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ORIGINAL: MadAxeman

Ninebelowzero you're a dinosaur mate.
Which is why you've hurt your back getting those little arms to reach your dick.

When I was about 14 and learning the guitar, I asked an older axeman for a few tips. One of them was to choke the chicken with my left hand (I'm a righty). Have done so ever since and will never know if I would have made a better player (of guitars) otherwise.

When in sixth form college I had a mate, well... someone I knew, OK a freak who was the most dedicated lizard galloper I've ever heard of. He would give us a daily review of his latest trouser snake teasing episode, sometimes while you were trying to chat up a girl. I used to cut short my convo with girls if I saw him coming, er...approaching.

He has...pushed 2 mattresses together and made it with the crack. Many times he would insert his throbber into neighbourhood letterboxes, until he had a bad experience with a pet dog.
He has drilled soft toys, every variety of pillow and cushion, shoes, socks, underwear (obv) novelty pencil cases and even books. He was always most particular about the titles, suggesting that Shakespeare was too heavy apart from the collected sonnets, westerns were OK and Dickens not quite as good as the name suggested.
He naturally(?) tried a wide variety of gloves - leather, suede, silk, kitchen rubber, itchy wool, wicketkeeping, golf, boxing, chainmail and motorcycling gauntlets.
He employed a myriad of unguents including swarfiga, glue, shampoo, chocolate sauce, rice pudding and Campbell's condensed soup. Jars and packets of foodstuffs were a particular obsession one term and we got Jamie Oliver style opinion on the delights of marshmallows, sugar puffs, peanut butter and mashed potato (real and instant).
Pickled onions were to be avoided because the vinegar stings.
That is advice I've never forgotten.

He has been caught a number of occasions in the throes of passion. The only time I ever witnessed a glimmer of embarrassment during one of his updates was when he regaled us of how he was discovered sitting on the washing machine by his grandmother while flogging his dong into a packet of frozen peas.

He went through another spell trying to see how difficult he could make it for himself. Most imaginable challenges having become exhausted.
He sprained his wrist quite badly trying to protect his gherkin while falling off a moving motor scooter. Even this provided him with new sensations as feeling gradually returned. To his wrist I mean.

We never left him alone with our girlfriends. Or mothers. Or small pets.
When I got my first motorcycle, he was the only person I always refused to have as a passenger behind me.

Finally one day we feigned interest and asked him what his favourite method of bishop bashing was.

He replied

A cheese and pickle sandwich. No frills, just straight. Although he did admit that if he was having a difficult day romantically, toast was preferred.

Nowadays there are so many male sex aids available, that I suspect this insane bastard may have killed himself. Doomed as soon as the first affordable battery charger or mains powered 'enclosure' was on the market.

If he's still alive and by some miracle a member here I say kudos.

Respect should be shown, which is why I shall now name him.

Neil Draper.

A wanking legend.

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ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

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ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

When you're frothing yourself up a tadpole tornado, do you do it with your left hand (if you're right handed) or with your right hand (if you're left handed)? I'm a rightie, myself, but have found that it just doesn't work at all to pummel Percy with my right hand. And I've tried many times.

Seems very peculiar. Why the hell shouldn't it work?

Not a male, but I have just asked two and will answer for myself as well. One said he has to do it with his dominant hand, and the other...can do it with either hand.

My girl thaaang is very picky, darn it. Not only do I have to stick with my dominant left hand...when I use a vibe on my clit I have to be holding the vibe with my left hand.

Now that's a lefty and to do otherwise girl, might spawn daring dreams.

But I being a man of words a few of which here made me smile, I must ask, we don't just jack-off, finger-fuck, get our cocks sucked and eat cunt anymore ? Must it now be something else ?

Heya, MrRodgers. That question was directed at me, so...

I'm easy to get off...I handle it myself with a vibe on my clit.

Vanilla type sex, including oral and anal, cannot get me off...though I might be moaning and writing on the bed or pool table or whatever and enjoying it like crazy. Finger fucking does zip...most of the time it felt like guys were using them as a dip stick to check for wetness (clue...it is never dry up there, panting and a sex flush are far better indicators of arousal)...so...blech.

I am more difficult than most and am probably the only female at CM who has not had an orgasm during sex with another person. Yet. (This is my fault and not those I have been with; I am the one with PTSD and I have to deal with it the best way I can.)

As for the blow jobs. The condoms that fit bo, piercings and all, have some mystery lube that makes my mouth numb and I dislike it. Ain't no blow jobs happening here, no matter how orally fixated I am (yay, lollipops), until I can have my full panel checkup. bo already had his but my gyn dropped the ball and only tested me for three piffling things. This is after I told him I want to go bareback and to test me for EVERYTHING. Aargh.

Gawd help him when I am finally tested and am shown to be clear.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadAxeman

If sex between 3 people is called a 3 some and between 2 people is called a 2 some. Then why is handsome still a compliment ?