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Who prefers staying in the middle? - 11/20/2011 1:10:18 PM

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Switches switch in a lot of different ways, most often what's posted is about is switching between being a dom and sub.

How many switches here are into adversarial forms of play?

Wrestling, fighting, etc?

AKA, not having a defined role in a scene, but rather a scene that is about the struggle for power.

How many of you have entire relationship dynamics that revolve around this premise?

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~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 11/20/2011 4:05:27 PM

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I think it's a little unrealistic to have fighting with someone be the foundation of your relationship. However, I do enjoy that kind of play immensely. My boy and I do this most of the time, but as default, I'm in charge. It gets pretty unpredictable at times, but there does need to be some sanity to the picture.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 11/20/2011 10:32:32 PM

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I dislike antagonism for its own sake. Fighting as part of a scene is okay within certain limits, but I've been in relationships where conflict was equated with intimacy, and they too quickly cross the line into abuse.

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Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

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RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 11/21/2011 3:16:46 AM

BoxwineForBrunch

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Switches switch in a lot of different ways, most often what's posted is about is switching between being a dom and sub.

How many switches here are into adversarial forms of play?

Wrestling, fighting, etc?

AKA, not having a defined role in a scene, but rather a scene that is about the struggle for power.

How many of you have entire relationship dynamics that revolve around this premise?

i love adversarial forms of play.

it has been my experience that relationships between two switches, that include adversarial phases, can be hot. that has always been my first thought when i think of kinky relationships, in fact--all the master/mistress designations are hard for me to wrap my mind around. i wish all the luck in the world to the people who are wired for those kinds of relationships but i'm just not.

it can't be war all the time, though. a relationship that is a constant power struggle will grow tedious quickly. there are many exotic and eccentric types of dynamic that are totally hot that can be kept up for a short duration--a few hours, maybe a night or two--but at some point a relationship still has to settle into some kind of equilibrium.

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RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 11/21/2011 4:21:19 PM

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> How many switches here are into adversarial forms of play?

Me, me, me! The passion is in the struggle for me. I love chaos, I love pinning my partner down. I love when we both knock one another out at the same time. I love that smirk of I got you good turning into that oh shit moment what is he going to do now. I love the places you end up, I love that I can be beaten and beat the shit out of someone I love so much. I love mutual masochism drop days. I like trying to figure out how I got bruise X, and why my temple hurts.

> Wrestling, fighting, etc?

Wrestling to me is boring. Our normal day to day routine is all hands, feet, knees and teeth. We love creating creative scenes and things to fight with. Wiffle ball bats, switches with switches, we've gotten good enough with our knives that we can have knife fights, we make foils out of carbon fiber rods, fight with electrified tennis rackets, we fight with duct tape. The closest we get to wrestling is with steel toed boots on, and whatever we have on us is a potential weapon (for either of us).

We share sensual play, we tease each other with knives, we do blood play together at the same time, I give him fire massages, we tend to be nice to each other when playing with wax.

> How many of you have entire relationship dynamics that revolve around this premise?

Almost 3 years. Our premise is that our meanness should come out of love, we never physically hurt or insult one another out of anger. Like we are mutually S&M, and D&S, we view major life decisions this way as well, it is a discussion where we share power. Though our insults, playfulness, and just being plain mean is continuous.

I had a D/s relationship, and a Switch/Switch relationship when I was very young and I thought this kind of thing was fairly typical. I was kind of blown away when I came into the community and most people thought I was nuts or just dreaming when I talked about wanting this kind of dynamic. Thankfully the right one came along a few months later.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to BoxwineForBrunch)

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 11/23/2011 12:05:47 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Switches switch in a lot of different ways, most often what's posted is about is switching between being a dom and sub.

How many switches here are into adversarial forms of play?

Wrestling, fighting, etc?

AKA, not having a defined role in a scene, but rather a scene that is about the struggle for power.

How many of you have entire relationship dynamics that revolve around this premise?

