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RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 2:56:41 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		As he's unaware that you entered into the agreement/relationship *feeling obligated* or that you *had no choice...
Why does HE think you did it then?

Could you expand on this part.....* I am not a masochist, nor have I ever in my entire life had a desire or fantasy about being a slave, but here I am.*
WHY are you there?

WHY did you do this--->* I signed up for 24/7/365 slavery, there are no limits and no time restrictions. Slavery is something that is important to him, and I promised to always submit, to never argue, and to do whatever whenever without thought or hesitation, I promised him complete and total control of everything,*

What were you expecting when you did the above?

How long have you known him?

agirl






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RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 3:21:51 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

My Master has allowed me to join Collar Me to find people that I can talk to, to learn how to become a better slave for him. I am not a masochist, nor have I ever in my entire life had a desire or fantasy about being a slave, but here I am. I am having more trouble mentally then with the physical or actual acts. Mentally I wonder what have I done to deserve this treatment. I know that my Master does not know that I entered into this agreement feeling obligated or like I had no other choice, but that is the case. Now that I have done this, I am trying to find a way to ignore my thoughts and feelings while I am in a scene with my Master. I signed up for 24/7/365 slavery, there are no limits and no time restrictions. Slavery is something that is important to him, and I promised to always submit, to never argue, and to do whatever whenever without thought or hesitation, I promised him complete and total control of everything, and would like to find a way to keep my promise. But it is causing me a lot of mental anguish and suffering that I have or am creating for myself. Is there anyone else out there that has done this too? and if so how have you learned to cope or what advice can you give me? I do not want this to be an issue, but my brain cannot let it go. HELP!


I'm guessing you had a financial motive to do this - I can't fathom why someone w no interest in slavery would agree to 24/7. If so, can you stay with family while you get back on your feet?

I entered a M/s relationship because it made me happy...at first. He did a 180 when I moved in with him, and I eventually renegotiated several times, then gave up and moved out.

(in reply to TripleNipple53)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 3:27:03 PM   
outhere69


Posts: 1302
Joined: 1/25/2011
Status: offline 		To the original poster:

You're 53 years old, woman.  You can walk away any time you want.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 3:57:04 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama


I'm guessing you had a financial motive to do this - I can't fathom why someone w no interest in slavery would agree to 24/7. If so, can you stay with family while you get back on your feet?




That was my intitial thought as well. The "no other option" thing screams of someone about to be homeless who made a (very wrong) choice to do this to put a roof over their head thinking it wouldn't be "that bad."

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 3:58:53 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: outhere69

To the original poster:

You're 53 years old, woman.  You can walk away any time you want.



Sadly, in this economy, her "no other option" may mean that financially, she felt she was between a rock and hard place, facing homelessness or accepting this guy's offer. Sad, but very possible.

Maybe she will come back and let us know. Even better, this "Terry" isn't a jerk, reads what she wrote and they are sitting discussing it right now.

(in reply to outhere69)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 4:04:34 PM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline 		I have a simple question to the OP - what sort of time frame are we talking about here?

How long has it taken you to go from your previous life or set of circumstances into this 24/7/365 slave situation or relationship?

Six months? A week? A few days? A couple of months? How long?

Also.. how long have you been openly submissive in your relationships? Any previous relationships?

Without this information I can't give a specific situation, but there are some general principles.

Two things however are of paramount importance.

By far the most important aspect of this 'lifestyle', BDSM, D/s, whatever you want to call it, is the mind of the person you are sharing a relationship with. It doesn't matter whether you're a submissive, a slave, a Dominant, or a switch, it all starts in the mind.

It stands to reason, that if you're giving up control to someone, or vice versa, you're taking control from them, you need to know quite a bit about how their mind works.

Second thing is, if you want to serve a Dominant, you need to first learn to serve yourself. It's basic human nature to act out of your own self-interest. It doesn't mean putting yourself first, but being true to yourself.

This is especially important when it comes to service type submission and enslavement - the difference to me is negligible.

The other thing is, if you're going for 24/7/365 enslavement then it needs to be with the right person, for the right reasons, within the right time frame for both of you.

I strongly suspect that this isn't the case and what you've done is either rushed into this with a mental picture of what it's going to be like, or you've gone into it not with the right person. Or you (either you, him or both) haven't done the necessary preparation work on the relationship to develop it so that you are both happy.

But here I'm guessing, and without knowing what length of time it took to develop the relationship as it is, from first contact, I'm unable to be more definite with what I write here.



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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 5:05:22 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		If I could make a suggestion... there are red flags all over but it's not a lost cause.

