploited and cheated quite often. But then again the same thing is true when it comes to kink. Just because a woman identifies herself as a dominant woman and a Mistress doesn't necessarily mean that she has to be dominant or that she is able to play as and when agreed. You can say the same thing about submissives. BDSM play and kink and stuff requires a certain energy, a certain mindset, a certain chemistry, feelings, emotions, and to achieve this some people prepare for a play session by going through a ritual. But in being human, sometimes it doesn't work out. Life gets in the way. You get home from work and you're jiggered, something happens and whatever it is, when you come to play you just can't get into it, you don't feel it. I know I've been like that. I've got into a play session and tried but after ten minutes I have to get up and apologize because I'm not into it. I've turned up to meet someone and tried to play and again, I can't do it. Some people might call me a flake, a fake, whatever, I know that I'm just another human being. So what if this Mistress did deceive you? Sure, she got the work done for free and put you through it a bit. But in not following through on her end of the bargain she also lost you. Therefore if she's screwed you over she's also screwed herself over to a greater degree because next time she wants some work doing she's got to start all over and trawl through whatever comes through her Inbox to find another willing subbie. But right now that doesn't mean a hill of beans to you. Far better you be much more flexible with your expectations and accept that the dynamics you set up won't always work out, people will let you down, others will try to deceive you, and sometimes it's best to hold out for something better rather than that what's available. I don't think you've set yourself up for this. Nobody here has an oracle to predict accurately how any sort of relationship or interaction is going to work out. It just didn't work out for whatever reason. Finding fault and blaming the other person to me is just a waste of time, emotion and brain cells. Nor do I see anything that is so major here. I've been in your situation numerous times with various people in various situations and I accept that if I'm giving people unknown to me chances I'm likely to experience similar situations again. But I find that perfectly acceptable. It's living, and I know that even if I am deceived, scammed or exploited I can still draw something positive out of the experience so at the end of the day it doesn't really matter.

DumbassSub -> RE: Confussion/Resentment (11/11/2011 5:19:33 AM)
Stellauk in answer to your question, posting was a needed venting and need of understanding, a attempt to gain other views and perspectives so as to wrap my mind around events and to make sense of it. To get a handle on my confusion. Not my habit to post my life online, but this series of events with Mistress i found baffling and confusing. It was total illogical to me. As of final session there is no purpose to posting as events are finalized and there is no interest or expectation of future sessions. It has become a responding to posts which is a habit... return replies of emails, posts, etc. Also i feel some assumptions/perspectives relayed were incorrect and thus remain to reply. At the time i felt pulled in two directions in that there was sense of friendship and interaction but no fulfillment of agreed expectations. It remained to be promised but not willingly forthcoming. Appreciation expressed, hugs and compliments at end of work weekend but no session or incorporation of OWK aspects... by a professional Mistress complete with dungeon! It was baffling and frustrating and i sought input and answers. I remain to not fully comprehend events. Recall comment at end of fourth work weekend by Mistress saying i was a angel and my reply conveying i am too often a angel...my desire is to be slave. I talked of meals, sessions, expectations; we discussed such but little came of it... simply future promises. I remain to not know if She did so on purpose, if it was a intended mind-fuck or if it was circumstance. From replies received i can understand it as a form of power exchange, although not as bartered or conveyed. Thus i am with closure but remain with curiosities and desire of understanding. Post perchance has me perceived in a negative light to another Mistress... skewered myself so to speak. In seeing how some conclusions have been jumped to and assumptions made, makes the likelihood of skewering more so. The negatives i've mentioned of myself likely jump out in eyes of a Mistress and to be long remembered. The circumstances perhaps not but certainly the words 'stubborn' and 'rebelling' shall. That does me no favours i realize but the damage is done and my purpose here is not to impress or to promote myself. My intent is for self awareness and understanding and thus to vent the negativity and frustrations that had consumed me. No, contrary to what you say, i do not see my posting here as good marketing. Indeed others will see it as you convey... that i get upset and pissed when i do not get my way. That of course is not the situation, nor my history and thus my comfort to be open and honest with it. Regardless many others here will see it exact as you say. I do however get pissed and upset to be scammed which is what i felt. Scammed is a harsh word and as there was sense of friendship the word deceived seemed more appropriate. To barter i assumed a straight forward transaction. My previous experiences had so no complications were foreseen, no frustrations or deceivements anticipated. One big difference however is previous interactions were cash transactions with professionals or experimenting with friends/acquaintances and twice lifestyle... paid services or free, non were a bartered arrangement. I have come to realize there is much different dynamics between cash and barter. Laffayette Lady's recent posting shows She is with accurate perspective of events and also brought up a clarifying point for me which i now believe to be true. Events in perception and reality would be different if this had been a cash transaction instead of a bartering. You also highlight a new awareness for me in that what seems as logic does not always work out as such.... "Generally a service type dynamic is somewhat different from a kink based dynamic. In theory you should be able to exchange some sort of service for a kink - perfectly logical right? But that isn't the way it works out, because you're dealing with people, and you're dealing with people across two genders on matters which are fairly close to money and sex". Your words are logical and insightful and as i read of what You say with battlefield, genders, kink, service, vanilla, quid pro quo BDSM, it opens my eyes. I realize i have been both fortunate and very naive. I do know people do not always follow through on what they agree to, but such i had not encountered with a Mistress before, or only in trivial ways. I truly did put a Mistress on a pedestal and for decades never was never with issue or with cause for doubt. Usually i do my due diligence and to follow my gut instinct. The title Mistress obviously does not automatically convey or guarantee certain character traits, however once events progressed to sessions or interactions the bubble i existed in remained to be true. You have also cleared something for me and indeed it is a aspect that made so i remained to feel compelled to respond to posts. The tone of some responses seeming to justify the situation. I could not fathom the perspective of those who responded as i questioned why barter is any different expectation than a cash transaction. To me it is not. Why should barter signify difference of expectations/outcome than cash. Somehow because it was a bartering i got what was agreed upon, got as i deserved. I do not buy that! If i had paid cash, Mistress kept the money and did not follow through it would be deemed total unacceptable. Those comments and perspectives conveying i got as requested/agreed upon are illogical to me and do not agree with such perspective. I remain not to agree but appreciate You giving greater awareness to human nature. It also creates so i do not as strongly feel need to explain or clarify circumstances and i appreciate that... it gives me a greater understanding. Stellauk i want to say thank you. Your words are pointed and true. In not being factitious nor condescending, but sincere and factual with logic and insight you have given me a few slaps and created so i give deeper thought and to not be so self absorbed. That you accurately comprehended the situation and acknowledged my perspective created so there was no sense of justification on my part. Much of what you said of me and circumstances is true and to say it as you have makes so i am open to it and not on the defensive. That you explain clearly, in depth and without bias has so that i very much respect your balanced insight. Yes time to move on.

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