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Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 5:32:00 AM

MstrDennynSlave

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I am posting this mainly to any woman that is in menopause or going through it. I am in menopause. I have heard a lot about a womans' desire decreasing after having gone through menopause. Masters' ex had no desire for sex after going through menopause. Quite a lot of women I know want nothing to do with sex, whether or not they are on HRT.

I'm just wondering how many women on here that are in menopause still want, need and enjoy sex? Are you taking HRT or not? I have mood swings and night sweats quite frequently. They don't bother me a whole lot. As we have the furnace set on 67 most of the time. And blankets go flying off at night.....lol. The hot flashes I had a couple of years ago were more bothersome.

I still want, need, and enjoy sex. And I don't forsee that changing anytime soon. Master and I aren't too concerned my using HRT. Especially since my sex drive is as high as it was when we first met. My doctor doesn't want to start me on it unless it is really really needed. I have a long history of cancer in my family. Breast, ovarian, and cervical cancers. All on my mothers' side.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 5:47:02 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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I've been through menopause. It did not decrease my desire for sex in the least. And I certainly don't miss having my "monthly."

I did not take any sort of HRT, and would suggest you do some research. If you have any history of heart disease in your family, you may want to consider alternatives. I did.

I took herbal supplements through two teas I bought online. They really helped the hot flashes and mood swings (I thought). If you would like to know about them, message me on the other side and I'll send you a link.

I also has a huge problem with insomnia, which is not uncommon. I took valerian capsules for that, since valerian in tea makes it taste like an overly worn sock (I am so not kidding).

Best, Chatte

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 6:00:27 AM

LaTigresse

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It's so very different for every woman. I've had the hot flashes for several years now. Probably haven't had a real monthly in two or so. (I suck at really paying a lot of attention to this stuff)

Yes my sex drive pretty much tanked 100% and any lack of give a damn about it was non existent. Bear in mind it was never dramatically strong to begin with. I just don't even really think about it. If I had someone pressuring me for sex would likely just piss me off and tell them to go look elsewhere.

I refuse to take any HRT as I haven't any problems that cannot be handled quite easily with diet, exercise, and a few herbal supplements. I take a multi-vitamin, calcium, evening primrose oil, and black cohash, agnus castus. In addition to C and E.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 6:07:14 AM

MstrDennynSlave

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I don't miss having my "monthly" either. Though Master does........lol. We always played alot then. And all the other times too. It helped my cramps for one thing and also shortened it for me.

I have congestive heart failure and I know that is one reason my doctor doesn't want me on HRT. She said the risks wouldn't outweigh the benefits. As I said the nightsweats dont bother me. I start out with the blanket over my shoulder at night, then they are all down to my waist or hips by morning.....lol. Master will cover me up again, and I have them off again......lol.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 6:10:34 AM

littlewonder

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According to my last dr's appt. I am in premenopause. I've never had a strong sexual urge to begin with so I have a feeling it will probably even lessen more. For me it seems that while I never think about it and I never bring it up, if Master initiates and touches me in certain ways then he can somehow get me in the mood lol...but left to my own devices? Never even crosses my mind. I've already warned Master about the possibilities. I guess we'll just deal with it when the time comes. I don't take anything special for my hotflashes that I've been getting. I just deal with them. I do have insomnia that I've been dealing with lately and I've been trying different medications to find one that works for me.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 6:22:10 AM

LafayetteLady

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It's important to realize that a lot of women's sex drive INCREASES after menopause as well. For many women, that pregnancy fear (regardless of contraceptives) and getting a period have an adverse effect. After menopause, they experience a freeing feeling of not needing to worry about those things.

Personally, I don't think that anyone should be taking HRT for menopause. Yes, you can have mood swings, night sweats and a number of other bothersome things. So you want to be on HRT forever? I wouldn't. We didn't always have these options of HRT, and women went through menopause and survived.

Now obviously, if menopause is causing very serious issues, it should be considered, but people should really try herbal remedies first.

And isn't not having a period anymore the reward of menopause?

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 6:40:55 AM

bighappygoth39

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After getting hold of a very helpful book, it seems I am in the perimenopause stage. It also seems that I could have it a lot worse, so I'm not complaining at the moment.
I'm not particularly looking forward to the hot flashes, etc, that might accompany the menopause, but the fact that my monthly is just an inconvenience to me now will make it much easier to tolerate. I've already got a couple of books to help with info about herbal remedies, so I'm all set.
By the time I do probably get it, I'll have been with my partner a long time, so I've got not having to use contraception to look forward to as well.
All in all, I'll definitely be welcoming the menopause with open arms...

Edited to add: As for the sex thing in question; my sex drive is very high as it is, so I can't see it disappearing when the menopause comes, which may be to the dismay of my partner, but he loves it, really.

< Message edited by bighappygoth39 -- 11/15/2011 6:43:05 AM >

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 8:42:44 AM

kalikshama

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I adore Dr. Christiane Northrup's "Women's Bodies; Women's Wisdom" - who has her "The Wisdom of Menopause: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing During the Change?"

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 8:47:02 AM

MstrDennynSlave

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What I was wondering was about sex. I've always had a very high sex drive and it hasn't diminished with menopause. And I've had my tubes tied since 1991, so fear of pregnancy was never an issue either. And my sex drive hasn't gone anywhere. It seems to have increased since I've been with Master. We've been together for 4 years now. I know it varies from woman to woman. But the majority of women I know say they don't have any sex drive anymore. Was just wondering if I was just an oddball..........lol. I most likely am, as Master says I'm totally different than any woman he's been with. Our desires and needs and wants are perfectly matched in every area of our life. Thanks to all who posted.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 9:10:51 AM

LaTigresse

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I forgot to mention, I also take a low dose of melatonin every evening.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 9:16:57 AM

Duskypearls

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I had no libido until menopause, which is nicely high and strong for me now, so that is the upside of it for me. Long-term, severe mood swings, hot flashes and insomnia that would not resolve with herbs, acupuncture or homeopathy, required HRT for me to become functional, which is the downside of it for me. It's different for everyone.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 9:55:58 AM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls

I had no libido until menopause, which is nicely high and strong for me now, so that is the upside of it for me. Long-term, severe mood swings, hot flashes and insomnia that would not resolve with herbs, acupuncture or homeopathy, required HRT for me to become functional, which is the downside of it for me. It's different for everyone.

