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A matter of pride - 10/21/2004 4:29:38 PM

feline

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Can one fix a wounded pride? And if so how?

Take care,

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RE: A matter of pride - 10/21/2004 5:07:36 PM

NoCalOwner

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I would say that yes, you can, in most cases. I view it as being much the same as fixing self-esteem: just show the person whose pride is wounded, repeatedly and consistently, that their hurt is not based on some sort of universal reality. It may not be quite enough to hear it from one person, but it's not usually very hard to set up circumstances where someone's traits will be openly appreciated by others.

If it's a wound that exists only between two people, and it has nothing to do with how one feels about one's self overall, the only thing which I can think of to fix it would be through understanding. The things which people say or do that hurt someone else's feelings are usually only partially understood -- they are filled out with fears which may have no basis. Realizing that things are not what one feared is a good antidote.

I think that's about as far as I can go with a purely theoretical, context-free answer.

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RE: A matter of pride - 10/21/2004 6:07:29 PM

proudsub

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quote:

Can one fix a wounded pride? And if so how?

Humor can do wonders.

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"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: A matter of pride - 10/21/2004 6:38:06 PM

happypervert

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Time heals all wounds. You probably don't believe that now, but in time you will.

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RE: A matter of pride - 10/21/2004 7:11:31 PM

INSIDEYOURMIND

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quote:

I have ventured, Like little wanton boys that swim on bladders, This many summers in a sea of glory, But far beyond my depth. My high-blown pride At length broke under me, and now has left me, Weary and old with service, to the mercy Of a rude stream that must for ever hide me.

Author: William Shakespeare

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RE: A matter of pride - 10/22/2004 10:20:27 AM

Mercnbeth

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feline,

Most wounds can be healed. Wounds of the mind or soul are more difficult and can take longer to heal then those of the body, and sometimes the scars are deeper.
Pride, being one of the "seven deadly sins", is a double edge sword.

First you have to determine, was it pride in true accomplishment or rationalized pride? Pride of a measurable accomplishment can not be taken away. Regardless of subsequent changes, a person's opinion of this type of accomplishment can not change that fact and should not make your feeling of pride diminish. For example, do you think a male gold medal winner from the 1976 Olympics in the 100 Meter dash should not have pride in that accomplishment even though now his time is significantly below that of the woman's winning time in 2004?

On the other hand. If your wounded pride was derived from an accomplishment that someone pointed out accurately wasn't worthy of pride, you have been given an opportunity. You have the opportunity to reassess whatever it was you were wrongly prideful. Self honesty is more difficult then most people believe and sometimes your best friend is a person who points out when you've lied to yourself. But again, just because it's someone's opinion, doesn't mean it's true. Sometimes a "friend's" jealousy causes this to happen. They see your success as their failure. Measure intent as much as content.

I've maintained that any goal that could not be measured quantitatively was not a properly defined goal. When you take a test you can say "I think I did OK." But until that comes back with a quantitative grade you won't know if your goal of success was achieved and pride deserved.

Earned deserved pride can not be wounded. Undeserved, artificial pride is best removed anyway. The "fix" is identifying which applies in your case and acting appropriately.

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RE: A matter of pride - 10/22/2004 9:26:58 PM

feline

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Thank you everyone. Your comments have been greatly appreciated.

Take care,

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RE: A matter of pride - 10/23/2004 8:09:42 AM

stormiKnightBEAR

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feline,

Greetings. Please allow this girl to share first that your question has made her stop and think for several days.
It is something that struck a chord within stormi.

It is this girl's belief that where pride is concerned, you have to decide exactly what it is worth to you. stormi for
the most part unfortunately for everyone else <smiling> has a very over developed sense of right and wrong.
stormi knows this and for the most part does a good job of letting it just do as it wishes with Master's guidance.
However,............. there are times when pride makes stormi want to stand up and say... "bring it on" and at that
point stormi admits that she does not know the term "walk away".

Pride is good and it is bad. It can heal.... but it is stormi's belief that it takes a very long time. Most of the time it
can only be done by one's self. The person or thing that hurts anothers pride does not have the ability to heal it.
That is this girl's belief. That does not mean they can not apologize, it does not mean that they can't try to
make you feel better, what it does mean is that only you.... the person who owns the pride.... can make it heal.
But it takes time. Some of us take a lot longer than others.

If this girl could change herself, it would be her pride, her ability not to trust, and the ease of which she can shut
people out who she feels have hurt her, intentionally/unintentionally or just carelessly hurt this girl. For stormi,
it is admittedly her worst trait. But one that will not allow her to open herself to that again.
stormi was lucky, Master found her and has healed alot of the hurts.... and following along, stormi's pride has healed
to some extent. But it has taken alot of time.......learning to trust, learning it's ok to have pride and still accept what happens and remain in tact.

This girl wishes you the very best, she hopes that your pride and everyone elses moves forward and finds the path of healing easier than this girl has.

Thank you for allowing this girl to share something that most likely needed to be expressed by her.

Be Well,
stormi
property of Master Bear

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RE: A matter of pride - 10/25/2004 10:48:38 AM

feline

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stormiKnightBEAR

However,............. there are times when pride makes stormi want to stand up and say... "bring it on" and at that
point stormi admits that she does not know the term "walk away".

If this girl could change herself, it would be her pride, her ability not to trust, and the ease of which she can shut people out who she feels have hurt her, intentionally/unintentionally or just carelessly hurt this girl. For stormi, it is admittedly her worst trait. But one that will not allow her to open herself to that again.

Thank you for allowing this girl to share something that most likely needed to be expressed by her.

Be Well,
stormi
property of Master Bear

No thank you!

It is nice to know that there are those out there that suffer the same imperfections as I.

Take care,

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RE: A matter of pride - 10/26/2004 1:07:44 PM

GazeDeep

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Humility is not disgraceful, and carries no loss of true pride.
Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961), "The Old Man and the Sea"

Without knowing how or why you believe your pride was wounded, it is hard to say whether or not your feeling is valid. Failure does not necessarily warrent a loss of pride. In fact, one can be take pride in a failure if a valuable lesson has been learned that makes you strive harder.

The loss of pride is but a humbling of the spirit, and a little humility strengthens character. If we lose pride because we failed ourselves or others, it only reminds us we are human and humans fail from time to time. Recognizing and accepting why your pride was wounded is the first step to healing it. Remember however, pride is also one of the Seven Deadly Sins...a little should go a long way.

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