The real problem is that you made a massive commitment without understanding what it entailed.  It is unusual for experienced slaves to jump into a 24/7 TPE relationship right off the bat like you have done, and for someone with no experience - that's almost a guarantee for failure.

I suggest changing this to a Dom/sub relationship.  Ease into things.  Let your Dom guide you into submission, finding what works and what doesn't, what buttons to press and which to avoid.  After several months, see how well you're doing and make a joint decision to go further.  Or not.


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RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 5:23:37 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		You're not a slave just because he says you are....and apparently, you have other thoughts on that also. Lots of unanswered questions in this thread. It would be interesting to find out how you ended up in this situation.

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RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 5:30:19 PM   
winspiritsbaby


Posts: 141
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

If I could make a suggestion... there are red flags all over but it's not a lost cause.

The real problem is that you made a massive commitment without understanding what it entailed.  It is unusual for experienced slaves to jump into a 24/7 TPE relationship right off the bat like you have done, and for someone with no experience - that's almost a guarantee for failure.

I suggest changing this to a Dom/sub relationship. Ease into things. Let your Dom guide you into submission, finding what works and what doesn't, what buttons to press and which to avoid. After several months, see how well you're doing and make a joint decision to go further. Or not.



I would have to agree with DS here. 24/7 is mine and Win's ultimate goal, but we are taking it very slow. There are many factors that need to be considered with 'vanilla' things as well as 'kinky' so just jumping headfirst into a situation isn't a good idea. If your Dom has any integrity he would be willing to do just as DS suggested. If he doesn't then you should pack your bags and chalk this up as learning experience and try to not repeat the mistakes.

Good luck


< Message edited by winspiritsbaby -- 11/16/2011 5:31:21 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 5:34:26 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Is there anyone else out there that has done this too? and if so how have you learned to cope or what advice can you give me? I do not want this to be an issue, but my brain cannot let it go. HELP!


Yep, I did that.

My advice.... talk to him. Its past the stage of blind obedience. And love, sometimes, isnt enough. You have doubts, fears, worries, questions. Thats his job to answer them. Your job is to be open and honest... and then to decide, based upon his answers, you next move.

More advice. If he doesnt want to listen... if he tries to make you feel inferior... if he belittles you because you "shouldnt ask, you should just obey", its time to call it quits. He should not have had to send you to a web site to learn. His job is to teach. If he cant teach you, then he cant Master you.

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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 5:54:19 PM   
winspiritsbaby


Posts: 141
Status: offline 		~FR~
I peeked in on the OP's profile, then went to Terry's. As complete as his profile is I have a hard time believing that he didn't make his expectations clear to her in the beginning. If by chance she is going by what is in his profile and there are things he hasn't brought up to her yet, then maybe he is trying to ease her into the full realm of what he wants. Either way, I stand by DS's suggestion, by reading Terry's profile he appears to have the integrity that I mentioned earlier.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 6:22:24 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		I didn't know he had a profile, but did just go look. Skimmed it, really way to long for me to bother reading.

I'm a bit confused since he doesn't list poly as a want/desire, whatever, yet appears to be looking for a woman, and other times talks about the woman he has. A little unclear.

It would appear, however, from his profile that the OP has a career, so the financial desperateness would be less possible. Not out the question, but less likely.

Unless the OP comes back to clarify and answer some of our questions, I'm calling it a wash and can't be bothered to keep guessing at what's up.

(in reply to winspiritsbaby)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 6:32:00 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		The heart of the matter: you are in an unhappy relationship, but you do not want to leave it because you tell yourself it is better than nothing. You are with this guy out of emotional and/or financial desperation, and therefore you are doing whatever he asks you to do. This is not about BDSM, necessarily. Your situation would be the same if he was instead pressuring you to have children, commit crimes, or you name it.

You absolutely need to talk to this guy and tell him how you feel. Chances are, he will do what you fear which is tell you to take a hike. If you do not want to feel the sting of that rejection, then by all means break up with him first.

I know (believe me I know) that this is easier said than done, but you need to get some self-esteem.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 6:36:54 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You have a job so tell him this isn't working for you, that you are desperately unhappy and resentful, and that you will move out as soon as you find a place to live. Sleep on the couch until then. Or stay with a friend for a month or two while you save up enough for a down payment. If he's taken your savings, tell him you'll see him in court if he doesn't hand them back over.

Next time make sure you're compatible beforehand.

And I'm not sure he isn't an ass. He didn't allow her here to see his profile until after he got his hooks into her. He must have known from the beginning that she isn't into pain yet he enjoys making her hate every moment they're in bed together. What kind of man wants a woman who cringes from his touch?