As I said, if you can't even be functional with the effects of menopause, then sure, go for the HRT.

Most women, however, I have noticed want to jump right into the HRT (or did until recently) the first time they don't sleep at night or feel hot in 20 degree weather.

HRT would not even be an option for me due to other health issues, but I never wanted it anyway.

One thing I noticed no one mentioned. Frequently, in menopause, regardless of sex drive (high or low), self lubrication can become an issue. Everything might be screaming, "YES, YES, YES!" but you are dry as a bone.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 10:36:19 AM

seasnail

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I had the operation when I was about 27. The doctor started me out on HRT, then she took me off. In a very strange marriage, I did not have sex for the last 13 years or so of it. When I did have sex after the marriage was over, I bled. One session with a Dom did me in, I almost had to have a transfusion. I ended up in emergency and then on the operating table. Seems that I was not elastic in my vagina any more and that was what all the bleeding was about. The gyno's that looked after me after the stitches healed decided that since I wanted to have sex I needed to have HRT in the place that was bleeding and that was in my vagina. I have not had any problems since. I am very happy with it all. Just need to have 1grm every day for 4 days and then all is well. So, I do belive I have been helped by this.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 10:57:12 AM

MstrDennynSlave

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LafayetteLady, I have noticed some dryness, but it hasn't been an issue. Doesn't take much to get me lubricated at all. Most times when I've been dry is when my whole body is dry, including my eyes. Thanks to the auto-immune disease I have. But when it isn't flaring up, I don't have any problems with my vagina or anus becoming lubricated.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 10:57:48 AM

Duskypearls

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LayfayetteLady,

Good point -- dryness often becomes an issue, as we're no longer producing the all the estrogen we used to, which is what helped keep us soft, moist, and elastic (inside and out), so one may have to incorporate some form of lubrication.

For me, the loss of estrogen made it possible for the testosterone to come to the forefront, thereby increasing my libido. Another positive result I noticed was I was no longer "over-emotional," which was a great hindrance most of my life. I now tend to think, feel and react quite a bit more like a man would, which is quite a blessing to me and others. I believe testosterone is the hormone responsible for the strong sex drive. For those with low or excessively high libidos, before or after menopause, it might be worth getting baselines on all hormone to checkto whether supplementation is in order. Too much or little of any hormone can be problematic. I understand such supplementation may neither be desired nor safe for all.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 11:04:39 AM

Iamsemisweet

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I am assuming that I am in or past menopause. The reason I don't know is because I got an IUD about 4 years ago that virtually ended my periods. I can have it for another year before it needs to be removed, so I guess I will find out at that time whether I am in menopause. I sure as hell hope so.
My sex drive is strong. Perhaps even stronger than it has been at times prior to menopause. I am taking no hormones, nor will I except as a last resort. In no case will I take Premarin. I do have night sweats from time to time, but they are very bearable, so I don't worry about them too much. While I would consider an herbal supplement, I prefer to deal with any symptoms through diet and exercise, since that seems to work fine for me.
The first time I had a hot flash was about 6 years ago. I was asleep, and I was having this dream where I was letting my dogs out the front door. When I turned around to go back in, there was an explosion behind me (like a nuclear blast?) and I dreamed I was melting. I woke up right away, and I was so excited! I called all my friends and told them I had a hot flash.

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 11/15/2011 11:05:33 AM >

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 11:11:03 AM

LadyHibiscus

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For about six months or so, my sex drive DISAPPEARED. Like, LaT, it was just gone, and I didn't give a rip. I'm single, and intend to stay that way, so on the one hand, no big deal. On the other hand, though I was never a raving nympho, being interested in sex was part of my personality. The switch snapped back on, and I have about half of my mojo back. No clue why, no clue if it will go away again.

I do have the dryness issues, but several women I know have been helped by a vaginal estrogen suppository that takes care of things. There's always lube, too.

Wonder if I can still squirt... Hm.

I feel really validated in the advice I gave allllll those men who said their wives didnt care about sex. The FIRST question I asked was, How old is she? And damned if that didnt come back to haunt me.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 11:39:31 AM

BurntKitty

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I'm 53, menopausal and my sex drive is as high as it ever was. I have no issue of dryness, either. I asked my Dr if that was odd, and she told me to celebrate being sexual. So, I can state that now I am officially a horny old broad. An AARP card carrying one at that! As of yet, the only side effects I experience at the moment are hot flashes (not night sweats). Luckily my SO lives in Chicago and enjoys having his personal "environmentally friendly bed warmer."

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 1:50:21 PM

LafayetteLady

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In my last relationship, all it took was a good breeze to get me ready! The last year or so of it, he actually noticed more than me the difference in lubrication. It really bothered me at first, because I had never had any physical issue with arousement. I was concerned he would think he didn't turn me on anymore, which was not the case. I did get over it though. Got over him, too, lol.

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RE: Menopause and sex - 11/15/2011 4:29:37 PM

Duskypearls

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LadyHibiscus,

I'm about 10 yrs. into menopause, and I can squirt like crazy. Never did before this, but didn't have much of a sex life then, nor were fellows interested in that trait then, either.

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