That sounds more like a role playing session than a relationship. For me, a relationship based totally around being adversarial would quickly become tiresome.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 11/23/2011 4:29:47 AM

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Read, above, 3 years and counting, and it isn't role play.

Though that's part of why I asked the question, my situation is more unusual than I thought. Some of our switch friends recently got into dynamics more like ours, and I've heard tale of other couples like us from people who have seen us play.

We're both really playful people, we've always liked, pranks, name calling and just being effing sarcastic.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to switchblademoi)

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 11/23/2011 9:08:30 AM

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I'm sure my first would've wanted a relationship more like that, it just dosen't work for me as a dynamic. Switching between me and my wife is more like sharing the burden. When one of us has had a rough day, we know we can rely on the other to provide stress relief. We're both very service oriented people.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 11/23/2011 1:54:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Read, above, 3 years and counting, and it isn't role play.

Though that's part of why I asked the question, my situation is more unusual than I thought. Some of our switch friends recently got into dynamics more like ours, and I've heard tale of other couples like us from people who have seen us play.

We're both really playful people, we've always liked, pranks, name calling and just being effing sarcastic.

To each their own. What you're describing sounds like it would be fun now and then, but personally I would find it tiresome and just a lot of work if the main theme of a relationship was non-stop fighting for control, name calling, and sarcasm. Personally, I prefer harmony to discord.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 12/30/2011 7:53:44 PM

nerdyvagitarian

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I like the little power struggle with that kind of play. Just makes things hotter for me.

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RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 12/31/2011 10:09:40 AM

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Its not the be and end of our relationship but Steve and me sound similar to you and yours sheisreeds.
We don't wrestle either, we fight and we fight hard. I love it that he doesn't hold back and he loves it that I'm not intimidated by him. We once got caught chasing each other around a room at a party with big heavy wooden swords. The party owner stopped the music, turned up the lights and shouted, 'who the fuck gave these two wooden swords, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE LIKE???'
I used to kick box and have really strong legs. Steve is lean and fit and can pick me up and throw me over his shoulder. He knows to watch out for my legs and I know to watch out for his arms!
Steve gets plenty of sub women wanting to fight him. They see us doing it and think its hot. When I see him fighting other women though, I get nervous because he is so used to fighting with me and it gets pretty rough. If they think they are in for a rough and tumble they chose the wrong guy!!

We share a lot of sensual play too. The other night we threaded twine through our more intimate piercings and bound one another together.
After we had both been screened I took a file of each others blood and we put it in a shot of vodka and drank each others as a toast to sharing one anothers body fluids.

It is not role-play, in fact I couldn't think of anything further away from role-play than this. Joint sensual play is just two people experimenting and sharing intimate moments. Fighting is just raw energy used to bring about a very hot, ruthless and intimate outcome.

< Message edited by MariaB -- 12/31/2011 10:16:38 AM >

(in reply to nerdyvagitarian)

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 1/11/2012 7:32:23 PM

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But that's play. It isn't how you problem solve. So who gets their way when you want to go to different movies or pick different restaurants - I always prefer Chinese, he always prefers Italian. Hell, what about when you need a new shower head and you're looking at different models in the store.

I can't imagine all disagreements are solved through adversarial play.

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RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 3/15/2012 4:32:59 PM

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Not sure what the "middle" is but from a psychological point of view, but for me it's all about play and fun or there is no point getting involved.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 3/15/2012 6:18:42 PM

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It depends on the situation. I am not in a relationship right now so I am dominant in the household with my mom, who is equally dominant. We share the chores, shopping and other things. She watches TV while I am on the computer or crocheting. She just finished patching up a penny quilt that has been in the family for decades (at least 150 years).

I am looking for a Daddy Dom to submit to. I can control the household the way that I want to control it, without being told what to do, just do it automatically.

Right now, I MIGHT have someone but we are taking it slow and easy, similar to a vanilla relationship (no matter how bad I want to ravish his body). He understands about me being a switch and how I might switch from one extreme to the other.