I also wonder if he didn't make that profile for her. Because she sure doesn't sound like she's desperately in love.


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RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 7:17:27 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm totally bankrupt on having empathy because My little inner Emo child was stabbed to death by a sociopath. The inner logical vulcan like part of me is giving you a raised eyebrow. My inner sadist is smiling and laughing it's ass off. Desperation (just like drugs or alcohol) has been known to impair judgement. Kick the habit before it kicks you, unless that's what you truely want.

The classic "Help! Master wants me to fuck myself with barbwire, what should I do" thread is on my mind now for some reason.

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Жизнь ума ебет.

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RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 7:19:26 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

I'm totally bankrupt on having empathy because My little inner Emo child was stabbed to death by a sociopath. The inner logical vulcan like part of me is giving you a raised eyebrow. My inner sadist is smiling and laughing it's ass off. Desperation (just like drugs or alcohol) has been known to impair judgement. Kick the habit before it kicks you, unless that's what you truely want.

The classic "Help! Master wants me to fuck myself with barbwire, what should I do" thread is on my mind now for some reason.


ROFLMAO! Damn it.. I almost did an unladylike spit!


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 7:23:56 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Im much more interested in this tripple nipple deal you got going on. Is it fucked up looking?

< Message edited by JanahX -- 11/16/2011 7:28:42 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 8:48:07 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TripleNipple53

My Master has allowed me to join Collar Me to find people that I can talk to, to learn how to become a better slave for him. I am not a masochist, nor have I ever in my entire life had a desire or fantasy about being a slave, but here I am. I am having more trouble mentally then with the physical or actual acts. Mentally I wonder what have I done to deserve this treatment. I know that my Master does not know that I entered into this agreement feeling obligated or like I had no other choice, but that is the case. Now that I have done this, I am trying to find a way to ignore my thoughts and feelings while I am in a scene with my Master. I signed up for 24/7/365 slavery, there are no limits and no time restrictions. Slavery is something that is important to him, and I promised to always submit, to never argue, and to do whatever whenever without thought or hesitation, I promised him complete and total control of everything, and would like to find a way to keep my promise. But it is causing me a lot of mental anguish and suffering that I have or am creating for myself. Is there anyone else out there that has done this too? and if so how have you learned to cope or what advice can you give me? I do not want this to be an issue, but my brain cannot let it go. HELP!

You said you've never ever had a desire or a fantasy about being a slave, so I don't understand why you did it. You said you felt obligated, like you didn't have a choice. Why were you obligated? Even if that's what he wanted of you and you wanted more than anything to please him, if he didn't care about YOUR needs and wants also, he doesn't sound like a good Master to me.

Real live slavery like they had in Civil War America is against the law now in the country you and I live in. As for no limits, I don't care WHAT he told you, EVERYONE has limits. When a sub tells me he has no limits, I ask "Then is it okay if I cut your arm off or kill you?" Immediately he comes up with limits and sees the silliness of his no-limits assertion.

If you're life is so horrible now that you have to ignore all your thoughts and feelings while you are scening, you can still back out. The popular idea is that slavery = a one-time consent and that's good forever. The truth is, you can always vote with your feet. Even if you have to stay with friends for awhile while you get yourself back on your feet, you can still get out.

To answer your question, has anyone else ever done this: This is really embarrassing for me to admit, but quite some time back, when I was on the /s side of the kneel, I almost did it once. The thing is, the Dominant and I had been corresponding for quite awhile and he had me convinced to move across country, give him all the passwords to my bank account and other accounts, blah blah blah. I almost did it, BUT, the night before I was supposed to get on the plane I changed all my account passwords to ones he didn't know and called him and told him HELL NO. I came to my senses at the last second and voted with my feet, and I've never regretted it.

NBMG

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/16/2011 10:05:42 PM   
wolf3


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know if the original post is real, but if this isn't something you want, get out now.  If you need help with that, call friends, or the police, or a women's shelter...whatever...but you don't have to do this if you don't want to, and it certainly sounds like you don't want to.

Maybe it's someone you care about, but don't want this kind of relationship with-that's FINE-he needs to accept what you DO want, or you need to leave him.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 12:35:59 AM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4
The classic "Help! Master wants me to fuck myself with barbwire, what should I do" thread is on my mind now for some reason.


Oh gawd I must have missed a good one! 

Several times this past year and a half I have been without internet for weeks at a time.  Looks like I might have to do a search under barbed wire someday soon...

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 40
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