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RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 2/7/2014 2:00:31 PM

pg4g

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Switches switch in a lot of different ways, most often what's posted is about is switching between being a dom and sub.

How many switches here are into adversarial forms of play?

Wrestling, fighting, etc?

AKA, not having a defined role in a scene, but rather a scene that is about the struggle for power.

How many of you have entire relationship dynamics that revolve around this premise?

This is my ideal relationship. Sort of a one-upmanship. So much fun. Fight for the top, challenge each other, push each other, force each other, overwhelm each other, take each other down. This dynamic evolved quickly between us. I thought he was vanilla but he loves it.

We do have different levels of how much being dominated we each can handle. I can handle a lot more pain and overwhelming domination once he's in control, but we simply keep it within the limits we each can handle.

In everyday life we're equals, though I'm more naturally dominant. He's a little timid, though we're working on his confidence as this is more of a life/psychology/anxiety issue that he is working through.

< Message edited by pg4g -- 2/7/2014 2:06:34 PM >

(in reply to sheisreeds)

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 4/10/2014 12:27:05 PM

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I know why i like being a switch

sometimes i like having guys do things to me what turn me on and sometimes i just like having a guy to punish ie spanking/flogging a guy while tied and gagged

(in reply to pg4g)

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 5/29/2015 3:24:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Switches switch in a lot of different ways, most often what's posted is about is switching between being a dom and sub.

How many switches here are into adversarial forms of play?

Wrestling, fighting, etc?

AKA, not having a defined role in a scene, but rather a scene that is about the struggle for power.

How many of you have entire relationship dynamics that revolve around this premise?

I want my relationship to be just like that.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 1/10/2016 5:22:15 AM

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That's part of the reason why I have such a hard time finding a partner in the scene or elsewhere.

The dynamic of a "loving struggle" not only between personalities but between different times of the day or moods is fascinating, plus in a relationship like this one just keeps lifting the other higher and vice versa.

Everyone seem to want order, order in their lives, in their relationships, in their business ventures so forth. Being able to count on on someone, trusting someone and so forth does not mean that the response will always be the same.

For example to continue descent into a more and more formalized LTR seems disadvantageous to the fancy and interest of both sides, even if one tilts more in one way and the other in the other way. Where's the fun in a mattress? Or even in a vanilla one, where's the fun in always expecting the same answer from someone, even if there's kink invovled.

edit: Continued, I think such a dynamic as the TS presents requires a little bit of extra trust in the person. Most of us have some *good* friends with whom we have something similar to this; and for example the insults in those cases are just meant to poke some holes in a shroud to help someone, or to tease them, or to just have fun. They are not sincerely insulting, even if they are fully negative remarks.

It could become problematic keeping this type of "play" divided formally from the occasional real fight one might have with a person with whom one lives with all the time.

< Message edited by CodeOfSilence -- 1/10/2016 5:31:15 AM >

(in reply to sheisreeds)

RE: Who prefers staying in the middle? - 1/10/2016 5:47:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Reform

I think it's a little unrealistic to have fighting with someone be the foundation of your relationship. However, I do enjoy that kind of play immensely. My boy and I do this most of the time, but as default, I'm in charge. It gets pretty unpredictable at times, but there does need to be some sanity to the picture.

I can't speak for TS but for me this has nothing to do with fighting per se. I used to have a good friend of mine who was very independent and honest and our relationship both in work and in play (non sexual, but we had fun :-) ) was like a tug of war without the literal pulling. If during our day out one of us was very energized and hyped up about something then that person would drag the other. There wasn't much of "what would you like to do" it was done and who ever did something first was that which was done in both work and outside - unless something that the other really didn't like.

Within this dynamic we sometimes went in different directions, especially in different projects but the one who did most work and presented the most confident picture won most of the time instead of having to go through a discussion about it.

Obviously the step to applying whips and chains to this type of thing doesn't seem too far fetched ;-)

< Message edited by CodeOfSilence -- 1/10/2016 5:55:21 AM >

(in reply to Reform)

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